Author's Note: Hey there! How are you all doing? I hope you're all ready for the next chapter! Although... you've probably been ready for it for months, by now. Yeahhh.

Anyway, this one was pretty fun to write. The entire last half came to me really suddenly, and I wrote it in about four hours. For me, very quick. Which is probably why it jumps around so much, sorry.

Oh, and Sasuke changed his clothes. Go see the ch. 5 edit.

Warnings for this chapter: Completely WTF!random! crossover-ing. And points go to you if you know where the hell the title is from. Without looking it up.

Everything else: See first chapter. -laziness-

Chapter 6: The Parable of the Schoolboys

This, Naruto thought miserably as he pulled the blanket tighter around his huddled form, sucks. Really, really sucks.

Sasuke had been gone for probably more than half an hour, and the blonde boy was beginning to actually feel himself shivering. His nose was getting stuffy, and every time he sneezed he thought he was going to explode.

He'd never been sick before. He could tell already that he hated it -- the simultaneous hot/cold sensations, the sneezing, the tiredness, the inability to breathe through his nose... Yeah, he was pretty sure he'd never take breathing for granted again. That is, if he ever got well.

But then, he had to be optimistic. He remembered from his internship that human colds usually only lasted about a week, so, with his more sophisticated system of antibodies, his would probably last a couple of days, at most. One day, with his abnormally quick healing. He hoped. And when it was gone, he'd just have to be sure to jump around with twice as much energy as before, to get back at the cold for trying to slow him down.

He sneezed again. Oh great, now his ears were ringing.

Maybe I can just go to sleep, he thought miserably. He'd tried before, but the sneezing and inability to breathe hampered even his best efforts. Or... how about a sleeping spell?

That was it! He'd just put himself to sleep for a few hours! He smiled as he unclenched the blanket, thinking himself quite the genius.

He formed a triangle with his hands, pushing them outward and then moving his arms in opposite directions, tracing the outline of a wide circle and leaving streaks of soft, bluish light in their wake. An intricate symbol made of the same blue light appeared in the center of the circle as the blonde diety mumbled a short, Latin incantation, snapping his hands back together at the end and thrusting them toward his own body.

The symbol just made a faint, dull buzzing sound and faded out. Naruto sat in position for a minute, waiting.

Any second now would be nice...

But it was useless. Nothing happened, and eventually he concluded that nothing was ever going to.

"Aaargh!" He growled exasperatedly, letting himself fall backward against the wall. "Stupid power. Stupid cold. Stupid rain. Stupid bastard falling off the roof."

"Sorry, next time I'll be sure to hang there 'til my fingers break."

Naruto jerked his head in the direction of the front door, where the familiar voice had suddenly come from. Unfortunately, his neck protested stiffly and he let out a pained moan as his head began throbbing.

Yep, he definitely hated being sick.

"Geez, idiot, you look worse than when I left," Sasuke commented, making his way over with several plastic bags hanging from his arms and hands. From the largest one he extracted a thick-looking blanket and tossed it down to the other boy. "Why didn't you go to sleep?"

"Tried, couldn't," Naruto muttered before examining the folded material he'd been given. "What's this for?"

"Che, you're cold aren't you? The other one's too thin. It won't be any help in this weather."

The dark-haired boy set the rest of the bags onto the tatami and sat down next to them, wary of the candles nearby that dimly lit the area. (While it was true that the lights on the ceiling were now in tact enough to work, the dojo probably hadn't gotten electricity for years.) While Naruto unfolded the large blanket and wrapped himself in it as thoroughly as he could, Sasuke fussed around in another bag. What he withdrew made Naruto's mouth water even with a waning apetite.

"I found a 24-hour convenience store, and this was the closest thing they had to instant soup. The gas station I stopped at had a microwave and water, but I had to put it in a cup I could put a lid on. I'm still surprised it survived the ride back here."

It was ramen. Miso flavoured ramen. If Naruto had had the energy, he would've glomped the other boy seven times over, bastard or not.

Sasuke just tossed him a pair of chopsticks, which Naruto hastily broke apart and put to use, and fished out a can of soda and a bag of trail mix that would probably last a couple of days.

They ate together in relative silence. Once they'd finished, the Uchiha emptied the bags completely, revealing several more cups of instant ramen, another two cans of soda, and a box of tissues. Sasuke explained that despite how meager their assets appeared, they should theoretically be enough to live on for the moment. However, he hadn't planned on one of them being sick. Sasuke couldn't support the both of them on his own even if he got a job; Naruto would have to pull his own weight as well.

"And I do have to go to school," Sasuke reminded. "My professors are already not going to be pleased that I missed the last couple of days."

Naruto suddenly perked up. "You mean the university? Can I come?"

"No."

The blond balked at the unabashed refusal. "Why not?"

"End of discussion. Now," the dark-eyed teen stood up again, glaring at the watch around his wrist, "I'm leaving, or I'll be late to my first class. Stay here, and out of trouble. Just go to sleep or something."

"But I tried that already! It didn't work!"

"Then try again."

And with that, the Uchiha grabbed his backpack and turned to walk away. Naruto would've protested more, but the mention of sleep had made his tiredness return ten-fold. He could only watch indignantly as the other boy's back got nearer to the door. It made a faint pang of melancholy rise in his heart as he remembered his seventeen years in Heaven, where, since birth, his line of sight had consisted solely of turned backs.

Then, at the door, Sasuke suddenly stopped, and turned his head. His dark gaze seemed to crush down the feeling with overwhelming force.

"Why," he asked after a long pause, his voice not mocking, or joyful, or really anything but well-veiled curiosity, "isn't Heaven stopping me?"

The System Force hadn't stopped him during the night when he left for supplies, and it didn't seem to be doing anything now. Naruto knew what it meant, and tucked his chin to his collarbone to hide the almost happy expression that crossed his features unwilled.

In explanation, he asked, "Well you're coming back here, aren't you?"

Sasuke just turned and walked out the door.

And just like that, Naruto was alone again. Except that, with Sasuke's question and the subsequent answer sliding through his mind like a stock ticker, he could only grin stupidly in the other boy's wake. He couldn't believe he was actually happy at the thought, but the fact still remained, proven by the System Force's lack of action.

Sasuke intended to return to him.

And Naruto couldn't not be completely ecstatic about that for some reason.

As the blond unwound the blanket from about himself, preparing to bed down and try again for some substantial and much-needed rest (pointedly ignoring the fact that he was doing exactly as Sasuke had suggested), he began to list off the things about his new roommate that pissed him off.

He's stubborn, arrogant, prissy, stuck-up, secretive, too quiet, touchy, bossy, antisocial, bland, insulting, and has mood swings. Naruto laid himself down, using the smaller blanket as a make-shift pillow.

And I'll grant that he's easy on the eyes, but his personality is so icy that he might as well be an expensive statue, made entirely of stone. In fact, I'll be he's only intending to come back here out of obligation to a sick person. Yeah.

Because, as much as it confused him, the System seemed to insist that Sasuke had a pure heart, and someone with such a heart would never just leave a sick person to die (which was what Naruto believed inevitably would happen to him, with the miserable way he felt).

Not to mention, this is his only place to stay for the time being, so he doesn't really have a choice!

Convincing himself that these had to be the only reasons the Uchiha bastard was planning on coming back, he closed his eyes, finding it much easier to frown at the thought of the dark-eyed teen.

But when he finally drifted off, he couldn't purge the tranquil smile from his lips.

Sasuke scowled deeply on his way to biology.

He'd already been chewed out twice, once by his calculus professor and then by his philosophy teacher (though, really, Kyouraku-sensei had seemed more disappointed than angry). Either way, things weren't looking up. He'd missed an important lecture in math, and though a girl from the front had offered him the use of her notes to copy from, he'd still found it difficult to understand the complicated integrals jotted out on the paper. ('A' sub 's' equals the integral from zero to one of two Pi- Where the hell did that 'y' come from!)

He sighed as he made his way down the hall. Yeah, he would probably have to see the professor sometime soon to have that lesson tutored to him. It was a shame he'd scheduled all his classes in a block. He should've left himself a little break in between so he could take care of things like this. The martial arts club met that day, so he wouldn't have any free time until after three, and by then Kuchiki-sensei would have already gone home.

Maybe I can steal some time tomorrow, after music theory...

Suddenly, however, his thoughts were broken by a rather disturbing -- and slightly raspy -- yell.

"Uchiha! Hey! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Uchiha!"

Stopping abruptly in his steps, his body seemed to freeze. He didn't want to turn around and acknowledge anyone so crude as to yell at him in a hallway surrounded by classrooms in session, and the fact that he knew who it was made him want to turn around even less.

But as a hand grasped his shoulder and turned his body forcefully, he really didn't get a say in the matter. Uzumaki Naruto looked up at him, and he couldn't decide whether to be more angry or surprised.

He settled on the former.

"Geez, here you are!" Naruto gushed noisily. "I've been looking all over campus for you! I asked a couple people if they knew-"

"Idiot! Shut up!" Sasuke cut him off. The few people in the hallway besides themselves were already looking strangely at the two boys, and if they continued on like they were, someone from a classroom would undoubtedly come out to hush them. "There are classes in these rooms," he continued more quietly before Naruto got the chance to retort. "Don't you know how rude it is to yell across the hall like that?"

Sasuke felt satisfied as an embarrassed blush appeared on the blond's face, and knew he'd gotten his point across. Taking hold of the tanned wrist which had only moments ago been attached to his shoulder, he yanked Naruto toward a deserted seating and locker area in an nearby skywalk.

After they were out of the way and in no danger of disturbing people with Naruto's loud style of conversation, Sasuke released the other boy and turned to face him, eyes smoldering lowly. "Now, what the hell are you doing here? I told you to stay at the dojo and go to sleep."

"I did!" was Naruto's defense. "But I woke up coughing a couple hours later, and couldn't get back to sleep. I wasn't hungry, so I got bored!"

"And what about being sick? Go back! Did you somehow forget that you've got a fever and are probably highly contagious?"

"Actually, I feel a lot better now! See?" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hand and put it to his forehead, smirking proudly.

Dark eyes widened as he felt first-hand the truth of the statement. Somehow, within just a few hours, Naruto's fever had totally disappeared. "How...?"

"Must've been the awesome healing powers of ramen!" the diety hooted. "The only thing left is my throat, and that'll probably go away soon, too."

"Great," Sasuke jerked his hand away. "Now why don't you go away? I've got class to go to, and you'll just be in the way."

"No I won't! Come on, Uchiha, don't be such a prick! I'll just be quiet and listen, and you won't even know I'm there!"

"Definitely not. Go back to the dojo."

"I'll get lost!"

"Then how did you get here?"

"I searched out your presence and followed it!"

"Take the bus. The answer is still no."

"Come on, bastard, please?"

"For the last time, no!"

"You're late, Uchiha-san. And students are to give proper notice before inviting guests to class. I might add that they are to attend class."

"I apologize for my absence, Ishida-sensei, and for the intrusion. An... unexpected situation came up. And this is Uzumaki... uh, Naru-something, a transfer student I've been assigned to escort around campus." Sasuke gestured to the blond teen at his side, who's initial enthusiasm upon entering the classroom was quickly beginning to wane.

The professor cast a long, icy glance at "Naru-something", and then turned back to the Uchiha, who was only less icy due to fewer years of practice.

"Very well," the professor relented, though not abandoning his supercilious attitude as he turned back to the blackboard to continue his lesson. "Take your seats."

Sasuke bowed wordlessly and began leading his now straight-faced companion up through the theatre-like lecture room, ignoring a fierce jab to his waist and the quiet hiss of "You don't even know my name yet, bastard?"

"Oh, and Uzumaki-san," Ishida-sensei suddenly continued, making Naruto pause in his step and turn around, while Sasuke just continued up to his desk without him. "Please take note that I do not tolerate disruptions in my class."

Naruto frowned irritatedly, but thought the better of replying. Instead, he turned back to the rear of the room, spotting his dark-haired acquaintance at the very top, empty desks on every side of him. On his way up to joining him, however, something caught his eye.

A boy with dark hair and pale skin, a bit like Sasuke in looks if his dark eyes weren't covered by square-ish glasses, wore the most atrocious white shirt he'd ever seen. A thin, blue cross covered his chest, and white shoulder flaps that joined in the back made for a sort of cape. And to add insult to injury, snug, white pants adorned his legs, with white shoes to finish off the pristinely horrifying outfit.

Suppressing an outward shudder, Naruto made his way quickly to the top and took the seat to Sasuke's right, beside a friendly looking girl who, unlike most others in the room, didn't seem to have a crush on Sasuke.

As he heaved a sigh and rested his head on his forearm atop the desk, however, he felt a quick poke from her direction, and lifted his head to face her.

She just pointed toward the front, where Ishida-sensei was talking about DNA transcription and drawing a rather detailed depiction of an mRNA strand being copied into existence by an RNA polymerase enzyme. "That's Ishida Ryuuken-sensei. He may be sort of off-putting at first, but he's a really good teacher," she whispered, smiling.

Naruto chuckled. Now he knew why she didn't have a crush on Sasuke. She had a massive one for the professor. Why, the blond didn't know. Sure, his sandy brown hair, handsome face, and sharp eyes commanded attention, but it was on the tip of Naruto's tongue to tell her to give up. That man had lost his wife some years before, and was little more than an unfeeling yeti now. The only things he cared about were his job, his finances, and... oh, look! A deeply buried concern for his... son?

Looking back to the fashion disaster a few rows ahead of him, he smirked widely and fought down a louder laugh.

"Good luck," he whispered back to the girl next to him. She'd definitely need it, though the confused look on her face made her look pretty cute. She'd probably have better luck with Sasuke the Bastard Brick.

Sasuke the Bastard Brick... who was furiously scrawling notes down a page per second to his left.

...Okay, maybe she should stick with the professor.

After all, he was a very good teacher, as she'd said. By the end of the class an hour later, Naruto had actually learned something about DNA, a subject which even the best tutors in Heaven couldn't successfully explain to him. Over all, it had turned out to be an interesting class.

He was excited. About learning. Whoa, this being-on-Earth-for-extended-periods-of-time thing was really starting to mess with his head.

And additionally, the sudden influx of information from the minds he'd looked into, however briefly, made him rather... chatty.

"...And did you see the kid a few rows up from us? The one with the white outfit?"

"That's Ishida-sensei's son," Sasuke muttered on their way to the martial arts club. His hand hurt, it having cramped from all the writing, and he figured his ears were going to as well in a few minutes if Naruto didn't slow down his excessive blabber.

"Yeah, I know. But seriously, he's got such a freakin' log up his ass! Not as bad as his dad, but... Anyway, do you two know each other? If it weren't for his horrible fashion sense and glasses, I'd say he was kinda like you! Although you know, he only dresses like that to make his dad upset. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He really just wants the man's attention. I mean honestly! Can't that-"

"Wait, wait," Sasuke interrupted. "How do you...?" And then he remembered. He didn't know how, but he'd momentarily forgotten that Naruto wasn't just a normal teenage boy, if sort of hyper-talkative at the moment.

"Duh, did you forget who you're talking to? I can read minds like books! Well okay, maybe that's stretching it a little, but... Oh! And by the way, it's Uzumaki Na-ru-to! And don't forget it, either! If you-"

"Uzumaki." Sasuke interrupted a second time.

"What?"

"Shut up."

tbc...

Preview:

Sasuke didn't even dignify that with annoyance. "Kakashi-sensei, this is Uzumaki Naruto."

"Ah! So you're the one Sasuke ran off with!" the man gushed, while still somehow managing to seem incredibly uninterested. Turning to the Uchiha, he continued. "I'd called your dormitory to see if you were up for training yesterday, but your brother informed me that you'd moved out with someone. I'd figured you must've found a nice woman, but... well, you two must be good friends, then, I suppose?"

"Hell no!" Naruto suddenly burst. "We're not friends! We're just..." He trailed off, trying to think of something more accurate to call them. They weren't friends yet, after all, not by a long shot. So then what? Roommates? Rivals? They weren't really classmates. Hm.

Unfortunately, before Naruto was able to settle on a term, Kakashi formed his own interpretation of the rather long pause.

And just because I feel like it:

Omake!

"You're late, Uchiha-san. And students are to give proper notice before inviting guests to class."

Sasuke was in no mood for this. It was hard enough to deal with the blond idiot beside him, and his irritation levels were already past critical. He couldn't believe he'd let Naruto persuade him into this.

"I might add that they are to attend class."

And with that, the Uchiha's Irritation Measuring Meter broke. Into a thousand pieces.

"And I might add that you should teach a class in your own storyline, and get out of this one!"

Ishida-sensei was shocked for a moment, before his icicle disposition returned, even sharper than before. "Watch your tongue, brat, before I dissect you with a spirit arrow. You're the one in the wrong storyline."

Sasuke was about to make a crafty retort about how he would quicker dissect the other with his wind shadow shuriken when a new voice spoke up from somewhere in the class.

"Actually," a short boy wearing a Nekomi Tech jacket began, the beautiful girl next to him watching on worriedly, "you're both in the wrong storyline."

Yes, it's Bleach. Yes, I'm a loser. Yes, I may also be on crack. No, I don't care.