FROM THE ASHES
Chapter 28
In the night, Padme screamed out. Her body contorted in the bed, she was thrashing about and sweating. Anakin awoke and tried to calm her, calling out her name over and over until she woke up. "Was it a nightmare? I know a lot about those..."
She shook herself back to reality, the images still fresh in her head, the feeling they brought still climbing up her spine in cold shivers. "It was awful, it was about my Mother, I saw it all again, I felt so helpless, so hurt, and so angry..." She was breathing heavily as Anakin held her close.
"I know how you feel. You have been through some terrible experiences, and you will never be the same. You can't expect to just forget about it! Some who don't understand will tell you to 'snap out of it' or 'get over it' but it's not that easy, is it? It becomes a part of you."
She hugged him back, very tightly. "Yes, yes, that is how it feels! I am so sorry I wasn't more understanding of you. Now this is what I get."
"Oh, hush, please don't do that to yourself. It does no good."
"I am sorry, Anakin, I love you."
"It's all right." He could feel her heart pounding against his chest as they held each other close and eventually fell back to sleep. She knew, as he had found out, that emotional scars can be as deep and as hurtful as physical ones, and a lot harder to heal.
They were still lying face to face in each other's arms as dawn broke. They were all so tired, the light awoke no one, not even the babies. A few hours later, they were still asleep, when they were awakened by someone on the veranda..Anakin heard it first and sat straight up. He got a feeling of dread, he knew it wasn't Obiwan because he didn't sense him, and he did sense something unfriendly. With much concern and uneasiness, he dressed and went to opened the drapes, There stood two representatives from the Naboo government." Reluctantly, Anakin opened the sliding glass door panels. "We must speak with Senator Amidala."
"She is asleep."
"Asleep at this hour?"
"She's not been well."
"She will come to speak with us immediately." Anakin gave them a dirty look and went to tell Padme. She was of course very worried and upset.
"I knew it" she cried. "They're going to take me away, lock me up."
"Don't say that, wait and see."
"I know it's not good news." Anakin knew it, too, he could sense it, but he didn't discourage her.
When she went to face them, they did not look kindly upon her. "I regret to inform you that I have been sent here to take possession of your apartment. You are no longer a member of the Senate, or a representative of the planet of Naboo."
"What?" She gasped. "You can't just throw me out, I have a family."
"This apartment was given to you as an employee of the government of Naboo. Your tenure is over, so is your residency."
"I demand an audience with Queen Apailana!"
"That has already been scheduled. We will leave immediately."
"What of our children? Our things?"
"Take what you can carry with you, you will not be coming back. What remains will be shipped to you at a later date."
"To, where?" She sadly realized she had no home.It was the same empty feeling Anakin got when he had left the apartment, and didn't feel able to go back to the temple. Her parents were gone, she had no job, and now no home. Though she still had Anakin and the twins, this was a terrible blow to them all.
"That will be decided later. Come with us." Padme turned from them, giving Anakin a sad and desperate look. Even though things had been so bad, she always thought she'd at least have a home. How could they do this to her, to her babies? She closed the door and pulled the drapes, but they didn't leave. They stayed and waited until she came back, carrying Leia, and Anakin carrying Luke. She gave them a sad look, tying to instill some bit of sympathy for a displaced family, but they did not respond. With one more look back inside, she left the penthouse behind for the last time.
When they reached Naboo, the officials asked that she come before the Queen alone. Anakin protested, but waited outside the chamber with the babies, who were both fussing. Inside, Padme curstied before Queen Apailana. She recalled her days as Queen, and pondered sadly just how far she had apparently fallen.
"Padme, I am very sorry about this situation, but you leave me no recourse. The rules must apply to everyone, and you have broken them."
"It was not of my own free will, I was a victim."
"We all know that, and I am very sorry for all you had to endure, but it changes nothing. While you will not be imprisoned, your actions have become far too well known. I am afraid your political career is tainted. We cannot have anyone without a spotless reputation represent our planet. This is why Representative Binks was also released from duty."
"You fired Jar Jar Binks for trying to help me?"
"He disobeyed the rules, as did you. I am sorry, but having been Queen yourself you must understand my position. What would you have done?"
Padme thought for a moment. As easy as it would be to say she would not have done the same, she couldn't. This was all too personal to her, but looking at it objectively, she had to see the Queen's point. "I know, I understand, really I do. What I don't understand is how the government could allow itself to be so hoodwinked by Gerapaline and his syndicate, to let the entire planet become corrupt..."
The Queen interrupted. "As the Imperial Senate was hoodwinked by Palpatine and his phantom war?"
Padme looked down in disgrace, then faced her Queen again. "You are correct, of course. But can't you see, I was victimized, my parents killed, I found my father's body, my tortured mother died in my arms, my children and I kidnapped..."
"Yes, I do, I have much personal sympathy for you and I realize you were under duress when you joined in criminal activities. However, I cannot exhonerate you, or others will be asking the same."
"You mean, I am being made an example?"
"This gives me no pleasure. You have been a good representative of our planet and I do not like losing you. It is just the way things must be."
"They don't have to be, can't you change them?"
"I am truly, deeply, sorry."
"There is nothing you will do for me?"
"As a longtime civil servant you will be given a pension, but you are banned from government position for life."
"For life?"
"Unfortunately, your image is tainted now. Besides the recent incidents, you also secretly married a Jedi and allowed him to live in your apartment we provided you with."
Padme's voice raised as she became more upset. "Even the Jedi have not dismissed my husband, though they forbid attachments. Could you not make a similar exception for me?"
"The best I can do for you is to protect you from any charges being brought against you, and to provide you with a pension. I am sorry it had to come to this." Padme was very hurt and disappointed, but she knew she was not going to get any better than what she was offered. She gave a sharp curtsy and took her leave.
Outside in the waiting area, Anakin looked up when he heard the door open. Seeing her in tears, he could only offer his love and comfort. Together, they all cuddled in the chairs, the babies crying because they sensed the tenseness in their parents. "Oh Anakin, I got fired, now what are we going to do?"
"Maybe Master Yoda will allow us to live at the temple for the time being."
"You can't raise a family in the Jedi temple. Even if it turns out Luke and Leia are strong enough in the force to be trained, I will not allow them to be isolated there as the younglings were. I want a complete life for my children. The Queen is giving me a pension, perhaps we can find a modest dwelling with it."
"Here, or back on Coruscant? I must still have some duties with the Jedi."
"Oh, I don't know." She completely broke down and cried. All who passed by stared, but said nothing. Soon they were informed that they would be transported one more time to another location, but then the Naboo skiff would no longer be at their service. They had no home, no vehicle. Padme felt they had hit rock bottom.
Anakin was able to show her a bit of light. "Don't feel so bad, I know it's sentimental, but we have each other and the babies, and our health and freedom. For awhile there, I thought I had none of those. I feel most grateful that I do. We can make it, my angel. We are going to be all right." She was so moved by his love and support, and again felt so guilty she had denied affection to him when he needed it. The image played again in her mind, they way he had reached out to her just before she rejected him and he left "Please, Padme, hold me!" The memory haunted her. All she could do now was try to make it up to him with an extra loving hug, and a promise of true unconditional love in the future.He had proven his love and devotion to her, and he deserved as much in return.
Finally, they were asked to leave the premises. Padme could go to the only place she knew to turn to, her sister Sola's house. She didn't want to put her sister and her family on the spot, but had no other option at the moment. The Skywalker family was immediately transported there, and the skiff flew off for the last time, leaving them homeless and stranded. Sola opened the door, and ran to take her sister in her arms. "I'm sorry, Padme, I heard everything on the news. It's just dreadful. You can stay with me as long as need be."
"You're the greatest, Sola." She put her arm around her sister, and Sola held her hand. "I don't want to be a burden to you, you've got your own family."
"Come inside, I have a room prepared for you all. Welcome, Anakin." She smiled at him. "Let's have a look at those babies." Sola tried to get their minds off their problems. She brought refreshments and her little daughters Ryoo and Pooja came to see their baby cousins. When the girls had run off to play, Sola told them that both girls had been in the house at the time Ruwee was killed, and they had witnessed that as well as the kidnapping of Jobal, the babies, and even Padme. They had been going through some emotional problems and bouts of nightmares themselves. Sola had told the government and the law agents everything her daughters saw, and it did help to keep Padme out of legal trouble though it could not stop the scandal that ruined her political career. Padme felt so sorry for the girls, and thanked Sola for her support. "Padme, I know of a place for you to stay."
"I won't let you support me, Sola."
"It's not charity. It's your rightful home, one that is already paid for. The house you grew up in. The family home, our parents' house."
Padme was taken aback at the offer. "I couldn't accept."
"Why? The house was left to both of us, as their only children. I have a home, you don't. It's the right thing. Father and Mother would want this, you know they would."
"I appreciate the offer so much, but I couldn't.. go back in there, live there.. there are too many memories.. bad vibes..."
Sola shook her head sadly. "Oh, so that's it. I understand how you feel. The girls don't want to go back in there, either. It will get better in time, I know, give it a chance."
"Sola, I can't! You don't know how it is for me!"
Anakin put his arm around his wife. He knew how she felt, it was like him, how he couldn't face the parts of the temple where the massacre had taken place. He spoke up. "I know how you feel, I have felt similar things myself."
She turned to him. "The temple?"
"Yes. You see my love, while physical wounds heal, the emotional ones can be deeper. To some it may just look like a house. To you, it's a torture chamber of memories, regrets and grief."
"Yes, yes, that's exactly how it feels!" She said as she buried her head in his chest and wept.
Sola looked on sympathetically. "Come with me to the house, Padme. I'm going to help you work through this."
"I'm not ready, Sola."
"It isn't going to get any better if you keep avoiding it. We'll go tommorrow."
The next day, Sola asked Padme again if she'd go to their parents' house. She agreed to go but made no promises of how she'd react. Anakin said he'd stay there with her, but Sola thought it would be best if she had her sister alone, it was their home and family. Anakin was at first hurt by this, then realized he would be no help to her when he had the same problem, and still had something of his own to face. He borrowed one of Sola's husband's personal ships and made his way back to the temple. "Obiwan, it's time. I'm going into the parts of the temple my mind has forbidden me from entering. I'm going to face my past now." Obiwan nodded to his brother, and they walked side to side back to the place where Anakin would finally face the last of his unsettled turmoil. Far away on another planet, his soulmate would be doing the same. Padme had her sister, and Anakin had his brother. Somehow they were going to have to try and make it through.