Disclaimers: Eighth verse, same as the first... (this should be my trademark or something)

Notes: Okay, so I can understand some of you might be a little upset that it took me so stinkin' long to get the last chapter out. I completely understand, apologize once again, and ask for a wee bit of mercy. After all, this is one of the most demanding projects I think I've ever written - taking an emotional roller coaster ride that I've never been on before. It's fun if not a little depressing. But enough of that...

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Reflections

By Sean Montgomery

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His eyes snapped open.

He listened for a moment, allowing his suddenly alert senses to calm before figuring out what had woke him up. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at Kaoru and felt peace at her sleeping form, happy he didn't startle her awake with his sudden movement. He sat up, careful to not move the sheets too much lest he wake her, and listened.

Whimpers. Not far away.

He pulled the sheets away from his body, ignoring the biting cold that crawled across his skin, and pulled on a discarded robe, tying it loosely on his frame before quietly opening the shoji – with another glance at his wife to make sure she was still asleep – and moving into the cold night air.

Something that amazed him at Kenji's birth was how his fatherly instinct took over so quickly. It was uncanny, the moments when Kenji would come into the dojo searching for his mother with a large cut on his leg when Kenshin had felt something was wrong moments before. When Kenji threw up suddenly one evening – on the verge of one of the worst fevers he'd had – Kenshin was awake moments before footfalls made their way quickly past his room. Something inside of him was alert when Kenji was in danger, or hurt, or something of the sort. It was an interesting sensation that, while at times seemingly inconvenient, made him feel that his abilities could be used for something positive. He could tend to his son in a way that perhaps even Kaoru wouldn't understand.

He was happy when he reached the door to his sons room, blinking at the cold wind that blew across his face. It would snow in the morning, if it wasn't already.

"Kenji? Are you all right?"

He opened the shoji, noting absently the light snowfall already falling from the sky. He closed the door quickly, hoping that Kenji was still under his warm sheets to not feel the affects of the cold. When he turned, Kenji was indeed under the sheets, but his body was trembling.

"Kenji?"

Red hair popped out from under the thin blanket. Kenji's eyes, rimmed with tears and red from crying, widened. "Otou-san?" Suddenly, the boy sprinted out of bed towards his father, burying his face in the warm fabric. Kenshin was caught off guard enough to mutter a quiet 'Oro?' before questioning his son, running his fingers through tangled hair.

"You were gone, 'tou-san. You and 'kaa-san weren't here. I looked all over for you and you weren't here!"

Kenshin held his trembling son closer. "It was just a nightmare, Kenji, a bad dream. I'm right here, see? I'm holding you, aren't I?"

"Okaa-san? Is Okaa-san here?"

Kenshin lifted his son into his arms, making his way back towards the futon. "She's here too. We're both here, Kenji, and nothing is going to happen to us."

"But you were gone." He protested, then whimpered when Kenshin tried to release him on his waiting futon. "Don't go, 'tou-san!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Kenji." Kenshin said quietly. Then, to prove his point, he lay down next to his son, allowing him to cuddle closer to his form. He mentally sent an apology to Kaoru for not being there when she awakened in the morning. "I'm right here."

"You won't leave, 'Tou-san?"

Kenshin smiled, breathing in his son's scent and allowing warmth to fill his heart. He rubbed a hand down Kenji's trembling back, steadily calming him. "Never, Kenji."

"I'll never leave you."


"Kenshin? Kenshin, we're here."

Violet eyes, heavy with sleep, popped open when the hand on his shoulder shook him. It took him a moment to remember his surroundings; on a train heading for Tokyo, Yahiko and Kenji standing and waiting for him. When had he fallen asleep?

"Are you awake?"

Kenshin grinned at the young boy, running a hand through his hair to get loose strands out of his eyes. "I'm awake. Have we arrived?"

Yahiko pointed out the window, moving aside so a young couple could get through the cramped space. "Tokyo station. Home is only a few minutes away now."

Kenshin stood and looked out the window, squinting his eyes at the blinding sun, doing his best to see over the roofs of houses. It was silly to think that he could see the dojo from the station – it was early afternoon and a briskly set pace could get them to the dojo by the evening – but he indulged anyway, imagining Misao sitting under the awning talking animatedly while Kaoru rested her chin on her knees, paying attention but not totally. The thought brought a small smile on his face, even while he followed Yahiko out of the train where Kenji waited for them.

Home wasn't too far away.

Yahiko and Kenji had returned from their trip to Kyoto in the early evening, not surprised in the least when they found Kenshin and Hiko sitting in the hut near the warmth of the fire. It was too hard to determine whether or not Kenshin got his answer, but Yahiko figured he would know when the time came. After all, the way Kenshin was sitting, head bowed low and bangs covering his face, said a lot about what had happened. Obviously, Hiko had hit the nail on the head, and Kenshin was still reeling from the discovery. He had asked Kenshin on the train what exactly Hiko had said to him. Kenshin had eyed Kenji warily, wondering if his son really was asleep from the hypnotic sway of the train, and leaned closer to Yahiko, saying that he had said all the right things to inspire him enough to tell Kenji the whole truth.

Not exactly the answer Yahiko was looking for, but an acceptable one nonetheless. It was Kenshin, after all.

On the road home back home, thankful that the heat had died down and the sun was setting, the Tokyo Samurai noticed the way that Kenshin would look at his son. The former manslayer had an excellent way of hiding what he was thinking, but Yahiko liked to think that he knew Kenhin enough to understand – at least to some degree – what was going on in that mind of his. It bothered him enough to pull Kenshin away from Kenji for a moment, letting the younger boy lead them on, while he whispered to one of his greatest friends, demanding to know what was going on.

"Going on? What do you mean?"

Yahiko nearly rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Kenshin. You've been looking at Kenji strangely since we got out of the station. What's going on in that brain of yours?"

Kenshin looked at Kenji's back, his expression sinking a little.

"There! What are you thinking right now?"

Kenshin was silent for another moment before answering. "I'm thinking about how we got into this mess, Kenji and I. How our relationship has cracked for so many years, and how I never did anything to stop it."

"You aren't thinking it's your fault, are you?"

"It is my fault, Yahiko. I let it go as far as it did and – oro?"

Yahiko stepped away from Kenshin, continuing his walk down the path before Kenji got too far. "It's not always your fault, you know. Did you stop to think that maybe Kenji could have prevented this too?"

"He could have, but it wasn't his place to. In reality, I started this," he paused again. "and I intend to end it."

They both continued on their way for a while, catching up with Kenji after a few moments. The sun began to set, but the clouds above them obscured the sight above that must have been beautiful. The wind began to pick up, rustling the trees and scattering the dirt on the path before them. Glancing at the sky, Kenshin noticed how dark it had suddenly become. "It will rain soon." He observed.

"It isn't always your fault." Yahiko said again, looking at Kenshin's disbelieving face. "It wasn't your fault that Jin'ei was bloodthirsty. It wasn't your fault that Shishio had a desire to take over Japan. It wasn't your fault that Kaoru's father died, or that my life was the way it was before I met you. It wasn't your fault that Enishi mistook your accident for murder. None of that was your fault."

"And the distance between myself and my son? Who else could be blamed for that?"

Yahiko paused for a moment, pondering his answer. "Both of you in a way, I guess; Kenji for not trying to do anything about it. You…" he paused again.

"My pride." Yahiko looked at Kenshin with the same face the former Rurouni wore earlier. "Master Hiko told me that it was my pride that caused me to not resolve things with Kenji. I was too ashamed of who I was, and that shame caused me to be distant. Kenji deserved to know everything sooner, but because I refused to do so, because I used my job to change the subject, he's grown angry. Because of that, I gave Hiko all the permission he needed to tell Kenji everything."

Silence fell over the group again as Yahiko thought about Kenhin's words and situation. Kenshin only stared ahead, looking at the form of his son, grateful for the physical distance but not for the relational distance that was between them. It was difficult to believe that things were becoming this way, that Kenji would become so angry and himself so clueless. He had always pictured himself and Kenji growing stronger in the future, a father and son relationship that would-

"That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard."

"Oro?"

"Of all the things he could have said to help you out, he chose to tell you that your pride was the issue? I swear, I'm never gonna understand that guy."

Kenshin looked back at Kenji, thinking that while he might be the best at knowing his master, he might never understand him either. "Master Hiko has a… unique way of explaining things, that he does."

Yahiko only shook his head and walked faster, mumbling a few words – 'accusation', 'over-blown ego', and 'idiotic' being the few Kenshin could hear. Thunder rumbled in the distance, making him speed up himself. Once he caught up with them, he told them of the thunder and his concerns of being caught in the rain. Both agreed and the pace was quickened until the dojo walls were clearly in sight. By that time, the wind was considerably stronger and more thunder could be heard closer to the city. Yahiko turned to Kenshin, easily blocking their conversation from Kenji's ears. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

Kenshin seemed to ponder this for a moment. It would be nice to have Yahiko over for a while, but the overall intention, getting Kenji to listen, might be shaken a bit if Yahiko is there. "No. Go back home to Tsubame. It would be better for you to do that than stay here and make her worry."

Yahiko nodded. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

With that, Yahiko turned around to Kenji, providing only a hand on the shoulder and a few words before hurrying down the road where they came. Kenji stood watching him go for a moment before Kenshin stopped and urged him on.

"Where's he going?" Kenji asked, pointing to Yahiko's shrinking form heading back to the city.

"He's heading home before the storm gets stronger. We should hurry too. It's not that much farther."

As expected, Kenji was displeased with being alone with his father. He scowled at Kenshin on his way to the dojo doors and never met his father's gaze again. Kenshin didn't expect him to, but the thought still hurt.

Once the two reached the doors of the dojo, Kenshin still had little to no idea of what he was going to say to his son. If Kaoru was to be any help, perhaps a conversation with her was in order before any discussion about his past. Of course Kaoru knew him better than anyone else, and her insight would prove to be useful...

"Do you hear that?" Kenji asked, stopping before placing his hand on the large wooden door. Kenshin stopped and listened harder. A voice babbled on in the air.

"Oh. That would be Miss Misao. I asked her to stay with your mother while I was gone."

Kenji snorted. "Trying to make up for lost time, eh?"

Kenshin ignored his comment and pushed the wooden door open, a smile on his face to greet his wife. Before them, sitting on the awning and eating slices of watermelon, were Misao and Kaoru, the former chatting animatedly while the latter sat with her head propped on her knees.

Obviously, he knew these two better than he thought.

"Himura!"

Kaoru's head shot up when she heard Misao shout. Sure enough, both Himuras were standing in the doorway, grinning broadly despite the weary journey. She sat the watermelon in a bowl and followed Misao to the two men.

"I knew you'd be here soon!" Misao was saying, her hands gripping Kenshin's arms after hugging him - much to the red head's surprise. "I kept telling Kaoru that you'd be back before it rained and even if you didn't you'd still know what to do. Remember, Himura? On our trip to Kyoto all those years ago?"

"I remember Miss Misao, that I do. Especially all the parts where you pestered me for information on Aoshi."

A faint blush crept across Misao's face. "I couldn't help but be concerned, could I?" To avoid any further embarrassment, she turned to Kenji. "You look well, Kenji. How was the trip home?"

Kenji regarded Misao with little interest, not quite familiar with the family friend and not really caring to converse with her. "It was fine. Yahiko is on his way home."

"Ah. I'd wondered. You two must be tired, though! Come on in and we'll get you something to eat! Or maybe you'd like to rest first? It all depends on you two, really..."

Kenshin watched in amusement as Misao took Kenji's arm and lead him, reluctantly it seemed, to the dojo. His gaze remained on his son until a small hand, worn with age and rough sword-play, threaded its fingers through his. He smiled at the contact and turned to Kaoru. "Tadaima ." he whispered.

She grinned at him, more than happy to welcome him home. "Okaerinasai. How was your trip?"

"Warm and long." Kenshin looked once again to the doors were his son departed with Misao. "Master has given us three days until Kenji must return to Kyoto."

"More than enough time."

He silently agreed, running his free hand over their joined ones. "I plan to tell him as soon as possible." He was quiet again, suddenly contemplative and restless. "Before I do, though, I need to talk to you. I need some advice from my friend."

She stared back at him, understanding his words and admiring his frame against the dark clouds. "There should be some tea in the kitchen. He can speak there if you'd like."

He was about to nod when a raindrop fell on his nose. With a soft "Oro?" and a glance to the sky, they both ran, hand in hand, to the dojo when the rain exploded from the sky, thundering across the city, relentless across the dry land.

In their many years of marriage, the one of the things that Kaoru valued about Kenshin was his ability to speak freely with her. She knew he did that before they were married, pulling her closer to define a battle plan or to tell her something that would change their lives (his goodbye and admission of being home among them), but after they were married he seemed more open with her as if trusting her thoughts or opinions on the secrets working in his mind. It was something she had always wanted when she first met him and something she couldn't get enough of now.

In the first few months, Kenshin had once described marriage to her as a union in roles. "There's the role of lovers, companions and friends," he had said. "and when I look at you, I don't just see the woman I love, or the warrior who stood by my side in many battles, but I see someone I can talk to, who I can trust with all the thoughts that enter my mind, a friend who goes deeper than any I've ever had."

When Kenshin had said that he needed advice from his friend, she knew immediately what he was speaking of. As much as she wanted to care for him, she knew he needed to get a few things in the open before anything could be done for him or for Kenji. Sitting before him now, steaming tea sitting on a table and the rain drumming on the rooftop, she watched him light another candle and place it in front of them, admiring the shadows dancing across his face and the open emotion of concern he shared with her.

"Is it something Hiko said to you?"

He sighed. "It's a lot of things Master Hiko said to me."

That was how their evening had started. Kenshin held nothing back as he gave her every word of his conversation with the thirteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi while Kaoru simply listened, taking into account his every recollection and word.

"So, Hiko believes that it was your pride that stopped you from telling Kenji." She said, giving back the words he had said after he was finished with his story. "But Kenshin, if he believes that it was your pride that stopped you, what does that make of your concern that Kenji would become who you were?"

"That doesn't matter. Kenji is already at the point where he could succeed me at that age. It's because I ignored his questions, pretending that everything could be okay if they were avoided, that Kenji became angry and ultimately wanted nothing to do with me. I was too confident in that."

Kaoru picked up the warm cup and blew into her tea before taking a sip. "I'm having a hard time understanding that. You're the most humble man I've ever known. Thinking of you being prideful… it doesn't make sense to me."

Kenshin paused for a moment before setting down his teacup and leaning forward. "Let me put it in a different scenario: imagine if I had never acknowledged your feelings for me or mine for you, that I pretended every single moment that passed you would forget your feelings and we would just be boarder and wanderer living in the same dojo. You would get frustrated and upset, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would. Any one would if their feelings were ignored."

"Exactly. Kenji and I are in the exact same situation. I ignored his questions, pretending they would dissapear along with his interest. Instead, he only got angrier and more resentful."

"I still don't see what this has to do with your pride."

Kenshin paused. "Do you think the meaning goes deeper?"

"It could." Kaoru paused, staring into the brown pool of tea while Kenshin waited for her answer. "Perhaps he meant your pride as a swordsman."

Kenshin raised an eyebrow. "Kaoru, I don't have pride as a swordsman."

"Every swordsman has a little bit of pride. You have the knowledge and agility to keep yourself alive in desperate situations. Maybe you thought that Kenji could choose a different style, like the Kamiya Kasshin, in order to learn sword play. When you didn't tell him anything and he avoided the Kamiya Kasshin and chose Hiten Mitsurugi... maybe that's when it should have been obvious."

Kenshin's brow furrowed, staring at the face of the table. "It still doesn't make complete sense."

"Maybe it shouldn't." she grinned. "Hiko was never an easy man to figure out."

"In any case, we should listen to his advice and tell Kenji everything and leave out no detail."

"When do you want to tell him?"

Kenshin looked at the door, noting the small raindrops slamming against it, leaving small trails down its length. "Do you think he's awake?"

"You want to tell him now?"

"Now might be the only chance I have. Who knows what the morning could bring?"

"You're sure?"

He grinned, nothing but confidence in his gaze. "I'm sure."

Kaoru set down her tea and rose to her feet, smoothing down her kimono before walking towards the shoji door. "I'll get him if you'd like."

"That'd be nice. It'll give me some time to think."

He had dipped his head to concentrate on the table before him, setting other sounds and thoughts aside to think of how to start the story of his life to his son. When he didn't hear the shoji open, he was ready to turn his head and ask what was wrong before Kaoru sat beside him, wrapping her arms around him much like she did many nights ago when Kenji had first exploded in the dojo demanding to know about his father. He was surprised, pleasently to say the least, and sat still as she held him tightly.

"Hold nothing back, Anata." she whispered, her warm breath fluttering past his ear. "Tell him as you told me before Enishi's revenge." She leaned back, looking into his face with serious eyes. "You won't be alone. I'll be right here beside you, saying nothing."

Despite his relief, he couldn't hold back a small smile. "'Saying nothing'?"

"This is between you and Kenji now."

With that she stood and walked out the shoji door, her steps light and fast against the sound of the rain. Alone with his thoughts, Kenshin suddenly struggled with the thought of explaining everything to his son. Should he really speak the same way he had his friends so long ago? And, with his mother in the room, would he really listen? Kaoru would make him, there was no doubt in his mind about that, but could he get past his anger to forgive his father?

Questions faded as a pair of footfalls became louder. When the shoji was opened, Kaoru could plainly see the struggle and determination set on her husband's face.

"What's this all about?"

Now if only her son would be a little more attentive...

"Have a seat, Kenji." Kenshin said calmly, gesturing to the open space before him on the table.

Kenji scoffed for a moment before obeying, taking his time getting comfortable while Kaoru made her way beside Kenshin. Beneath the table, where his warm hands were clenched in hope of comfort, hers found their way in the tangle of his clothing to take hold, opening them and providing the extra boost he needed. With a deep breath, Kenshin locked eyes with his son and began his tale.

The author suddenly wonders if she's tackled too big of a project... nah:)

Thank you guys for your patience (as always), but I'm gonna ask for it one more time. I'm in a bit of a fix trying to write the next chapter (I'm stuck between two ways of doing it). Some of my other stories might see another update before this one does again, but hopefully not. I seem to be on an emotional drama craze this year. Weird...

That's all for now. See you all in the next chapter! P.S. Brownie points are offered to those who give birthday greetings to the author!