AN: My darling beta, Nevacaruso, told me this chapter was wrong in ways that hasn't been invented yet. It is, too, so please be aware that this chapter features some creepy inappropriateness. Here we have Jean Grey making a difficult decision, and taking comfort from the one person she truly feels understands what it's like to be a telepath.

Thanks for reading, I hope this section doesn't terrify y'all away!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 18

When she ended things with Scott, she'd expected to be upset. After all, she'd been half in love with him for years, and when they'd finally gotten together…

I thought it would be forever.

She'd never imagined it would come to this; a tearful confrontation out by the pool, shivering in the cold as she tried to make him understand that it just wasn't working. As friends they had an amazing bond, but it wasn't translating as well as she'd always thought—hoped—that it would into a relationship. His concern was stifling where once it had been sweet, and there times when she lay in his arms and wished she were somewhere, anywhere, else.

She felt trapped. This was about Scott, yes, but it wasn't just that—it was that thing she felt was stalking her lurking beneath her waking self, waiting to drown her if she didn't keep her guard up and force it back down. It was too much, and she couldn't…she just didn't have the effort to keep fighting so many things all the time. It was exhausting.

This wasn't good, and it wasn't healthy, and despite how much she cared for him she couldn't do it anymore. She loved him too much to wake up one morning and hate him, but if they didn't put some distance between them, she was afraid she'd end up resentful. He didn't understand—she hadn't really thought he would—and while he remained quiet and guarded during their conversation, his inner distress was magnified a thousand-fold by her psychic abilities, since he was too upset to shield his thoughts from her at all.

Oh, God, Jean I love you, can't live without you, you're everything no please don't do this--

She'd left him sitting stoically on the lawn chair next to the pool, but she hadn't wanted to, and it's not what he'd wanted, either. It was what he said he wanted, but she knew better. Still, she'd given in and retreated, her heart breaking as she turned her back on him and walked away.

I can't believe it's come to this. Exhausted, she'd fled up the lawn and back towards the mansion, trying to keep a rein on her unhappiness until she had a moment alone to give vent to it in private.

Jean?

She heard the psychic reverberation in her head and she paused, momentarily confused, before she realized who it was. Charles?

What is the matter? You sound so very upset, I could hear you from here. His voice in her mind was calm, collected. Everything she really, really needed at the moment.

Oh, Charles, I had to break up with Scott, I had to, because it wasn't working and I don't want to hate him, I love him so much, but he's so upset and crying and I can't-- Her hysteria mounted, and she leaned against the marble hall table and tried desperately to slow her frantic breathing.

Jean! Come to my room, and we'll discuss this, and I'll help you calm down. Concern edged the smoothness of his mental presence, and Jean felt her panic begin to wane. She headed towards the stairs, climbing them two at a time, nearly running when she entered the hallway that lead to his bedroom.

Charles would calm her down. He always did. She pushed the door open with her telekinesis and ended up on her knees before him her head in his lap, sobbing as if her heart would break.

Presently, she became aware of his hand, stroking gently down her hair as she lay quieted, her fingers curled lightly into the fabric of his trousers.

"Oh," she said softly, realizing the cloth beneath her face was wet with her tears. "I'm—I'm sorry," she murmured, her voice choked and hoarse from her crying. "It's just—" she tried to raise her head, a little embarrassed at her behavior.

Shhh, Jean. Just relax. You're all right, and it's okay to cry. Charles continued to move his hand down her hair in a lulling, soothing rhythm.

He wants so much from me. Quietly she relaxed against him, opening her mind, allowing Charles entrance so that he could understand why she'd ended it.

Jean… His hand caught in her hair, his fingers tightening slightly as he gave the slightest indication of protest to what she was offering. You don't have to show me this. It's enough to know that you did what you thought was best.

No, please. I want you to see, want someone to understand. Please….I need this. Her mental voice was pleading, her breathing becoming frantic again as she felt the push of his mind, but she didn't pull away—mentally or physically—as he tentatively reached out to see what she wanted to show him.

She let it all wash over her; her fear that she could never live up to what Scott wanted of her, that she could never be enough for him. Her deep need for safety after the uncertainty of the last few months, and Scott's desire to find certainty in her, and how in the last few weeks she'd chafed under this, feeling like she needed to break free and—

The panic started again, hot and strong, and deep within her mind she felt a flash of something like heat, and saw a spark like fire behind her closed eyelids. "Oh…Oh, God."

Jean…you must calm down. Let me help you…let me help you.

She nodded frantically, fingers desperately clutching at him, shivering.
No. I won't let it take you, Jean. I won't. I promise.

Jean sighed as he pressed onward, pushing back the fear as he went, soothing her troubled mind with each passing moment like a cool breeze in summer.

Thank you… His mind was so powerful, and it hurt, just a little; she squirmed uncomfortably, but shook her head when he asked her if she wanted him to stop. Please just…just finish.

When his mind was fully connected to hers, Jean floated in a soft cocoon of quiet lassitude, feeling her body become languid and relaxed. She rubbed her face lightly against him, wanting to let him know how very thankful she was for what he was doing with a gesture of undeniable affection. She knew he couldn't feel her gentle caresses, so she sent out the slightest psychic pulse so that he could.

What are you doing? There was a husky sort of tone to his mental-thoughts that she'd never quite heard before.

You've been so wonderful, Charles, thank you… Jean moved closer, sighing a little in bliss. This was so much nicer…She kept amplifying her soft caresses, wanting him to see how very good she felt, wanting to give something back in appreciation for his kindness.

His hand tightened in her hair, just briefly, then began to rub her neck. She felt something…not bad, but very different than she'd ever felt from him before begin to intrude upon the peacefulness of their connection. His fingers were warm on the skin of her neck, and as he continued to lightly caress her skin she finally figured out what it was he was feeling—

Oh. Her surprise was intense and immediate, that he should think this about her…

I'm—my apologies, Jean. I don't mean…I shall end our connection. This is…most inappropriate.

Oh, but it wasn't. Drifting along as she was, wrapped up in him and his beautiful, calm mind, she could think of absolutely no reason why he shouldn't give vent to the impulses she could feel sliding like a current beneath his thoughts.

No…you're upset, and vulnerable to my suggestions.

Jean smiled at that. This is what I need, Charles. Please… She concentrated her energies around that warm pulse of desire that was slowly creeping into his thoughts, and wound a gentle thread of her own around it.

She heard him inhale sharply, and then very carefully, she felt his hand slide around to smooth over her throat, ghosting lightly over her collarbone. "Jean, this is not…you must stop," he said sternly, but his fingers were drawing back and forth, back and forth, in a way that did not suggest to her that he wanted to stop at all.

She shivered a little under the touch, looking up at him. His dark eyes were heavy-lidded, his face flushed. I must stop this. You are too young, you are my student--

No. Not anymore… "It's okay, Charles," she whispered, her voice surprisingly firm.

No. Jean, it isn't…

But she knew, she knew, that he wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe that he could do this, with her, even though he felt it was so very wrong…

He's wanted it before, even though he knew it was wrong. He has thought about you, naked and wanting him, your eyes closed and your body and mind at his mercy--

"Jean…no, you shouldn't…" His voice was loud in the darkness, strangled and desperate. "You shouldn't be able to see that…"

It was too hard, however, for her to stop. She continued to draw the heated images from his mind, shivering with a dark, tantalizing desire as she did so. She began to slide her mind against his again, gently at first, her hands moving up and down his legs, sharing the sensation of touch with him. "Charles…"

He was trying to make her stop, trying to force her out. Jean pushed harder, wanting suddenly for him to just admit it, that he wanted her, that all those things he'd thought of made him vaguely ashamed, yes, but also very, very aroused. You don't have to be ashamed, not anymore. You can have it, what you want.

This cannot happen, he protested, but she felt invisible hands begin to slide up and down her back, under her shirt, over her soft satin bra. Jean, you must control it… His voice was as desperate as his touch, his conflicting desires of stop and more washing over her in a torrent.

No, please, she begged, exhilarated, returning the caress with invisible hands of her own, moving in a rush over his body and sending forth bursts of sensation to accompany the caresses. I don't want to control it, please…

The world began to tilt as she felt them rise, drifting through the air until they came to rest on top of his bed, her body draped across his. His hands were in her hair, fingertips pressed tight against her scalp.

You were never supposed to see that, Jean. Never. I have kept that from you since we began our sessions together in the summer.

But I have seen it, Charles. She stared down at him through the curtain of her long red hair, happy that he'd not pushed her away, hungry for more of what only he could give her. She used her mental powers to draw a line down his body, wrapping him in sensation, shy tendrils of her own desire growing stronger as the connection strengthened.

He moaned aloud, and the sound thrilled down her spine, causing her to squirm and push harder with her mind and her body both. You can read my mind, Charles. You know that I want this…you know that I want you.

He drew her mouth down to his almost desperately, his hands moving up and down her back, finally allowing himself to join fully with her on the mental plane, finally allowing her to feel the full strength of his desire. His mouth was warm and insistent, his hand anchoring her to him tightly around the back of her neck.

They lay together on the bed, her body warm on top of his, kissing as the world faded away. She was gasping and writhing under his skillful manipulation of power, lost to the sensations he was creating and sharing with her. His hands, his mouth, his body was everywhere all at once, and in her haste to bring him pleasure she gave the same back, nearly drowning from all the heat and want between them.

It was over very quickly; her body bowed, her head thrown back, a rush of red flashing behind her eyes as the pleasure spiked. She heard his groan as he found his release, and it was a soft spread of warmth in her mind; gentle flares of white heat combining with her own. When it was over she collapsed against his chest, breathing hard, satisfied in a way she'd never dreamed possible.

"Jean," he murmured quietly, tipping her head up to his. She felt the slight tremble in his hands and smiled a little. "Are you…all right?"

She nodded, shifting a bit, not wanting to hurt him.

"You're not," he assured her, tracing her lips with his finger. "I'm sorry. We're just…it's very easy for me to know what you're thinking, right now."

"Oh," she said quietly, a little shy, but not at all displeased by what had happened. It felt so…so right. "Are you…are you angry with me?"

No, but I'm worried about what I've done.

"Don't be," she assured him, resting her head back down. "I'm not upset, Charles. I promise."

"I know you're not," he murmured, rubbing her back. "And I'm glad. But this…Jean, there are many reasons why this is wrong, and you must know that."

"But there are so many reasons why it's right," she protested. I know you wanted me. Why is it bad that this happened, when I wanted you too?

Because sometimes we shouldn't have everything we want. Because you are young, and you are upset, and--

"It's all right," she said firmly, before he could finish. "More than all right…"

Ah, Jean. Do you not see why this is so very dangerous? In his mind, she saw images of them doing this again, and she smiled against his chest.

Oh, yes. I see.

He sighed as if in defeat. "You are an adult, and no longer my student, but I must…I don't think we should do this again, as wonderful as I must admit that it was."

She knew, thought, that they would. He will never make me feel trapped, never. Jean closed her eyes in contentment. This was what she needed. This was what he needed, too. Surely he'd realize it, sooner or later.

His hands tightened briefly on her shoulders, and she moved off of him, but only so that she could lie curled at his side. You don't want me to leave, do you, Charles? She saw them in her mind, doing it again, and she wasn't sure if these were his thoughts or hers, but it didn't really matter.

"Jean, we mustn't…" But he reached for her, with both his hands and his mind, and she settled back against the softness of his bed and reached back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nercia Genesis: I'm a little distracted by your calling Magneto "Maggie". O.o But other than that, thank you! I am glad you liked the chapter, and yes, there is a bit of significance to that moment. And there will be more Magneto-Rogue, I promise! Thanks, as always, for reading!

Lady Leelai: Thanks! I like Wolverine, though he's a lot different in Evo than I'm used to, and I'm sure he'll be properly horrified and likely unsurprised at some things going on… Thanks for reading!

Jeda-Star: Thanks! I love Lance-Kitty, so I'm glad you're enjoying them here in the story! Thanks for reading, and I hope you like this new one.

Miss Information: Ha, I think poor Lance is trying to be too many things at once and is a bit at a loss at the moment. Hopefully he'll figure things out soon! Thanks for reading, and by the way, loved your newest story. I am still eagerly awaiting your posting it on the LJ comm.. Hee! Eschatology is coming along, so yay! I'm glad at least someone will read my cracked-out ensemble adventure story. Now let's see if I can get this puppy finished up sometime this century!

Broken and Betrayed: Why, you have quite a dramatic and angsty username, there! I do hope you're okay:D And thank you, I am happy you are enjoying the story!

RG Marie: Thank you! So happy to hear you are enjoying the story!

Illyria4747: Thanks! It's my OTP, M/R. I have written it in Ultimate-verse, kind of, and shall be writing some Age of Apocalypse fics with the two of them at some point. I would like to write some Savage Land stories, because I love bad guy!Magneto with X-Man!Rogue. Thanks for reading!