Chapter 8: Punched in the Noodles
"Eventually I walked away, because Mr. Wonka was staring at me like he might rip off my face and eat it. I wandered the chocolate room, stuffing my face with candy.
At one point I reached for beautiful candy apple and that stupid Violet Beauregard snatched it away and put her gum behind her ear before biting into the candy.
"Why keep it? Why not start a new piece?" I asked, not adding, "you sick sick cow"
"Because then I'd be a loser. Like you." She sneered.
"I hope you turn into a giant blueberry," I told her honestly.
I wandered away and ate more candy watching everyone else act like gits around the candy. The fat one Augustus reminded me of a cow sticking his head straight down into the grass and grazing.
"MOO!" I cried at him"
Charlie stopped to laugh. That was one of his favorite things to yell at the fat kids who bullied him in school. Even though it only made him get punched in kidneys and family jewels on a daily basis.
"I wonder if I'll be able to have kids?" he wondered suddenly, thinking of the daily abuse to his little buddies.
"What?" Claire exclaimed.
"What does that have to do with your story?"
Everyone stared at him.
"Nothing" Charlie said uneasily.
"It's just something else. Not everything is about chocolate you know. I mean, jeez Claire what do you want to hear more about, my golden childhood years or Willy Wonka and his kinky chocolate factory?"
"Kinky?" Claire asked.
"When did being kinky ever come into the story. God Charlie are you on drugs?"
Charlie was unusually silent.
"Anyway Charlie," Hurley piped up.
"You told me your childhood sucked! That everyday someone punched you in the n-"
"NOODLES!" Charlie cried tackling Hurley.
"People punched me in the noodles."
"Dude, you need help" Hurley said wide-eyed.
"And can you get off me? I have a feeling in another dimension some sick person may turn this awkward moment into a homosexual romp"
Just then, a random girl runs by screaming: "YAOI!"
At this moment, everyone listening to Charlie's tale stopped everything. There was an awkward silence and some Family Guy-esque blinking.
"So you were telling the story?" Claire said softly.
"Right" Charlie said climbing off Hurley and settling onto his story telling slash guitar playing log.
"By the way Hurley you have very supple man boobs"
Author's note- If you have no idea what Yaoi is here is a simple definition. Graphic Man on MAn Love. It's a popular MAnga theme.