Yep, I'm mean and evil.
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MEAN AND EVIL PPL UNITE!
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Or whatever. Go read the fic already!
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Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh
Claimer: I own whats I invented for this hur fic!
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He knew there was something wrong with being what he was, but what would a six-year-old care of politics? The lastborn son of a second son's second son, Yami was as uninvolved in the politics of Egypt as it was possible for someone of royal blood to be.
Perhaps, if there was some unbelievable massacre amongst his elder uncles and cousins, Yami might have been presented with the winged crown of the Pharaoh…well over fifty men would have to go, but that many and more had been killed for less in the past, hadn't they? Of course, Seto liked thinking about that far more than Yami ever could.
And what Seto REALLY liked to talk about were the ancient events he was learning about in the priesthood, and ghastly rituals with lots of blood seemed to be his favorite. Kind of disturbing for a seven-year-old bent on claiming the title of High Priest of the Pharaoh's Court, but Yami's elder half-cousin was strange and stubborn enough to try anyway. Yami wished him nothing but success.
As for Yami himself, he was useless. And he LIKED being useless. Useless boys got to make themselves more useful by going out into the public streets and making friends with the merchants and peasants.
(Yami's father, feeling especially bitter one night, had told him all about the choices Yami had for his future.)
A useless son of the nobility could become VERY useful if he was a friend to many people who weren't noble-blooded at all. After all, most of those noble-blooded people depended on the un-noble ones to keep themselves living in their comfortable lives. If the merchants and peasants decided that a nobleman was really and truly bad, they could make his life completely miserable.
So Yami spent his childhood wandering around the town, talking to the children and trying to make them like him, just as his father wanted. They sometimes made fun of his hair (spiked in three colors - what was wrong with that?) but they also let Yami play with them.
But Yami didn't become very popular, because they liked to play lots of games, and he ALWAYS won. The first time, this was a problem, and some of the peasant parents got angry at him. They had thought he was cheating, but now they had gotten used to it.
THEY liked Yami; he was such a polite, caring child - oh, and wasn't he the son of the local magistrate? Treating him nicely might lead to good things in the future. It was more politics after all. So, Yami had people to play with, but he didn't have any real friends - none of those loyal friends that stayed by your side forever and ever (Or so Father had said). And those were what Yami wanted - no more faking friends, and definitely no more creepy Setos.
That was when Yami met Bakurah.
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Father had always said to stay on the main roads near the markets. The edges of the city were full of riffraff and criminals who would enjoy making even a useless nobleman's son disappear. If he ever found out that Yami had decided to explore the slums, Father said, he'd give Yami the worst punishment of his entire life.
And Yami was a good son, so he never went there. The slums had to come to HIM first, and they did - in the form of a strange, pale-haired figure who nearly killed Yami by running into him.
"Oww!" Yami groaned, holding his aching head.
"Watch where you're going, idiot!" growled the stranger, who was rubbing his own head, "Is your brain fulla bricks or donkey shit?"
"You ran into me!" Yami protested, unused to being the receiving end of such verbal abuse.
Yami soon learned that it was time to get used to it, as the strange boy leapt to his feet and promptly rattled off a whole string of words that Yami didn't understand - beyond the fact that swearing like THAT made elderly people puke their guts up.
"And 'cause you were stupid and got in my way," the strange boy suddenly declared, interrupting his own rant to take in Yami's slightly-better-than-average wardrobe, "You oughta give me something. An apology gift sounds good. You'd better make it lots'n'lots of gold."
"What?"
Now Yami wasn't sure he if was hearing things correctly.
"You hit me, and you're obviously well-off enough to pay for it…"
The strange boy started looking rather menacingly down at the still-seated Yami. It suddenly occurred to Yami that they were alone in a deserted alleyway, with no adults in sight, and that he might even be in some danger.
But there was something else that was occurring to Yami as well, a kind of sudden, impulsive idea, and since he was a six-year-old boy, Yami decided that impulse-decision making was the way to go.
"You hit your brain so hard it made you really stupid," Yami said, getting to his own feet and calmly dusting himself off, "Now go away."
The strange boy frowned, not liking this at all. Why wasn't this little freak scared of him?
"Oh yeah? Well, YOU hit YOUR brain so hard it turned into camel piss," the strange boy retorted, "Don't you know who you're dealing with? I am the great masterful thief Bakurah, and if you don't give me what I asked nicely for, I'll take it from you the nasty an' painful way! Now pay up!"
Yami stuck his tongue out.
"Make me!"
"You asked for it!" 'Bakurah' yelled.
With a semi-mighty battle cry, Bakurah jumped towards his prey, assuming this little merchant brat would be no challenge at all for him. He'd been fighting other boys for most of his six or seven years (there no way to be sure) and was very confident in himself when it came to fights.
Bakurah's unshakable self-confidence was more than a little rattled when his supposedly weak prey more than held its own through hard kicks, much hair-pulling, and biting. Bakurah quickly resorted to doing the same thing, and the whirling, snarling mess of Yami and Bakurah made its own way up the alley in no time flat.
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"You stupid ASS," Bakurah complained, "You LEFT one of your stupid ass TEETH in my ARM! OW!"
Yami merely grinned cheekily back at him, missing tooth and what promised to become a nice black eye prominent. Actually, both boys looked rather worse for wear. After almost fifteen minutes of trying to rip each other apart, both combatants, exhausted from the struggle, agreed to a temporary truce. Bakurah was currently poking a crescent-shaped mark near his shoulder, trying to get the offending tooth out before the blood went hard.
"Stupid little bastard," Bakurah said once the tooth was out, "You probably waited around in those stupid clothes, just to trick me! Well, you can't fool the kind of great and masterful thief that I am with such a stupid plan!"
"You're kind of an idiot," Yami replied calmly, "Did you know that?"
"Oh, WOW," Bakurah said, completely sarcastic, "I DIDN'T! PLEASE, tell me MORE!"
Yami glared at him. Who knew it was possible for someone his own age to be so completely stupid? No longer interested in having anything to do with this freak, Yami got up and walked away. He didn't go very far, though - he had to think of some way to explain to his father that he had gotten into a fight. It would be awful for Father to punish him for something not even his fault!
Not long afterwards, an apple flew towards Yami. It landed safely in his lap, and Yami blinked as the crazy Bakurah sat down next to him, chewing on another apple.
"Guh'wan, eat it," Bakurah grumbled, "You're lucky that I'm so nice, you little bastard."
Frowning, Yami bit into his apple. It was a very good apple, and he wondered what Bakurah was up to.
"I'm not going to apologize for biting you, just because you bought me an apple," Yami made a point of saying.
"Good, 'cause I never bought no apple for you," Bakurah grunted.
Yami hesitated.
"How'd you get it, then?" he challenged.
Bakurah rolled his eyes.
"Your head is so full of crap its unbelievable - I said I was a thief twice already! Idiot."
Yami continued eating his apple, now going about it a little more thoughtfully. That made sense - and it meant that Yami wasn't doing something bad by eating this apple. He certainly hadn't stolen it, and besides, it was just an apple.
"Why are you a thief?" Yami asked, curiosity aroused.
Bakurah blinked. Apparently, he hadn't really thought about that much before. Then, with a fiendish grin - only slightly diminished by his bruised and battered features - the pale-haired boy said "'Cause I'm the best there is at being a thief, of course! What else would I be, with this amazing talent of mine? And one day, I'll be the best thief there ever was!"
Yami was almost actually impressed. Bakurah had a really interesting thing going for him - but then he ruined things by giving Yami a condescending pat on the head.
"You're a little crazy weirdo freak kid," Bakurah said, "But you fight pretty good. Wanna be my thieving assistant?"
"Your what?" Yami blinked.
"See, when I become King of all the Thieves in the World," Bakurah explained, as if sharing a delightful secret, "I'm gonna have so much gold, you wouldn't believe it. And I need somebody to carry it all, so that's what YOU can do!"
"I don't wanna carry your stupid gold! That's so stupid!" Yami complained.
"Hey, hey," Bakurah said, still smirking as he patted Yami on the head again, "Listen, little bastard, I'm older than you are, so just listen to me and you'll learn a lot. I mean, I guess you must think you're the smartest four-year-old around - OW! FUCKING HELL, BASTARD!"
Bakurah was swearing because the second the words 'four-year-old' had entered the conversation, Yami had jumped Bakurah, kicking him fiercely as he yanked hard down on Bakurah's long pale hair.
"I AM NOT FOUR! I'M JUST A LITTLE SMALL FOR MY AGE!" Yami shrieked - this was what Seto-creep always teased him about and he wasn't about to take it from some kid his own age!
With much swearing, the fight started up again. Inexplicably, a strange relationship had also begun…
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"…And I don't see what was so funny," Yami mentioned, watching his little mortal look-alike trying and failing to keep his laughter concealed.
Yugi faltered, taking in the seriously-not-amused look on Yami's face…before spontaneously bursting out into giggles again.
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"S-Sorry," Yugi managed, after taking another five minutes to get himself back under control, "But - I never imagined you'd turn out to be that kind of little - that kind of little brat!"
Yami frowned, then rolled his eyes and sighed. Normally, he would have stalked away to go brood over this utter/okay-maybe-not-so-very-utter humiliation…but stalking anywhere was still impossible in the HellPit, and besides, he was actually starting to feel properly warm for the first time in five thousand years.
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"Okay, I'm good. We can keep going now," Yugi said, "So, you met Bakura - and wait, he was human too? I mean, you didn't see a tiny demon, did you?"
"Sometimes I'd thought I had," Yami grumbled, "He always was a selfish bastard."
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Yugi looked like he was considering contesting this, then decided to wait on it. Instead, he stretched slightly in his 'seat' - still being held close to Yami - and said, "So, you met Bakura…what happened next?"
Thinking of what came next, Yami's frown deepened, before he opened his mouth to speak.
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