Disclaimer: I am not intelligent enough to create the characters, I simply force them to do my will.
When: Takes place end Season Two. One shot
There was something disturbing about driving a sword through the unbeating heart of the only creature on the face of the earth that she had ever truly loved with everything inside her- everything she was. Pain couldn't begin to explain it... no, it wouldn't do this surge of unexplainable emotion justice. She wished, just once, that her duties as a slayer wouldn't come back full force and bite her in the rear.
For a flash of a second, right before she'd done precisely what 'had to be done' for the well-being of the entire universe, she was able to see the same emotion racing through him as well. She regretted weighing the odds, it was him for the world... but at this moment, she'd have given anything to be able just to choose him over the godforsaken world. Even being cast unwillingly into a Hell dimension would have been tolerable, as long as he was at her side.
She hated Xander right now. His unjust distaste for Angel had only fueled his stupid actions tonight, she'd been so blind to actually believe what he'd told her. "Willow... she told me to tell you- Kick his ass." It was disgusting to know he'd bent and twisted reality. He had known Willow was trying to re-ensoul Angel! He was sent to tell her that in the first place... If only she had known sooner, then perhaps she could've bought more precious time... maybe now she wouldn't be so alone. She'd have Angel.
Maybe it was Willow's fault. It was because of her stupid 'hocus pocus' that she, Buffy Anne Summers, had to kill the love of her life and not the true demon carting around his body. Willow was the reason she had to run away now, she couldn't face the music. If only she hadn't done that spell, there would have been nothing left in his eyes to make her blame herself. She hadn't killed Angelus. She killed Angel.
It was time to blame Jenny. Jenny had known precisely what to do... yet she failed to get the information to them in time. She let Angelus kill her before she could save anyone! Why? She should never have hidden her knowledge from the Scoobies! Why'd she have to try and play the silent hero? Perhaps if that had never happened, if she hadn't tried to save him all on her own... maybe she'd still be alive. So would Angel.
It was Giles' fault. He should have never told Angel how to awaken Acathla. Incompetent man, was his will not strong enough to save the only thing /his/ Slayer- his charge- ever had going for her? It was too late now. She still stood alone. She knew that from the beginning, but she had nobody to fall back on and definitely no shoulder to cry on.
The only thing she had left was herself... she knew that now... she knew that as soon as the disgusting sound of the blade ripping through his insides caused inevitable tears to fall. She would never forget that sound, never forget what she'd done, never forget him.
Finally, Buffy realized the truth. It was her fault, nobody else to blame. She herself had unleashed him and it was her duty to lock him back away- forever.
He came to her in dreams. Weeks on end, he arrived to meet her all the same. It wasn't anything new, but every morning when she woke up to an empty bed and the unforgiving resounding of that annoying alarm clock, she cursed the world. Everything was better when she was asleep, for as soon as her eyes opened- the world would fall apart once again.