FROM THE ASHES

Chapter 9

Anakin sat cuddling on the sofa with Padme and the babies. "Ahh!" He said aloud, closing his eyes and putting his real hand to his head.

"What is it, darling?"

"My head, I can feel, I can sense, someone is trying to probe my mind using the force."

"But who?" She asked.

"Who do you think? It's Obiwan! I sense he's getting Yoda to help him, that's why I'm getting this so strong. Did they really think I wouldn't be able to tell?" He almost smiled.

"But, Anakin, WHY would they do that to you?"

"Oh, they must want to know what's going on with me, why I won't go back into the temple.Obiwan is covinced I have some kind of mental block keeping me from seeing."

"Well, Anakin, he could be right. There doesn't seem to be a medical reason for your continued blindness." Anakin didn't answer, but in his mind, tried his best to shut out the prying force users.

"Anakin, I want you to go back to the med center. The doctors can use your eyes as an example of how to heal the others. Then they can examine you further.." He was indignant and almost angry.

"No! I told you, no more doctors, no more prodding droids. What my eyes did, they did. It means nothing about what others will do."

"I guess you're right, I'm sorry." She took his hand in hers, and lay her head so close to his heart she could feel it beating.

Over at the temple, the two Jedi came out of their meditation together. "Shut us out, young Skywalker did. Puzzles me, this does." Yoda commented. "If strong enough is his mind he can control our probing, how is it that able he is not to stop what is blocking his vision?"

Obiwan answered "because he doesn't want us in there, he wants that, at least his subconcious does. Could you get anything from his mind, Master Yoda?"

"Darkness I sensed, not in his eyes, but in his inner self."

"The dark side?"

"No, dark feelings. Gone to dark places, young Skywalker has been. Done dark deeds. Troubles him much, this does. Lift this shroud of darkness he must, and see again he will."

"How can we help him if he shuts us out?"

"Try, you must. "

"Yoda, I sensed fear in Anakin, did you as well?"

"Much fear young Skywalker still has. Lead him to the dark side, it will not, but it keeps him from the light. Rid himself of it he must."

"And he will see again?"

"His eyes I fear not for, but his mind and his soul."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing you can do if for himself he will not do.."

"That's the problem. He won't let me."

"Be there for him you must. When right is the time, help him you will."

"That's all I have been doing, Yoda."

"Give up on him, do not."

"I won't."

Another week passed, and Anakin continued along his chosen path. Padme spent much time at the Senate. She was sorry to be away from Anakin and the babies, and more than surprised Anakin never once asked about the workings of the government. He hated politics, but he loved power. But he had changed.. Now all he did was sit around the apartment, and fear everything. He played his little game a lot, watched a bit on the vidscreen, but had gotten tired of being in the apartment. He was beginning to feel trapped, in a cell he had created himself. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't let Padme know he was faking. He lived in dread fear of ever going back to the temple because the deeds he had committed there traumatized him so much was almost paralyzed by the fear it brought. The memories of his near death at Mustafar only compounded this and left him a mental basket case, a mere shadow of what he had been. He was surprised that after his shattered body had healed so well, he was still feeling so crippled. Even at home, he would not be free. He had become a prisoner of his own device.

Obiwan went to the senate building, but not on business. He visited Padme, and asked her to speak with him. "Padme, I haven't seen Anakin in days. He's shutting me out, in person, and even when I try to reach him through the force. What can I do to help him? Why doesn't he want me to try?"

"Obiwan, he is doing this to himself. He has become a recluse and a coward. I want Anakin back, the way he used to be."

"So do I, Padme. Tell me, how is he doing at home, what about his eyes?"

"The poor thing, it breaks my heart to see him struggling around the way he does. He gets up early every morning and takes care of the babies for me so I can sleep later. You should have seen him, it was so cute! I got up and peeked quietly around the doorway this morning, and I saw him there on the sofa, a baby on each arm, he looked like he was looking right at them. I hope maybe they can help break the block in his mind so he can see."

Obiwan rubbed his beard as he considered this. "Did he know you were watching?"

"No, how could he, he can't see, and he didn't hear me. I kept watching him, and I saw him use the force to bring the bottles to him."

Obiwan's eyes and mouth went a bit wide at hearing this. "He did? Padme, are you sure? You actually saw him calling the bottles to him, through the air, with the force?"

"Yes, it is nice he can still rely on the force so he didn't have to get up and walk."

"Padme, I don't know how to tell you this."

"Tell me, what?"

"Padme, a person has to be able to see to call things to them. You must see it, direct it with your hand and eyes, then reach into the air and take it."

Padme's eyebrows knitted in a frown. "Anakin is strong in the force. I see no reason he shouldn't find a way to do that blind."

"Padme, trust me, I'm a Jedi, I know these things. Anakin had to be able to see those bottles to move them to him."

"Obiwan what are you saying, do you mean he gets spurts of vision, why didn't he tell me?"

Obiwan was impressed by her love and faith in her husband, so much she was blinded to what he was doing to her. "Padme, I'm sorry, but I think Anakin may be fooling us. That's why he's trying so hard to keep me away and shut me out! Don't you think if he were really blind, he'd be doing anything he could to meditate on finding a cure with me? Why do you think he no longer seems upset about losing his sight, he has it!"

"I don't believe you, that's a terrible thing to say, Anakin was really blind..."

"Yes, I believe he was but he isn't anymore. At some point he got his sight back and didn't tell us."

"Why would he do that to us, why would he feel he couldn't share such a wonderful thing with the two people closest to him?"

"It's the fear, Padme. Yoda and I can sense his fear. His fear of returning to the temple and facing what he did, his fear of losing you, and your love. His fear of ever having to deal with anything difficult again. His body is healed but he's an emotional cripple, he still needs help." Padme was crying now. Obiwan felt so bad for telling her, but felt it was important.

"I'm so sorry, Padme."

"I don't believe you."

"You just watch him, and let me know what you find out."

"You want me to spy on my own husband?"

"If you catch him, you must let me know."

"If I catch him, I will confront him myself. I can assure you of that." With a sad but determined expression, she headed straight home.

In her apartment, Anakin sat fiddling with his video game. The babies were safe and sound and he had shut Threepio down because of his annoying whining and lectures about fooling Mistress Padme. Padme got a friend to drop her off at her building, but didn't enter through the veranda as she usually did, but came up through the internal elevator to the front door, as Obiwan had been doing lately. Not hearing her arrival, and not sensing her due to his intense concentration on his game, Anakin was still sitting there playing the game when she walked in the door and saw him! He didn't look up at her, continued to keep his eyes down, but stopped playing the game. He froze with fear, knowing she was there, but not knowing what to say.

"Well, Anakin, how much fun can it be to play a video game blind?" She asked him in a cold voice.

"I- I can use the force to direct my moves in this game."

"That's incredible!" She said, and for a moment he felt he had successfully fooled her. Then she walked over to him and took the game from his hands, examining it. "Hmm, impressive, mighty high score you got there for someone who can't even see the screen."

"I am very strong with the force, you know."

Padme glared at him and handed his game back to him. He dared not look up, or reach for the game. She rolled her eyes and huffed in frustration as she placed the game back into his hands. She then walked behind the sofa and covered his eyes with her hands. "Now." she grinned, "let's see how well you play that game using only 'the force'! Come, on, show me, I'm waiting."