Alright, now that we've gotten the Game explanations out of the way this thing can start really moving now. My other shonen ai fics focus more on Hiei than Kurama and so I'm hoping to display them both more equally in this story. Enjoy.
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Kurama couldn't tell if he was falling or floating. Everything and nothing seemed to exist all at once in a senseless confusion that was perfectly organized. Right, left, up, down; directions were nonexistent and he found himself unable to regain his balance. Colors flashed around them and he didn't just see them, he experienced them: the spicy smell of green; the refreshing taste of blue; the violent sounds of red; the soft downy feel of yellow.
His head swam as he tried to discern if he was standing up or lying down. A vibration filled the air and Kurama felt the question that formed itself there. It flowed around him and through him, filling the entire space. He was surprised the words didn't print themselves in the blackness before his eyes with their sheer intensity.
WHAT DO YOU SEEK TO GAIN FROM ME?
Kurama was lost in confusion. The question demanded an answer but he could think of none to give, he wasn't even sure of whom the question was referring to. Before he could think about it further, however, a replying vibration echoed the first one and Kurama knew it to be his answer. It was him, his soul, transmuted into words.
I ONLY WANT WHAT YOU WILL FREELY GIVE.
Silence followed this. Nothingness dominated the space. There were no more colors or feelings or experiences, just nothing. Kurama tired to sort out what had just happened but was still unsure. The answer had been his, but even he was unsure of what it meant. Then the nothingness dissolved and the pain returned.
Crying out, Kurama fell forward onto the ground, clutching his head. A long disoriented moment passed in which he tried to make sense of the dirt and trees and sunlight around him after the nothingness of moments ago. The sun was low in the sky and night was creeping upon the land with cold fingers. He lay there for a long moment, panting as though he had just run several miles and closing his eyes against the pain that still pounded the inside of his skull.
Some minutes passed, or perhaps it was seconds Kurama was too disturbed to tell, and then the fox was aware of someone gently stroking his hair in an effort to calm him. Cracking one eye opened, he looked up to find Hiei crouched beside him, the Jagan resealed and an odd soft look in the demon's eyes that didn't belong there. Somewhat started by the fire demon's unwonted behavior the redhead moved back and away from the other's touch. Hiei looked up and met the fox's emerald stare. His crimson eyes narrowed in confusion as he took in the scared look there.
"Kurama…" Hiei began. Kurama scooted farther back as the half-Koorime reached for him. The former thief was too far off balance to make sense of much of anything outside the face that Hiei was acting strangely and this variation was enough to alarm the unnerved kitsune.
"Kurama, I'm sorry," Hiei whispered after a tense moment. Kurama just stared. Hiei never apologized. "I should have realized how badly a soul reading would affect you."
"Soul reading?" Kurama finally managed to speak, his mind automatically assigning importance to the term despite the fox's inability to fully process why.
"Yes, Kurama…" Hiei sighed, trying to reach for the fox again only to have Kurama back himself into a tree. "Fox, calm down."
Kurama took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. A soul reading…the nothingness; things were starting to make sense. Then the question… He looked up at Hiei again, the fear slowly replaced by confusion.
Hiei smiled as the frazzled fox visibly calmed; at least the fox wasn't scared of him anymore. Kurama, however, was shaken anew at the expression. It wasn't a smirk or a sly grin but a true and genuine smile of happiness. Kurama had never seen such a look from the small demon before. The crimson eyes were still too soft to belong to Hiei. The redhead swallowed nervously.
"Hiei, I…" he tried to form some sort of explanation but trailed off as Hiei slowly approached him. Though a part of him wanted to, Kurama forced himself not to run from his friend. He sat perfectly still as Hiei knelt before him. The smaller demon's smile took on a more amused hint as he watched the confused redhead.
"I wonder," he mused quietly, "if even you knew what you were after, Fox." Then, without warning, he leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to Kurama's. Kurama was too shocked to do anything but stare wide-eyed at the demon he thought he had understood so completely. When he pulled back Hiei chuckled quietly at the look on his stunned fox's face. "I thought not."
"H-Hiei!" Kurama managed to sputter, beginning to feel as though he might faint if this continued.
"You should rest, Fox. I used up most of your energy during the reading," Hiei said as he stood up, the smile gone and his normal emotionless mask back in place. Then Hiei's form blurred and vanished, leaving Kurama alone to sort out his confused thoughts in the growing night.
(xxx)
Hiei sat in the same tree as the previous night so he could keep an eye on Kurama. Truthfully, he had known that the fox would be shaken by the soul reading but had no idea how violently unnerved it would leave the redhead. Kurama remained leaning against the tree where Hiei had left him and the demon turned is wine gaze towards the sky. He contemplated Kurama's answer.
I ONLY WANT WHAT YOU WILL FREELY GIVE.
That was the answer his soul had offered to Hiei, the absolute truth of the kitsune's heart. Never had a soul given him such an answer before. The answers were always selfish, geared towards using Hiei in some form or another. But Kurama's answer was completely selfless. Hiei had never even considered such an answer.
In the midst of the soul reading Hiei felt his own soul, his own absolute truth, answer Kurama. His defenses were just that, defenses. They were built to protect, not isolate and imprison. His soul ached for the freedom to connect with another. Solitude had been forced upon him; it was not his chosen lifestyle. Even his own sister was forbidden to him. Kurama was offering him a chance, a bond that was safe to accept without fear of betrayal. He would not force anything from Hiei and would take whatever the half-Koorime chose to give. Or so Hiei had thought.
"Can you take what I have to give, Kurama?" Hiei spoke to the wind. "Can you really accept it?"
Hiei brought a hand up to his lips, the lips that had touched Kurama's. He had always been so wary of the fox and his undefined intentions, but now he knew what Kurama was after and his eyes were opened to the former thief for the first time. He wondered how the redhead's incredible beauty could have escaped him for so long. He wanted that feeling of kissing Kurama again. He wanted that and so much more.
Despite his wants, however, he would not force himself on the fox. Though he had laughed at seeing the look on the redhead's face after he kissed him Hiei had been hurt deeply by it. It was too late to place anymore barriers between himself and Kurama now. There was no going back and Hiei was left without his sanctuary to hide from pain. He was opened and raw for the first time in his life and had been surprised to realize that every trouble of Kurama's echoed painfully in his own chest. Forcing Kurama would only hurt him, and Hiei couldn't bare the pain of that. He bit his lip as he remembered the pain Kurama had been in when Hiei awoke him from the soul reading.
"I'll never hurt you, Kurama," he vowed to the night air. "Whatever comes of this, I'll leave you before I hurt you."
Sighing in frustration Hiei crossed his arms, closed his eyes, and fell into an energy restoring sleep.
(xxx)
Kurama sat motionlessly for some time, his mind reeling as he tried to understand all that had just happened. Hiei had performed a soul reading. That was the safest place to start. Thinking back on the strange nothingness Kurama tried to make sense of it. Obviously the question had been asked by Hiei. But why would Hiei ask that? Why would he think that Kurama was trying to gain something from him?
A cold shock ran through Kurama's body as his mind made the connection. Even just yesterday he had been trying to strategize as to how to break through the new barriers Hiei had put up around himself. All this time and he had never noticed. He was playing the Game once again.
"Damn it," he swore quietly wondering how he could have let himself slip into such old habits. Thinking back he tried to assure himself that he had never initiated the Game with anyone but Hiei. He was fairly sure he hadn't. That's what the soul reading had been about. Hiei had recognized Kurama's moves to get close to him but, ignorant of the Game, hadn't understood why.
Kurama groaned as Hiei's bizarre behavior began to make sense. He was reacting to the Game the way that only one other person ever had. He was reacting like Kuronue. He had done the soul reading and gotten his answer and accepted it. He had accepted Kurama's reason and opened his heart in return.
"Hiei loves me," he whispered to himself. He had come to believe that the little demon, with all his scars, was incapable of loving another. He remembered the soft, gentle look in those ruby eyes and the warm smile. And he remembered the kiss.
"Hiei, I don't want to hurt you," Kurama said brokenly. Though he had played the Game, he had not done so with Youko's coldness. His heart was on his sleeve and now it ached for the little demon. Though he had been testing Hiei's reaction at the time, his words at their parting a year ago had been true. He wasn't interested in Hiei that way.
"Gods, what have I done?" Kurama muttered helplessly. Shaking his head he made to cover his face with his hands. His arms felt like lead and Kurama was suddenly aware of the extreme fatigue he felt. He was exhausted both physically and spiritually. Remembering Hiei's words he decided that sleeping was really the only thing he could do now. Somehow he would have to sort this all out in the morning.
Feeling guilty and depressed he half-fell onto his side, curled up in a ball, and slipped into a troubled sleep.