WANTED: A Date
Authors' Notes: This is our attempt at writing the absolute worst fanfic imaginable (with agreeable grammar, of course, since I can't stand bad grammar). Most of this was written by snow DQ and edited by Snow747 (and co-written – she took hold of the keyboard occasionally). We were attempting to write the worst fanfic ever but in my opinion it turned out way better than expected. I actually like it and it has an great plot… so pls review and we would love to know if we should continue… ENJOY!
It was nearing Artemis' prom, and he still hadn't got a date. He was considering putting posters up advertising for a date. And this would be a great idea… if there were any girls at his school. So instead of that he planned to go to a bikini club.
After school, Butler came to collect him and drop him off, repeatedly stating that it was the stupidest idea so far this century. He didn't pay any attention whatsoever, and got out of the car in his full wetsuit (with Booties too)! As he did this, a girl walked by and he said "Nice day for sun tanning in cute little bikinis, eh? See you by the pool, Hottie!"
As soon as he did this Butler raced of in the opposite direction. He walked to the receptionist, receiving an odd stare. He leaned against the desk and gazed at her bikini. As he did this, she directed his eyes to the sign behind him saying: 'Strictly No Males (especially those dressed in wetsuits – unless they pass… THE TEST)'.
"I'm ready," he replied, and was directed to the middle of the pool and was thrown some Speedos and a bottle of suntan oil. "What's this for?"
"Pick a lady," she said, as if it was obvious.
At this, all of the surrounding girls darted towards the changing room, seemingly faster than humanly possible, saying things like "Bye! I have to go… er… walk the pet elephant". Except for one, unfortunate soul who was too busy reading a magazine with her headphones and sunglasses on.
The receptionist said "Your decision has obviously been made for you because I'm not taking part!" She looked unusually relieved.
"I still don't get it!" he said think of his diving course.
"THE TEST is basically you have to rub suntan lotion on a /coughpoorcough/ girl. Duh what else did you think this was?"
" I haven't been trained in this part of diving yet" he replied cluelessly.
"Jess" the receptionist called, and instantly she rolled over, like she was the one that was always picked… and Artemis knew why.
She was slim, and in one of the smallest bikinis ever worn and was most teenage males idea of the perfect girl. He instantly fell for her.
He wobbled over to her in his wetsuit and booties and started to rub her back with suntan oil. Apart from the fact that she couldn't see him and he spilt half the bottle over her, he would have been your average Hottie. He tried his best attempt to sweet talk her but failed miserably. His attempt went something like this:
"Hey cutie where have you been concealed for my entire life? And where did you get that itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini?" At this he slapped her butt and a piercing yelp filled the air. She rolled over removed her sunglasses and screamed even more. " Will you got with me to my prom?" Artemis begged and added "even better if you came in that sweet-thang!"
After a few more screams she ran towards the changing room, dragging her oh so stylish ipod behind her and just as she reached the changing room she fainted.
When the ambulance arrived, Artemis offered to give her CPR, but the ambulance driver told him it may not be the best of ideas. But Artemis…convinced she said yes… and the reason she fainted was because she was so excited left to buy his designer suit…which he would never wear again.
SNOW747's EXPLANATION: This is supposed to be stupidly entertaining. Any mistakes/plotholes are intentional. Bikini club's don't exist, they are a figment of INSERT YOUR USERNAME HERE, PIPPA's imagination. Artemis does wear designer suits, so the last clause of the text is an intentional plothole. PLEASE don't post a review telling us all about our continuity errors, our OOC Artemis and our general oddity. You're welcome to dislike it and you're welcome to give constructive criticism, but at least try to come up with something positive for each negative comment. There WILL be chapters to follow!