AN: Whew! It's over, it's finally over! LOL, see? Teachers are just as excited as students to be done with school (because now I don't have to get up before dawn!) :-D And that means I can write more often, too, so you won't have to wait so long for updates anymore :-P

Anyway, here's some good old-fashioned angst to make up for my conspicuous absence. As always, enjoy!

Danny sighed, resting his forehead against Maddie's, holding her close against him even though they were standing in the middle of her classroom. "Wish me luck…"

Maddie combed her fingers through his hair, trying to impart strength through her touch. "She loves you Danny, just remember that. And so do I."

He leaned in for a kiss, smiling a little despite the trepidation he felt. "I know." He released her with one last squeeze of her hand and walked to the door, meeting Shayla as she entered the room. "Ready kiddo?"

She nodded, her smile a mixture of delight and puzzlement at the prospect of spending the afternoon with her foster father instead of Dantrell. "All set." She looped her arm through his and led him into the hallway, waiving and calling her good-byes to Maddie.

The two chatted normally during the drive home, asking each other about their days and upcoming plans for the week. They discussed the details of the baby shower Stella was throwing for Maddie, and how excited they both were for the next doctor's appointment when they would get another glimpse of the littlest Messer through the latest ultrasound.

It wasn't until they arrived home that an awkward silence fell between them. Shayla could tell there was something on Danny's mind, but didn't know how—or even if—she should broach the subject. Danny didn't help matters, either, with his tentative glances at his foster daughter as she sat beside him on the couch, opening his mouth to speak, then shutting it again abruptly.

Finally, he took a deep breath and found his voice. "Sweetheart, there's something I need to tell you, and it's not gonna be easy…"

"Okay."

She smiled softly at him, the adoring daddy's-little-girl smile that always made him melt just a little, and a guilty knot formed in his stomach. C'mon Messer, tell her, a voice in his head commanded. She deserves to know…

"I know you think I'm a good person because of the work that I do, because Maddie and I took you in…but I'm not. I…" He took another deep breath and met her large brown eyes with his troubled blue ones. "I was part of the Mafia before I was a cop," he spat out, "and I helped cover up a murder."

Shayla's eyes went wide. "You…what?"

He nodded slowly. "My father killed a man…when I was about your age…he was following orders from the head of the Utzieli crime family…and I helped him cover it up."

"Why are you telling me this?" she wondered, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. It just didn't add up. Danny had covered up a murder? Her foster father, who had held her so tenderly after Antwan's attack, who was so protective of her life, had helped take someone else's?

He studied her face, her eyes dull and wide with shock, her lips pulled into a harsh frown. That's the way Maddie looked when I told her, he remembered. But in Shayla he noted something else that he hadn't seen in Maddie disappointment.

His expression was pained as he answered her. "Because you're about to become a member of this family and you deserve to know the truth about it. I want you to know who I am."

"That you're part of the mob?" she asked quietly.

"Was," he corrected firmly. "I got out a long time ago…"

"…and that you helped a murderer go free?" she interrupted.

He hung his head, unable to look her in the eye any longer. "Yes."

Shayla was silent for a long moment. When she spoke again, her voice was barely audible. "Does Maddie know?"

Danny nodded again. "She miscarried little Adam when I told her," he replied softly.

The girl recoiled at the information. "And she's still with you?" she asked in horror. "You helped kill a man, and then you murdered your son too?"

Just remember she loves you, Maddie had told him, but he could feel that love slipping away. "Shayla, you have to believe me when I say I'm sorry for the things I did…you have no idea how sorry…"

Images of the day Maddie and Danny had taken Adam's last sonogram to the cemetery flooded her mind, trying to remind her of how deep Danny's anguish had been, of how much he had loved his son, of how much he loved her. But she pushed them away and rose from the couch. "I…I can't stay here…"

"Wait," he called after her, following her into the entryway of the apartment. "Where are you going?"

"Why? You got plans to get me, too?" she hurled accusingly at him. Grabbing her coat, she stormed out and disappeared, letting the door slam behind her.

Danny watched her go, tears forming in his eyes despite his best efforts to keep them from doing so. He had been terrified he would lose Shayla when he told her about his past, just as he had been so afraid of losing Maddie. His wife was stronger than he had realized, and had worked though his issues with him. But his foster daughter was still a child in many ways.

He sniffled, his lips curling into a snarly frown as he tried to shake the question that he knew would haunt him in the coming days.

"But is she still my child?"



Where can I go? Shayla asked herself as she hurried down the street.

Anywhere but home, a voice in her mind answered.

She trotted down the stairs of the nearest subway station, her thoughts still spinning. My foster father was a mobster and accessory to murder, my foster mother doesn't seem to care, and my ex-boyfriend is still trying to terrorize me from his jail cell. She heaved a defeated sigh and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "Why can't I have a normal life?" she pleaded aloud.

"If I had a nickel for every time I said that," said a deep voice standing beside her on the platform.

Shayla looked over to see a man in rumpled clothes, who very obviously hadn't showered in quite some time, eyeing her salaciously. "Uh, yeah." She slowly moved away from the man, keeping one eye on him at all times. I better get somewhere fast…

The train pulled into the station and Shayla got on, relieved to note that the smelly man was waiting for a different one. The car was crowded with rush hour commuters on their way home, and she automatically did what Danny had taught her to do shortly after she had met him. "Stay near the conductor when you're by yourself," he had told her. "Things are less likely to happen with another set of eyes around."

She sighed again, bewildered. The version of Danny that she knew was completely at odds with the version he had confessed to her, and she couldn't make her brain reconcile the two. Stella's good at sorting things out, she decided. I'll go see her…

She got off at the appropriate stop and walked quickly to Stella's building, praying that she was home. When the CSI opened the door, Shayla let out a relieved whimper. "Stella!"

"Shayla?" the older woman asked, wondering what the girl was doing there alone. "Shayla, what's wrong?"

"It's awful, Stella," Shayla answered, starting to cry again. "I had a fight with Danny…"

Stella wrapped her arms around her young friend and drew her into the apartment. "Shhh, it's okay," she said soothingly.

"Stella?" a voice called from the living room.

Shayla instantly recognized the voice and lifted her face from Stella's shoulder. "Mac? Oh no, I'm interrupting…"

"No, no, no," Mac insisted, observing her tear-stained cheeks. "You're not interrupting. Something's upset you and you came looking for a friendly face. That's never interrupting."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded firmly. "Absolutely. Now, do your parents know you're here?"

Shayla shook her head. "I just left…"

"Okay. I'll call them and let them know you're safe on my way to get dinner. You like pepperoni on your pizza?"

She nodded again.

Mac smiled reassuringly. "Then I'll let you ladies sort things out, and I'll be back." He went off in search of his coat, trying not to eavesdrop on the conversation, partly out of respect and partly out of intimidation. There was little in life that Mac Taylor was not experienced with, but he was totally out of his element here.

"…he picked me up from school today instead of Dantrell and took me home…and…and told me…"

Mac straightened up suddenly and was moving back toward Stella and Shayla before he knew what he was doing. Danny must have told her about his family…

He cleared his throat as he approached, cutting short Shayla's tale of events. "Danny told you something that upset you?" he asked carefully.

Shayla nodded her head against Stella's shoulder. "He told me…" She stopped mid-sentence, catching the subtle shake of his head. "You know?" she mouthed.

Mac nodded. "Maybe you'd better get dinner, Stella, and I'll stay here with Shayla?"

Stella, totally mystified, looked from Mac to Shayla and could see that something was going on that she wasn't privy to. She could also see that Shayla needed someone who was. "Okay." She squeezed the girl tightly and released her. "I'll be back, then."

They waited until she left, then sat side by side on the couch.

"He told you about his family, didn't he?" It was more of a statement then a question.

"Yeah," she responded quietly. "He told you, too?"

Mac nodded again. "Mmhmm."

Shayla turned to look at him, wonderment and confusion in her eyes. "Then how can you even stand to be in the same room with him? Knowing what he did, what he was part of…"

"It's hard to adjust to," he admitted. "And you'll never look at him the same way, ever. But he's the way his is now because of what he was then."

"How?"

"He had to be strong to get away from all that, especially when everything in his life was pulling him in," Mac replied. "And remember he was only seventeen…the same age you are now."

"I've been through a lot, too, y'know," she told him defensively.

"You have," he agreed, "and you were strong enough to get through it. You and Danny have that in common."

Shayla mulled that over for a moment, her gaze shifting to her hands resting in her lap. "He covered up a murder, though. He helped a killer go free…"

"He didn't tell you the whole story, then."

She looked up at him again, frightened and angry. "There's more?"

"He testified against his father for that murder—the jury is deliberating as we speak. He's trying to make amends for his past, Shayla…trying to be honest with you." In an uncharacteristic gesture, he reached out and took her hand in his, giving it a comforting squeeze. "He's trying to do right by you, to be a good father. That's why he told you about his past."

"Because he loves me," she finished, knowing where Mac was going, but not entirely convinced he was right.

Mac nodded, confirming her statement. "Because he loves you."



"That was Stella," Maddie called, waddling slowly into the bedroom where Danny stood staring out the window. "Shayla's at her place with Mac. She's gonna stay with them for the night." She slid an arm around him, dropping a light kiss on his shoulder.

He smiled a little and wrapped his arm around her in return. "Okay."

"You did the right thing, Danny."

He nodded absently. "Yeah."

"Hey," she brushed a hand over his face and directed his gaze toward her. "Never for a second was I sorry you told me about your past, not even as you were telling me."

He searched her eyes as she spoke. "Not even when we lost Adam?" he asked bitterly.

"That wasn't your fault," she told him firmly. "You telling me about your family had nothing to do with losing our baby."

"But it's happening again," he insisted. "I let the secret out of the bag, and we're gonna lose another child…"

"She's a strong kid," Maddie reminded him. "But she needs some time to figure things out for herself." She reached up and kissed him gently, squeezing his arm as she released him. "She's a lot like you."

He shook his head. "She's better than me." His unseeing eyes remained trained on the city outside the window for a few moments longer before he shook his head again and forced his thoughts back inside the apartment. "You look tired," he told his wife gently, turning toward her and pulling her closer.

She leaned her head against his chest. "I am. Between school and the pregnancy…"

"You need more rest," he said. "Why don't you lay down and take a nap?" He bent down and kissed her tenderly. "I'll even join you."

Her eyes twinkled a bit as she responded, "You do realize we're actually going to sleep, though, right?"

That brought a real smile to his face. "Yeah, I know."

The couple crawled into bed together and found comfortable positions, Maddie on her side so the baby would squish any vital organs and Danny with his arm slung protectively around her. She laced her fingers with his and rested their hands on her abdomen, where they could feel their little girl moving.

Danny buried his face in Maddie's hair, grief and sorrow and anxiety welling up inside him again, his dark past storming back to ruin his future. He tried to calm himself by concentrating on his wife's breathing, regular and slow with the occasional hitch when the baby kicked, and tried to be optimistic about Shayla. But he drifted off to sleep a tortured man.

Danny is standing in a field facing two armed men, knowing he is in danger but waiting for them to make the first move.

His eyelids twitched and his breathing became shallow as he recognized the beginning of the nightmare he'd had so many times before. This time, though, there was a twist.

Words are exchanged and the two men reach for their guns, prompting Danny to draw his. He gets the drop on them, his weapon cocked and aimed before theirs are even out of their holsters, but the two men only laugh.

Standing behind them is Shayla.

"Shayla!" he called out into the darkened bedroom.

Maddie awoke at the sound of his voice, turning over to face him and recognizing his distressed expression. "He hasn't had a nightmare in a while," she mumbled to herself, drawing him to her, comforting him as best she could until it was over.

"Shayla! Get away from them!" he commands.

But she only smirks and shakes her head. "I'm going with them," she says. "As far away as I can get from you."

He knows what they'll do to her, and pleads with her to come to him, but to no avail. The two men laugh and walk away with Shayla, knowing Danny won't dare shoot at them when there's a chance she'll be hit.

"Noooo! Shayla!"

"No!" He bolted straight up in bed, sweat pouring into his eyes as he gasped for air.

Maddie moved with him as best she could, slipping her arms around him in a soothing embrace. "It's okay, Danny," she told him quietly. "It was just a dream."

He shook his head emphatically. "No, it wasn't just a dream. All those horrible things I did were not just dreams. I did them…willingly…and they're driving Shayla away…"

He turned to her, defeated, allowing her to pull him back down on the bed. She held him tightly, running her fingers through his hair as he laid his head against her chest and cried.