Danny went outside. Louie was a mess. His face screwed up, his breathing shallow. Danny left his glasses and went outside to clear his head and take a breather. He leaned against the wall and sniffled. He rubbed his hand across his eyes and when he dropped it, he saw a woman coming toward him.
He was expecting something from Mac, but it was Lindsay. She regarded him with sympathetic eyes as she said, "I gave Mac the results." He nodded and gulped. He jammed his hands into his pockets. Lindsay came over and leaned on the wall next to him.
"I never had a brother." She said quietly. He kept quiet. "I won't say anything like 'It's gonna be okay' or 'I understand' because I don't know that. But I do want you to know I'm there for you. Okay?" She looked sideways at him. He looked at the ground and nodded slowly. She straightened and said, "Do you need my number?" He looked up and said hoarsely, "That was a little quick, wasn't it, Montana?" She chuckled lightly, but her smile faded when she saw his melancholy face. Danny nodded again.
She pulled out a piece of paper and wrote something down. She began to walk away when Danny called after, "You don't mind if I call, right?" She looked back and smiled softly. "I gave you my number for a reason, right? Call whenever you need, Messer." Then she turned and walked down the street.
"How's Louie?" someone said from behind Danny after Lindsay disappeared. He wheeled around and saw Mac. "I was wondering when you'd show up." He said. Mac didn't even smirk. "How is he?" he pressed. Danny sighed and shook his head, the tears beginning to flow. "No change." Damn. Why did Mac have that stupid air, the one that made him feel so invulnerable? Why not Lindsay?
Danny began to freely sob, his face scrunching up. Mac opened his arms and held Danny awkwardly. After, he let go and Danny sniffled. "I'll be alright, Mac. Just go home." Mac said, "No Danny. You need to go home. I'll call you and let you know if there's any news." Danny shook his head and opened his mouth to protest, but Mac held up his hand. "Go home, Messer. You've done enough." Danny nodded and walked back up to Louie's room to get his things.
"I'll be back, Louie. I promise. Mommy (A/N below) and Dad will be here soon. I gotta go home. I'll miss you. You'll be okay, right?" Danny started to babble. He ground his teeth and put his glasses on. He shrugged into his jacket and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. In his hand was the paper Lindsay gave him.
He punched the numbers into his phone. He left the room, hospital, and began walking down the street to his apartment. As he was walking past the garbage cans, homeless people, lampposts, more garbage cans, cars, and buildings, he reflected on his past few days.
The desperate glance he flashed at Lindsay while they were taking his badge and gun told her how much he cared and didn't want her to think badly of him. Her look showed him how much she cared back. How much she felt. How much she knew he hadn't changed.
But there was still the matter of his girlfriend. He wanted so badly to try with Lindsay, but his girl kept getting in the way; her face, her smile, her voice. He liked her, but his attraction to Lindsay was undeniable.
He turned the key in the door and walked up the flight of stairs. The next flight. And the next. And the one after that, all the way up to the roof. He was relieved to see a lawn chair (the plastic kind) left over from the old ladies' makeshift tanning salon. He settled into it and looked at the stars.
He could see Orion's belt, Big Dipper, Little Dipper, Ursa Major and Minor. God, the stars were beautiful tonight. There were no clouds, no moon, and the dull roar of cars kept the balance. Danny looked around him, spotting dead plants in pots, a doggie bag, a metal trash can. Then he looked back up to the stars and sighed as happily as he could.
"Danny?" A voice emitted from the entrance. His girlfriend. She came up, dressed in a sheer robe and shorts and t-shirt underneath. She yawned. "What happened? Why were you late?" He sighed and rose. "My brother's in the hospital." He said glumly. She gasped and ran forward, her arms open. She enveloped him in a hug and whispered into his hair, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Danny. You can tell me all about it, hmm?" Danny pushed away from her. "I'm sorry, Cindy. I can't do that. It would endanger you." She hugged him again. "I can take that for an answer. Come to bed?" she asked. He shook his head. "I'm gonna stay up here for a little while longer."
She nodded and walked back to the door. As he sat back in the chair, she said, "I'm there for you. Okay?" and sent him a puppy-dog look. His heart ached. How was he going to do this? "No, you don't, Cindy. I'm not the guy for you," he wanted to say so badly. But not tonight. He was hurting enough without a break-up.
He nodded in reply and she went back to their room silently. Something told him she knew what he was thinking. He paused. She said the exact same thing Lindsay did. "I'm there for you. Okay?" He bit his lip. ARGH! Why was he tying himself up with the Rope of Distraction? "Hello, Messer! Louie! Remember him!" He yelled at himself. He should be worrying about his beat-up brother. But deep down he knew that Louie would be all right. He was always tougher than Danny, anyways.
He fell asleep in that chair, Lindsay's number in hand.
Danny woke with a snort. There was a table next to him, laden with steaming hot muffins and a cup of orange juice. He smiled. Cindy was such a sweetheart.
"Hey, Danny." She greeted him as she came up, her clothes on. "Morning, Cindy. You didn't have to do this." he said. Cindy waved her hand at him. "Messer, please. Your brother's in the hospital, it's the least I could do." She said, smiling a smile that would make the sun turn green with envy.
He felt somewhat better, but not enough to go to work. Not enough to endure the pitying looks from Hawkes, Flack, Stella, Mac, and…Lindsay. Not quite that better.
"I'll be back at seven. Don't wait for me to make dinner, 'kay?" she called from behind her and shut the door. Danny waved his hand absently and got up. He left the chair and took the table and dishes back to his apartment.
He opened the door and was greeted by the smell of more muffins. He put the table away and the dishes in the sink. He showered and dressed and sat on the couch, staring at the TV set for hours on end.
Danny didn't really watch. Sure, the Spanish soap operas were interesting, and the English ones were even more interesting, and the cooking channel was also fun to watch, but nothing captivated his attention. He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling. He wishes he was at work. He wished he could go there without having to endure little pitying glances and "I'm sorry" from endless workers. He wished he could go with a clear conscience, to erase the past few days, to erase the whole Tanglewood case.
And for the first time in, well, ever, he cried. He cried without caring who heard or saw, and he cried with only one thought in his head: "What did I do to deserve this?"
Danny fell asleep on the couch, the TV still blaring. He turned the annoying thing off and went to raid the fridge. A beer, a few cans of diet soda, an old sandwich, lettuce, pasta, eggs, yogurt, and all Cindy's other diet crap. He took the beer and checked messages on the machine.
"Hey Danny, its Mommy (A/N below). Louie's stabilized, but there's no change. Cindy's down here, and she's telling me how well you're coping. Please don't take it too hard. It wasn't your fault." Danny scoffed. His ma knew nothing about Sonny Sassone.
"Danny, this is Stella. We don't know where you are, and Flack needs some help on a case. So, whenever you feel better, just come down, all right?" Danny exhaled. He didn't know when that would be. He pressed the NEXT button.
"Danny? Are you there? This is Lindsay. Um, I wanted to say that we miss you… well, I miss you, and it's not quite the same. So… yeah. Just wanted to say that. Oh, yeah, and you got your gun and shield back, so that'll be waiting for you down here. Bye." Click.
Danny paused above the NEXT button. She missed him? Lindsay, Montana, Monroe, missed him? He slumped against the wall, his eyes wide and in a daze. Wow. She really missed him. Maybe he should go back…
Danny guzzled down the beer. While he was doing so, his hand slipped and pressed the NEXT button. As he went out the door, the following message played: "Danny, this is Cindy. I'm going to be out of town for a while, maybe a week or two, and I'm gonna be seeing some old friends. So, you have the house to yourself. I need to think about some stuff. See ya." Click.
Danny sped down the street in his car, his adrenaline rushing. His fingers tapped the wheel impatiently as he silently yelled at the angry red street light. When it turned green, he put on the brakes all the way to the lab.
He walked through the doors, his hands in his pockets. He suffered glances from co-workers, and a few, "Hey, Danny!"s from friends. Stella rounded the corner and grinned when she saw him. "Danny! You're back. Are you okay?" she asked. Danny nodded.
"Is Mac here?" he asked and Stella replied, "In his office." He walked past her with a small "thanks" and walked down the hall. He passed Hawkes and Flack, who said, "Are you working today?" Danny shook his head. "You needed help right? I'll be there right after I talk to Mac." Flack nodded good-naturedly and ambled past.
Mac was at his desk, fiddling with a clicky-pen. He pushed his mouth into a line and said, "You shouldn't be here." Danny held out his hand. "That's very nice of you." Mac smirked and gestured toward the chair. "Sit down." Danny sat.
"You got your badge back. It's up to you when you want to come back." Mac said, setting the clicky-pen down. Danny nodded and swallowed.
"Hey, Mac, would Lindsay be here?" he asked. Mac narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "She's in her cubicle. Oh, and Danny?" he called as Danny jumped up to get out of his office, "Don't take things too fast. Louie is still in a coma." Danny glared at Mac. He was always so damned forward.
"No offense, sir, but I'm not gonna do anything. Just… interrogate her, that's all." He said. Mac laughed out loud. "Interrogate her about what, Detective Messer?" he asked, still chuckling. Danny shrugged. "Stuff."
He walked out before Mac Taylor could say anything back.
Danny walked past his own cubicle, and saw that a box of his stuff was on the desk there. He sat down in his chair and breathed in relief. It was good to be back. With that thought, he unpacked and put everything back the way it was.
While he was rummaging through the depths of his desk, he heard a voice. "Danny?" He sat up abruptly, hitting his head on the desk edge and tipping his box of stuff over. "Monroe? I mean, Montana?" He heard a short laugh and then a "Why are you here? You should be at home!" before she rounded the corner and helped him gather his spilled things from the floor.
As she piled things into the little box, he studied her. Her wavy brown hair, her determined eyes, her nimble hands. Everything was a sculpture.
"Danny? Hello?" she asked, waking him from his stupor. He shook his head briefly and took the box from her. "Thanks Lindsay." She stopped. "What?" he asked, fearful that he did something wrong. "You called me 'Lindsay'." She said uncertainly. Danny grinned. "You like it? It's your name." Lindsay let out a short laugh. "I know that, Danny, and I do like it actually. But that's not the point. The point is that you're still here." Danny shrugged. "Not much to do when your brother is in a coma and your girlfriend is at work." Lindsay frowned. "That's odd." She said.
Danny frowned too. "What is?" he asked. "Your girlfriend—Cindy?—came by earlier to drop this off." She ran back to her desk and gave him a letter. Closed. Lindsay didn't seem like the gossiping type.
Danny opened it. "I'll be in my cubicle." Lindsay said quickly before darting back. Danny watched her go, and then unfolded the letter.
Dear Danny:
I'm sorry about leaving you at a time like this. I know your brother is hospitalized, but I have to tell you this before I freak out and hide.
I'm moving back in with my ex.
I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. I know, I know, you're in so much pain now, and I hate myself for bringing this up. And I left a message, in case you didn't hear it. I'm staying with my friends for a few weeks first, and then I'll come back and get my stuff.
I know I loved you before, and I still do, just not in that way. You are a dear friend, but nothing more. I'm sorry. Please, hate me. I can't help but say this.
Love, Cindy (A/N below)
Tears came to Danny's eyes as he read it. He knew he didn't love her, but it still hurt. And he did, he did hate her for doing this to him now. So what if he was on a self-pity trip? He had a right to feel that way.
But he was relieved. Danny was relieved that it wasn't him who had to do that. It would have to happen sooner or later. And now (he hated himself as well for this) he had a chance with Lindsay.
He crumpled up the letter. But as his hand wavered over the trash can, he stopped and put it in his desk drawer and locked it. Then he continued to put his stuff away.
…One Week Later…
Danny Messer walked into the lab with a brand new shirt and pair of slacks on. He greeted his fellow workmates and high-fived buddies. He nodded at Mac respectfully and joked with Flack. He ate, drank, and processed. And he gazed hopefully at Lindsay.
She never noticed. She was always, always absorbed in a case or book. She ate in the lunchroom, stirring a cup of coffee, and sipped at it occasionally. She never noticed a thing.
One particular day, Lindsay was grumpy. She snapped at co-workers and gave short and rude sentences to her friends. She didn't dare mess with Mac or even look at Danny.
Danny was a little downtrodden, and he wondered if she ever liked him like he liked her. So he decided to find out.
She was sitting in the cafeteria, munching on a sandwich. As he played spectator, she got up and poured herself a cup of coffee with two sugars. She sat back down and took a sip before angrily spitting it out. Too hot, he supposed.
But instead of setting it down or blowing it off, she stood up and dumped it in the trash. He walked over and sat in the chair across from her. "What's up?" he asked. Lindsay glared.
"My mom is pestering me about stuff." She said, and Danny pursed his lips. "What 'stuff' does she want to know about?" he asked, and Lindsay glared again but said in a snarl, "She wants to know why I'm not married, or have a serious relationship at least. She also wants to know why I don't care like I do. She says that she was married at my age." Danny's eyebrows shot up. "She was?" he blurted. Lindsay sighed and said, "I should've known you wouldn't understand." Danny put a hand on her forearm as she started to get up.
His heart began hammering in his ribcage. "Could you elaborate please?" he asked, his eyes pleading. She grunted and sat down. "My mom was not a, um, good girl, let's say. She was more of a… wild one, and at twenty-seven, which is how old I am (A/N below), she met and married my dad, who 'was the only one whose spirit matched hers', she said." Danny nodded, motioning for her to go on. She took a deep breath.
"When she turned thirty, she got pregnant. She said it was the best present anyone could give her." Danny smiled absently. "What are you so happy about?" Lindsay asked irritably. Danny looked at her evenly and said, "That was a very sweet thing to say," Lindsay looked down at her lap.
Danny reached out a hand to hers and she looked up, her eyes shining. "Anything else?" he asked and Lindsay shook her head shakily. He smiled. It was nice knowing he could make her this jittery. Just like when he "demonstrated" how peoples' hands clenched as they died in the doll hospital case. He had grasped hers the same way.
"Look, Danny. You're a really nice guy and all, and I like you, but we can't." she said, almost pleading. Danny withdrew his hand quickly. "What do you mean?" he asked, beginning to panic. "I mean that no matter what my mom says, how much I need a boyfriend or husband or whatever, I want to do a good job of finding out who and what I am first." Lindsay said, grasping his hands. Danny nodded numbly, his blood turning to ice.
"But I do want to try, Danny. Don't think for a moment I don't like you." She said, a tearful smile coming to her face. Danny looked up, and saw her face closer than ever. He leaned in, and before they kissed, he could see every tear glistening softly.
Two Years Later…
"Danny! I'm home!" Lindsay called from the doorway. She set down a load of groceries and she yelled, "Come help!" Danny thundered down the stairs, and their two kids trailed after.
"Did you talk to your mom?" Danny asked as he brought the groceries in. "Yeah, and she was envious. Totally envious." Danny frowned. "Why?" Lindsay grinned.
"Because I married the man who's soul matched mine earlier than she did. I had kids earlier than she did, and I was blissfully happy before she was." Lindsay Monroe-Messer said before capturing him in a kiss so happy it took Danny Messer's breath away.
A/N
Okay, so the first one: I asked my mom when I was watching Run Silent, Run Deep why Danny called his mother "Mommy." She said that's what all Rhode Island, or wherever he came from, boys called their mothers, or "Ma."
Second one: Cindy was cruel for doing that. Correction: I was cruel for doing that. But it had to be done, because how else would the story have progressed? Oh , and I also have no clue what his girlfriend's name is. Just a heads up.
Third one: I am only guessing to Lindsay's age. She could be in her forties for all I know. But that's unlikely, because the only wrinkles she has are the ones that resemble dimples. I really think Anna Belknap is in her thirties, but portrays a younger woman. Just like Cameron Bright in Running Scared and X-Men 3: The Last Stand. He's 13 (same as me!) and his character was ten.
Thank you for reading! Please give me a review!
-dragonqueen320