Chapter 4
Disclaimer: No I don't own Final Fantasy…if I did do you think I'd be writing fanfiction? No, I'd be writing novels.
Pairings: Vincent Cloud
I have no idea what to write here. I doubt you want to hear about me barfing at 4 am for no reason. My little brother's birthday was on the 6th of July…well that's it…I'm boring I know. Just enjoy the yaoi I guess. Oh and school starts for me again on the 7th of August.
.o0()0o.
When Vincent did pull himself away from me I felt a pang of disappointment. It was for the best though, there was still a chance Toi could wake up and find out about sex far too young. Now was an awkward time for me though. I had finally had sex with the man of my dreams, cried for him, confessed love to him, and cuddled with him. Didn't normal people sleep, in the literal sense, together after something like that? It was out of the question for me right now because my son was asleep in my bed. Thankfully, Vincent noticed the problem as well; he was still as collected as ever.
"I'll sleep in Toi's room tonight." I nodded and kept my eyes on the floor. I'm not sure what I was expecting us to do afterwards, Hojo had always just left me to cry and suffer, it was all I knew. I felt his fingers nudge at my chin but I refused to look up. I was still afraid. "Look at me…Cloud, look." I lifted my head and shut my eyes; after all I am the stubborn one. "Look at me Cloud." Drawing in a deep breath I let my eyes flutter open. Our eyes locked and I felt my fear slipping away. His eyes said everything, he didn't regret a thing, he looked…happy, yeah, happy.
"Okay…as long as you stay for breakfast." He nodded and led me by hand to my room. I opened the door but refused to lie down until he was safely in my son's room. That's when I made my way to the closet and changed into sweatpants. Vincent had grabbed our clothes and dumped mine in the hamper just moments before. He had cleaned me up as well. I made my way to the bed and nestled myself under the comforter, my son sensed the body heat I let off and worked his way closer, nuzzling his nose to my skin. Sleepy from my earlier pleasure, it didn't take long for me to join my son in a peaceful sleep.
o0()0o
The sun had just started streaming through the windows when I felt a small finger drawing circles on my belly. I smiled softly knowing Toi was as content as ever to just sit with me. I finally had it, a son, a lover…a home. As much as I loved living with Tifa and Marlene, then later Denzel, I had never thought of that place as home. More like the home of a good friend and I just slept over a lot. Tifa was always good to me but she wasn't what I wanted. I gave up on her after getting into SOLDIER despite what I had said previously. At least now she's moved on as well.
I wrapped my arms around Toi, startling him I'm sure, and rubbed my nose into his hair. It felt like another lazy morning, and after a night like that I wasn't expecting anything less. I laid there awake for a little while longer before we started out morning rituals. It seemed Vincent was still asleep. I never really saw him as a late sleeper but I guess no one ever noticed him until later in the day, when he finally ventured away from the shadows of the Highwind's many nooks and crannies.
"Vincent!" Toi got very excited to see that he was still here; he had just come out of the room. I guess he's not such a late sleeper after all. I wonder if he felt uncomfortable walking around my house after last night, or if he would've been that way anyways…or maybe I'm looking too far into it, maybe he woke up just now like we did.
Despite my ever-continuing slightly morbid musings, I was able to smile at the sight before me. Toi had leapt into my lover's arms and was trying to rub his nose against the skin of Vincent's neck; he was being thwarted by a mass of raven hair. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight they made. So this is what it was like to be happy with the simplest things. I reveled in this moment and tried to burn it beneath my lids for further reference. Who knows when I'll get something like this again. Perhaps I'm being too pessimistic but it's a hard habit to kick. For too long I've played the part of the morbid loner, its been engraved on my mind.
But I have a feeling that Toi and Vincent will be the people to wear away the inscription. With them I think I'll be worn clean. Not everything can be washed away and I understand that. But in this moment, in this moment while we're walking to the kitchen together as a family, I feel like everything will turn out all right. Perfection is not something I expect, quite the opposite, I oppose it, perfection just doesn't seem right to me. In that moment and the many that followed I was able to breathe without forcing myself. And each breath was a sign that I was moving on.
I moved on for Toi. I moved on for Vincent. I moved past the horrors created by Shinra and wore myself clean. My new inscription? I haven't decided, but I'm certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Toi and Vincent will the ones sewing the new message into my being.
Maybe one day I'll visit Hojo, wherever he may be. Hojo gave me so many things, things I never asked for, things I never wanted or thought I'd have a use for. What Hojo gave me overall though, the thing I really take notice of, was a lesson. Push on, push forward because past the pain, the grief, the hardship, there lies something else. What that may be depends on how far and how hard you push. I'd like to think I've pushed on past Hojo's expectations. What Hojo gave me will always be held close to my heart. The good and the bad, because if all you expect out of life is good then you're bound for disappointment, but if you brace yourself you're free to bask in the sun and feel the warmth of what comes your way after the storm.
.o0()0o.
Okay so that was the last chapter. I know its short but it means something right? Please tell me it was good. I just need to hear that its good. And I don't like doing sequels, I really don't. Not unless I'm inspired by myself and not by rabid reviews.
Review please, just so I know I did okay.
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