Writer: Azure K Mello
Title: A Bond Never Dies
Part: 117 of ? or part 32 of Part Three
Words: 374
"Jimmy, you're perfect. Even when you couldn't protect me, all the time I was in Azkaban you were the only thing getting me through. You get escorted to your cell by ministry officials not be dementors and they're supposed to take anything from you that you could use as a weapon to harm yourself. They left me with my pocket knife as they said the world would be better if I killed myself. But the thought that you could be alive and that my death would kill you stopped me from using it. I knew it would be selfish, it would leave Harry without anyone, but I didn't think I was getting out. And I really would have rather been dead. But I thought: what if Jimmy's alive out there. I'd be dead, James."
"But now, do you feel safe with me now? Do you-" he stopped himself and shook his head.
"What are we talking about?" asked Sirius softly.
"I don't know it's just. . . seeing Harry so upset and frightened. It reminded me of all the old fears. And he's my son. When I felt powerless to help you I was just a child, your friend, your boyfriend. But I'm his father and I'm supposed to be able to fix his problems. He's not an adult. And I thought about this war. What if I can't even protect you anymore. What if I'm totally useless."
"James-"
"And all those times," interrupted the agitated man, "That my mother would say things about me needing to control my powers as a mage I always thought, yeah but I'll save us all some day. I thought I could do anything. And I can't even save him. Sometimes I think that maybe Lily and I should have never married, I could have saved him from all this pain. And you? If we hadn't bonded you would never have gone to that hell of a prison."
"You're right, and I could have instead, gone home the summer after seventh year and been beaten to death by my father." His voice was deadly calm and James knew he'd somehow upset his lover, "Don't wish Harry and me away on a whim. You can't protect people from life."