Broken Helix: Part IX: Drown

Hinata awoke from another nightmare. Her dreams were so strong now, and filled with so many horrible images. This time, she woke up in tears, her dream of finding Neji's body in the forest so real that she believed that she had really lost him. She turned and started to cry softly into the pillow.

"Something about my apartment makes you cry a lot," she heard a voice say as someone walked over and rested a gentle hand on her back.

The sun flooded in through the windows and sent rays of light around Neji's body. The birds outside sang more cheerfully today.

"Sleep in," Neji smiled. "You look like you had a rough--"

Hinata suddenly sat up and threw her arms around him. He blushed as she buried her face against his neck, her body crushed against his. His arms pulled her close, and he let out a sigh of relief. Flashes of the horrible nightmare of her death came to his mind.

"I'm so happy," Hinata said against him. "I thought I'd lost you. We really thought you were gone…."

"You bought me time…" he said. "But at what price?" He tightened his hold on her. "You must promise me that you'll never give up so much for me, ever again."

She pulled away gently and turned away from him. "I can't…" she said softly. "You'll just have to promise not to suffer anymore."

"He made me think he'd tortured you and killed you," Neji said. "I lost the will to live. I can't do that again, Hinata. I can't know you're going through that, not ever again."

"Then you know how I feel!" she said, turning to him with tears in her eyes. "I already feel bad enough for what I did…."

"I'm sorry," he said gently. "I'm sorry…. I don't mean to make you feel bad. But my duty is to protect you. And not just my duty, but my choice. My wish for you is to always be safe and happy."

Hinata stood there, looking exhausted. Looking torn.

"I won't let him or anyone hurt you like this ever again," Neji said softly as he touched a few points on her body with his fingertips. She feel asleep instantly, and he put her on his bed. He watched her sleep for some time, relieved to see her chest rising and falling. Relieved to watch her eyelids flutter from time to time. Relieved to see her alive. He carefully settled himself on the bed next to her and rested on top of the covers as she slept beneath them. In moments, he was asleep.

Hinata woke up before Neji did, well into the afternoon. She slipped out of bed and washed up, changing into a blue sundress. To her surprise, Neji hadn't stirred at all from her movements. He wasn't known to be a heavy sleeper.

She walked over to the bed and stared down at him. He was pale, and looked like he needed the rest. After being tortured for so long, she didn't blame him. He made a small sound in his sleep and shifted a bit, and she found it adorable. She then blushed, realizing that because he was wearing a T-shirt, she could see the muscles of his arms, which he usually kept hidden. And the thin layer of white fabric did little to conceal the definition of his chest and stomach.

She thought of what Lee had told her about Neji loving her, but it all seemed so unlikely now. Or maybe it was just too good to be true that someone could actually return her feelings. But deep down, she wanted Neji to tell her. She wanted to hear him say the words with that deep sincere voice and those eyes that couldn't lie.

Hinata didn't want to part with him. She still feared for him. It still seemed as though someone could come for him again. He shifted a few times while she thought about this, and finally, his eyes opened. Never being one to sleep late, he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, seating himself at the edge and trying to will himself into alertness. He looked up at her and smiled sleepily, an expression she had never seen before.

Right now…. She wanted him to tell her. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted his love and his comfort. She wanted him to make her feel beautiful, and not like a plaything. She wanted….

She wanted….

For a moment she felt ashamed. She had thought of her status as a head family member and his as a branch member. She had imagined for a brief second of asking him to do something knowing that he wouldn't refuse because he was always so obedient to her family. But that was nothing but a blur of thought. She would never force him to do anything….

"Neji," Hinata said softly, her face slowly turning pink. "Would you… ummm… c… could you…"

"Yes," he said, looking into her eyes. "That will be my response when you finish your sentence."

"B… but… only if you… really want to…" she swallowed.

He calmly stared at her. "What to what?"

"Oh! Oh yeah…" she blushed more. "J… just… ummm…."

"The worst I could do is say 'no,' but I've already said 'yes.'"

Hinata averted her eyes, the blush still on her face and crawling to every part of her body. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Hinata," he said before she could open her mouth again. "What I said before… that I couldn't return your feelings… it wasn't because I didn't want to. It's not because I don't want to…."

She could only nod, and her heart started to pound harder. Why couldn't she be daring like Ino or determined like Sakura or flirty like Tenten? Why couldn't she hold him now and kiss him? Why, even after all that happened, was she so afraid of being rejected by him? And there he sat, so calm and strong and disciplined. Did he feel any emotions strongly anymore? Anything like desire?

Yes, that was it…. Hinata wanted to know that he felt something deeply for her. Something strong and intimate that no one ever saw in his eternal tranquility. Something just for her.

"Do I make you nervous?" he asked, and she realized that she had been silent for a while, not meeting his eyes.

She looked up at him finally, but she only met his eyes for a moment. Her gaze went up to his forehead… to the green seal there that marked him as her servant. He was always the one serving her family….

"What can I do to make you happy?" she asked softly.

He tilted his head curiously, though his calm face didn't change to reflect it. "Let me make you happy," he said. And the worry in his eyes told her plainly that she looked more anxious and hurt than she thought she did. There was also something else there that she caught. Neji… was oblivious.

Hinata swallowed and wrung her hands together. "D… do you… really love me?" she asked.

"I do," he replied sincerely.

"As more than friends?" she asked softly.

"I do," he replied again.

Asking him to show her wasn't enough. He would do as she asked just because he was who he was. She didn't want to ask. But she had to let him know some other way….

"Neji," she said, taking a deep breath. "Stop being such a gentleman."

"And what does that mean?" he said, as he took her hands in his and drew her to stand closer in front of him as he still sat on the bed.

Hinata panicked, knowing that she was too embarrassed to explain herself. But he didn't stop pulling her forward. He wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her in, so that she found her legs on either side of his, one of her feet on the floor and one of her knees propped up on the bed , her leg against his outer thigh. She blushed even more, as his face was dangerously close to her chest and the short sundress rode up her thighs in this position. He looked up at her, a knowing smile on his face. He had understood her.

"You can say 'no' to me and I'll stop," he said.

She said nothing, and he stood up slowly, giving her time to stand properly before wrapping his arms around her waist again. He looked into her eyes for a moment before leaning down to kiss her. He didn't stop part way and wait for her to meet him. He went straight for her lips and kissed her deeply. She timidly wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he pulled her in closer, her body pressed firmly against him. She felt her breasts against his chest and felt slightly embarrassed, but his lips made her less conscious of it.

He broke the kiss, and met her eyes. She clung tightly to him, as if afraid that he would leave her. He squeezed her reassuringly and kissed her forehead. When he lowered his head again his mouth touched the side of her neck. With every lingering kiss on her neck, her body tensed without her knowing. She didn't know that he could feel this, and thought nothing of it when his lips moved up to her ear. Without warning he gently blew into her ear while his hand slid over to tickle her side. Immediately she squealed and tried to squirm away from him. With one arm still around her waist he held her in place with a sly smile. His lips were at her neck again as he tickled her once more so that she was in a fit of giggles before she realized what she was feeling. She no longer grew tense, and his arms wrapped around her again.

His kisses grew more intense, and she shivered when she felt him bite her neck gently. Her knees grew weak every time she felt him sucking at the sensitive flesh, but he stopped before it would leave a mark. He lifted his head to brush his lips against hers before moving to the other side of her neck, leaving very little neglected.

She was trembling when he looked into her eyes again, and she couldn't stop herself. He let his hands fall away from her body and then took her hands, leading her to the bed.

"Lie down," he said softly.

She slowly climbed onto the bed and put her head on the pillow. She looked up at him nervously as he joined her there, resting his weight on top of her. Maybe it was his guidance, or maybe it was natural, but she had parted her thighs, and his legs were between hers. Feeling his body against her there, her trembling increased.

He kissed her deeply again, and she returned his kiss without hesitation, though it did nothing to stop her shaking. She wrapped her arms around him and her hands gently slid up and down his well toned back. Their eyes had been closed, but it seemed as they though both opened them at the same time. He looked into her eyes with his penetrating gaze as he kissed her, and she felt his tongue enter her mouth. He tasted sweeter than she imagined he would, and he was teasing her slightly, his tongue exploring her mouth slowly. But then he intensified his kiss, and gave her no choice but to taste him with the same enthusiasm.

When the kiss was broken, Hinata felt as though she needed to catch her breath. And she had her chance, because Neji had lifted himself up a bit, as was gently touching the bruises that were slowly healing on her arms. Bruises shaped like fingers that had crushed her as she suffered and cried. A spark of anger appeared in his eyes, but it soon melted away when he felt her fingertips against his neck. He had been hurt and bruised also, from the metal collar and chains that bound him. They looked at each other sadly, each wanting to erase the pain of the other.

But then Hinata turned her head to the side and looked away. She felt ashamed. Not because of Neji's actions or her desire for them, but because she no longer felt worthy of his touch. After all that happened with her uncle she still felt damaged.

"Maybe I should stop?" Neji said gently, cupping his hand to her cheek.

She put her hand over his and shook her head. "Neji…" she said timidly. "I'll… I'll do anything you want…. I won't say 'no' to you."

Neji closed his eyes in thought for a moment, then looked down at her again. "Hinata," he said, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Between us, who is stronger?"

She blinked and looked up at him with a small smile. "You are," she said, answering the obvious.

"And who is more dominant?"

"You are," she answered again.

"Then who has the most control over what happens when we are together like this?" he asked.

"You do," she responded, but he shook his head this time.

"Not me," he said kindly. "You have the most control. You have control so that things like this," he gently touched her bruises, "don't happen."

She looked up with understanding and nodded, her smile growing brighter. She was beautiful, lying there with her long, dark hair spread out underneath and around her on the bed, highlighting her pale features which were now colored pink with her blush. She slowly reached up to him and sat up a bit, reaching behind him to pull his hair loose from it's tie so that it fell around them both like a veil. She smiled, resting her head on the pillow again.

"You're blushing too," she giggled.

"If you could see what I could…" he trailed off, leaning down and capturing her lips again, putting his weight on her and feeling every curve of her body against his.

He had one arm wrapped around her now, his free hand still against her cheek as they kissed. But she gently took his hand and guided him down to her chest, holding his hand near her heart. She nearly fainted at her own actions, but when she slid her hand away and wrapped it around him, his hand remained there, making her feel warm inside.

When his tongue slipped into her mouth she met him with passion, and feeling her willingness he deepened the kiss to the point where her whole body started to tingle. It was as though he wanted to go deeper and deeper, never getting enough. His hand started to caress her soft breast through the fabric of her dress, and her body arched slightly to meet his hand, encouraging him onward.

His tongue left her mouth and ran along her lips before he stared into her eyes, their lips barely touching. And the look in his eyes was unlike anything she had ever seen in him. Somehow, she knew he would no longer wait for permission….

He slowly slid his body down hers, his lips kissing down from her lips to her neck. He slid his arm from underneath her body and she felt his hands undoing the ties of the thin straps at her shoulders. The straps of her dress came undone, and she felt the fabric pulled down over her ample chest until her strapless bra was completely visible to him. Neji's long hair tickled her as he brought his head down to kiss the valley between her breasts.

"How far down does your blush go?" he whispered in an amused tone.

She had no time to protest his teasing remark. Her attention turned to his hands sliding beneath her. She suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment, but her body was more willing, and she felt herself raising her back just enough for him to unhook her bra. He pulled it from her body gently, his eyes on her face as he did. She knew she couldn't hide her slight embarrassment, but she smiled at him, and he winked before lowering his head to her body again.

She felt his mouth kiss across her upper chest as his hands gently squeezed each mound. His hair slid across her skin with every movement, and every sensation made her shiver. Her hands were tangled into the long hair at his back, but she felt as though she wasn't touching enough of him. And then she felt one of his hands slide down to her thigh, gently caressing the smooth flesh there as he slowly made his way up her short dress, then back down. And now, instead of his hand against her breast, she felt the warmth of his mouth. She gasped as he sucked the sensitive nipple between his lips, one of his hands still caressing her other breast… the other teasing her thigh. She only briefly had time to marvel at how many things he could do at once, because she couldn't think straight when he gently bit down with his teeth, then slowly traced her nipple with his tongue. He continued to suck her, bite her, and tease her until she was slightly sore with the kind of ache that made her want more of him. She felt his hand move from her thigh to her breast again, to gently touch her, caressing the pain away slowly. He kissed across her chest to her other breast, and now his other hand slid down to her thigh. She was breathing heavily now as he continued as he had before.

After a long while, his mouth still pleasuring her sensitive skin, he slid his hand away from caressing the soreness of her other breast and slid it underneath her, holding her close. She felt him shift his weight to one side, and he bit down on her nipple again before kissing up to her neck. He buried his face against her neck, and she thought he wanted to stop. But then she felt his hand sliding from her outer thigh to her inner thigh very slowly. She inhaled as she felt his fingertips against the inside of her thigh, moving slowly upward, then down again.

He kept his face against her, not kissing or biting or teasing. He wanted her to feel this, every bit of it. He moved his fingertips up her thigh once more, but this time he didn't retreat. A spark of surprise shot through her as he touched her, the only thing keeping him from her being the thin fabric of her underwear. She squirmed at his touch, but the arm he had wrapped around her kept her firmly in place. She made a small sound of longing as his fingertips pleasured her through the thin cloth barrier, which was getting more and more damp at his attention. He continued until she was at her breaking point.

And then he stopped, and she wanted to beg him to keep going. She wanted to feel released. But he wasn't finished, and he slowly pushed her dress up, and then his hand descended downward again, sliding into her underwear, breaching the barrier that kept him from her.

She whimpered in anticipation as his fingers pleasured her once more. She felt him shift, and his head rose to kiss her. This time, she was the one to dive into him, her mouth and tongue expressing the longing he was making her body feel. She moaned softly into his mouth again and again.

The waves of excitement and anticipation suddenly overcame her. The moment the kiss was broken she threw her head back against the pillow and moaned in ecstasy, and he held her against him as her back arched. The surge of pleasure spread from between her legs to every inch of her body until she was overcome with the euphoria of her body's release, and her body seemed to be drowning in the softness of the bed as she relaxed slowly.

Neji slid his hand from between her legs and brought his fingers to his mouth, tasting her, and she drew in a breath watching him, so sensual and tranquil as he moved. He seemed to be savoring the taste, and when he met her eyes a flicker of surprise crossed his own, as if he forgot he had an audience. She smiled sweetly at him, and his cheeks turned slightly pink.

He looked down at her body, and she wanted to cover herself when she realized her state. The bottom of her dress was pulled up to reveal her underwear, the top pulled down, exposing her breasts. A smile spread to the corner of his mouth when he caught the look on her face. He slowly reached out and started to pull the zipper at the side of the dress. Her eyes widened when the zipper had been pulled, and when he started to pull the dress down her body until he could drop it to the floor. Somehow the loss of that item of clothing made her feel more exposed and slightly embarrassed than she had already. But it was nothing compared to what she felt when the last piece of fabric left her as he slid her underwear down her legs and placed them down with her dress.

He was studying her body, and she felt like she could pass out. Neji's eyes never just looked at things. He always seemed to find something much deeper about what he was looking at. He was on his knees between her legs now, his hands moving up from her calves to her thighs, over her waist and stomach, her breasts, neck, shoulders, arms, and anything else he could touch. His hands followed his eyes, and he never stared at any part of her for too long. Hinata wished she could read his thoughts.

Neji's hands moved up to her face, and his fingertips very gently brushed her cheeks. She giggled when one of his fingertips slid down her nose from bridge to tip, and then his fingers slowly traced the edge of her ears. He was smiling down at her fondly.

"W… what were you thinking about…?" she asked timidly.

He smiled and looked into her eyes. "That you're beautiful… full of worth, strong, soft, radiant, and giving." And grinned teasingly. "And that now I know how far down that blush goes."

Hinata smiled, butfelt tears spring to her eyes. "I wish… you were the first to see me…" she said softly, her girlish voice very sad. "Uncle made me feel so dirty and worthless…."

"No force on this earth can defile you, Hinata," Neji said. "He was unworthy, as am I. He didn't even know how much beauty was right in front of him." He kissed her lips gently and then pulled away with a smile.

"H… hey!" Hinata exclaimed. "I'm the only one without any clothes on!"

Neji looked down at himself as though he hadn't noticed. "Hm, so you are."

She sat up and reached for his shirt but he caught her hands and grinned slyly at her. "Stop, I'm shy," he said.

"Neji!" she pouted.

"Yes, Lady Hinata?" he asked as he firmly took her by the waist and slid her back against the headboard, so that she was sitting with her back against it.

"You aren't being fair!" Hinata complained innocently.

"Oh?" he smirked. "And why not?" He gently parted her legs and lied down on his stomach on the bed in front of her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he kissed her stomach.

"Y… you know I'm embarrassed!" she exclaimed. She blushed every shade of red possible, sitting naked with her legs spread, knees bent up and feet flat on the bed as he kissed down her body.

"And you want me to feel the same embarrassment you do?" Neji said in mock hurt as he paused his kisses. "Lady Hinata, that's just mean."

"Neji!" she pouted like a hurt child. "Stop calling me Lady -- AAHH!"

His kisses had reached their goal, and Hinata leaned her head back against the headboard, recovering from the sensation. She looked down again to she him, his long hair obscuring the view of his face between her thighs. His kisses grew stronger in pressure… and then his tongue. Hinata squirmed and couldn't stop the high pitched sounds erupting from her mouth. One of his hands disappeared beneath the sheet of his hair, and she gasped when she felt his fingers enter and retreat with agonizing slowness.

Her hands went into his hair, and she whispered his name without thinking. He applied just enough pressure and pleasure for it to go on and on and on for what seemed like a wonderful eternity. When that eternity was over, Hinata felt several jolts of ecstasy explode throughout her body rather than just one. He sat up, running his tongue over his lips and slipping his fingers into his mouth once more. He helped Hinata to lie down again, as she was now quivering all over and could hardly move on her own. When he was done, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, his body covering hers, his weight resting on her.

Hinata didn't know what to say to him now, but she wanted him to feel as she did. Gently, she tried to push him away so she could return the feelings he gave her, but he wouldn't budge.

"Neji," she said softly, "I… I want to -- if you want me to -- I…" she gently pushed again. "Neji… you're heavy!"

She felt him smile against her neck. He lifted himself up, putting his weight on his forearms so he could look down at her. "I'm going to go take a very, very cold shower now," he smirked.

"B… but--" she started to protest, but he kissed her softly, silencing her.

"I'll be back," he said as he gently moved off of her and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You don't want me to?" she asked, pouting.

He turned to her with a small smirk of sheer amusement and rose his brows slightly. "That's definitely not the case," he said.

She quickly sat up in bed and moved behind him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. He could feel her bare breasts pressed against him through the thin cotton of his shirt.

"How many of the family vows did you accept in order to be my protector?" Hinata whispered in his ear.

He tried to stand, but she held him in place. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "It's not important," he said.

"How many…?" she asked again.

He sat there silently, her chest against his back, her hands gently caressing his chest and stomach.

"Nearly all," he answered finally. "One of which, I probably just breached."

Hinata shut her eyes and rested her forehead against his shoulder. The Hyuuga clan made certain members take vows if they were involved closely with the head family, and especially if they were protecting members of the head family. Truthfully, the people who took the vows did so of their own free will. If they wanted to perform certain duties, they were sometimes required to take the vows as prerequisites to those duties. These duties and positions were very honored, but the vows were very strict. Someone in the head family had required that Neji take many of these vows if he wanted to continue being Hinata's protector. In the history of the clan, very few people had taken as many as Neji seemed to be implying that he had taken. The vows strictly detailed how much alcohol one was allowed to consume in a year, that smoking or any drug was forbidden… even most medicines, that the person had to go through a rigorous purification ritual once a year, and so on. Many foods and drinks were restricted. Activities and hobbies were restricted. Sexual intercourse… forbidden. To take too many vows would lead most to unhappiness. If the vows were broken, the punishments were extremely painful and the person was shamed and dishonored.

"That's why you won't take more helpful medicine when you're sick," she whispered. "And why you disappear once a year and come back looking so ill. It's from that purification ritual…. And why you suddenly stopped eating some of the foods you liked…." She stopped, thinking back to all the changes Neji had made, and all of the odd behaviors that she couldn't explain before. "You did that just to protect me?" she asked, pain in her voice.

"Of course," he said, leaning back against her slightly. "I wanted to be the one to take care of you. I also did many of these things on the path to spirituality," he said. "Don't feel bad for me."

"Would you have taken all of those vows anyway then?" she asked.

"Absolutely not," he chuckled. He then stood up and walked toward the bathroom. "I'll take you to dinner later," he said before disappearing.

Hinata watched him go, feeling guilty. There was so much she didn't know about him….

---To Be Continued---