WHY LOVE SUCKS FOR HARRY POTTER
Harry awoke with his heart beating out of control. Was it real? Was it really? Or had he just dreamt that Sirius had died? No, he knew the truth. But as he settled down back onto his four-poster bed, he thought about that night… that awful night when his father-like friend died. He sighed as the sun slowly rose up from the mountains outside the frosted window of the dormitory. "Well," he thought, "I better wake up Ron," He shuffled over to Ron's bed and gave him a prod in the ribs. "Ron," hissed Harry.
Ron just rolled over… and farted. "How grand," said Harry, grimacing and cupping his hands over his nose. He prodded Ron again, "RON!" Harry bellowed in his ear. There was a great commotion as the entire dormitory exploded with the rustling of sheets and yelps of surprise. Ron jumped up and bumped his head on his headboard, Seamus and Dean fell out of bed, and Neville leapt out of his covers screaming.
Harry fell over laughing. When all of the commotion died down, (with Ron rubbing his head and muttering curses, Seamus getting to his feet while Dean laughed at the fact his pants had fallen off, and Neville breathing heavily and flopping back down on his pillows,) Harry suggested they all get to breakfast. They all threw pillows at him.
After they had all gotten dressed, Harry and Ron made their way to the common room where they met a very anxious looking Hermione. "What's up?" asked Ron. "We need to get down to breakfast right away," she said briskly. "Hermione, it's still early," said Harry exasperatedly, "you've been doing this ever since Ron and Luna got together!"
Hermione's eye twitched at these words and without further ado, she stomped off through the portrait hole without waiting for them. "What the hell is she PMS-ing about?" said Ron, frowning. Harry knew; Hermione couldn't stand seeing Ron and Luna together. That's why Hermione always wanted to avoid going to breakfast late, to avoid another sickening display of affection between Ron and his "beloved".
Harry had to admit that the fact Ron called Luna his "Lovey-Dovey" was a bit ridiculous and that they should at least try having a decent conversation with each other without any display of revolting contact. He recalled one particular moment a few days ago, when Luna had unknowingly knocked over his pumpkin juice with her elbow while snogging Ron for a full fifteen minutes. Hermione had left during the first five seconds of that incident. But then again, he knew Ron and Luna were in love, and Hermione would just have to learn to live with it. They had already even thought up baby names and the flavor of the frosting on their wedding cake.
That was just weird.
They descended the grand staircase to the great hall where they were met by Luna Lovegood. "Oh Love Muffin! I had the most wonderful dream about you last night!" she squealed, throwing her arms around his neck. Ron went all goo-goo eyes and said "Really? I had a dream about you too! I wonder what that means?" Luna giggled and grabbed his hand. Harry rolled his eyes and tried not to vomit.
"Ugh."
"Oh hi Harry! I didn't even notice you were there!" said Luna, turning her large eyes towards him. "Hey Luna, erm… I gotta go, I think I just spotted Ginny," He rushed over to the Gryffindor table and squeezed in between Ginny and Neville. "Hey you guys, lovely morning isn't it?" he said quickly as he filled a plate with warm bread and bacon.
Neville jumped up and went to the other side of the table. "Wha-?" said Harry confusedly. He looked at Ginny. She shrugged and kept eating her cereal. Harry gasped, "did you tell everyone that I'm gay?"
The whole table froze and then roared with laughter.
Harry slumped onto the table and groaned.
- Johnny Sparx