FROM THE ASHES

Chapter 7

As soon as the sun came up, the light filled the room enough to reach Anakin's newly healed eyes. He had never been so happy to have the sun in his eyesin his life! He opened them and looked over at Padme and the babies, still sound asleep. Quietly he got out of bed and went out to watch the sunrise on the veranda. Enjoying the sight so much, Anakin began to feel more guilty about lying to Padme and Obiwan about still being blind. He had been so happy when his sight returned, he had wanted to scream it out to everyone, but he held the secret to himself, hoping everyone would just leave him alone and not expect him to resume his previous life. Padme had always said, when are we going to start being honest with each other, and she was right. But knowing her policy on honesty, he knew she'd make him tell Obiwan, and he'd tell Yoda, and they'd expect him back at the temple with more duties. He couldn't do that. The thought of returning to that temple after what had occured the last time he was there sent him into a state of sheer panic. He couldn't set foot in there again. His harrowing experience and near death at Mustafar had left him in a state of shock and fear of ever putting himself in any dangerous situation again. What had happened to the young man who had wanted action, adventure and power? Had he been left on the burning sands of Mustafar? Anakin tried to put this out of his mind. He couldn't deal with it now, so he just wouldn't. He only wanted to stay around in peace and safety with Padme and the babies. His life was complete now. Or was it?

When he came back inside, he went into the bathroom and stared at his own face in the mirror. It really didn't look any different than he remembered it, the treatments had even improved the long thin scar on the right side of his face he'd had before. His eyes were just as they had been, now so clear once again he could see his own reflection in them. His vision was just as good, too. A warm feeling came over Anakin as he realized how lucky he had been, surviving and being healed from all his terrible wounds and afflictions. He took a shower, shaved, combed his hair neatly and got dressed, now that it all came easy to him again. The struggle of his injuries and nightmarish helplessness and darkness of his blindness were now over. Checking on Padme, there was so sign of stirring from the bedroom, so he set about to surprise her with a big breakfast. He'd just say it was good therapy for him, he was getting better at dealing with his handicap. What a lie, and he hated himself for it. Searching his mind, he was unable to bring himself enough courage for a confession. How long would he have to keep it up? He'd eventually admit being able to see, but if they found out in the meantime, would his wife and best friend hate him for it? He simply couldn't let that happen. Now that his eyes were working again it wasn't going to be easy pretending they couldn't look at anything, but he had to give it a try. Padme was feeling so much pity and love for him, he didn't want to give up that tenderness. She felt so sorry for him she never even mentioned his turning to the dark side, his pillage at the temple, or even choking her while she was pregnant. He couldn't do anything to change her feelings and love toward him. Poor 'blind' Anakin would have to stick around awhile longer, and milk it for all it was worth. He knew his life would be misearable if he had to keep playing blind forever, but he'd have to choose the right time to admit he had been miracusly cured, and claim it had just happened. He'd have to be very careful no one found out until then,

In the bedroom, the babies started to grunt, and Anakin went to their side. It was Luke, fussing and sucking on his little fists. Anakin smiled at him, picked him up and put him over his shoulder. Leia was awake but not fussing, so he left her there for now. As he started to walk away, Padme opened her eyes and saw him from the back as he was carrying out Luke. "Anakin, are you sure you can manage with the baby in your arms?"

He didn't turn to face her as he answered. "Sure I can, don't worry."

"Be careful!" she watched as he carried Luke in one arm, 'feeling' his way out of the room with the other in front of him. Padme rolled back over and treid to get more sleep. Anakin took Luke out onto the veranda, getting a good look at him for the first time in bright light. He smiled as he noticed how much Luke had taken after him, and how cute and perfect he really was. He held him snugly in both arms, and looked up at the sky.

"Isn't it beautiful, Luke, just look." He whispered. "When you're older, I'm going to take you flying through all that, over it, and beyond it, out to the stars." He kissed the top of his head. Anakin then paid equal attention to Leia, noticing how much she favored Padme. He fed both babies, using the force to call the bottles to him. He had been unable to do that while blinded, because it required actually seeing the object being moved, where it started, and grabbing it out of the air. He glanced over nervously to make sure Padme hadn't seen. Putting the twins down in a rocker seat Padme's mother had bought them, he set about to make breakfast. When Padme came out and saw him standing there over the food, she smiled with pride.

"Well, you've done very well this morning. I'm so proud of you. I can't believe the change in your attitude, you seem so much more positive."

He smiled, but tried not to meet her eyes. "This way that I am, the way that my eyes are, I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life, so I'm going to have to get used to it and make the best of it." He didn't feel this was a lie, he never said what 'way' his eyes were! She was so touched she ran right over to hug him.

"Mmm." She said. "You smell wonderful, clean and refreshed. I could almost eat you. And your hair looks so nice."

"Yes, it's grown back a lot."

"I know, but I mean, it's incredible you were able to comb it and style it so beautifully when you can't even see yourself in the mirror."

Anakin felt a bit uncomfortable. He hadn't thought of that. Was she getting suspicious? She only grinned and fondled the curls in his hair with her fingers. "Obiwan said you'd be able to use the force to help you compensate in some ways. I'm proud of the progress you've made, my love. I knew having the babies around would cheer you up." He exhaled in relief. She didn't suspect a thing, though that made him feel guilty too. She trusted him completely and didn't think for a moment he'd be dishonest over something like this. She turned and looked at the table. "Oh, Anakin, this is wonderful, you made me breakfast all by yourself, and took care of the babies too! You are so brave!" She hugged him as she whimpered a muffled cry under her breath, deep pity for her 'blind' husband. He felt gulty again, but enjoyed the attention she gave him. As she sat across from him as they had breakfast, he tried to pretend he couldn't see his food. He thought how wrong, and silly, it all was, but he had backed himself into a corner now. He'd have to keep up the charade.

"Anakin, I must go into work today, shall I send for Dorme to help with the babies?"

"No, no, I can do it." He insisted. The last thing he wanted was another person around to deal with, then he couldn't even let down his act while Padme was gone! He didn't want Dorme or any other human being. He wanted to be alone with Padme and the babies.

"Anakin, I know you're trying to be strong, but I don't want you take on something you can't handle."

"Are you saying I can't do it, you think I'll hurt them?"

"Oh no, don't be offended, I only want what's best for you and the babies. Can I at least bring Threepio back over here?"

Anakin thought a minute. Threepio would be a big help, but he also had a big mouth. He didn't know how that would work out. But having built him, Anakin knew he could handle the golden droid if he had to reprogram or even deactivate him at times. He mustn't look to suspicious, he'd have to go along with some help. "Yes, good old Threepio, my old friend." R2 was still at the temple with Obiwan, helping him with some computer circuitry in the archives. Threepio was to return that evening.

After Padme was gone and the babies were down for their naps, Anakin found his little hand held video game down the side of the sofa and amused himself for hours. Putting it away where she wouldn't see it had been used recently, he went back and laid in the bed next to the babies. This really wasn't much fun, he thought, he was rather bored. He was feeling fine now, and he didn't want to sit around the apartment all day. But what could he do? He wasn't going back to the temple. He wasn't going on any more missons. He wasn't going to start any new duties with the Jedi or certainly not the government. He laughed to himself for a minute, thinking how he had wanted to rule the entire galaxy, but now, that seemed so difficult, such a burden, who could be bothered? He rolled over and looked at the babies before taking a nap of his own. In his sleep, the dreams were unsettling. Images of 'that night' could be purged from his mind while awake, but asleep his subconscious would regurgitate them and he'd wake up feeling the terror again. It couldn't be real, he'd think at first, I didn't do that! When reality sunk in, it would take his mind to bad places, and there was no escape.The memories of Mustafar were hard on him too, fighting with Obiwan, how close he came to turning to the dark side, either he or Obiwan would surely have died that night if the fight continued. Memories of burning, lying blind and in pain on those rocks, Palpatine ordering his death at the hands of the Clones,.yet he had fulfilled the prophecy, and he did it blind and terribly injured. Now, what was left for him? Obiwan had questioned his sanity, now he was doing the same of himself. He dug both hands into his hair and buried his face in his pillow.

The doorbell rang several times until it had pulled Anakin from turmoil. He got up and walked straight to the door, not having to put on an act for anyone. That was nice. He hadn't realized how much he had taken for granted being able to see where he was going.Everything was so much easier with eyesight, he would be eternally grateful he was fortunate enough to get his back. He didn't even need to look through the peephole or turn on the intercom to know who was there. He could sense him strongly, it was Obiwan. He opened the door and tried to keep a blank look in his eyes. "Hello, Obiwan. Come in." He spoke first, but Obiwan knew he could sense him so he didn't think this was strange. Obiwan put his arm on Anakin's shoulder and Anakin allowed him to 'lead' him to the sofa.

"How are you feeling, Anakin?"

"I'm just fine."

"How are the babies?"

"They're fine too."

"Would you like for me to 'see' the babies for you?"

"No, they're napping, I don't want them to wake up and start crying again."

"Anakin, we have to talk."

Anakin sighed heavily.He was dreading this. "What for? I told you, I am not going back to the order. I don't even know what happened to my lightsaber."

"I have it, Anakin. I will give it back to you when the time is right."

"The time will never be right, you can't have a blind guy wielding one of those things. Keep it and give it to some new padawan, I'm sure you'll find one."

"I already have, Anakin. His name is Tal, he's thirteen, and he's very much like you were. I want you to help me train him."

"What could I do?"

Obiwan put both hands on Anakin's shoulders and made every attempt to look into his eyes, which Anakin kept down and unfocused. "You have a wealth of knowledge and experience. You needn't do anything physical, all you need to do is talk to him, tell him stories of the lessons you've learned, you can do that."

"Obiwan, I can't go back to the temple."

Obiwan rolled his eyes and heaved his chest. "You're going to have to someday, and it will be the best thing for you."

"How can that be, knowing what I did?"

"I have already told you, we all know that was not you who did that, and you fulfilled the prophecy, you are forgiven, Anakin! Yoda even wants to speak to you. He feels there is much he can do to help with your blindness."

Anakin turned his head away. "I told you I don't want to talk about that anymore, ever."

"Then how are you going to find the answer?"

"I have the answer, I'm blind."

"Anakin your entire visual system is in perfect shape, there has to be a mental reason you can't see. If you come with me to the temple, we can consult Yoda, the archives.."

"Leave it alone, Obiwan!"

"Don't you want to see again?" Obiwan was confused. He could sense Anakin was no longer feeling distress over his situation, but couldn't understand why he stopped caring. "So, you are at peace with your condition and your situation, the way things are now?"

"I am very much at peace." He didn't feel this was a lie, he was feeling very peaceful and relieved to be healed, and to see again, and not to have any duites.

Obiwan was frustrated, and he raised his voice. "So you're just going to sit here on the couch for the rest of your life?"

"I'm not going back to the Jedi temple!" He yelled, his face becoming harsher, but he kept his eyes half closed.

"Then perhaps, we can meditate on it all right now, right here. Anakin, I'm going to get inside your mind and find out what's wrong whether you like it or not."