The unidentified emotion
"I am going to find you a girl, mate," Sirius Black announced to his friend Remus Lupin, from across the table in the Gryffindor Common Room. Remus, use to his friend's odd proclamations, didn't even look up.
"Where, pray tell, did this come from?" He asked.
"Oh, come on, Moony you know you're hot," Sirius said a bit exasperated at his friend's modesty. Because in his honest and expert opinion, Remus was nothing short of drop dead gorgeous.
The summer holiday had been very good to the lycanthrope. From head-to-toe he looked like a completely different person. His hair had grown to near shoulder-length and hung in shaggy locks that framed his, now fuller and no longer sickly pale, face. It seemed that Remus had spent some time in the sun. Not only had his skin been affected but his hair as well.
It had once been a light brown color that was rather plain. But on occasion, when the light hit it just right, it became alive with gold, copper, bronze and streaks of sliver (from the premature grey hairs). It gave him a halo of light around him that made him look absolutely angelic, In Sirius's eyes at least.
And now those colors were always on display.
Another sign of a long summer outdoors was the thin layer of muscle that now defined his limbs and the forming of six-pack abs. and he had grown. He ways now almost the same height as Sirius and James. In short, Remus was looking good, and Sirius wasn't the only one who noticed.
On the first day of term students from every house and both genders were staring at him unabashed. Many, thinking he was a new student, introduced themselves and offered their services as guides to show him around the school. Jaws dropped when they found out that the 'hot new guy' was in fact little Remus Lupin.
During that first week of school Sirius played the role of the 'jealous boyfriend' as he tried to discourage all of his Moony's new admirers, he even had to hex a few Slytherins who were shooting looks Remus' way. Which got him a week of detention but it was worth it. Remus was worth it.
Sirius has had a crush on his best mate for a little over three years now. And this was the last thing he needed.
Sirius had already decided over the summer that he would never tell Remus about how he felt. He couldn't risk their friendship; it meant so much to him. Especially after The Prank with Snape last year that had Remus not talking to him for two months.
Those were the worst two months of his life. He was utterly miserable. He was banned from the transformations and Remus avoided him like the plague. Then one day Sirius decided he couldn't take it anymore.
He formed a plan. He would go to the shack for the transformation whether they wanted him or not, he would apologize to Remus and then to Moony and he would do what he had to, to fix his mistake and their friendship.
So that is exactly what he did. He skived off his afternoon classes and went down to the shack to prepare for the night.
At half past seven Remus arrived at the shack. Sirius waited a while in the shadows just watching the boy he had come to love, yes 'love'. It wasn't until that moment that he realized that his feelings for Remus went beyond mere crush. He was indeed in love with the werewolf.
With the realization of this fact released into his brain his courage spiked and he walked out of the shadows.
FlAsHbAcK
"Remus?"
"Sirius? What are you doing here?" His voice was distant and cold.
"I came to apologize," Sirius said feeling a bit nervous and foolish.
"You could've picked a better time," Remus replied stoically, indicating the soon-to-rise full moon.
"I-I know but... well, uh I just had to tell you," Sirius stammered, he couldn't believe how hard it was to talk to one of his best mates, and Remus none-the-less. Sirius had always been able to talk to Remus about everything (well almost everything).
"Fine, you told me now go." He commanded, his voice shaking a bit. Sirius looked out the window and saw that the moon was minutes away from rising.
"No, not until I say what I came to say." Sirius said stubbornly. Sirius was the most stubborn person in the entire world, save Remus of course. The other marauders often joked that his animagus from should've been a mule.
"Sirius, we can talk about this tomorrow. Go!" Remus said panic was evident in his voice and body language as he looked back and forth between the dark haired Gryffindor and the rising moon.
"What if there is no tomorrow?" Sirius stressed.
"What a time for you to get profound," Remus said dryly, and then he grew serious. "Please Padfoot, go." He begged using Sirius's nickname to try and appease his friend.
Sirius just shook his head sadly and transformed into his animagus form.
Remus' eyes widen in terror.
"No Sirius, you have to go. I don't want you to see the transformation. Besides, you betrayed me and I don't know how the wolf will react to that. I can't lo-"Remus started to say but was cut off as the moon fully rose into the sky and the transformation began.
Remus had never let any of the marauders see him transform. He always made sure that they arrived after the moon was high in the sky. Sirius had no idea what to expect.
As the moon rose to its place high in the sky Remus' body began to undergo the changes.
First his bones began to reform, with sickening crunches and cracks that made Sirius's stomach turn. His skin melted and stretched to fit over the new frame. Then sharp tawny hairs cut through the skin. The whole process obviously caused Remus enormous amounts of pain if his screams of sheer agony were anything to go by.
Watching Remus' transformation gave Sirius a whole new respect for the werewolf. It was hardly a joyous event and Sirius doubted, if their places were switched, he would be able to survive such an ordeal.
Once the transformation was complete the werewolf took a few moments and deep breaths to recover and let all residual pain pass.
Then Moony caught Padfoot's scent. The werewolf turned its large head toward the dog. Its amber eyes flashed in recognition, not only of a former pack member but as a traitor. A betrayer.
That was all Sirius had remembered. When He woke up the next morning he was in complete agony. Every part of his body felt bruised and broken. When he opened his eyes he saw that he was in the bright white and sanitary room, of the Hospital Wing that he had come to know well. And both of his arms were covered in white bandages.
He was confused and disoriented. He didn't know what had happened. As if by…well, magic, Madame Pomfrey arrived at his bed side.
"Ah, Mr. Black, you're awake. Here take this," she said holding a goblet up to his mouth. Sirius opened it automatically, feeling too worn out to fight. As expected the potion inside tasted absolutely vile.
As he choked it down he felt the pounding headache that he had awoken with, subside and the ache in his limbs also reseceded.
"W-wha-what h-happened?" He said his tongue felt like sandpaper.
"Oh you poor dear, don't you remember?" when Sirius shook his head she gave a small noise of pity. "Your friends come in here this morning carrying you; you were such a mess, blood everywhere. Cuts, scratches, bites oh the works. You poor thing!"
"Yes, but what happened?" Sirius interrupted her rambling, feeling a bit irked. Why cant women ever be straightforward? She looked a bit offended at his interruption but seemed to have written it off to his fragile state.
"Well, your friends said that they found you on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. You were attacked. By what, is beyond me, but Hagrid is taking care of that." She finished and tucked the blankets around Sirius tighter in a maternal gesture.
Sirius however didn't seem to notice. His mind had stopped working at the word 'attacked'. Flashes of memories from the night before flooded his mind. He knew that the werewolf was punishing his betrayer. He knew that what had really happened. He knew that is why he was lying in this hospital bed. But what he didn't know was where was Remus? Was he okay? Had he forgiven him?
All these questions were soon expelled from his mind as the doors to the hospital wing were opened and James Potter entered. He looked around the room until his eyes fell upon Sirius and he made his way to him.
James came to a stop in front of Sirius's bed. His features were masked by a stony expression that gave away nothing. Madame Pomfrey must've been able to sense the tension between the two boys.
"Well I will leave you two, if you need me just call," she said and made a hurry exit.
The two boys were vaguely aware of her departure. The silence between them stretched until Sirius broke it with a cough.
That small sound seemed to go straight through James's defenses. The dark haired boy broke down.
The times Sirius had seen James cry he could count on one hand, but there he was standing at the edge of his hospital bed doing just that. Sirius had no idea what to do.
"J-James?" He asked very unsure of himself.
"I-I thought I l-l-lost you," He choked out, fat tears spilling freely from his hazel eyes. He took his glasses off and began to swipe at the tears though the flow had yet to lessen let alone stop.
"Me and W-wormtail had d-detention. We, uh, couldn't go…" he attempted to explain and dropping off. The silence grew as James chose his words carefully and tried to calm himself down.
"We went down this morning. We thought we would check on Moony before Pomfrey got there. Y'know the last couple transformations, the ones you weren't at, have been really rough on him." James said a slight accusary tone in his voice that caused Sirius to inwardly cringe. Then James began to cry again.
"We f-found you lying on the ground, you were bleeding and really hurt. I-we thought you were d-d-dead," his voice broke on the last word. "We brought you here straight away. After making sure Moony was ok…" he dropped off again, which caused Sirius's heart to sink.
"He-he is okay, right?" Sirius asked fearing the answer. James looked at the ground and ran a hand through his messy black hair.
"Um, he's alive,"
"What does that mean? Prongs, tell me if he's ok!" Sirius demanded, becoming hysterical.
"Well, it seems that after, uh, after Moony um, well anyway, he kind of turned on himself. Tore himself up pretty bad," James said still looking at the ground.
"Where is he?" Sirius asked. James pointed at a bed with its curtains drawn, next to Sirius's.
Sirius let out a sigh of relief knowing that Remus was ok and near.
"So, what do you think this means?" Sirius asked.
James shrugged.
"Only Remus can tell you that,"
"I thought so," Sirius sighed.
Sirius wasn't able to talk to Remus until the next day, which was, thank Merlin, a Saturday. Pomfrey fought as hard as she could to try and keep Sirius after she had released Remus. But It was a fool's errand and in the end Sirius's stubbornness won out.
Sirius hobbled around the entire school looking for his friend, eventually finding him in the last place he looked, the library.
Remus was at a table in the back. His head propped up by his arms as he dozed peacefully. Sirius sat down at the table and watched the other boy sleep. Remus seemed to have been crying. He had dried tear tracks on his face. Sirius's heart twisted at the thought of Remus crying but at the moment he looked so peaceful. Sirius fought the urge to tuck a lock of hair from Remus' face and instead lightly shook his arm.
"Moony,"
Remus let out a small grunt, Sirius smiled in amusement.
"Moony, wake up,"
"Oway,"
Sirius suppressed a laugh.
"C'mon Moony, get up!" he shook him harder.
"Namaiveoreinutes" he mumbled,
Sirius looked puzzled at what that was but did not stop his attempts to waken the werewolf.
"Remus, wake up, you lazy sod," he hissed slapping the sleeping figure across the back of the head.
Remus woke with a start. He looked around bleary eyed and a bit confused.
"Sirius?"
Sirius once again suppressed a giggle at Remus' sleep-mussed hair.
"Good Morning," He said cheerily.
Remus groaned.
"I told you, that's an oxymoron. There's no such thing as a 'good' morning." Sirius couldn't suppress his laughter any longer. He giggled a bit, then he grew serious – no pun intended.
"Moon-uh, Remus, I was j-just wondering if, well, y'know if we were…what I mean to say," He left off. He didn't know what he meant to say.
"Sirius, we're ok," Remus said and then added with a small shy smile. "Right?" Sirius could've cried. In fact he did cry, just a little.
"Yeah Moony, we're ok." He said smiling despite his tears.
And that was that.
And now here he was only months later thinking these friendship-destroying thoughts and he had to put an end to it. He watched as Remus' cheeks turned a light pink color at his comment on his looks.
Aw that's my Moony, so shy and adorable. Sirius smiled inwardly but didn't let himself dwell on it for too long. He was a man on a mission.
Remus seemed to think that the best way to deter Sirius from a course of action was to not appear interested, and in most cases this was perfectly true but not this time. No, this time Sirius was determined whether Remus was willing or not.
As Remus continued to check over Sirius's transfiguration essay, the dark haired boy let his mind list possible candidates.
Start with the houses:
Ravenclaw- no, they study as much as Remus does and we would never see him. Besides their too smart for their own good and Remus' secret would not remain a secret long under their intense observations. Bloody geneses.
Hufflepuff- No, their more Wormtail's territory. He goes for the whole 'corrupting the innocent' thing, though I wouldn't mind corrupting Remus' inncocen- no bad mind! Bad! Focus!
Slytherin- Puh-lease
So that just leaves Gryffindor. But who is the right bird for my Remy?
Sirius turned his attention to the crowded Common Room. He surveyed each girl in his field of vision.
Molly Prewett? Taken by Arthur Weasley, besides she is rather like a mother hen. Quite irritating really, I don't think I could stand to have her around all the time.
Rose Brown? No, she's such an airhead. Really, who actually likes Divination? Load of rubbish if you ask me.
Scarlet Johnson? No, I wouldn't let that harlot anywhere near my-uh-Remus
Lily Evans? Nah, Prongs would kill me. I really don't see what he sees in her. Besides she hates me.
Regina Thompson? Hey, there's an idea. She's really nice, shy, and smart. She and Moony could really get along. She's quite pretty too. Her only fault seems to be being friends with Evans. And I could've sworn she was throwing looks Remus' way during History of Magic last week.
Sirius grinned, thinking that the dark eyed, black haired and olive-skinned Gryffindor would be perfect. With a candidate chosen, Sirius leaned back against the chair he was sitting in. this will be fun. He thought.
"Hey Reg, can I talk to you?" Sirius had decided to talk to 'Moony's-future-love-interest-and-Sirius's-saviour-from-embarrising-fanasies-about-a-certain-werewolf-that-might-cause-Sirius-to-do-something-stupid-and-irrational' also known as Regina Thompson, the next day.
"What do you want, Black?" Evans asked glaring at the Gryffindor boy while stepping in front of her friend, protectively. Sirius had found his chance to talk to the girl outside of Transfiguration.
"Merlin, calm down Evans. I just want to talk to her is all," he said raising his hands defensively.
"What for?" Regina asked suspiciously from behind her fiery friend.
Sirius looked between the two girls and conceded to the fact that he would not be able to discuss his plan with the Gryffindor girl, alone. He sighed.
"Fine, I wanted to talk to you about Remus Lupin."
"Oh?" Regina asked sharing a glance with Lily. It seemed that they were communicating something to each other through that one look. Regina then turned her dark brown eyes back to Sirius. "What about him?"
"Well, I was wondering if you, y'know, liked him…" Sirius said feeling a bit nervous. He really didn't want to explain his plan in front of Evans.
Lily and Regina shared another look before Regina answered, tossing her long, shiny black hair over her shoulder.
"May I ask why you want to know and why do you think it is any of your business." She said her words were harsh but her tone was jittery and full of nerves.
"I was thinking that if you do, then, well I could help you, y'know 'get' him. And Remus is one of my best mates and I just wanted to help him out." Sirius said rubbing the back of his neck and shuffling his feet. He felt very awkward under Lily's calculating gaze.
"Ok" Lily said after inspecting Sirius for a while.
"Ok?" Sirius asked confused.
"Ok, she'll do it." Lily answered. Regina looked at her and was answered by an unreadable look from Lily that caused Regina to nod her consent.
"Of course. Of course I will do it," She said taking her eyes off of Lily's brilliant green ones and to Sirius's icy blues.
Sirius looked between the two girls who were looking at him expectantly. Then he let a wide grin spread across his face.
"Well, great! That's great! So, I will see you tonight. We'll start tonight. Meet me in the Common Room after supper. Ok, well, see you later. This is great! Really great!" Sirius gushed and backed away. He ended up running into another student causing them to spill their books everywhere. Sirius mumbled a quick 'sorry' and helped them gather their things before continuing to shout at the girls how 'great' this was and made his way to his next class.
"He really is quite odd, isn't he?" Regina asked her friend. Lily swiped irritably at a few red strands that had come out of her bun and turned her green gaze onto her friend.
"Yes, well you know what they say…" She said giving Regina another look that said so many things. "Now, let's go. We're going to be late for Potions,"
"Oh wouldn't want that" Regina mocked and locked arms with her friend. "So when are you going to give in and go out with James?"
"Ugh, never,"
"Rrrright," The two girls continued on down the corridor, laughing and talking.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle a certain incredibly handsome dark haired Gryffindor was sulking along one of the many secret passages he and his friends had found over the years.
"This is bloody great," he mumbled and kicked the wall. Love sucks.
By that evening Sirius was feeling quite ill. Which was rather out of character (though what would someone call 'normal' for Sirius Black?) he was rarely ever sick.
But these days Sirius has been doing more and more things that were 'out of character'. Being an impulsive person, usually shooting his mouth off before his mind could catch up, it was not normal for Sirius to be thinking so many steps ahead about anything that was not a prank. And it was not normal for him not to follow his heart. And it sure as Merlin's arse was not normal for him to lie to his best mates, especially Remus.
While Sirius was sitting at a table in the Common Room, feeling as though he would be sick all over it any moment, the other marauders were out pranking the Slytherins. He had told them that he was feeling sick.
They were all quite shocked.
"But you never get sick," James had said.
"I know I don't but I am now," Sirius had argued.
Peter looked confused and looked to James to take hints on how he should handle the situation. And Remus, oh Remus nearly sent Sirius over the edge. He gave him a look of such deep concern.
"You do look ill" He had said.
James nodded.
"He's right. Well, if your not feeling well we can post-"
"No!" Sirius had said quickly rewarding him with odd looks from his three mates. "What I mean is, I don't want those slimy gits to get off easy because I cant go. You go get 'em."
James and Peter seemed to accept this but Remus left with an odd look on his face. A look that said "I know your lying, I just don't know why but trust me, I will find out,"
So now Sirius was nervously tapping his fingers on the table waiting for Regina and he was sure she would bring Lily as well. That was another thing, Sirius Black never got nervous.
"Hey," Regina said sitting down at the table with Lily in tow and bring Sirius out of his thoughts.
"Oh, um, hi," he said and cringed inwardly at his fumbled speech. Regina though kindly didn't comment.
"So, what's this plan you have?" Lily asked. Sirius could have kissed her if she wouldn't have hexed him into oblivion. Instead he smiled at her.
"Right to the point then." And with that Sirius proceeded to explain his plan on how to seduce Remus Lupin.
By the end of their meeting the plan was solid and ready to be put into motion tomorrow morning.
"Well I got to say Black that I am quite impressed," Lily said while looking at Regina, her eyes sending a message and Regina's were answering.
"Um, thanks?" Sirius wasn't sure if he should take it as a compliment.
"Well, lots to do before breakfast so we better go," Lily said and Regina nodded. The two girls got up and said their 'good nights' then went up to their dorm.
"Well I guess that proved your point." Regina commented sitting on her bed.
"Yes it did, now we have to put our plan into motion. Now here's what we'll do…"
Down in the Common Room Sirius glared at the table. He didn't know how he'd be able to do this.
I just got to keep telling myself it's for Remus' own good. He told himself. Love really sucks.
Sirius was waiting anxiously outside of the Great Hall. (Sirius Black was always anxious in some form or another.) He had planned to meet Regina at five till eight. It was now almost five after eight.
"Where the bloody hell is she?" He mumbled to himself looking into the Great Hall on the off chance that she had slipped past him.
"Talking to yourself? Isn't that the first sign of madness?" Regina asked from behind him, in an amused tone.
Sirius whirled around.
"There you are! Where've you been? Nevermind. Is everything ready to go?" he asked all in one breath.
"Merlin, Sirius! Breath." She laughed. Sirius glared. "I sent off the form last night. Any minute now a lovely bouquet of daisies will be delivered to Remus J. Lupin. Are you sure giving him flowers was a good idea? I mean he is a boy." Sirius nodded irritably.
"Yes, yes I am sure. Remus loves flowers. He- wait did you say daisies?" Sirius's eyes widened.
"Yeah, daisies," Regina nodded. Sirius began to sputter.
"Daisies?"
"Yes Sirius daises," Regina said annoyed.
"Regina!" Sirius said giving her a look of utter desperation.
"What?" She asked bewildered.
"Remus is allergic to daisies!" he cried. Regina's eyes widen in horror.
"Really? I had no idea!"
"Yeah, well he doesn't like people to know. Guess he thinks he has enough problems. I think I am the only one who knows. He doesn't even know I know." Sirius explained hurriedly. When he looked back up at Regina he noticed that she was looking over his shoulder into the Great Hall with a look of absolute terror.
Sirius turned. Inside the Great Hall the post had arrived. Hundreds of owls filled the air above the tables. But what drew his attention and was the cause of Regina's terror was one owl in particular. Traveling over the Slytherin table was a large grey screech owl that carried in his talons a huge bouquet of bright yellow daisies and it was heading straight toward Remus.
Without thinking Sirius took off. He ran through the rows of tables, pushing people out of his way.
"RRREMUUS!" He shouted as he ran. Nearing the Gryffindor table Sirius didn't slow his momentum. Instead he tackled Remus right out of his seat and sent them both crashing to the ground.
"Oof," Remus groaned. "Ouch! Padfoot, what the bloody hell are you doing, you stupid ponce?"
Sirius looked at the boy under him. Yes under him. He smiled sheepishly, a light blush warming his cheeks. (Sirius Black did not blush!)
"Uh, sorry Moony. Just fancied a game is all." He lied smoothly. He couldn't very well tell him that he had just saved his life. Would you want to go out with a girl who almost killed you?
Remus gave him a calculating look with his intelligent amber eyes. Sirius's breath hitched.
"Well," Remus said slowly choosing his words with care as he always did. "Did you have to initiate a game right here in the Great Hall? At breakfast? In front of everyone?"
Sirius tore his eyes away from the beautiful boy beneath him and looked around.
"No one is paying attention." He observed.
"Well, of course not. Why would they? You and James tackle people to the ground every other day." Remus said irritably. It was true. Sirius and James had so often disrupted breakfast or other meals this way and others that it didn't really seem to draw anyone's attention anymore.
He also noticed that Regina had managed to get rid of the daisies.
"Sorry, Moony," He said again the blush deepening.
"Well Padfoot, if your quite done with your 'game' I would like to finish my porridge before Charms." Remus' amber eyes narrowing in irritation.
Sirius took on a look that resembled a dog that had just wet the carpet.
"Yeah sure," He mumbled but made no motion to move. He was enjoying the close proximity of the other boy, his warmth and scent made him nearly delirious.
"Padfoot? Earth to Padfoot."
"Huh? Wha?" Sirius snapped out of his revere.
"Could you get off me now?" Remus asked. His annoyance was replaced by amusement.
"What? Oh yeah, sure, sorry." Sirius said and scrambled off the smaller boy. He offered a hand to help him up. He looked everywhere but at Remus, who brushed the dirt off his robes and then resumed his seat at the Gryffindor table.
Sirius, who didn't have much of an appetite (Sirius Black was always hungry.) wandered out of the Great Hall and decided to go to his first class a bit early.
He couldn't get the image of Remus underneath him out of his head and wild fantasies began to whirl in his mind. He could not be around the werewolf at the moment. As Sirius arrived at his class he leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground with a sigh.
This is going to be more difficult then I thought. Love really really really sucks.
"So?" Regina asked miserably flinging herself into a chair across from Sirius. They had arranged to meet in the library after dinner.
"Well," Sirius said as he lifted his head out of his hands. "I think we're ok. He didn't seem to notice and he's alive," he said shooting her a small glare at the last word.
"What did you tell him?" She asked squirming under his icy blue stare. Sirius sighed.
"I told him that I just fancied a game," he told her. She looked at him a bit incredulously.
"And he bought that?" Sirius fixed her with another glare.
"Of course he did. We do that all the time." He snapped irritably.
"You tackle each other on a regular basis?" She asked suspicion, now evident in her voice.
"Yes, if you must know. We're guys. We tackle each other trying to take the other by surprise and gain the advantage. Then we wrestle it out to see who will come out on top." He informed her getting more and more vexed at the girl.
Regina was a bit put off by his tone.
"Ok, well if your sure…" she said hesitantly. " Then I better go. I have to make sure things are ready for next week. Try and avoid another mistake." With that she stood up and left Sirius alone in the library.
Sirius sat by himself, glaring at the table, for quite a while. In fact he didn't leave until Madame Prince kicked him out at closing time.
Sirius wandered the school for a while, not really thinking much about anything. He just let his feet carry him through the familiar corridors and let the memories resurface as he passed particular passageways here and there.
Sirius guessed it was pretty late when he slowly made his way into the Gryffindor Tower. For some reason the thoughts that had been held back on his journey around the castle now assaulted him.
Thoughts of a certain werewolf now ran wildly through his mind, as he made his way through the porthole into the seemingly deserted Common Room. As he made his way across the room to the stairway for boys' dormitory something caught his eye on one of the scarlet red couches.
There curled up like a dog (or wolf, Sirius smirked) was the object of his musings. Remus was fast asleep on the couch. One hand clutched a book to his chest; the other, while hanging off the edge of the couch, was holding a pair of black plastic reading glasses.
Sirius as silent as a ca- I mean a really really quite dog, made his way over to the couch and his sleeping friend. He looked down on his face.
Remus looked so peaceful. All the worries and stress, that cause the thin lines around his lips and mouth, were gone. His face looked youthful and carefree. Sirius wished that Remus could be this relaxed while he was awake. But he knew that his 'furry-little problem' caused him a lot of stress. It was always before a full moon, during a full moon, or after a full moon, for Remus. He never got any peace.
Sirius wished he could give Remus the peace he only seemed to find in his dreams. But Sirius knew that all he brought to the poor lycanthrope was trouble and pain. Sirius sighed (he seemed to be doing that quite a bit lately) and gently shook his friend.
"Remus, wake up," Sirius guessed he mustn't have been in a very deep sleep because Remus quickly opened his eyes.
Sirius's breath caught as Remus' lids, which were out lined by coal black lashes, lifted to reveal his amber eyes that were clouded from sleep. Why does he have to be so bloody beautiful?
"Hullo Siri," He mumbled sleepily.
"Hullo Remy. What are you doing down here?" he asked softly, with a warm smile as he looked down at the other boy.
"I wanted to wait up for you. I was a bit worried. You disappeared after dinner without a word." Remus explained. His sleep filled voice made him sound like a small child who had stayed up to wait for their parent to get home.
Sirius couldn't help but let the warmth that had grown in his heart spread. His smile grew wider and warmer. Remus returned it.
"'Mokay Moony." Sirius said. Remus seemed to be searching his eyes. Satisfied, he nodded.
"Ok, Padfoot. If you say so." Sirius nodded.
"I do. Now lets get up to bed, you silly prat. Your going to have one hell of a back-ache from sleeping on this thing." He said and helped Remus to his feet. Fire spread from their joined hands and through his entire body.
The two just stood their, hands still clasped, staring into each other's eyes. Sirius didn't know who or how but he and Remus seemed to be moving closer. Or at least their faces were.
So close, in fact, that Sirius could feel Remus' breath on his cheek. Sirius only had to move an inch and he could press his lips to Remus', but he couldn't do that. I made a promise. He told himself and moved back.
Remus looked at him with confusion and some unidentified emotion in his amber eyes. Sirius let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding.
"We should go to bed," He whispered and moved further away from the werewolf. The confusion and the other emotion vacated his eyes and a brisk business-like edge came to them.
"Yes, your right." He agreed, moving back as well. They gave each other another look and Remus then turned and made his way to the staircase leaving Sirius standing alone in the middle of the Common Room.
"Siri?" Remus called from the staircase.
Sirius looked over to him.
"Umm, I'll be up in a minute." He said his voice soft with thought. Remus looked concerned.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"No, no it's ok. I will be up soon." Remus' frown grew deeper. He looked like he was about to object when Sirius interrupted him.
"Moony, I promise. I'm alright. I'm just not tired yet. Ok?" he said flashing him an unarming smile, or at least he hoped it was. Remus still didn't looked convinced but he let it go.
"Ok Sirius." He whispered and went up the stairs. Sirius was glad he let it go. But Remus always let it go. That's one of the things Sirius loved about him. Remus knew when to pursue something and when to sit back and wait.
Sirius moved over to the couch that Remus had just been sleeping on. It was still a bit warm from his body. Sirius let his mind wander as he stared into the fire.
He had never been this affected by Remus. In the early years he was able to cover up his feelings but now, just being in the same room was driving him absolutely bonkers. Sirius shook his head and went up to bed. Though his thoughts were muddled and his feelings confused, one thing was clear; Love was so not Sirius Black's friend.
Time passed quickly. In fact if passed way too fast for Sirius. Before he knew it, it was the day for the next part of his plan.
Sirius had decided that the perfect follow-up to flowers would be, of course, chocolate.
Unfortunately for Sirius, the day Regina and he had planned to execute the second part, Sirius slept in. He was late for breakfast. Late enough, in fact that Regina did not wait for him.
When Sirius got the Great Hall Regina was standing by the door looking into the room.
"Reg-"Sirius gasped as he came to a halt beside her. He had ran all the way from the Gryffindor Tower.
"Oh, there you are Sirius. I was wondering were you were," She said cheerfully, turning to look at him.
"Sorry I overslept." He explained once he caught his breath. "Do you have the gift?"
Regina smiled widely.
"Yeah, I couldn't wait for you so I already levitated it over there. I did it from near the Hufflepuff table so he wouldn't know it was me," she added clearly proud of herself.
Sirius looked a bit shocked. He looked past her into the Great Hall to see Remus holding a large box wrapped in shiny blue paper and a white bow.
"Oh, ok then." He said. "Did you put the letter in there?"
Regina nodded.
"I did." Sirius nodded distractedly, suddenly becoming very interested in the floor.
"What did you put in the box?" he asked disinterestedly.
"Well, I know you said to get him chocolate but I figured that I would do something else." Sirius looked at her suspiciously.
"What did you do?"
"I got him peppermint floss, fruity toothpaste and sugar-free, fat-free, caffeine-free chocolate vitamins." She said smiling obviously thinking she was a genius. Sirius looked at her dumbfounded.
"You didn't." he whispered.
"Yeah I did. I also told him in the letter that eating all that chocolate is bad for his health and besides chocolate is really not that good. I find it quite disgusting."
Sirius could've beaten her with a stick at how dense she was.
"Are you daft? What would possess you to not only give him tooth care products as a gift but to bash chocolate! What the hell are you on?" he hissed.
Regina looked taken back.
"Well, uh, I thought that, um, well I was thinking that it showed I cared. I want him to be healthy." Regina stuttered.
Sirius snorted angrily.
"Boys don't give a rat's arse about what's healthy. We care about what's good." He stressed. "He will never talk to you let alone go out with you if he reads that letter and sees what's in that box. I can't let him open it." And with that Sirius left a slightly confused and highly irate Regina behind and made his way over to the Gryffindor table.
"Ah, there you are Padfoot. About time," James said as he saw Sirius's approach.
"Look! Moony gots a present." Peter pointed out pointlessly.
"Yeah but he wouldn't open it until you got here. So go ahead Moons." James said and turned to the werewolf who was a lovely shade of tomato at the attention he was getting due to the huge box.
He looked up at Sirius and smiled sheepishly. Sirius smiled back almost forgetting what he came over here for. Almost.
Sirius hated what he had to do but he knew he had to do it. So he grabbed Remus' box out of his hands and left the Great Hall without a word.
Sirius was able to avoid the other marauders until after dinner that night. He was just about to sneak off to meet Regina in the library when they cornered him.
"Sirius we need to talk to you," James said. His hazel eyes blazing and his face set. Sirius knew there was no way of getting out of there. He looked between James and Peter, Remus was no where to be found.
"Prongs, Wormtail, what can I do for you?" He asked as innocently as he could and flopped down on the couch.
James sat next to him and Peter pulled up a chair.
"Padfoot, you've been acting really weird lately," Peter started, chewing the inside of his cheek nervously. Sirius knew that Peter most likely really didn't notice any difference in his behavior and that he was only here and only said anything because of James's prompting.
"He's right Pads. You've been really wonky ever since the start of term. What's going on?" James asked. The fierceness in his eyes softening to concern, Sirius hated having to keep things from his friends but he couldn't tell them what was going on. Not yet.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sirius said feigning ignorance.
"Like hell you don't!" James exploded.
Peter, always the peacemaker when it came to tiffs between the marauders tried to calm him down.
"James, calm down! Sirius, you have to understand, your actions of late have been really upsetting James," he said and added as an afterthought, "and Remus,"
The mention of Remus' name caused Sirius's stomach to knot up, and James to get even angrier.
"Upsetting! He's doing more than that! He had poor Moony in tears this afternoon after that scene in the Great Hall." James roared.
The knot in Sirius's stomach tightened and he was having trouble breathing.
"What?" he asked thickly through the emotion that rose up on his tongue. Peter looked at Sirius sympathetically.
"He was pretty hurt about what happened." Peter explained.
"Hurt! He was bloody devastated. You've been acting pretty weird around him lately. He thinks you're angry with him; he's up in the dorm right now. Not to mention you embarrassed the poor guy. Snatching that box from him and leaving like that, in front of everyone no less! Merlin, Sirius do you even think!" James yelled, but Sirius was barely listening anymore. All that concerned him was that Remus was upset and it was his fault.
Sirius had to talk to him. Sirius got up without a word and left the Common Room and went up to the dormitory, ignoring the protest of James and the quiet placating of Peter.
Once at the door to the room he shared with his best mates, Sirius knocked quietly.
"Remus?" He whispered softly as he opened the door a bit. He heard someone shifting on a bed.
"Remus?" He called again. This time he was answered by sniffles and a voice raw from crying.
"'o away Sirius. I don't want to talk to you," Remus whispered. Sirius ignored him and came further in to the room.
"Remus? You ok mate?" He asked though he knew it was a stupid question.
He heard Remus blow his noise and shoot back,
"Of course I am. Now go," He ordered. Sirius once again ignored him and came closer to Remus's bed.
"Remus? What's the matter?" Sirius asked, yet another stupid question. Apparently Remus thought so to as he snorted mirthlessly.
"Isn't that my line? Hmm Padfoot? Aren't I suppose to be the concerned friend? Well if you're going to be me then I guess I will have to take your role. I'm okay so bugger off." Remus said harshly.
Sirius came to his bed and pulled the scarlet curtains back. He looked down and the sight before him brought tears to his eyes.
Remus was sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed with a pillow hugged to his chest. There were tissues scattered all around him. His hair was a mess and his face was horribly pale and blotchy. But it was his eyes that nearly sent Sirius over the edge. They were red and puffy and there was such a look of utter loneliness and misery in those beautiful pupils that Sirius was sure he would die from the pain in them.
And it only made it worse that to know that he had put it there. Sirius couldn't stop himself. He got on the bed and gathered the werewolf in his arms.
"Oh Moony, I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He whispered into Remus's ear. At first Remus tried to fight him off but before long he just broke down again. Sirius held him, rocked him and whispered comforting words into his hair.
A few minutes later Remus had cried himself to exhaustion. He was fast asleep, his head resting against Sirius's shoulder and his arms wrapped around his waist. Sirius held him for a little while longer, enjoying the feel of Remus' arms around him. Sirius then sighed and detangled himself from the werewolf.
He laid Remus back on his bed and covered him with a blanket, and before he could stop himself he placed a soft kiss on his friend's forehead.
"Sweet dreams, Moony," He whispered and then left the room. Sirius Black didn't care if love was his friend or not because quite frankly he thought love was a great big prat.
The next day was Saturday, thank Merlin, Sirius hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. He had stayed awake the whole night fighting internally about whether what he was doing with Regina and Remus was the right thing and by dawn he was still no closer to an answer.
As Sirius made his way, blurry-eyed and utterly exhausted, into the Common Room he was tackled immediately by James and Peter.
"Did you talk to Remus?"
"Did you kill each other?"
"Are you alright now?"
"Why do you smell like apples?"
Sirius shook his head at his friends.
"Yes, obviously no, yes, and it's my shampoo." He answered with a smirk. He was just about to suggest a trip to the kitchens for some brunch when his name was called. He looked around the Common Room and saw a none-to-happy Regina haling him from a table near the back of the room.
James and Peter smirked at Sirius knowingly and Sirius just shook his head again. It's so not what you guys think.
He made his way over to her.
"What no Lily?" He asked, trying to lighten the heavy aura around the black-haired girl. Regina just scowled.
"You stood me up. You were supposed to meet me in the library." She accused. Sirius cringed as he remembered that he had in fact forgotten her.
"I am sorry Regina. I had some…damage control to do after the scene at breakfast yesterday." He explained. Regina nodded in understanding.
"Yeah, I figured you did." She said looking thoughtful. "I told Lily about what happened and she laughed at me. She, for once, agrees with you and figures I shouldn't have done that."
Sirius nodded. And then Regina lost her composure.
"Oh Sirius! What do I do? I am absolutely horrid at this. I mean it has only been a week and so far I almost kill him and then nearly offended him. I think I am absolute crap at this seducing business." She moaned in despair. Sirius shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know how to handle a woman when she was upset.
All the times he had been around crying girls in the past were when he broke up with them and it wasn't his job to comfort them anymore. He patted Regina awkwardly on the back.
"There, there," he said stiffly. "No use crying over spilled potion," at that Regina sniffed and wiped aware the tears that had begun to streak down here cheeks.
"You're right," she said with as much dignity as she could muster. "I'll just have to do better next time. Stick to the plan."
Sirius nodded relieved that she stopped crying. Then he frowned.
"Uh, Reg, I think that we should postpone the next step for two weeks this time. Y'know so that we can make sure nothing goes wrong. It's all we have left." Sirius explained.
Regina nodded in agreement.
"Ok, I think the extra time will really help,"
Sirius grinned.
"Right then, now that that's settled, if you'll excuse me I need to make a trip to the kitchens," and with that Sirius stood up and left the Common Room.
Time once again seemed to speed up. Sirius's life seemed to be back to normal. He spent time with his friends, avoided doing his homework until the last possible second, pulled off several pranks and served their respective detentions.
But now it was time. Time for the last part of his plan. Time to do or die. And at this moment Sirius really considered the second option. He didn't know if he could go through with it.
Sirius knew that if the other two ideas didn't get Remus then the third was sure to. At times like this he really hated how good he was at this sort of thing.
Anyway, Sirius knew that despite his personal feelings about the situation he had to continue. He had to do it for Remus. So that is why Sirius was waiting outside of the Great Hall for Regina.
Regina came up to Sirius looking pale and a little green.
"You ok?" He asked edging way from her in case she got sick all over him.
"Uh huh." She mumbled and nodded. Sirius was a bit confused. Why was she so nervous? She was just giving Remus a poem. It didn't even have to be all that great, Remus would appreciate the sentiment and the effort.
"Ok well, lets get in there," he said awkwardly and leading her into the Great hall and over to their table. She took a seat next to Lily and the two huddled together and began to whisper.
Sirius sat next to Remus, and filled his plate while he waited for Regina to make her move. They had planned that she would deliver it in person so he would know it was her; kind of introduce her to him.
Sirius was almost through his pancakes when Regina stood up. But instead of walking around the table over to where he and Remus were sitting, she stood up on the bench and cleared her throat.
"Excuse me, ahem, excuse me. Can I have everybody's' attention please?" Her voice rang through the hall and everyone turned their eyes to her. Sirius looked at her curiously. What is she doing? He wondered as he watched her.
Regina pulled out a piece of parchment and cleared her throat again. Then suddenly it hit Sirius. He knew what she was going to do and it was not a good idea.
"Uh, Remus?' he asked hurriedly.
"Yes?" Remus answered and turned toward him.
"Um, fancy a walk?" he asked feigning nonchalance. Remus quirked his eyebrow in question.
"What? Now?" he asked.
"Yeah. I just feel like a walk. C'mon Moony. Please?" He begged shamelessly utilizing those puppy dog eyes of his.
Remus still looked confused but agreed and Sirius all but dragged the werewolf out of the Great Hall.
Regina was stalling. She was nervous beyond belief. She was never the one to be center of attention. She was never one to demand attention. That was Lily. Regina looked up again from the poem she had written for Remus.
She nearly cried in relief as she saw Sirius pulling the light-haired Gryffindor behind him and out of the Great Hall. She was off the hook. But before she could sit down she realized that she still had everyone's attention.
Regina quickly refolded the parchment and put it back into her pocket. Then she looked around for inspiration as to what to say. Her dark brown eyes landed on her friend Lily Evans. Sorry Lily. She said silently then cleared her throat again.
"My good, beautiful and totally sweet friend Lily Evans has an announcement to make." Regina called out to the room. Lily looked up at Regina completely shocked. She gave her an apologetic smile and resumed her seat.
Lily stared at her for a moment then seemed to realize that all eyes have turned to her. So she did some quick thinking as she stood up onto the bench. She searched the room like her friend had for inspiration.
Her brilliant green gaze fell upon her inspiration in the form of the now drooling James Potter. She gave a silent groan and then turned to sweep the room with her eyes to make sure she had everyone's attention.
"I, Lily Evans have finally decided to go out with …gulp ...James Potter," she said trying to keep the disgust off of her face. There was a stunned silence that was suddenly broken by a loud whooping coming form none other than James Potter.
James's celebratory sound seemed to break everyone else out of their shock. The hall was suddenly filled with cheers, cat-calls, wolf whistles and some hisses and boos.
But one voice cut through them all.
"Miss Evans, as fascinating as your love life might be, would you kindly take your seat?" came the booming voice of Professor Dumbledore. Lily felt her cheeks burn and nodded. She took her seat and shot a death glare at her friend.
"Sorry," Regina whispered. "But it was only a matter of time," This rewarded her with another glare. Regina bit back her giggles and instead stuffed her mouth with a bite of pancake. Love was really an interesting character.
Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus were walking around the lake.
"Sirius, I know you say your ok, and I believe you but-"Remus started and then stopped trying to think of the right words to explain what he wanted to say. "I just want to be sure. If there's anything you want to talk about, I am here. You can tell me." Remus sounded so earnest that Sirius's heart nearly broke.
Oh I wish I could tell you Remus. I really wish I could. He thought, but instead he just shook his head.
"Remus, your right something is going on. But I'm just not ready to talk about it just yet." Sirius said truthfully.
Remus nodded.
"Ok," Sirius looked at him and if Remus hadn't been watching his feet he would have seen the love shining in Sirius's blue eyes.
After that the two just walked in silence.
Fifteen minutes later Remus looked at his watch and cursed.
"We better hurry or we'll be late." He said. Sirius, who was stunned to hear Remus curse in such a way, didn't comprehend.
"Wha?"
Remus sighed in irritation and grabbed Sirius's hand.
"Let's go!" and with that he took off in a run, pulling a still shocked Sirius behind him.
As Remus and Sirius rounded the corner to the potions classroom they were all but mauled by an eccentrically happy James, his grin was so wide it seemed as if his face was split in two.
"There you guys are! Where've you been? You've missed it!" He said all in one breath, his grin faltering a bit as a small wave of hurt and resentment surfaced at his friends for missing his big event. But memories of the event chased those thoughts away quickly.
"What's going on?' Sirius asked interested. James, if possible, smiled wider.
"Lily agreed to go out with me." He said his ego swelling by the moment. Both Sirius and Remus looked completely dumbstruck. Then Sirius got a suspicious notion.
"Nice joke James. Ha ha ha." He said sarcastically. James's huge grin turned upside down into a frown.
"No really. She did. She made a big announcement. In front of everyone. If you and Remus hadn't run off somewhere then you would've seen for yourself." James said the hurt and resentment back.
Sirius looked away from his friend and over to the red-headed Gryffindor in question. She seemed to be having a rather heated whispered conversation with a very distraught looking Regina.
Sirius turned his gaze back to James who was looking at Sirius with poorly masked hopefulness. Sirius didn't care if it was a prank or not. He was going to be there for James anyway.
"Well congrats Prongs. You finally bagged her." He said cheerily and clapping the messy-haired seeker on the back. James's smile returned to his face with a vengeance. That's gotta be rough on the cheeks. Sirius shook his head in amusement at his friend's obvious happiness.
Some get it all. He thought sadly as Professor Slughorn opened the door to the potions room and he followed the rest of the marauders into the classroom.
"Regina, how could you do that to me!" Lily stormed at her friend as they left the Great Hall and headed off to their first class.
"I'm sorry Lily. But Sirius and Remus left. It seemed a bit daft to recite a love poem to someone who wasn't even there!" Regina protested.
Lily ignored her and fumed angrily as she marched through the corridor to the potions room. A heavy silence weighed between the friends until they got to the classroom.
"Alright Regina, I understand, just don't make a habit out of this." She told her friend. Regina smiled relieved. They stood in companionable silence until the other students began to line up outside of the classroom.
"What do we do now?" Regina asked. "I've done everything you've said. I have sabotaged every idea and Sirius keeps covering it up. He's like the bloody government with area 51," she huffed. Lily looked sympathetic then confused.
"Area 51?"
"Oh, sorry. It's a government facility in New Mexico, in America. My cousin sent me a book about the government cover ups with the aliens who've landed in the area." Regina explained quickly. Lily gave her an odd look but decided not to comment.
"Well, I think that we should just tell Remus what's going on," Lily said.
"Oh no, we can't do that." Regina cried looking utterly distraught. Lily looked at her agitated and her temper rising.
"Why not?" she demanded.
"Because, if we just tell him it would lack certain…romantic flare," she said whimsically.
Lily's temper spiked.
"Romantic flare? Oh for Merlin's sake Regina!" she said exasperated. "No more 'romantic' tactics. We are going to be straightforward about this." Lily said with a tone of finality.
Regina looked crestfallen, but she agreed anyway. Then the door to the classroom opened and she and Regina headed into the room. Lily sighed, love was really rather ridiculous.
Sirius was beginning to worry. He hadn't seen Remus since dinner. Lily had come over to their table and asked Remus for a word. Remus agreed and the two left and Sirius hadn't seen him since.
Not to mention that the full moon was the day after tomorrow. Sirius was lying on his back in his bed staring at the red canvas from his bed hangings. Peter's loud snores and James's murmurs could be heard from their respective beds but Remus' quite presence was missing and it was making the whole atmosphere unbalanced.
Sirius couldn't sleep without Remus in the room.
He huffed in irritation and sat up. He knew the only way to ease his troubled mind was to find the wayward werewolf. Sirius got up out of his bed and bit back a yelp as his bare feet made contact with the cold stone floor.
He tiptoed across the room to James's bed and knelt at the end of it, in front of his trunk. Easing up the lid, praying that it wouldn't squeak, Sirius pulled out his wand and did a quick Lumos and searched the trunk.
Once he found what he wanted (figures it would be at the bottom of the trunk he thought irritably) he closed the lid and slipped out of the room.
Sirius sat in an armchair by the fire in the empty Common Room. He unfolded the piece of parchment he had taken from James's trunk. He spread it out before him and placed his wand tip in the center of it.
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," He said aloud, like I ever am he added silently with a wry smile.
With the password, the parchment reviled it's self as the 'Marauder's Map'. Sirius and the other marauders had spent years working on this baby, using full moons as a time to explore and commit the many newly discovered passages to memory to be recorded here later and now it was finished.
Sirius scanned the map looking for the black dot labeled 'Remus Lupin'. There he is Sirius smiled as he located him, and he's not far.
Actually Remus was just on the other side of the room according to the map. Sirius knew that meant that Remus was on the balcony. But the question was why. Sirius and Remus had found that balcony in their fourth year. They stumbled upon it one night while trying to figure out a way to get on the roof. They were the only ones who knew about it and they used it to smoke.
During the summer after Sirius's third year, he was sent to America to spend sometime with his cousins Leo and Star. He had found out that he rather liked them. They were not like his parents or his other relatives back in England.
Apparently in America blood lines meant nothing. The measure of a witch or wizard was based on the individual and nothing else. Sirius like that way of thinking.
While there his cousins took his to a muggle movie. They called it an 'action flick'. Sirius had been completely taken with it. All the car chases, fighting and…well, action. But the thing that he remembered most was the main character.
He was the tall, dark, handsome mysterious guy with a leather coat, a motorcycle, a devil-may-care attitude and a need for destruction. The guy went around destroying everything and then at the end of the movie, with the city burning around him, he pulls out a cigarette and lit it on the fire.
This guy was the epitome of cool to the fourteen year old Sirius and he wanted to be just like him. And he was close all he needed was the jacket, motorcycle and to smoke.
Before he left his cousins gave him the jacket, which he still cherishes today, and Leo, the oldest and perpetual bad influence, slipped him a pack of fags.
When Sirius got back home he pulled out the pack and inspected the small white sticks. He, though we would never admit it to anyone, was a little afraid to try them on his own, so he decided to keep them and take them to Hogwarts with him.
Once he was at school he first went to James to ask him to try them with him. But James had turned him down. He said that he was going to clean up his act. Lily obviously wasn't attracted to bad boys.
Sirius went to Peter next. He turned green when Sirius asked and stuttered a refusal. Sirius never found out what that was all about.
Sirius than went to Remus. He didn't know why he was bothering. Remus was such a straight-laced person that there would be no way he would agree to try banned goods. But to Sirius's surprise and great pleasure Remus had agreed.
"Sure Padfoot, I'll try them with you," Remus had said with a small smile. Sirius's mouth had dropped open in shock.
"Really?" He had asked with such disbelief that Remus couldn't help but laugh.
"Sure. Why not? I could do with an image booster as much as the next lanky werewolf." He chuckled.
Sirius wanted to tell Remus that he wasn't lanky and that his image was just fine, but then he might rethink his agreement to try out the cigarettes with Sirius, so he kept his mouth shut.
The two took their experiment outside, least the house-elves smell the smoke and guess what they had been up to, with the aid of James's invisibility cloak they sat under 'their' tree near the edge of the lake. It was still fairly warm for a September night.
The two huffed, puffed and choked as they took their first drags of the cigarettes. But Sirius was determined to get it down. And Remus had said that due to his werewolf instincts, he had become addicted to the nicotine after the first four puffs.
It took Remus eight drags before he stopped choking and Sirius got the hang of it in twelve tries.
From that time forward Sirius was never seen without a pack of fags. Though he really didn't smoke all that much, just to impress some girl or with Remus, the mere fact that he could was enough to put an extra swagger in his strut.
Remus only smoked when he was upset or after a full moon. And he never smoked this close to a full moon. Sirius frowned once more at the parchment before getting up and going to the balcony.
Sirius stepped on the white stone balcony. The sky was velvety black and the stars were bright pinpricks on the midnight canvas. The moon was nearly full and cast an unearthly glow over the castle grounds.
Remus was sitting on the railing of the balcony with his back resting against the wall and his knees pulled up toward his chest with his forearms resting on them. A cigarette was held in his fingers.
"Hullo Remus," Sirius said as casually as he could. He pulled out his own pack of fags and lit one up. He leaned his forearms on the railing of the balcony and looked out over the grounds.
Sirius's greeting was met by silence.
"What you doin' out here?" Sirius tried again still fighting to keep his tone light.
"I thought it was a bit obvious. I'm having a smoke," He replied his tone harsh and a bit mocking. Sirius bit his tongue to keep from spewing forth the retort that had settled in the back of his throat and instead occupied himself with taking a pull of his cigarette and blowing out the smoke
Before Sirius could think of a reply Remus spoke.
"I'm fine. "
Sirius took one last long drag of his cigarette and then flicked it to the ground. He turned around leaning his back against the railing his elbows still propped up onto it.
He took in the werewolf's stance. Remus put the cigarette between his lips; he took a drag then leaned his head back against the stone wall. He held the smoke in as if savoring the calming effect of the nicotine before slowly letting it out. He looked like a mess.
Sirius shook his head sadly.
"Bullshit."
Remus opened his eyes.
"What's it to you?' he snapped.
"What's it to me? I'm your bloody friend!" Sirius cried.
"Oh are you?" Remus said in a mocking tone. Sirius's eyes flashed.
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"It means you're an inconsiderate bastard who doesn't care about your friend's feeling, when all they do is worry about you." Remus snarled.
"You don't know what you're talking about Remus. You don't understand." Sirius said. How could Remus say such things? He didn't know. He didn't understand.
Remus's own eyes seemed to be blazing with fury. Remus tossed his cigarette away; slid off the railing he had been perched on and moved over to Sirius.
"Oh, I know more than you think. In fact, I have a lovely little tale I would like to share with you." He said moving closer causing Sirius to back up until he had back up against the railing. Remus put a hand on the railing on either side of Sirius.
Sirius had nowhere to go. He was trapped.
"It starts about a month ago. Actually it started before that but it all really started a month ago. "Remus began his intense and fiery gaze bearing down on Sirius.
"This story is about a werewolf and his friend. One day, the werewolf and his friend were studying together as they usually did. Then the friend made a rather odd announcement. He said that he was going to find the werewolf a girl. Now the werewolf didn't think much of this idea but he figured that his friend was just being…himself and would soon forget about the idea and lose interest.
As it turns out the werewolf was wrong. His friend did not forget about it. In fact his friend formed a plan and put it into action.
The friend went out and found a girl willing to date the werewolf. Now the friend knew a lot about the werewolf. The friend knew that the werewolf was really shy and would most likely refuse any direct attentions from the girl. So the friend told the girl how to get the werewolf to like her.
The friend knew that the werewolf loved flowers. The werewolf had always loved nature but flowers were his favorite part. So the friend told the girl to get the werewolf some flowers.
The girl ordered the flowers and the next day they were to be delivered. However, the girl made a mistake. She had ordered flowers that the werewolf was allergic to. But she hadn't known that seeing as the werewolf kept it a secret.
But the friend knew. The friend was rather horrified to find out about the girl's mistake. So the friend immediately rushed off to save the werewolf from danger.
The next idea was to give the werewolf candy. The friend knew that the werewolf loved chocolate and he was sure that if the girl gave the werewolf chocolate then he would be hers.
However the girl made another mistake. She thought that it would be best for the werewolf to have healthy sweets. And she adamantly expressed her disgust for the werewolf's obsession.
The friend was once again horrified to learn of this information. He knew that the werewolf held his chocolate in a special place in his heart and would be rather offended by the girl's gift. So the friend rushed off to and nicked the present right out of the werewolf's hands.
The friend had one last idea. He knew that the werewolf loved to read and he loved learning. And he knew that the werewolf would appreciate an intelligently written poem expressing the feelings the girl had for the werewolf.
However the girl made another mistake. She thought she would read the poem out loud to the werewolf in the Great Hall in front of everyone. The friend was deeply distraught when he found out about this. He knew that the werewolf was a very private person and would
not appreciate having such attention placed on him.
So the friend stole the werewolf away before the girl could even begin.
Now the question of this tale is why the friend would go through such trouble? Do you know who this story is about?"
Remus asked in a tone as if he was a mother speaking to her child. Sirius nodded. Remus cocked an eyebrow waiting for a verbal answer.
"You," Sirius whispered. Even to Remus's heightened hearing it was barely audible.
"Pardon?" he asked. Sirius growled.
"You," he said much louder. Remus nodded in satisfaction.
"Yes. And who is the girl?"
"Regina" Sirius answered without hesitation.
Once again Remus nodded his satisfaction.
"Right. And the friend?" Remus asked his amber eyes still shining but not so much with anger as something else. Something unidentifiable.
"James?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head.
"No, it's not James,"
"Peter?" Sirius tried hopefully. Remus shook his head again.
"Not Peter," Remus said still showing the patience of a mother. Sirius fumbled with the sleeves of his shirt and mumbled something under his breath.
"What was that, Siri?" Remus asked with a small malicious smile ghosting over his lips. Oh how Sirius loved those lips.
"Um, I said…me," He said once again mumbling the word 'me'. Remus nodded.
"Yes, you. Do you want to hear the rest of the story?" he asked.
"No," Sirius grumbled not meeting Remus's eyes.
"Aw, well that's really too bad because I am going to tell it to you anyway." Remus said not sounding the least bit apologetic. "As it turns out the girl, Regina, never liked the werewolf, me, in 'that way'. She and her friend, Lily, went along with the friend's, your, plan to prove a point."
Sirius looked at Remus wide-eyed.
"What? What point would that be?" he asked completely taken back. Remus gave him a wry smile.
"It seems that Lily has had suspicious about your feelings for me for some time now. And she wanted to prove it. Your plan was the perfect opportunity to do just that. And apparently she did indeed prove something." Remus stopped to let Sirius process the new information.
"Prove? What-? Huh?" Sirius jabbered incoherently. Remus gave a small and a bit sadistic chuckle and continued.
"It seems that your attention to details about me, details that none of my other friends have picked up on, like my allergy to daisies, which she knew about since females are naturally more perceptive then men, and your absolute devotion to my happiness, proved her theory." Remus gave the boy between his arms a sly look.
"Uh, wha-what theory would that b-be?" Sirius asked his heart slamming against his ribcage.
"I'm glade you asked. It seems that Lily thinks that you are in love with me." Sirius blanched.
Oh Merlin, what do I do?
"Uh, d-does she n-now?" Sirius stuttered shrinking back from Remus who seemed to be closing in.
"mm-hmm," Remus said his voice strangely husky. "What do you say to that?"
Sirius knew that this was coming. He looked up into Remus's face. His features were set in innocent curiosity but his eyes danced with an emotion that Sirius couldn't even begin to identify. But after looking at them, he knew he had to tell him.
"I say that she's right." Sirius whispered. "I do love you." He gave a small shiver as he felt warm breath against his ear and he almost lost it as he felt a pair of lips move across it.
"Is that so?" Sirius held his breath. He didn't dare move or speak for fear of losing the moment he was in. Then before he knew it his lips had met Remus's.
At first the kiss was soft, shy almost. Then Sirius's desires overtook all else and his lips became more confidant, more demanding. Sirius snaked one arm around Remus's waist and the other around his neck and pulled him closer into a passionate kiss that was almost bruising.
Sirius slid his tongue out and ran it across Remus's bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Remus obliged and Sirius was quick to take the opportunity. He slid his tongue in and moved it around Remus's mouth, tasting him.
He ran it over Remus's teeth, the inside of his cheek, and the roof of his mouth and then he brought it to meet Remus's own.
There was not a battle for dominance or of any other kind. It was more of a mutual joining. A dance. The two slick muscles moved together, mirrored each other. It was perfect.
Sirius pulled out of the kiss. His cheeks lightly pink from the heat of the kiss and embarrassment at what he had just done.
He brought his gaze up to Remus's face.
"Remus? Oh Remus I'm sorry." Sirius gushed pulling his arms away form the other boy and hugging himself. "Oh, I'm so sorry," he whispered again.
Remus said nothing, his eyes still closed. Sirius waited for him to say something, anything, but he said nothing.
"Remus?" Sirius questioned and was answered by silence. "Remus, look at me,"
Remus hesitated and then he opened his eyes. Sirius was almost knocked backward from the intensity of the unidentified emotion that was blazing in his friend's eyes turning them from amber to molten gold.
"Sirius," He breathed, "I love you,"
Sirius's heart leaped into his throat and his breath stopped.
"You-you do?" He asked hardly believing it. Remus smiled.
"Yes, Padfoot. I do. I've always have." Sirius didn't trust his feelings. He felt like crying and laughing all at once. "Will you answer me a question? If you loved me, then why did you try and hook me up with Regina?" Remus asked curiously.
Sirius shifted nervously. He had thought about the answer to this question quite a bit.
"Because I didn't want to ruin our friendship by telling you I was in love with you. And I figured that if you were dating someone then I would be able to keep my cool better." Sirius answered.
"Why would you think telling me that you love me would ruin our friendship?" Remus asked cocking his head to the side.
Sirius bit his lip.
"Because you like girls." He offered knowing there was more. Remus did too.
"And you thought I wouldn't be your friend if I knew you fancied blokes, let alone me, because I fancy girls? That's a bit stupid Padfoot."
"I do not fancy blokes." Sirius said indignantly. Remus's jaw dropped a bit.
"What do you think I am? I hate to disappoint you but I am no bird, Sirius," Remus said a bit offended.
"No th-that's not what I meant. I mean, well, I mean that I don't like blokes per se, I just…y'know, like one bloke…"Sirius blushed as he fumbled over his words.
"I.E me," Remus said in a disbelieving tone.
"Aren't you the one who quoted that line 'Love is blind'? I happen to agree. I think love is blind. It doesn't see class, blood, wealth, inflictions or gender." Sirius said heatedly. Remus had to admit that he was impressed, not only had Sirius been listening to him but that he had made a compelling argument.
"You know, that's the same thing I told myself when I found out my feelings for you back in third year." Remus said with a smile. Sirius looked at him in shock.
"Third year?" He asked.
"Well I think I have been in love with you since I first met you but I didn't understand it until then. You didn't think I stuck with smoking because I liked it did you?" He asked with a smirk.
"y-you said that you got addicted." Sirius mumbled.
"Oh, so I did. Well I guess you could say I was addicted. Just not to the cigarette." Remus said with a faraway look and a faint smile at the memory. Sirius blushed at the implication that Remus was addicted to him "But you know there's more to why you didn't tell me than that." Remus said bursting Sirius's bubble.
Sirius's face fell at Remus's words. He had hoped he would leave it but he should've known better. So Sirius decided to (1) bite the spell and just tell him the truth.
"I'm no good for you Remus." He finally whispered after a long silence. "I'm trouble"
Remus looked at him as if he had sprouted another head.
"What? How can you say that? You're the best mate a bloke could ask for." Remus informed him.
Sirius just shook his head sadly.
"No. No I'm not. I mean just look at what I did last year. I almost got James killed and you expelled and then killed. I am a great big selfish prat who doesn't deserve you." Sirius insisted. Remus cringed at the memory of The Prank.
"So what? You think that one black spot on your record should be enough to condemn you?" Remus asked. Sirius opened his mouth to reply but Remus cut him off. "But your right. You don't deserve me, but I do deserve you."
"That doesn't make any sense." Sirius said.
"Yes it does. I have always been a good mate to you. I have always been there when you needed me and I have always done what ever it is that you ask of me." Remus said in a matter-of- fact tone.
"That just proves my point that I don't deserve you." Sirius cried.
"And it proves my point that I deserve you. I deserve what I want, and that's you." Remus said, a wide smile spreading across his lips making his eyes sparkle.
Sirius for once was speechless.
Remus took advantage of this and pressed his lips against Sirius's.
It wasn't shy as the previous one. Remus captured Sirius's lips and worked against them with an aggressive passion. He nibbled Sirius's bottom lip until he granted Remus entrance.
Sirius's whole body seemed to be on fire. He once again had his hands on Remus but this time they were on his hips. He pulled the boy closer and gasped in shock as he felt Remus's arousal against his thigh.
They pulled away only when the need for oxygen was too demanding to ignore.
"Oh, Sirius, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." Remus whispered trailing kisses across Sirius's jaw and over to his ear, which he gave a small lick to and then took it between his teeth.
As Remus nibbled on Sirius's ear a moan rose in the dark-haired boy's throat and he ran his hands through Remus' golden hair.
"I love you, Remy," He replied.
Remus moved from Sirius's ear to his neck, sucking, licking, biting and kissing his way down it and across it. His hands had moved from the railing on either side of Sirius to Sirius's hips.
Sirius growled aloud when Remus bit the particular tender place where his neck and his shoulder met. Remus growled in return and pressed his own hips against Sirius's.
Both boys gasped in pleasure at the friction.
"I want you Sirius. I want you so bad," Remus gasped into the other boy's ear. He ran his hands up under Sirius's shirt.
"R-Remus what are you doing?" Sirius gasped in shock from the contact and Remus's hands were cold.
"Mmm, I want you," Remus responded and began to pull the edge of Sirius's shirt over his head.
"Remus!" Sirius shirked as the chilly night air hit his skin. "Stop, please,"
But Remus ignored him. He ran his elegant fingers over Sirius's now-bare chest, to the button of his jeans.
As Remus began to fumble with the waistband of Sirius's jeans, the dog animagus had had enough. Remus wasn't acting like himself and Sirius thought his aggressiveness was a result of the fast approaching moon.
"Remus I said stop," Sirius demand grabbing the golden-haired boy's wrist. Remus looked up at him, confused.
"What? You don't want to shag me?" He asked a bit of a mocking tone to his otherwise husky voice.
"You're not yourself." Sirius responded. Remus blinked at him.
"What?"
"You're acting different. I think it's because the full moon is the day after tomorrow." Sirius explained.
"Oh, right. Full moon. Yeah probably." Remus said his once clouded eyes cleared. "I'm, I'm sorry Sirius." He mumbled quietly. There was a moment of silence before Remus spoke again.
"Actually, Padfoot, It's not just because the full moon is tomorrow." He confessed softly. Sirius looked confused.
"Whatta mean?" He asked cocking his head to the side like a dog.
"Well, whenever I feel an emotion too strong, the werewolf tends to take over. It's harder to control its urges and instincts." Remus ducked his head. "That means that I will probably always be like this. It's even worse seeing as, for once, me and the wolf are in agreement about something."
"And that agreement is that you both want to ravish me?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded and his cheeks burned.
Sirius grinned at him.
"It's no problem, Remy." He let go of the other boy's wrist and pulled him into a big hug. Remus hugged him back and then pulled back a bit so he could look into Sirius's face.
"I just want you to know that I do love you. It's not the full moon making me say things." He said. His eyes shining with that unidentified emotion. Sirius's smile widened.
"I know," he whispered pulling Remus close again.
Sirius knew what that unidentified emotion was now, it was love, and it is love.
Maybe love is not so bad, Sirius Black thought as he held Remus Lupin in his arms on the balcony under the moonlight. Not bad at all.
The End
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(A/n: ok I know parts of this are really not that good. But here it is anyway…eek!)
Coli aka 70inc: I wrote this fic in honour of the release of Half-blooded Prince. I know that was ages ago now, but this fic was on my laptop and I had no way of getting it on to my other computer and upload it. I loved the book except when Tonks tried to make a move on Remy. He and Sirius are meant to be and he's not even dead a year yet. Gawd! Lol
To those of you who are currently reading 'know thine enemy' I won't be posting for a while. My ma crashed our comp and my uncle is trying to get our documents of the hard drive. I had two whole chapters ready to go…so cross your fingers.
One more thing: I LOVE DOMINATE REMUS! It's sooooo sexy! Sorry lol…: D