Chapter Seventeen

Danny was standing alone in the locker room, he was meeting someone later that afternoon and Mac had agreed to give him the afternoon off, God knows he needed it.

He stood in front f his locker and a opened it slowly and placed his gun, shield and kit into it, for this afternoon he had off he wasn't a cop, a csi, he was a normal person, living a normal life.

He grabbed his jacket and wallet, he shut the locker and walked out of the locker room, the same empty expression on his face.

Danny was sat waiting at a restaurant, he had only been there a couple minutes when an attractive young women, only in her early teens sat at the table with him, her appearance made him smile immediately.

"Hey Dad, you ok?"

Danny nodded.

"I'm fine darlin', how's you?"

"Good considering. Its still hard you know?"

Danny hung his head, and sighed.

"I know Anna, I know."

Anna smiled, and stood up and kissed Danny on the cheek and sat back down.

Danny looked up slightly confused.

"What was that for?"

"Well I forgot to give you that when I arrived, and you kind of looked like you needed to feel loved."

"I will always feel loved if I have got you."

"But its not the same as Mom though. I wish I could have gotten to know her."

"I wish you could've met her as well, she would be so proud of you, I know that."

Anna smiled, a waiter arrived at their table, Danny and Anna ordered their drinks and food and carried on talking, they were silent for a while when Anna spoke.

"What happened to Mom?"

Danny looked up from his drink, he knew this day was coming, he had never really explained to Anna what happened to Lindsay, mainly because she was only 13, but also because every time he thought about it he was reduced to tears.

"Anna, I cant, not today."

"You keep telling me that, Dad its been 12 years I want to know why my Mom was taken from me…from us!"

Danny knew she was right, Lindsay had been gone 12 years Danny had never really moved on, he had never really been with anyone else he felt like he was betraying Lindsay's memory if he did.

He took a deep breath and started.

"Anna, once I start I wont be able to stop, you have to be sure you wanna hear what I am gunna tell you, its, its pretty intense stuff, somethings might be hard to accept."

"You always tell me I am like Mom, I think I can handle it, I've still got you."

Danny smiled, and he began.

"You were only 1 at the time, in fact it had been your 1st birthday a couple of days before she died. Your Mom was 8 months pregnant with your baby bro at the time, we were looking forward to the birth and savouring every second we had with you."

Anna nodded, urging Danny to continue.

"We had been married little under a year, a month or so after you were born me and your Mom tied the knot, you were a bridesmaid, you looked so adorable, your Mom, she looked like something from heaven. I was working a late shift I had been pulled in on my day off. Your Mom acted as though she didn't mind, but I knew she did I could tell. I was reluctant to leave you and your Mom but she insisted, you were wiped out because me and you had spent the day at the park, it was one of the best days of my life. Until about 9 o'clock in the evening."

Danny stopped and took some time to collect himself, he knew this was going to be hard, but somehow, somehow it felt good to get it out in the open.

"I was working some trace when Stella came running towards me, she told me that the hospital had rung, your Mom had gone into premature labour. I asked Stella to make sure you were ok and take care of you for the night while I made my way to the hospital. When I arrived the took me into your Mom. She was still so full of life, she looked happy and healthy, we smiled and laughed. I told her how much I loved her and that this was another chapter in our life, she said the same, we were sentimental like that. The Dr came in and explained that the baby was in distress and probably wouldn't survive a natural birth, your Mom immediately agreed to a caesarean section. I was with her in the delivery room, I was right by her side. They delivered Jack, he was still so small, he struggled for breath but after some encouragement he began to scream his lungs off…"

Danny stopped and wiped a stray tear from his face, he looked to Anna, she was listening intently, she knew where this was heading, he could see the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes not yet falling. Anna spoke shakily.

"What happened next?"

"…I looked at your Mom, she told me she loved me, and she closed her eyes the machine she was hooked to started to beep irregularly, it started to beep faster and faster, your Mom was allergic to the medication that the Dr's had given her to numb her. She was going into anaphylactic shock. We didn't know that at the time. All I could do was be pushed to one side as they tried to bring her round, before I knew what was happening they asked me to step outside the delivery room, just down the corridor was Mac, Flack, Hawkes, Stella and you. They all turned to look at me. Before I could make my way towards them, a Dr came outside, he pulled his mask off, and placed a hand on my shoulder. I will never forget what he said to me. 'I am afraid there was nothing we could do, the reaction was too severe. I'm so sorry.' the Dr took his hand away and walked down the corridor towards you and the gang, they asked what happened, he took Mac aside and explained what happened. Mac told the rest of the gang quietly, Stella couldn't contain herself and Flack and Hawkes, it was the first time I had seen them shed a tear. Stella was still holding onto your hand. All I remember after that was hearing you cry. I looked towards you and smiled as best I could. You looked so much like her it hurt to look at you, but I couldn't bring myself to hate you. I remember composing myself and walking towards you, the guys knew not to say anything just yet, I remember taking you into my arms. You looked at me and wiped the tears away from my face. We heard the doors opening from the delivery room, they were taking Jack down to intensive care. He was still distressed. I looked at Stella and she took you out of my arms, I walked back and went and sat with your Mom. She still looked perfect. The next couple of days were such a blur, so much happened, I think the worst day after the death of your Mom was the day I was told Jack went into respiratory distress and had died, I couldn't believe it, not only had I lost your Mom, but now your brother. The funeral was the hardest day, I had to try and explain to you that Mommy wasn't coming home, and neither was your brother, it broke my heart, you didn't understand, how could you, you were still a baby, you were the only one I had left, that's why I have always been the way I have with you."

Anna was letting the tears fall from her eyes, their food arrived shortly after, Danny looked at his food, something about talking about the death of your wife and son made you lose your appetite, Anna felt the same, she looked up at her Dad.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"That's ok darlin', what did you want to do?"

"I want to go and see Mom, Mom and Jack."

"That sounds like a good idea."

30 minutes later Danny and Anna arrived at the cemetery. It had been the first time for Anna, Danny had always felt guilty about never bringing Anna to see her Mom, he always thought she wasn't ready, but today, today she had shown him that she was ready, ready for the truth. Danny visited Lindsay weekly, giving her updates on their life, their friends and so on.

Anna knelt down and rubbed the tombstone. She could feel all sorts of emotions beginning to surface.

"Hi Mom, its me Anna, I havent forgotten you I promise. I miss you soo much, I wish you were here, I wish we were all together. I promise to visit again soon. I love you so much, even though your not here. All I want is to hold your hand one last time, and never let go, never. I love you. "

Anna kissed the top of the tombstone and looked at the tombstone, she noticed that her brothers name was also on there she looked up at Danny.

"We buried your Mom and Jack together, he was only a baby, but now he is with his Mom all the time."

Anna smiled, she thought that was a good idea. She looked back to the stone.

"Hi Jack, I'm Anna, I'm your big sis, I wish I could have met you, I love you too, we will meet, one day. That goes for you to Mom, I will see you soon."

Danny smiled and hugged Anna tightly as she closed her eyes and relived the little memories she had of her Mom.

They stayed that way for what felt like hours. Danny took Anna by the shoulders and sunk his shoulders down so that he was her height, he wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at her, she looked up at him. This killed him every time Anna had the same identical eyes to Lindsay, in fact she was the spitting image.

"Anna, can you give me a minute with your Mom and Jack. Go sit in the car. I will be there soon."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Anna reached up and kissed Danny on the cheek and headed towards the car. Leaving Danny alone with his Wife and Son.

"Another year Linds, she looks and acts just like you…she's been taking care of me, keeping me on my toes just like you did. I felt it was time she leaned the truth about what happened the day you died. I was finally ready, and so was she. I have never gotten over losing you Linds, and I doubt I ever will. I don't want to move on, moving on means accepting you've gone, and I cant do that, I wont do that. I could never forget you even if I do try."

Danny wiped a stray tear away from his face and knelt down beside the gravestone and wiped away the moss and tidied it up.

"I promise from now on me and Anna will make sure your grave is as beautiful as you both are. You've both got a locked piece of my heart right where its always been, even if we aren't a family in a physical sense, in my heart we are all together…a family."

Danny stood up and smiled tentatively.

"I always have and will love you both, and each day me and Anna are without is another day we have to realise your not here. Like Anna said, we will see each other soon. We promise."

Danny closed his eyes and turned and walked towards the car, he hated walking away from Lindsay and Jack, but he knew that Lindsay would want him to move on and be a father to Anna, he just hoped he was making Lindsay proud in raising their daughter.

Danny got in the car and smiled at Anna. Anna smiled she still had tears flowing from her eyes.

"What do you want to do know darlin'?"

Anna looked at her father and smiled widely.

"I want to go home, and watch movies with my old man."

Danny nodded. Once they were out of the graveyard Danny turned to Anna.

"Since when would you rather stay at home and watch movies with as you called me 'your old man'?"

Anna smiled to herself.

"Do I have to have a reason?"

Danny shook his head.

"No, not at all."

Anna smiled and so did Danny. The drive home was quiet as Anna looked at the buildings passing her by in the passenger window.

"Dad."

"Yeah darlin'?"

"I love you."

Danny turned to see his daughter smiling wide eyed and innocently at him, he felt his heart jump out of his chest.

"I love you to darlin'"

Anna smiled wider.

"Dad?"

"Yeah Anna?"

"Can we go to Montana this summer, to see Grandma and Grandpa Monroe?"

"I don't see why not, they would like that, and so would I."

"Goodo."

Danny smiled to himself and pulled up outside their apartment. They had a million DVD's at their apartment they hadn't watched and Danny knew he had a take out menu at home somewhere. Once in the apartment Anna chucked her jacket in her room and made herself comfy on the sofa while Danny ordered their meal and fiddled with the DVD.

When their meal had arrived and Danny and Anna were watching their film contently Danny spoke.

"By the way, since when have I been your 'old man'?"

"It doesn't matter Dad, its just something I heard Uncle Flack call you once."

Danny was shocked and feined insult.

"Well, just because Uncle Flack calls me it, doesn't mean you have to, it hurts you know."

Anna rolled her eyes, and gave herself a menacing smirk, she grabbed the nearest pillow and chucked it at Danny.

"I'm sorry Dad, it just seemed to suit you was all!"

Danny recovering from being pelted with a pillow, threw it to the floor and proceeded to tickle Anna. Anna was screaming and laughing at the same time.

"Dad…Stop…It…I…Didn't…Mean…It…Your…Not…Old!"

Danny stopped for a minute and the carried on.

"Not good enough."

There is was, even though Lindsay had left Danny's life, he was also content with the life he had at the present, sure enough there was going to come a time when Anna would move out and have her own life, but that wasn't quite yet and Danny cherished moments like this, where they could laugh and joke together even though they were both missing Lindsay and Jack like no-one could believe.

The End