Chapter 4: But I didn't know how to tie a knot so I decided to live anyway.
"Okay
okay I'll continue. My parents gave me my belated birthday present. A
Wonka bar. But I didn't get a ticket. So I shared it out Cause I was
the good child unlike Liam. It was the best chocolate in the
world..."
"you're doing it again." Claire said.
"Huh?"
"You're daydreaming you big-eared twit"
she said.
"That hurt" Charlie said, before continuing.
" Well, there was no hope left. So I decided to hang myself.
But I didn't know how to tie a knot, so I decided to live anyway. The
fourth ticket was found by some wiener named Mike Teevee, and I felt
terrible. Even when my grandpa told me, he once worked for Wonka.
Which I didn't believe, because after all this is the same man who
walked around with his underwear on his head singing: "God save
the Queen".
Anyway, one day Liam and I were walking down the
street when we found a ten-pound note. After a bit of a fight, which
I won sorta. I ran into a candy shop and spent it before the jerk
could steal it and pants me. I bought some Wonka bars. The first had
no ticket, but I ate it before Liam could shove it down the back of
my trousers and bought another. And I saw it, a glimmer of gold. I
GOT THE GOLDEN TICKET!"
At that Charlie and stood up and
started doing a victory dance around Claire and Hurley and Walt.
"What's with the dancing Chuckie, someone put a crab down
your shorts?"
There was Sawyer standing there like some
standing uhhh… thing.
"He's telling a story," Walt said.
"Anyway, I had won the ticket and ran out of the shop like a
bat out of hell and into our house yelling "I WON I WON"
and gave all my grandparents a bit of a turn. We were all very
excited, and it turns out I was going to the greatest factory since
well um... ever I guess"