Chapter 3

We had so much fun doing Jackass stunts that we decided to continue them for a third day – on October 16th, the very next day. Only this time, the format changed slightly, as we had a new cast member – Thomas. Thomas was an African-American, who was also a long-time friend of Lance. He did not show up in the other videos, but he agreed to be in the one we shot on October 16th.

After school, I went home, got my camera, and when the gang was all present and ready to roll, I began filming. This time, I used a plug-in microphone with my camera instead of the built-in one I used previously. I thought that the sound quality would be better, but it turned out to be worse and more frustrating to use, so I later switched to the built-in microphone on the same day.

Thomas held the microphone. "This is Thomas, and welcome to Jackass. I turned left to show Joseph, who had some plastic tie around his arm. "And this is Joseph. Joseph." He looked at the plastic tie around Joseph's arm. "Dumbass," he snorted. "And this is Lance," Thomas said, pointing to Lance offscreen. I turned the camera to show Lance. I then turned back to Thomas and Joseph. "Ha ha, cool, guys," Thomas said. I took the camera and put it in my face.

"And me!" I said, wanting to introduce myself on camera.

I put it back on my shoulder and focused on Thomas. "And today, we're gonna do some pretty bad shit," Thomas said. Joseph held a board in the background and hit Thomas on the butt with it. "Get off my ass!" Thomas snapped at Joseph. We all burst into laughter.

I turned off the camera and switched microphones. Then, we filmed a scene where Lance pretended to drink out of the porta-potty. I filmed Lance make his approach to the porta-potty. Joseph did his, "Wow-wow-wow-wow-wow…" sound effect in the background, indicating possible danger. Lance turned around. "Someone have this door open for me," Lance said.

There was silence for a while. "That would be you guys," I said to Thomas and Joseph. They still weren't paying attention. Finally, I turned the camera to face them and get their attention. Thomas was just sitting there, and Joseph was still trying to get that plastic tie off his arm.

"This lubricant ain't working," Joseph said, "I can't get it off."

"Thomas…Joseph?" I said to them.

"I'll do it, man," Thomas said, getting up to hold the door open for Lance. When he did, Lance bent down and pretended to drink out of the porta-potty. Thomas grinned at the camera, and I zoomed in. Then, Lance got out and left the porta-potty. Thomas shut the door to the porta-potty.

"That stuff's good, man," Lance smiled. "Cut," he said to me.

"…and that was take who knows what?" I said. I shut off the camera. "Hey, guys, let's bury me in rocks next!" I said. Everyone seemed eager to do that, and I followed Joseph and Thomas to a pile of rocks that was already present. The three of us stood on the rock pile. Lance turned off the camera.

"Here is Joey," Joseph said.

"Hey, guys," I said to the camera, flailing my arms.

"And…we're going to bury him in rocks," Joseph said.

I jumped up and down. "All right, bury me in rocks!" I said, lying down. "My dream's come true!"

"What a dumbass," Lance said to himself. He focused momentarily on Joseph's white dog, but quickly focused back on the rock stunt. Joseph was throwing rocks at my balls, which wasn't too pleasant to say the least. Despite that, we did not succeed in burying me in rocks.

"This is taking too long," Thomas said. "'Ey, yo, Lance, turn the camera off and help us out!" Thomas called.

"We'll be back!" Lance said, turning off the camera. We spent the next five minutes trying to make a deep hole for me to be buried in, but all we had to work with was plywood boards, which did not work well. We gave up on that and decided for the next biggest move – hanging out on the roof! I filmed Lance and Joseph up there, being jackasses. I wanted Thomas to film me, so he did.

"Hey, everybody. I'm Joey, and there," I said, pointing up at the roof, "are the losers of the future! Look up," I said to Thomas. Thomas focused on Joseph and Lance.

"Hey, Joey, how much do you bet I can make it to the top of the roof?" Joseph asked.

"A million bucks," I said.

"You ain't got a million bucks," Joseph said.

"Exactly," I pointed out.

There was silence for a moment. Then, Joseph said to Lance, "Bet you five-dollars I can make it to the top of that roof." Later, Thomas got tired of filming, and I took over. Thomas then started throwing bottles and trash up at the guys.

I spotted Lance. "Lance, what do you have to say?" I called to him.

"Fuck you!" Lance nearly shouted. I cackled in laughter, but then, Thomas shot a rock up on the roof. He looked down at Thomas and said, "Man, quit throwing rocks up here, dumbass!" I quickly turned my attention to Joseph, who was sitting on the tip of the roof.

"I did it!" he yelled. "I'm king of the hill!" he yelled. But then, he started to slide down the slope.

"Oh-no, he's falling, he's falling!" I exclaimed, but then got relieved when he stood up safely.

"I want to get down, I need a spotter," Joseph said.

"Joseph, can I be your spotter?" I called.

"No, let Thomas, he's stronger," Lance said.

"Stronger?" I snorted under my breath. I thought I was stronger, but perhaps not. "You sure?" I called.

"Yeah," Lance said, making it sound obvious.

"Hey, Thomas, get up here!" called Joseph. I turned the camera away from the roof and focused on Thomas, who grinned as he bounced up and down on a board that sloped from the edge of the porch to the ground. The board bounced with Thomas. There was nothing much else to film, so I decided to quit. I faded out.

We actually spent about an hour longer at the house than what was shown on tape. I just chose not to film the rest. Basically, the guys just hung out on the roof, and they tried to get me on the roof, too to film from up high, and I tried a few times, but I was too chicken to continue.

Afterward, we went over to Joseph's house, where we had a gathering with some of his older brothers. It was a fun day since we were all present…perhaps the most fun of them all. I was glad that I had participated in the Jackass parody videos and watched them again and again from that point on.

The End