When Craig joined us fifteen minutes later, Jay and I had already finished half the bottle of bacardi. He sat down on the floor next to the couch so that he was facing us. There was a brief silence as I took a swig from the bottle and Craig and Jay stared at each other.

"You want some, Manning?" Jay asked, offering up the bottle to him. He had taken on his usual bad boy persona again; probably as a defense mechanism against his discomfort with the situation.

"Sure," Craig replied, smiling. Jay handed him the bottle and he took a drink. He made a face as the liquor slid down his throat and then he started to cough. I don't think Craig is much of a drinker.

"What's wrong?" Jay laughed, "Never had 151 before?" Craig was still coughing.

"No," Craig managed between gasps, "I think I swallowed it too fast."

As the night went on, the three of us got drunker and drunker. Craig was the perfect addition to our late night loser sobfest. He liked to complain about howeverybody was always worried about his bipolar disorder.

"Like Ashley, man," Craig slurred his words as he stared,glossy-eyed, at me, "She was always so hung up on my 'condition' that we never even had fun anymore. It was always 'Craig, did you take your pills?' or 'You're acting weird'.Why can't anyone just forget about my mental state and talk to me like a normal person?"

Jay had started laughing when Craig had attempted to emulate Ashley's voice and he was now doubled over on the floor next to Craig.

"I know what you mean," I said passionately, "It's like they don't see you...they just see your brain...only it's all messed up...or something."

I lost track of what I had meant to say half way through my sentence. My point had been made, but my jumbled sentence made Jay start laughing again. Craig smiled, and then I started laughing at myself.

When the laughter died down there was a strange silence. Ilooked straight ahead, accidentally starting to drift out of consciousness. Jay was lying on his back and Craig was sitting cross-legged in the same place he'd been all night.

"You guys aren't that bad," Craig said suddenly, waking me from my dazed state, "I don't know why everyone hates you so much. Actually, you guys are great!"

"You're great too," Jay said drunkenly, sitting up to face Craig, "I didn't even know you before...but now...I do...know you. And you aren't just a...fucking...you know." The three of us were well beyond the point at whichany of usmade sense when we talked.

As I sat there smiling at Craig and Jay, I felt like my life was perfect.I felt like ifI was with these two guys then I could be happy. Maybe it was real euphoria...or maybe it was just the alcohol. It didn't reallymatter to me.

"I love you guys," I said, resting my head on the couch cushion so I was staring at the ceiling.

"I love you too, man," Jay exclaimed as he grabbed my pant leg and pulled me off the couch. He pulled me into a sloppy hug and patted my back. I put my arms around him and everything felt amazing.

"Come here," Jay said loudly, gesturing to Craig with his arms that were constricted by my body, "Come on, get in on the lovveee." He extended the last word, almost by accident.

When Craig just smiled and continued to stare straight ahead, Jay pulled him into the hug too. Craig didn't have the strength to put his arms around Jay or me; he just laid there...limp, yet comfortable.

And then the three of us fell asleep, entangled together in a drunken mess.

I awoke briefly around 6 a.m. when I heard the front door slam shut. Jay had left. But Craig was still lying on the floor next to me. My buzz was still far from gone, but I managed to stand up and walk over to my room. I grabbed an extra blanket from my bed and brought it out into the hall.

"Craig," I whispered, shaking him awake by touching his shoulder harshly.

Craig muttered something unintelligible and tried to go back to sleep.

"Craig," I repeated, attempting to lift him to his feet this time.

"What? What is it?" Craig said sleepily, standing up with my help.

"Here, sleep here," I motioned to the couch.

He fell back onto the couch and was asleep immediately. I sighed and smiled to myself. Then I took the blanket I had taken from my room and laid it over top of him. Lazily, I made my way back to my bedroom. I collapsed onto my bed and felt the world spin around me. I was hoping for a moment of clarity here. Like, suddenly I would know what I really wanted. I was hoping for an answer asto why sometimes I liked boys and other times the thought disgusted me.

But all I got was a headache. And then I fell back asleep.