Disclaimer: The characters depicted in the following fanfiction story do not belong to us. They are the intellectual property of the brilliant Jonathan Larson and his estate. Lt. Green does not belong to us either. He comes from the Law and Order Universe, where there is not enough singing.
The familiar answering machine message played, much to Collins' disgust.
"SPEAK"
"C'mon, Mark, Roger, pick up! I know someone's there. I need you to bail me out again. C'mon guys!"
When someone finally picked up the line, it wasn't Mark or Roger as Collins had expected. "Collins, sweetie, what have you done now?"
"Maureen? What the hell are you doing over there?"
"Oh, I was just planting some underwear in Mark's bed. I like making him think Joanne and I have been messing around there. It's fun to watch him squirm. Sweetie, why do you need to be bailed out? Another exercise in anarchy gone awry?"
"Um, not exactly."
"Were you streaking again?"
"Nope, it's kind of embarrassing."
"What, then?"
"Jaywalking. I got picked up for jaywalking, OK."
It took a moment for Maureen to compose herself. "Alright, honey. I'm not sure how long I'll be, but I'll be down as soon as I can. See ya then."
"Thanks, Mo. Don't be too long. They're throwing a double parker in here with me and I'm going to be bored to death."
Joanne Jefferson picked up her office phone. "Hello."
"Pookie, I'm in a pickle. Can you come and get me and Collins out of jail?"
"Maureen, what have you done now?"
"It wasn't my fault! The man who sold me those fireworks totally ripped me off! How was I supposed to know those things were going to explode and burn a few cars?"
"What the hell did you do, Maureen?"
"I started a protest about archaic traffic laws in order to get Collins out of jail and my pyrotechnics display went haywire so they arrested me for arson."
"Alright, I have a break in about twenty minutes so I'll come and get you then. Try not to commit any more crimes until I get there, OK?"
"Thanks, Pookie. Does that mean I shouldn't show my tits to the officer on guard duty?"
"For heaven's sake, NO!"
"OK, Pookie, see you in a few minutes."
Benny was just about to leave his apartment when his phone rang. "Hello, Benjamin Coffin III speaking."
"Hi, Benny. It's Joanne. Remember when I drew up the contracts for that corporate merger? You owe me a favor and I'm calling it in right now."
"Who do you need me to bail out?" he sighed.
"Well, Maureen tried to get Collins out of jail by doing some sort of protest, but she burned some cars got thrown in for arson, and when I came down to get her, they locked me up for unpaid parking tickets."
Benny could hear a faint "Sorry, Pookie" in the background.
"Alright, I'll be down in a half-hour. I just need to get my ATM card back from Allison."
The manager of the Cat Scratch Club picked up the phone. "Hello, ... ya want to speak with who? Mimi? Who's Mimi? ... OH!...just a minute... Hey Lawn chair girl, you're wanted on the phone."
Mimi picked up the receiver. "Hello," she said, tentatively.
"Hey, Mimi, it's Benny. I'm in a jam and I need some help."
"What do you need Benny? I'm a little busy at work right now . This better be important."
"I need you to come and bail me out along with Collins, Maureen and Joanne."
"Benny, you're the most law-abiding of all of us! How did you end up in jail?"
"Allison wouldn't give me the ATM card and I got a bit loud about it."
Collins' voice came over the phone. "Loud? We could hear you in here, six blocks away. I'd hate to hear your idea of 'out-of-control'".
"Anyway, I've been arrested for disturbing the peace. Can you come and get me?"
"I'm on break now, so I'll be there pretty soon."
"SPEAK"
"Roger, pick up! Please!"
"Hey Mimi, what's up?"
"I need you to come bail me out."
"WHAT! Mimi, I told you to give up that stuff. Nothing good can come of drugs. And I'm not going to get mixed up in that shit again."
"It's not drugs, Roger. I was on my way to bail out Benny when..."
"BENNY? What are you doing with that scumbag?"
"He was trying to bail out Collins, Maureen, and Joanne. I'm just being a friend, Roger."
"Oh, that's different, then."
"Anyway, I left in such a hurry that I accidentally grabbed the wrong coat and the owner had just called the police because it's worth a heap of money or something. Then I got into trouble for resisting arrest. Now that's not my fault either. You know that whenever I feel handcuffs I feel it as a challenge to better my artistic expression."
"Meaning you escaped and slapped the cuffs on the cop."
"Yeah. So can you come and get us?"
"I'll be down in a bit. I need to get some money."
"SPEAK"
"Mark, man, pick up. It's important."
"What's wrong Roger? Wait a second., did you take your AZT?"
"Of course I did! Why do you always have to ask all the time. Anyway, you know Collins' ATM?"
"The one where you can get money by punching in Angel's name as the code?"
"Not anymore. The cops are onto us. I got arrested by a big guy that looks like Collins."
Mark could hear Collins say, "Yeah, he's a handsome bastard, that one."
"Anyway, we're all down here accused of various crimes, and you're the only one who can get us out."
"Don't panic. I'll find the money somehow, even if it means selling more footage to Alexi again. It may take a couple of hours, but I'll be there as soon as I have the money.
About four hours later, the seven friends entered the loft.
"I can't believe you all got arrested," said Mark.
"I can't believe Collins asked out that Lt. Green guy," said Maureen. "How narcissistic can you get?"
"Mark, where did you get the money for bail anyway?" asked Benny.
"Yeah, now that they're on to the ATM. I've got to find another one." added Collins.
"Well, I was looking in the cookie jar..."
"For something to sell?" said Collins. "Dude, I've stopped keeping my stash there ever since you put it in the brownies, which were good, by the way."
"Yeah, I figured. That's why I've started keeping my emergency money there. Anyway I knew I wouldn't have enough for all of you, but I figured it was a start. Then I went through the bills and found a note from Angel. She anticipated something like this would happen eventually. She left a few savings bonds to be used for bail in the event of an emergency."
"That's my girl, still taking care of us."
Roger still had one question. "Mark, how did you avoid getting arrested? You've committed your share of criminal activities over the past couple of days."
"Well, I guess I was just lucky. Thank God they didn't find out about our stolen cable."
Author's note: Many thanks to MissGeorgia for her beta work and to the other half of Lapetesilente for the ideas and encouragement to continue this story in the middle of the night.