Standard disclaimers applied.

Author's Note: I just want everybody to know that in this story, Carter's marriage to Kem and them having a baby never happened. You can assume that Carter did go to Africa with Luka.

Part XIII The Sounds of Twilight

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?

Coldplay - Talk

Nobody ever said that rebuilding a marriage was easy. It was ever harder for changes to happen, if the parties involved were at a lost as to what changes were needed. Coming home from the Kovac's household had given Carter a different perspective in his life. Despite all the prior teasing from his fellow coworkers, marriage had definitely been a step-up in his personal life. It had given him stability and new purpose in life. Deb was somebody who understood his position in life, both past and present. It was the future that was a different story.

Seeing Abby and Luka with the twins had added to substance to concept of fatherhood. Holding little Sophie in his arms, had given him pause for thought. The last time, he had held an infant so tiny, was Deb's son, Michael - the child that she had given up for adoption. More than ever, he wanted to go home to talk to Deb, to tell her about his ambivalence, partly joy and partly bittersweet remembrance. However, there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to be a father and a husband.

He sat down in front of his laptop and began typing. He respected the fact that Deb wanted space and privacy, so they both limited phone calls with each other. Sometimes, he found himself calling her cell phone, just to hear her voice on the voicemail. Other times, he would find his answering machine blinking, indicating new messages, only to find a dial tone and his Caller ID displaying an out-of-state number.

So instead, he resorted to writing emails. Some of them ended up being impersonal, just reiterating his day. Others were just humourous, a joke or two that Jerry and Pratt had been working on, which he would remember to share it with Deb. There were some that were personal - the modern love letter from husband to wife, where he jotted down some of his private thoughts and musings. He would click the little 'Send' button on the top of the screen, not really expecting a reply before he would go on to begin another day in the ER.

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

Sometimes, she felt guilty that she was neglecting the fact that she had another life in Chicago. Here in NYC, she found herself falling in love with "the city that never sleeps." She was benefitting from her friendship with Faith. If truth be told, Jing-Mei had never develop strong female bonds with those at County. There was too much drama and interlinking relationships that sometimes made friendship difficult. Faith, was on outsider without prior knowledge of her life in Chicago.

Likewise for the blonde herself, Jing-Mei was a source of intelligent conversation and companionship. They had unspoken boundaries in terms of professionalism, at work and afterwards. It was a time that Faith needed a solid support in her life as she dealt with the divorce, the child custody battle, the fallout with Bosco and his subsequent 'abandonment' to Cruz and Anti-Crime, and writing the Sergeant's Exam. The women tried to bring different perspective to each other's marital problems. Sometimes, it was easily to solve other people's problems, rather than facing your own.

Jing-Mei was convinced that she needed to at least call John. However, when she actually dialed the familiar numbers, she found herself faltering. Seeing the relationship between Faith, Fred and Bsoco, it wouldn't be the first time that she was doubting her decision for an abrupt departure without giving John a chance to explain himself. After all, she knew of her husband's fidelity after their marriage, so who was she the judge to differentiate the line between pre- and post-marital friendship?

So, she would call her Chicago home, only to hang out up hearing the answering machine. She never left a message. What she wanted to say should really be spoken to a person, and rather than hearing through a machine. When she finally checked her email, she was shock to see her inbox flooded with messages from John. Looking at the dates, she found them to be consistent. He emailed her once a day, and sometimes more. His signature at the bottom would be the same, "Forever yours even when you are far away, John."

It was so sentimental and thought-provoking. She spent the next couple of hours or so clicking through all of the unread messages and reading them. Some of them were just an reiteration of things that was happening in the ER.

-o-o-

"A series of trauma came in today and but turns out that one of the patient was some new doctor that was posing as a patient. Clemente was his name and Weaver clearly wasn't pleased with his new tactic..."

-o-o-

"Pratt played a practical joke on Morris the other day. Whatever it was, the whole staff lounge reeked for three days. I think I have to buy a new lab coat and a stethoscope after this..."

Others were almost equivalent to diary entries into his private thoughts. These were the ones that Jing-Mei found herself re-reading.

-o-o-

"As much as I say that I needed a new stethoscope, there was too much sentimental value in the one that I used right now. It went back to the days when Mark was still alive. I took his, you know, after his death. I remember my first year here. Everybody was so worried because I cared too much. I put so much of myself into work, but I was too emotionally immature. Now how many years have passed, and here I am ...

Do you remember the first day of medical school? We had such ambitions and high hopes of saving people, contribute to the greater good of humanity. Textbooks never told us about the emotional toil. No matter what anybody says, it never gets easier."

-o-o-

"Is it true that New York City never sleeps, then, I wonder if it is also a city that never dreams... Just a thought, I don't know what made me say that?

I miss you, Deb, even though I know you to be a fantastic Chief Resident at Mercy. The position here at County, should have been yours long ago. You knew that I would have given it up for you, if only you would stay. In retrospect, I think even back then, a part of me loved you and respected you for the wonderful person that you still are..."

-o-o-

"I found something on Ebay yesterday, which I think you will like. You should be receiving it in a couple of days. Don't worry it isn't lavish or extravagant! I remember that I had practically bribe you to accept the grand piano, but I don't regret a single cent of it.

Did I ever tell you that I fell in love with you all over again, every time I come home late at night to hear you playing the piano as if nobody was watching?

No - I probably never did. Even on that night, when I saw your head bent over the keys, your eyes closed to the world, but your hands knew exactly which notes to play, I knew that my heart was yours for the taking. You have no idea the power that you have over me, Deb."

-o-o-

She cried then at the honest words. He was laying his heart out to her, no pretensions and no pressures for her to reciprocate right away. She had indeed received his gift - a music box that doubled as a jewel case. Her focus wasn't on its design because her heart was too enraptured by the alluring melodies of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

End of Part XIII

AN: Bits of lyrics from the song, 'Talk' by Coldplay were used, which doesn't belong to me.