Congratulations Sasha to your baby daughter Lucia Sofia born on May 12.
Disclaimer: I've looked everywhere; under my bed, in my closet and behind my TV. The cast and crew from NCIS are nowhere to be found. I guess I don't own them today either. Bummer!
A/N: Thank you so much for all of your wonderful and inspiring reviews! I love you guys!
There should be a bit more action and things happening in this chapter, don't let the slow (sometimes our dear special agents need time to reflect and… deal with their feelings, yes even Gibbs) first part fool you… But I don't want to rush it by trying to stick as much action in there as possible, feelings and thoughts are a big part of this as well and… well I enjoy getting inside their heads :)
This chapter is dedicated to Julian at my local McDonalds who managed to blow up the Ice Cream machine this morning. I'm not kidding… have you ever seen a McDonalds employee covered in Ice Cream? Not pretty. At 10 me and my mates always get a McFlurry for breakfast but not this morning. Julian offered me a milkshake instead before he realised that he would need the ice cream machine for that as well… clever!
Through Troubled Nights Chapter 5: Believe In The Dream Of Us
As Gibbs sat down opposite of his agents Tony stiffened and Kate felt him retreat his hand from hers. She glanced towards him wondering what was wrong. He sat there next to her, holding his breath wringing his hands together nervously. He wanted to slap himself up the back of his head for even considering worrying about rule #12 at a time like this but the last thing he wanted to do right now was cause Kate trouble with the Boss. She doesn't need that right now, he thought fighting back the urge to yell at Gibbs for interrupting them. He wasn't sure of why Gibbs was using such a harsh tone towards Kate and wanted to at least rule out them holding hands as the reason.
Kate shifted in her chair trying really hard not to show any kind of emotion. Not towards Tony and her now cold and lonely hand that lay limp in her lap, not towards Ducky who stood uncharacteristically quiet next to the doctor that had, at least tried to, treat her earlier and not to Gibbs who looked at her with a mixture of anger, frustration and affection in his eyes.
Kate was going to stay in control of this situation. She'd never let Gibbs' glares or Tony's insecurities get in her way or put her down before and she wasn't going to let that happen this time either. I lost control that night with Mitchell and look what good that did me, she thought sourly waiting for Gibbs to continue yelling at her.
Gibbs' eyes shifted from Kate's face to Tony's balled fists for just a second. Their affectionate moment earlier had not gone unnoticed by Gibbs but he knew both of his agents. He knew Tony and he knew Kate and seeing Tony dropping her hand the second he approached them did not surprise him, but it angered him. Damn it DiNozzo! This is not a good time to obey my rules… Gibbs sighed, once again settling his gaze upon Kate's pale face.
He would have taken her frail hands in his own if he'd thought it would have helped. He did not believe that to be the case. He cared deeply for her, he did, but he knew that the kind of support that Tony could offer Kate right now, he himself could not get close to.
He cleared his throat and did not even notice Abby and McGee coming back with a bottle of water and two cups of coffee. Upon seeing the look on Gibbs' face and Tony staring in to space, obviously trying to block out what was happening around him, the pair stopped in their tracks not wanting to get in the middle of what was going on.
"You okay Kate?" His tone held non of that anger and frustration that his eyes held and Tony felt himself release the air he'd been holding in his lungs.
Kate eyed Gibbs suspiciously. What was this? She knew he'd be as worried about her as anyone else and that he cared for her much like a father cares for his daughter but she hadn't expected his tone to be so calm and soft. Calm and soft was not words easily associated with their boss.
She nodded. She couldn't find words for how she truly felt and his choice, 'okay' seemed like a choice as good as any and besides, it would probably and hopefully get her off the hook faster than "No, I feel like crap" or "I've been molested and ending it all with a couple too many sleeping pills sounds good to me"… yeah. She'd go with the option offered by her boss.
"I'm okay"
Ducky lightly patted Gibbs' shoulder as if saying "I'm proud over how you're handling this". Even Ducky was a bit surprised at Gibbs' serene and almost sweet tone.
"According to your doctor you weren't okay in there" he gestured towards the room down the hall where she'd been examined earlier, his tone still steady and calm. He wanted her to actually talk to him about this, even though he knew she probably wouldn't want to.
"Well I'm not in there anymore, am I?" She held her head high and she felt some colour return to her pale cheeks with the cocky comeback. She could feel Tony peering at her from where he sat to her left. Maybe she would be able to find her way back to herself after all?
Gibbs ran his hands over his face. He looked tired.
"I'm not sure you being out here instead of in there is a good thing though, Kate." He braced himself. He knew she wouldn't like this.
Bastard… If only he knew about… she let her mind wander and flashes and fragments of memories from her night in Mitchell's apartment came back to her together with the headache she had earlier and nausea. She felt the Polaroid of her sister and niece burn in her pocket.
"I'm not doing this!" she blurted out, her voice cracking with emotion, as she felt the walls close in on her again. She suddenly felt as if there was no air left in the room to breathe. Recalling how Tony had held his breath, until she thought he'd turn purple, earlier, she was sure it at least wasn't his fault. She sprung to her feet, a weak cry of pain escaping her dry lips as her brain and balance had no time to catch up with her. Her legs buckled underneath her the second she shifted her weight to them.
McGee who had been inching closer to them threw himself towards her and just as Tony and Gibbs both scrambled to their feet, they saw McGee catch her, a firm grip on her upper arms just as she was about to fall to the floor.
The gesture was one of concern and he wanted to help her out as he realized what was about to happen… he hadn't counted on her upper arms being as bruised and sore as they were though. How was he supposed to know? She'd refused to tell them about her injuries.
Caitlin Todd let her tears fall freely down her cheeks as she whimpered in pain. Tim realized that he was causing her pain and wide-eyed lowered her to the floor.
He mumbled and stuttered out some kind of apology with a look of panic in his eyes.
As Kate felt her spine against the cold and solid floor and the pressure on her arms being released she gasped for air, desperate to fill her lungs with something, anything. For the first time since the incident with Mitchell she found her head empty. She didn't remember anything, she didn't worry about a thing. Not a single thought seemed to occupy her mind at that moment. With another gasp she felt as her whole body was filled with oxygen, not only her lungs. Her entire body seemed to be light as a feather to her there on the floor and she blinked the tears away realizing that all she had to do to get rid of the worst pain was relax.
The four men and Abby stood in a circle around her as Kate was determined not to move a single muscle. Doctor Holland came running from down the hall but Kate couldn't care less. She still felt uncomfortable around him but lying there on the floor with her entire NCIS family standing around her she forced the uneasy feeling away.
He bent down towards her about to help her up and call for a nurse when she firmly told him "No, I just needed to take a few minutes on the floor… to catch up with this days events and all".
Gibbs wanted to cry. He wasn't sure about how much more of this he could take. He scratched the back of his head contemplating the idea of this all just being a bad dream.
McGee still had this guilty look on his face after having Abby hit him on the arm for hurting Kate even more and Tony stood next to Ducky his eyebrows raised not sure what to think and do. Ducky's eyes were filled with concern but he gave the shocked doctor a small smile. I never sleep so I guess that's not it after all…
"She won't stay here." Ducky said, extending a hand to Kate.
All she needed was for her head and lungs to catch up with her body. She needed to feel the solid floor under her to feel safe again. It was there under her. It didn't shift or tilt and it was okay to fall. The floor would be there to catch her. Tony reached down and extended a hand as well. She grabbed his hand in her left hand and Ducky's in her right and closed her eyes to push away the pain in her side as she felt herself being lifted to a standing position.
She gave them a small, shaky smile. "Thanks guys… I'll be alright,"
No one in the room looked as if they believed her.
"Really" she tried to reassure them. Neither Ducky or Tony let go of the hand they held in theirs.
Gibbs turned to Doctor Holland. "You're sure her ribs are going to be okay?"
Kate shot Gibbs an angry look and Tony turned to look at her, his eyes wide.
"Boss?" he asked, gaze fixed on Kate who did her best to ignore the glare.
"Shut up DiNozzo. Doctor? Her ribs?"
"Banged up and bruised but fortunately not broken or cracked." Doctor Holland, clearly not happy with how this day had unfolded shifted his brown eyes from Gibbs to his patient. "Agent Todd was lucky" he continued.
The room fell silent as Kate felt Tony lightly squeeze her hand in his again. Ducky released her hand and it fell to her side as she leaned towards Tony. He stiffened, not sure what to expect. She had to stand on her toes to get tall enough to be able to whisper in his ear.
"If you're going to drop my hand again… do it now"
There was so much more to it and Tony knew that. He could hear every emotion behind every syllable as she spoke and he knew that this was not only about holding her hand. He swallowed. Still not moving his eyes, he intertwined his fingers with hers.
"I won't" he said, loud and clear making Abby, McGee and the others look at him funnily.
Kate smiled and their eyes met in what felt like the first time in years. They stared into each others eyes and Kate felt the world around her disappear as she just for a second let every thing she felt, every pain and every memory show in her eyes. Like a flash of darkness in her eyes she opened up her soul and her heart to him. Right there, right then at that exact moment she was completely his.
His chest felt tight and he sucked in a breath, gasping much like Kate had done on the floor earlier. Kate tore her eyes from his as she felt herself shudder. She had fought so hard for such a long time to build up that wall that she'd just let down. She had given him every inch of herself for just a second and it had left her exhausted. Tony felt his chest rise and fall with every breath and shifted his eyes to Gibbs who stood, watching them. Tony knew that their spell was broken for now… but it didn't matter because she'd let him in and he knew that she was strong and brave enough to do it again. I just have to earn it, he thought feeling slightly guilty over the fact that he felt a bit tingly holding her hand in his. She doesn't need me to act like a pig around her right now…
Kate turned to Gibbs, her lips pursed. "I'm going home tonight… I'm not staying here Gibbs" her tone was calm but determined and as Gibbs narrowed his eyes Abby let out a giggle.
"My money's Gibbs… she'll so end up here tonight" she whispered to McGee. He tilted his head slightly, considering this.
"Nah… have you seen Tony? He won't disagree with Kate tonight. If she wants to go home, he'll taker her home."
"How much?" asked Ducky, surprising both Abby and McGee.
"Eh… 20 dollars?" suggested Abby.
Ducky smiled. "I'm in! My money's on Caitlin being looked over here once again and then being driven home by Anthony… You know all of this reminds of a classmate of mine from back in England. He would always-"
Abby shook her head. "No, not now Ducky. Schh… we need to be quiet now and find out how this all ends… and which one of you suckers I'll have hand me their money first."
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After a staring competition between Kate and Gibbs and both Doctor Holland and Gibbs practically blackmailing Tony in to agreeing to drag Kate down the hall against her will telling him that she would totally kick his sorry ass if she hadn't been having a headache, Ducky ended up 40 dollars richer.
Kate "agreed" to being checked over once again and was then promised to be escorted back to her own apartment after her examination was completed. Doctor Holland upon more than one occasion asked for permission to sedate her, that was how much she "agreed".
After once again declaring that Kate needed to make sure her ribs were not further harmed, and that she needed a lot of rest and writing her a prescription for painkillers they were all excused by Doctor Holland who now felt like he had seen it all. They promised to bring her back in if she "needed to take e few minutes on the floor" again. They were free to go.
Not a minute too early, thought Kate as she gave Abby a small hug outside of the hospital. Tony leaned against his car, waiting for her.
"Someone's been doing this to her and I want to know who!" Gibbs hissed, pacing in front of him. Tony nodded. I know the feeling Boss… believe me, I know the feeling.
Gibbs stopped abruptly and glanced at Kate as she received a hug from Ducky and one from McGee. Tony looked up towards the night sky and the million stars shining down on them. It's all the same, he thought. We all live under the same sky, the same stars… somewhere one very sorry bastard is hiding out… someone who deserves to die… someone under the same stars as our Katie. The world seemed too small to Tony and he felt tears sting his eyes as he also glanced towards Kate. She looked frail and almost made out glass to Tony as she stood in the moonlight hugging herself, trying to keep warm, as Abby and McGee said their last goodbyes before getting into Tim's car.
"You know what to do Tony…" Gibbs glared at him with a dead serious look on his face. "Until we know what we're dealing with here you stay with her! You do not leave her!"
Tony looked at his boss, nodding once more. "You know I won't".
"I'm heading back to the headquarters. You give me a call if you guys need anything… and Kate?"
She walked towards him. "Yeah?" She yawned, more than a little tired.
"I need your side of the story… get some sleep, have DiNozzo get some food into you and then I want to know what the hell happened… Agent Todd"
She walked past him getting into Tony's car. Gibbs shook his head with frustration before mumbling something about coffee and getting into his own car.
She was tired… tired out of her mind. Her eyelids were heavy and her vision blurry as she fought really hard to keep her eyes open.
Tony tried to focus on the night traffic as they made it through the city. He knew that they had a lot to talk about. He wanted to know what was going on. Not only with Kate collapsing and being beat up but with their handholding and their silent sharing. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her in to something she did not want, and neither did he want to take any kind of advantage of her… not injured, not hurt or upset… not ever. However, he was not sure she knew that. She'd let her guard down earlier at the hospital, something he knew she never normally did. He was desperate to find out if that's what it was, her feeling ill and upset, being at the hospital or did she trust him always and forever in the way he wanted her to?
"If you're going to stay this quiet for the whole ride I'll just fall asleep Tony" Kate sighed, trying to break the silence.
Tony gave her a small smile but his voice was filled with concern as he spoke. "Sleep is good. You should try it".
She rolled her eyes at him and tried to ignore the fact that she wasn't sure she would be able to sleep tonight. She knew it was her desperate need of control that got in the way again. If she would actually let go of it all and fall asleep the darkness would consume her until she's no longer in charge of the mental pictures or which memories are being played in her head. She would feel it all and she would see everything she felt without being able to do anything about it. Her mind would start sorting out the last couple of day's events and once she fell asleep there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Somehow Tony sensed that Kate did not consider sleep as a good thing right now so he tried option two.
"Do you want something to eat before I put you to bed?" He couldn't fight the urge to grin at her and he was glad he did it 'cause she smiled back at him and he could see the sarcasm building in her playful but tired eyes.
"Do you want something to eat before I kick your butt and then have you sleep outside in the hallway?"
"Are you going to be sleeping there with me?" He chuckled.
"Am I going to sleep with you…?" she twisted his words a bit and pretended to be considering this for a second. As he turned towards her she looked at him seductively and the grin on his face grew wider. They played around like always and Tony almost wanted to kiss her just for doing that.
She leaned towards him… eyeing him up and down. Suddenly he could see her expression change as she put on a look of disgust. "No! Not a chance in hell."
She let out a giggle and he was gaping at her, pretending to be shocked and hurt at her statement.
"That hurt Kate… " He looked at her slyly, "and besides, sleeping with me, hell would be the last thing on your mind. I've heard that it's apparently something more like heaven." his sly expression had turned into another one of his famous grins.
"No, I'm pretty sure it's hell. I'm so letting you in to my apartment, Spanky!" She laughed, happy that Tony still had the ability to do what he always did, take her mind off of the pain.
"I'll just have to sleep in the hall then I guess," Tony winked at her, stopping at a red light. "like some kind of stalker or obsessed lover"
He winced the second he heard the words come out of his mouth. He held on to the steering wheel until his knuckled turned white. "Kate I'm sor-"
She gave him a small smile. "Tony it's fine…" seeing that he still pretty much hated himself for what he'd just said she continued. "I think I might need a stalker like you right now."
He raised an eyebrow and as the light turned green, continued towards her street.
She laughed at his expression. "I know… I never thought I'd ever say those words either DiNozzo."
"I'll be happy to stalk you Kate" He smiled, still feeling a bit stupid about what he'd said.
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As he parked the car on her street he could, out of the corner of his eye, see her draw in a quick breath.
He bent over and tried to catch a glimpse of whatever she saw. "What's wrong Kate?" he whispered peering out through her window. His eyes darted here and there desperate to see what she saw.
"He's there Tony…" she whispered back to him her voice cold as ice.
He placed his hand on her knee, leaning over even more.
A dark figure stood by her building, his back against the front doors and arms crossed over his chest. He slowly lifted his head and Kate's eyes widened as he locked eyes with her from across the street. She could hear the raindrops from that night hammer against the roof of the car and she could feel his breath on her neck.
Tony threw his car door open, and looked back at her quickly before darting out of the car. "Stay here, you have your gun right? Stay in the car Kate!" It was an order not a request. She opened her mouth to answer him but he just threw the door shut and with the remote on the key in his hand, locked the doors of his car.
"Freeze! NCIS!" he shouted and ran across the street forcing a passing car to come to a screeching halt just inches from the desperate agent.
The dark figure tore the doors open and ran inside disappearing around the corner down the hall as Tony followed. He could hear his feet pound against the floor as he ran after the man. His gun ready, he threw himself around the corner.
Something reflected the light illuminating from a lamp in the ceiling and Tony could see it as a flash before his eyes.
With a sick sound the metal pipe connected with his head and darkness lined his vision, slowly consuming him, taking his world away from him.
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Gibbs slumped down in his chair placing the fresh cup of coffee on his desk. He watched as McGee, Ducky and Abby strolled in to the office obviously beat. It had been a hard day for them all and he knew that none of them would stop worry about Kate until her attacker had been identified and put away and all of her injuries where healed. Kate was strong and Gibbs did not want to consider the fact that she might not heal mentally. She'll be scarred for life but we won't let this bastard take our Kate from us… I won't allow it, his eyes drifted to McGee sitting in his chair, elbows on the top of his desk and his head in his hands, and to Abby sitting slumped on the floor leaning her back against the side of McGee's desk, neither will they.
"Jethro?"
Gibbs found Ducky standing in front of his desk.
"Go home and get some sleep Ducky," Gibbs said sitting up in his chair. "I need you to look over Kate tomorrow."
Ducky looked at Gibbs, an obvious look of concern in his eyes. Gibbs rolled his eyes.
"Good night Ducky" he tried again and Ducky nodded, giving in.
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Abby bent her head back where she sat on the floor, so that she saw McGee up side down.
"I can't believe we didn't notice this morning…" she sighed, her voice low and filled with guilt.
Tim looked at her for a second before turning his eyes towards Gibbs. "Boss, what do you need us to do?" he asked.
Gibbs only waved a hand towards the elevators in response, deep in thought.
Abby frowned. "We're going home?"
Gibbs grunted something that no one could make out and Tim shrugged. "I guess so." He grabbed his backpack and coat and headed for the elevators, dragging his feet behind him. He pushed the button and waited for the elevator to come up. He turned around and found Abby still seated on the floor by his desk.
"Abbs?" he called out. "C'mon, I'll drive you home"
She looked up at him and as their eyes met they silently agreed on her staying at his apartment tonight. She smiled at him and made her way over to the elevator, now held open by McGee.
Gibbs watched them leave and made his decision. He finished his coffee and stood up. He too was going home. In the morning he would have McGee download Kate's phone records. He wanted to catch this guy, whoever he was and he knew that there was a reason for Kate not telling him anything about it. He just had to find out what, with or without her help.
"Tony… I hope you can handle this..." he said under his breath, his mind wandering to his two agents, as he grabbed his coat.
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Sobs shook her body as she felt panic come over her. With trembling hands she unbuckled her seatbelt and frantically searched for the button on the inside of the car door that would unlock it.
She was tired enough to just lay down on the pavement but, gun in hand, she ran across the street, the night air crisp and cold to her skin. Kate knew that Tony probably hadn't been gone for a long time but it felt like an eternity and she couldn't take it any longer. She steadied herself against the wall a moment before quietly making her way inside.
"Tony?" she whispered. No answer. "Tony!" she tried again, a little louder this time. As she reached the corner she took a deep breath before walking around it, her gun drawn and ready to take out whoever was on the other side.
The first thing she saw as she went around the corner was his feet. Her breathing quickened as she forced her eyes away from his shoes. Her gaze bounced from wall to wall, up and down until she was certain that she was indeed alone in the hallway with her partner. Still shaking she spun around to make sure that no one was behind her.
As the adrenalin rush begun to wear off she fell to her knees on the floor biting back a scream as pain shot up her side. She crawled towards him on her knees and hands once again trying to feel the solid floor give her support.
A pale hand, bigger than hers lay palm up on the floor. Her never-ending tears stung her eyes and she furiously tried to dry them with the back of her hand. Giving up she slowly reached out and placed her small hand in his. She lightly traced the lines inside his hand with her fingertips almost afraid that she might break him. The agent in her told her to call for back up and get both her and the man on the floor with her out of the building as the attacker could still be in there but Kate the person was totally hypnotized. She didn't dare to look at his face. All she could see was that open hand and it's soft, pale skin.
"T-Tony?" She choked on her tears and closed her eyes finally giving in to it all. The darkness that overcame her was cold and she felt herself shiver. The only warmth she could feel was coming from his hand. She laced her fingers with his and slowly lowered herself down next to him. "Do you feel the floor Tony?" she mumbled, her head resting on his chest. "It will catch us as we fall… all we have to do is believe in it. Believe in the dream of us… and we'll stand on solid ground… Believe…"
She snuck her free arm around his waist. "…Tony?"
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A lot of fainting and falling in this chapter… I just thought I'd get it all over with and out of the way in one chapter ;) haha nooo…
Is Tony going to be okay and was it Mitchell that attacked him?
I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Someone wished for Tony to be hurt… as I said to my English teacher when she said she did not want any xmas cards, Be careful what you wish for… haha, well with my teacher it was more like be careful what you don't wish for. She hates xmas cards so I sent her 26 identical singing and flashing ones this last xmas. The postal service actually sent someone over to her house asking her what was up with all of the xmas cards. She thought it was funny though. Anyways… no need to listen to me walking down memory lane :P
As usual, tell me everything and anything in a review :)
See ya,
/Malin (haha the spell check keeps telling me my name's not spelled right.)