(A/N): I own nothing except for this story. If I did own South Park, I'll bring back Chef and made him the solution to both save the kids' friendship and find the cure for Covid. I really wish they bring back Chef. I really do. Hope you guys enjoy it. Excelsior!.
Prologue
On a mid-Saturday afternoon, Chef was driving in a black version of his car that he had stolen from the infamous Super Adventure Club and was currently headed his way back home to South Park. Yes, Chef has a lot of explaining to do to the rest of his friends on what had happened during his time away. He thanks god that he both not only escaped from being brainwashed but also destroy that sick fruity club organization and its members. Chef sighed in regretting to leave everything he cherished behind on the day he got on the plane to leave South Park. He left his neighbors, friends, and last but not least the children.
"Children," said Chef, in a hurtful tone of voice.
Chef remembered how much his departure had strongly emotionally affected, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny after he explained to them why he was leaving for good. Chef took a moment to pull the car to the side and turned off the engine before laying the front of his head on the steering wheel with his eyes closed.
"I'm such a foolish asshole.", Chef told himself before banging his head against the steering wheel for a few seconds. "I should have never thought my life in South Park had become boring. And I almost lost my reputation and life to that sick fruity club by...molesting children."
Chef was seconds away from busting out crying but managed to toughen himself up and lifted his head off the steering wheel and looked at what is in front of him. There in front of him is a wooden sign that carved the word 'SOUTH PARK' on it which caused the overweight black man to turn to his right to see his beautiful small town and smiled proudly.
"Home Sweet Home. Damn, it is good to be back," said Chef, before turning around to the back seat to see his belongings and then looking over to see two long large black gym bags that contained tons of money that he surprisingly took from the Super Adventure Club. "Man, those sick bastards maybe child molesters but they sure were in great finance."
Chef chuckled a little bit before turning back to turn the engine back on and continued going forward to his beloved town and being reunited with his friends. Upon driving down the streets of South Park, Chef turned on the radio and luckily to heard the song 'Never-Can-Say-Goodbye' by his number one favorite music artist Isaac Hayes. The music encouraged Chef to sing along with his favorite artist and felt great while doing so, as he passed by a few people who instantly recognized him and can not believe that he has returned home. One of them being Garrison.
"C...Chef?." Garrison who formerly changed his gender from being a woman to back being a man after being affected by Chef leaving was shocked to see his black friend.
Chef stopped on the side of the road and rolled the window to talk with Garrison and his puppet Mr. Hat. The exformer elementary cook/gym teacher smiled brightly at his best friend and was happy to see a familiar face.
"Garrison!. It's great to see you and your racist ass puppet again!. How's it been?." asked Chef.
"Oh, it has been great now that you are back. No Homo, of course!." said Garrison who laughed at the last part.
Chef chuckled as he know that Garrison is telling the truth. "Glad to know. Huh, I see that you've changed your sex back into a man. What happened?."
Garrison rolled his eyes with a chuckle and said, "Oh, after the last conversation and goodbye we had, I decided to change back to being a man and finally realize that I am straight. Yeah, after seeing you for the final time and understanding the knowledge of what great a woman is, I finally snapped out of it. But enough about me, what about you?. Why have you returned to South Park?."
"I'll tell you and the others at Jimbo's house. I called him two days ago ahead of time. Will talk more from there. Right now there are four special children that I need to see. Bye." said Chef, before driving back to the road headed to where he knew the kids were.
"Well, me and Mr. Hat will see you there!." Garrison spoke with happiness and did not hesitate to go spread the great news about Chef's return and hopefully permanent. "Come on Mr. Hat, we need to go tell the others."
"Sure, let's tell everyone that our favorite coon is back." (Mr. Hat).
Garrison frowned at Mr. Hat and said, "Mr. Hat, now you watch what you say about my best friend. You racist bastard puppet."
Meanwhile, Chef drove into the neighborhood with the mindset of knowing which house Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny were hanging out in since he know them all too well. Chef could not help but grin at the thought of seeing the reaction on the kid's faces when they see him. Oh, he can not wait to see them and resume giving them life lesson advice and singing. Let alone work back to being the cook of elementary school. Once pulling up to the pavement of Stan's house, Chef exited out of his car and headed over to the doorstep. Taking a deep breath and making himself relax, Chef rang the doorbell and waited patiently for one of them to come open the door.
Inside of the house, the four ten-year-old kids were on the floor in the living room playing UNO and just relaxing on a nice saturday without getting themselves into trouble. The four had managed to accept the reality that Chef will never return to their lives ever again which hurt them the most. Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny had a difficult time adjusting to the idea of having no one to turn to when they have a problem or have awesome lunch in school. In truth, they were miserable and started to miss Chef all over again when someone mention his name or complain about how terrible their lunches are. The four were still currently playing their card game until the marathon of Terrance and Philip comes on with plain facial expressions.
Suddenly the four heard the doorbell ring and paused their playing.
"I'll get it you guys," said Stan, getting up off the floor and setting his cards down.
Once approaching the door, Stan opened it without saying who is it and found someone on the other side that he thought and believe he will never see. Chef smiled wide as he came in and spoke with happiness.
"Hello, there children!."
Stan quickly turned around to face his best friends and said with pure joy. "His back!. Chef is back!."
After both hearing and seeing Chef, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny had immediately were overjoyed as they got off the floor and joined Stan in hugging their best friend. Chef gave the four boys the best hug that he can give before letting them go to see them line up beside each other, and taken in on seeing him.
"Chef, I can not believe that you are back!." Kyle spoke with enthusiasm.
Chef chuckled and said, "Yeah, it's true children."
"But...are you back for good?." asked Stan, whose facial expression went to concern and felt anxious.
"Children I am back permanently this time," said Chef, before being hugged again by the boys.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny hugged Chef while laughing and deeply crying with tears of great joy. Chef hugged them back and let out a few tears of his own. The five stayed like this until they heard footsteps coming from the steps and looked to see none other than Shelly who had an ignored frown on her face as she wanted to tell the four to keep it down since she was in her room reading the fourth book of Harry Potter. That is until she laid eyes on Chef who was happy to see her. Shelly changed her face from frowning to super happy as she quickly ran all the way down the steps with tears running down.
"Chef!." said Shelly, as she jumped and hugged her only favorite cafeteria chef and cried.
All the memories of the time that she was always telling Chef her problems and how he helps her out during tough times in her life and even teaches her how to cook. But after Chef had exited out of South Park and her life she stopped learning to cook, and became more angry, hateful, and crazier. However, that was all going to change since now that Chef is here.
"I miss you too, Shelly," said Chef, pulling back and wiping the tears off the thirteen-year-old's face.
Shelly managed to control her crying as she looked at Chef with a big smile. "You're back. Is it for good?."
"Definitely," said Chef, before guiding the kids to his car so they can go to Jimbo's place. That is right before Chef put his things in his trunk.
Once arriving at Jimbo's place the house was filled with almost everyone in South Park as they brought food and drinks to help celebrate Chef's return. Garrison did one heck of a great job at telling everyone that their favorite person is home. Chef took a seat on the couch and catch up with anyone who came to welcome him back while Stan, Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, and Shelly were close enough to him. After being done catching up with everyone for two hours the now current citizens of South Park were dying to know what their favorite black man has been up to doing his time away.
"So, Chef tell us about your time at the Super Adventure Club?." asked Sheila, who cut herself a piece of cake and gave Chef a big smile.
"Yeah, how was the Super Adventure Club?. Did it live up to the expectations that you hope it would?." asked Gerald, when pouring himself a glass of red wine and passing it to Randy.
Chef sighed as he was mentally prepared to tell the others of what had happened during his time in the Super Adventure Club. Especially when everyone including the kids was waiting patiently for him to tell the tale. Managing to set his plate of cake down on the coffee table, Chef relaxed comfortably on the couch with a disappointed facial expression.
"Well, everyone to be completely honest with you, the Super Adventure Club was not what I expected...not in a good way." Chef can easily notice how everyone had concerned looks on their faces as they listen in. "You see everyone I started learning their true agenda once I got done spending a month and a half of relaxation on their private resort after done getting my things unpacked and finished introducing myself..."
Flashback
Chef was currently heading to the auditorium for his orientation that he has been waiting for since the moment he arrived. Chef could not wait to begin his adventures and benefit from them, let alone hoped that this club will live up to his expectations since he did invest a lot of money to sign up and sold his house to make the full down payment for his full membership card.
"I'm going to have one awesome adventure!." Chef started singing with great rhythm while nodding his head. "I'm gonna be a real true man. Can't wait to get some good excitement!. Cause this soul brother needs it bad. If I don't receive what I ask for, I'm getting a refund. I said a re...re...re...refund!!!!."
Chef stopped singing as soon as he found the room to the auditorium and went right on in and saw a group of twelve guys that were new to the club like him. Chef can not stop smiling as he can not wait to really start his adventuring as he found his reserved seat that was in the second front of the place and took his seat. In just two minutes a group of veteran Super Adventure Club members came from the back curtains of the stage and walked down the steps and made a body barricade in front of the stage. Then a man who looked like he was in his early fifties who was wearing a full safari outfit came on to the stage and stand behind the podium. Chef can easily know that this man is the one in charge of the Super Adventure Club organization.
The old man looked at each new member with a smile and spoke with pure pride. "Gentleman, my name is William P. Connelly. On the behalf of myself and veteran members, we welcome you to our club. The Super Adventures Club!."
Everyone including Chef clapped their hands in response before stopping themselves to listen more to what he had to say next.
"This club was founded by good old William P. Phineas. He was the one who discovered the key to immorality while gaining the unforgettable life of adventuring. The same way that we will all gain from this club. Having adventure and becoming immoral at the same time." said William, showing images of the founder from the drop screen.
This caused the new members to mumble amongst themselves as they liked the idea of not only having an unforgettable life of adventuring but also having immorality. Chef was loving every word of what William just said. The idea of being able to make love with every woman of different races for years to come without aging and while gaining an adventure just made it seem worth it. Especially help him not to regret abandoning his home and all of his friends in South Park. But that all changed in an instant as soon as he heard what came next from the man.
"New Members of the Super Adventure Club, the only way to receive a wonderful adventure and obtain the ability to be immoral is through one way..." William took the moment to take a few puffs from his smoke pipe before finishing his sentence. "Which is by raping or molesting children."
Just after hearing what the man just said, Chef dropped his smile and had a look of disgust. "Say what?."
"Yes, having sex with multiple children all around the world is the source of getting immorality and having that outstanding adventure. My friends, you will gain riches beyond your wildest dreams by just simply making pleasurable love with children. Imagine that." said William, waiting for a positive response from the new members.
So far, the whole room was completely silent which concerned the leader of the club. That is until Chef rose up from his seat with a distasteful look on his face which William did not notice. The old man smiled and spoke with pridefulness.
"Well, at least one of you have comprehended on what I..." William got interrupted by none other than Chef as he was about to continue on with the orientation.
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?!." Chef yelled out in anger and not expecting a response.
"What do you mean?." asked Willam, while taking another puff from his pipe.
"What do I mean?." Chef tilted his head while still having that frown on his face. "What do I mean?!. Hello?. Ya talking about fucking innocent children to gain immortality and calling it an adventure is sick and dumb as hell!. My black ass did not sign up to this club to be a damn fucking pedophile!."
"Yeah, he's right!." an Asian-American stood up beside Chef with a frown. "I have a niece and nephew in New York and I love them to death. There is no way that I'm going to be something that I told them to stay away from!. What kind of sick club is this?!."
William puffed a few smoke rings and said, "This 'Club' is all about adventure. An adventure that takes a man to places to explore where no man has ever gone before or dared to do. An unforgettable life experience."
This angered Chef as he can not believe that this is happening. If only he knew that the Super Adventure Club was nothing more but a secret organization for men to travel all around the world to just only have sex with children, then Chef wouldn't sell his house and blow away his money to be here. With his mind already made up at that moment, Chef walked out of the roll of seats and stand in the aisle facing Willaim and the veteran members.
"I demand a fucking refund and a free one-way trip back home. Because this club is so fuck up!." said Chef, trying his best not to attempt to do something that he won't regret. "There is no way that I will be screwing kids to become immortal. FYI, having sex with children does not help you become immortal, you dumb motherfuckers!."
This encouraged the others as they support what Chef just said and will not take part in raping kids as they started cussing at them. William frowned at this as he has never seen anything like this during his time of running the organization. He was not going to tolerate such disrespect let alone lose any more members. He has no choice but to move forward with the brainwashing process.
"Enough!." William slammed his fist down on the podium with a frown. "None of you are leaving the Super Adventure Club. You all have left your old life behind you to come to start a new one here. And I will be damn if any of you would have second thoughts and come running back to your old lives. Men take our new members to the chambers to have their minds be 're-educated'. Our trip to Chili is in the next few hours. Those kids aren't going to screw themselves you know."
With that said, the group of veteran members slowly approached Chef and the other now exformer members to fulfill the task at hand. Chef refused to have his brain scrambled with lies and become a walking brainwashed child molester. Chef is going home to his friends one way or another. Chef noticed the man that is approaching him had a pistol in its holster on his right side and know exactly what he needed to do at this very moment and moving forward.
"I myself and the others are going back home whether you fruity club members like it or not!." said Chef, as he quickly pulled the pistol out of the man's holster.
Then Chef used the gun to put a bullet in the man's head and caused the other veteran members to gasped in shock. Chef on the other hand started firing at them as they all scattered away from the bullets while William ducked down behind the podium. Chef told the others who agreed to what he said to run for it while he keep the fruity members from getting closer. Stopping himself to reach down to grab two full clips from the dead man's pants pocket and ran the fuck out of the auditorium as fast as he can. William got up from hiding and frowned with pure rage after what just happened as he looked at his fellow members.
"Why are standing around for?. Go out there and get them!. No. Better yet, get and brainwash Chef!. I see great potential in him. Go now!." ordered Willam.
Meanwhile, Chef was running back to his room by the elevator and had two things on his mind before leaving this sick place. For one, is to pack all of his clothes into both of his luggage and then go to the club's vault and take as much money as he can. If he was going back home to South Park, he needed money to rebuy his home and such. Chef is already feeling regret about everything that brought him to where he is now. He told himself that he will never make a big mistake like this ever again.
"Ah, children, I should have never thought that my life is boring. I have been such a fool and ungrateful person." Chef told himself when closing his second luggage. "But not anymore. I'm coming home."
Chef grabbed his luggage and carefully got out of his room just in time to see two guys with guns in their hands. Knowing his guns very well, Chef can tell that those men were carrying tranquilizers and figured that was going to drug him and take him to get brainwashed. Thinking pretty quick he went over to his dinner tray and grabbed his free meschede knife that came with a holster before grabbing a glass cup from the dresser. Then he threw the glass down hard to grab their attention. The two men heard the noise and headed over to investigate and noticed Chef's room door open and assume that he is in there.
The two men walked in looking around to find Chef but so far no sign of him. Instead, they saw his luggage and nothing else. Unfortunately for them, Chef was hiding behind the door with determination on his face when lifting the meschede in his hand. With quick stealth on his side, Chef went up to successfully slip the man's throat with a clean quickness and then stabbed the other man in his chest. Then he pulled the knife out of the man's chest and strongly stabbed him on the side of his head and pulled the knife out. With luck on Chef's side, he put the knife into his holster and attached it to his belt.
"Next stop the vault," said Chef, grabbing his luggage and running out.
It took Chef to use the elevator to reach the top floor of the resort and headed to the financial office. Luckily the financial officer wasn't in since he killed him in his room with the other man. Setting his things down, Chef went over to the desk to find the extra card key in the drawer. Once getting it he went over to the large vault and swipe the card before hearing the beep sound, and then opened the door wide open to see piles of hard cash. Seeing two large black gym backs inside the vault, Chef immediately went to fill both bags with enough cash that he can fit before carrying them on each shoulder.
"Damn, I must have more than a million dollars in these bags. It's a good thing that I worked on my upper body strength otherwise my ass will be struggling. Now, I just need to burn this place to the ground with all the rest of the fruity club members and find an escape car." said Chef, telling himself this when looking up to see five members with their gun tranquilizers.
"There he is get him!." said one of man.
"Ah, son of a bitch!." said Chef, dropping the money and suitcases before jumping for cover and pulling his gun out.
Chef jumped up and started firing at the men before ducking from getting tranquilized. Loading the pistol back up, Chef jumped out of his hiding spot and started shooting headshots with ease. The five men went down like dead flies as Chef put the gun back into his pocket before grabbing his stuff and the money. Next, he headed for the emergency exit steps that were located on his left due to spotting more members coming from the elevator. Chef made sure they won't come through the emergency exit by placing a folded chair that he found laying up against the wall and placing it underneath the doorknob.
Chef was getting ready to be out of breath when running so much and thought that taking a short break wouldn't hurt him. Doing so gave him time to remember that at the ground level of the place in the back were two huge gas tanks that were used to fuel the club's private jets and such. Remembering that he had taken a small pack of matches from his room, Chef quickly resumed running down the long steps and got motivated to move even faster after hearing loud banging from the door that he blocked. Luckily he reached the last floor and got out to find himself in the back of the building and headed for the gas tanks. It did not take long for Chef to find them as he went to work on turning the nobs on the tanks and pouring out loads of gasoline to make a huge puddle.
"This ends tonight.," Chef told himself when taking the pack of matches out and started lighting one match before throwing it in the puddle of gasoline.
Once the match made contact with the gas it began to make a fire while Chef ran away as fast as he could to find an escape car before everything blows up. Chef ran out of the back entrance to find a car that was the same version as his own except it's all black and felt relief once seeing that car door to the driver's side is open and can hear the engine running.
"Goodbye fruity Super Adventure Club and hello South Park!.," said Chef smiling to himself and is about to load his things.
"Hold it right there, Chef."
Chef froze when both heard the voice and a gun being loaded as he turned around to see a pissed-off William holding a tranquilizer gun. Chef slowly set his luggage down on the ground and slowly lifted his hands up in mid-air.
"You've destroyed years of hard work and burning my beautiful clubhouse. But no matter I can always rebuild and get more members," said Willam, pointing the gun at Chef with an evil smirk. "Starting with you. And perhaps I might have a visit to your town and rape those kids that you love so much."
"No!." Chef got angry when hearing this despite hearing the loud explosion of the building in front of him. "I'll be damn if you lay your sick hands on the children of South Park. Not while I'm still breathing!."
William chuckled darkly. "You don't have a choice now do you, Chef?. I have the gun and I can shoot if you dared to shoot me." William pointed the gun at Chef. "Any last words before you become one of us?."
Chef with his quick thinking had come up with a quick way to trick William. Something that no child molester can not resist.
"Hey, is that a cute kid wearing sexy clothes behind you?." asked Chef, pointing and looking surprised.
"Really?. Where?!." said William who turned with excitement on his face but then realize there was no kid and was tricked.
He turned around to shoot Chef but was beaten to the punch. Chef fired five bullets in William. Two in the chest, two in the abdomen, and one in the head. The old man fell down on the ground dead along with his club and its devoted members burn to the ground. Chef relaxed at a job well down and headed for the car to load his things. Chef got into the driver's seat and closed the door and drove around, and headed on out of the burning place. Driving a long trip back to South Park.
Flashback Ends
Everyone in the room was in awe and shock after hearing Chef's story. They could not believe what was going to happen to their beloved friend and did not blame him for burning the Super Adventure Club to the ground with the members in it. Overall they were all glad that Chef is alive and safe.
"So what are you going to do with all that money you took?." asked Randy, who was curious.
"Well, for starters, I'm going to use the money to rebuy my house and buy all my furniture. Then I invest some of it back into my savings account and donate the rest of the money to the elementary school.," informed Chef while taking a sip of his water bottle.
"But overall we are all glad that you are back in South Park, Chef," said Jimbo, with a smile on his face.
"Yep, South Park hasn't been the same without you, Chef," said Stan, smiling with the rest of his friends and sister.
Chef smiled back and said, "After all, I have been through, I learned something. I learned that just because my life was getting boring does not mean that I should leave everything I cared about behind and start a new one. That, and I also learned to be grateful for what I have."
"How about a song, Chef?." Shelly got the man's attention with joy in her voice. "I've totally missed your singing."
"Yeah, let's hear one, Chef!." said (mumble) Kenny.
"Come on don't hold back, Chef." encouraged Cartman, who longed for a song from the man.
"Please, Chef?." said Kyle, having both hands together.
Chef grinned as stood up from the couch while everyone was absolutely ready for him to do one of his famous numbers. Then suddenly they heard a familiar music begins to play. The same music that Chef used to sang to Kathie Lee Gifford when she came to South Park one time.
"Ooooh, people of South Park, you're everything that I need!. Oooooo, I love this town. There is no place like home." Chef sang with such passion as he really put some deep emotion into it.
Everyone was happily nodding their heads with delight of listening to Chef. They have missed this so much and felt whole once more. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny were savoring every last second of it. Never in their lives that they would ever think that they will have Chef back and gain back what they lost. In truth, they were so thankful that Chef learned the truth about the club that he was so interested in otherwise, their beloved friend would be a brainwashed mess.
The four promised amongst themselves that they will always have Chef's back and never let their broship be fractured for any reason. As long as they have their favorite adult/best friend with them nothing can destroy their forever friendship. Things are finally back to normal and turning around in South Park.
"Ooooh, people of South Park, you're my peace of mind reality!. How about you guys and me, get together and live in harmony?. Because nothing can take your place. There is nothing that can offer what you're offering. You guys gotta going on more than an average town. And that is saying a lot.", sang Chef, as he sang all through and land a closing to it. "No replacement for youuuuuu, people of South Park."
After finishing everyone cheered and clapped for a wonderful performance. Chef could not let go of his smile as loved and missed his home. His back and there is nothing more to it. South Park has gained back their favorite and most beloved soul man.
(A/N): I hope you guys enjoyed this prologue. Chef needs to return to the show. South Park is not the same without him. Yes, I know what really happened between Isaac Hayes and the producers and wished that it did not happen. I hope my alternate version would give justice and satisfaction to us fans. And rest in peace, Isaac Hayes. Gone but not forgotten. Excelsior!. Until next time.