Disclaimer: Do I look like CLAMP to you? No? Good. Because I don't own xxxHOLiC. Wish I did, but I guess the price would be too high. o.o

Falling Memories

By Sweet Ruby Moon

A single snowflake.

Just a single snowflake is all Mother Nature needs when delivering a blizzard. It begins small and soft, whispers of icy wind rhythmically coordinating the phenomenon. Growing at a fast pace, it soon takes the shape of a furious, devastating shower of white color, crushing everything on its voracious way, one that will only come to a real halt once the final day of the wintry season has run its course.

For a young-looking couple of unmatched magic prowess, such ice-cold days had lasted much shorter than expected.

It was a chilling December night when the blizzard began forming. They had been working extra hours again, engineering plans for a whole cast yet to come into play, though making little to no time for themselves. Soel and Larg had long passed out from the excessive alcohol and were fast asleep on the couch, snoozing and randomly speaking in their slumber. Though no longer plotting, witch and magician remained awake, sharing hot drinks and enjoying the simple pleasure of being in the company of the other.

Or so they tried, when silly fights and pointless arguments did not get in the way.

Between sips of sake and occasional shivers, Clow pointedly complained about the weather. There was a heavy snow shower outside and it wouldn't let him go back to his abode, thus forcing him to stay for much longer than usual. Not to mention he plainly hated the cold, as any other Sun person did. Yuuko, on the other hand, wore nothing but one of her skimpy kimonos, seemingly more than a little comfortable with the temperature – and the fact that her friend looked terribly annoyed at the whole ordeal.

When Clow implied he would have to spend the night at her house, Yuuko thought he was either joking or getting sweet payback for when she poked fun at his vulnerability. As the clock ticked and they further progressed into the night, she was proven wrong; the wizard made no mention to leave, and much to her horror, he actually emphasized his will to stay over. She resorted to reasoning, bribery and booze-theft, but it was all of no avail, as he had pretty much made up his mind about the matter, and without her consent, too.

Some nerve that pompous freak had. He could have at least asked.

"Come on, Yuuko. Let me stay for the night," He finally conceded, as though reading her mind – which he probably did, she figured. "I'll sleep on the floor."

It took her a long minute of silence and a lot of glaring until she gave in. She could always call that a wish and exact compensation for it in the near future. Plus, the idea of having Clow Reed, the most powerful magician in the world and manipulator of all fates, shivering on the cold floor of her living room really unleashed her slightly sadistic instincts. For no longer than a couple of hours, that is.

Yuuko had shifted and wiggled in bed more than usual, unable to sleep. A major feeling of discomfort rendered her uneasy, though she couldn't quite name it. At first she thought it was hangover striking earlier than expected, and she actually considered getting up and fetching some Eki Kyabe, but her lazy ways got the best of her. A tug at her chest soon forced her to sit up, though, and she realized what had been bothering her.

Muttering a thousand curses under her breath as she left the cozy warmth of her bed, the witch opened her closet, grabbed a moon-patterned rug and dragged it all the way downstairs. That damn soft heart of hers just had to make her feel all guilty for leaving the old creep freeze to nearly death, didn't it? And if anything happened to him, she'd be stuck with either having to take care of him or being hit by bad karma. Oh, he really knew how to get to her nerves, that four-eyed freak…

And he also knew how to make it all go away.

A compassionate smile graced her features as she spotted a fast asleep Clow, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his head bent forward. She chuckled at his silliness; she had thought he would, at least, crash on the divan, but he had remained true to his word – a little too true, for his own sake. She carefully tiptoed towards the magician, but in spite of her best efforts, he woke up the moment she draped the rug over his body.

In a state of half awareness, Clow called out her name, his voice hoarse and shaky. She had been close to making a joke about giving him the fright of his life, but when she saw that hazy, almost lost look in his eyes, she knew better not to. When that ocean of blue became nothing but mist, it meant his Sight had engulfed him in furious waves of future visions and premonitions plaguing his dreams. Her hands caressed the sides of his face in a soothing fashion, wiping off a few beads of cold sweat in their way as she waited until he came out of his trance. Until he came back to her.

She fixed his glasses on the bridge of his nose and his deep sapphires met ruby, much more focused than they had been a minute earlier. A half second went by in silence before he burrowed his head in her arms and clung to a caught-off-guard Yuuko, as though paranoid she wasn't real. She thought to have heard a sigh of relief escape from him when she returned his awkward embrace, and wondered what kind of bizarre scenarios had been playing in his mind during his slumber. She decided it would be best to ask him later, once he had completely recovered from his private nightmare.

She never counted on a lack of opportunity for doing so.

In a flash, his gentle grip around Yuuko grew tight and, before she could protest, his lips were on hers, tentatively, almost shyly, as though testing her reaction. His attempt to part from her so to study any changes in her expression failed miserably when she kept him in place, arms snaked around his neck in a possessive, rather dangerous hold. He offered no resistance and soon their drunken passion brought the pair crashing down, a tall, lean body on top of a much thinner form.

She would have smirked at herself, if only her lips would agree to let go of his skin. They both knew what a night of freezing cold and excessive amounts of alcohol would lead them to. It was always like this; they would lose the battle against self-control and surrender to lust and desire, ravish each other until the break of dawn and finally collapse in exhaustion. The next morning, she would wake up to a hangover and a sore body, along with an empty bed. The latter was the reason she didn't want him to stay.

It was a known fact they were not meant to last. He was living on borrowed time and she did not wish to get attached, not any more, at least. Yet, it hurt whenever he went away – whenever he escaped from her. She would rather give up smoking and drinking for the rest of her life before showing any signs of pain, or worse, asking him to stay – she gasped at the very thought – but she could not help it. Every time he left, she remembered that one day he would not come back. And she knew he would never tell her when.

A sigh, weak and barely audible due to lack of breath. It was useless to dwell on such thoughts, especially now that they had reached the point of no return – she could not, and, in all truths, did not want to stop. At that moment, witch became client and granted herself the wish of being with the man she held so dear, reveling in his tender touch and warmth. She would pay the price and save the worries for later, when she lay in bed alone the following day.

Much to her surprise, she still had company in the morning.

At first, she thought to be either dreaming or having hallucinations, which would not be odd at all, considering she was in dire need for some Eki Kyabe. Then she considered he might have simply been too tired to wake up early and leave, but she soon noticed a pair of blue orbs gazing at her and that theory no longer made sense. Though strange as it sounded to her, Yuuko came to the one, reasonable conclusion left; he had decided to linger that long.

An all-too-familiar smile crawled its way to his face and he asked if she had slept well, his voice a little too casual. A lazy nod was all he ever got for an answer, her brow furrowed in confusion as she wondered how long he had been watching her sleep. She waited for him to speak, to explain the reasons behind his decision or at least hint at anything that would help her understand, but he gave her none.

Moments of silence later, she had officially given up trying to get any details from him, figuring that, as long as it happened only once, it shouldn't be something to trouble herself with. And then he turned to her and his smile widened, telling Yuuko the one thing that made her freak out again and want to leap at his throat for acting so damn nonchalant about the whole situation.

"There will be another whiteout tonight. I might have to stay over again."

As expected, Clow's prophecy was more than a little accurate. He had once again overstayed at Yuuko's shop, and the only thing that could be seen outside was a world of white. She considered forcing him out, but figured he wouldn't budge. Her next best option was to avoid falling into temptation, and so she decided to give him a room where he could spend the night and not freeze to death.

She never meant for him to stay in her room, though.

Yuuko yelled and came close to literally kicking the man out of her space, but he merely smiled at her failed attempts, seemingly too comfortable for her likings. Eventually she gave up the fight and took comfort in knowing that at least part of her plan had worked, since he wouldn't complain about the chilly weather and blame her for a possible fever. In fact, when the late hours of darkness came, witch and magician were far from feeling cold, lost in each other's heat.

Morning came with a surprise. Yuuko opened a lazy eye and brushed aside stray locks of raven, only to find out they were not hers. A few inches away from her face, a smiling Clow whispered an apology for waking her up and caressed her cheekbone. She parted her mouth and tried to ask him why he had stayed that long yet again, but his lips never gave her a chance to. Once he had gotten up and offered to make breakfast, she lost her last opportunity for making questions that day.

There was always time to throw a tantrum and mentally scowl at Clow, though. Especially when she found his note under the orange juice jar, one that seemed to have been scribbled in a rush.

"We're not having sake tonight.
Wine and Cappellini go much better together.
Clow"

After the sun had set, he came by her house again, his quirky smile ever in place. She would have stopped him in his tracks by the entrance door, had he not made his way in despite her best efforts and invited the Mokonas to help him prepare the pasta – the stupid cheater knew Yuuko had too much of a soft heart to make him leave and deal with a gloomy pair of manjuus afterwards. She decided to let him stay for dinner, but she was definitely kicking him out of her place as soon as they were finished.

Minutes later, she noticed the heavy downpour of snow outside, and figured that wouldn't be happening. Instead, they devoured dinner, rushed through wine and skipped straight to dessert.

The first thing her eyes met upon awakening was the sight of Clow standing by her window, the bright sun reflecting off of his face. This time, however, she was no longer shocked, neither was she so keen on inquiring him about his motives – seeing as he was deliberately dodging her attempts, she realized that, even if she ever managed to ask, he would not give her a real answer. Instead, she merely greeted and questioned him about his Guardians, wondering if the two knew the whereabouts of their Master the previous nights.

"Don't worry, my dearest, they do. They are well aware of where I'll be spending my nights."

She caught the insinuating hint in his speech, but laughed in spite of herself. The thought of Yue's expression upon hearing the news from his very creator was absolutely priceless.

The following weeks came with no more surprises, except for occasional delicacies Clow prepared for dinner whenever he was in the mood for eccentric cooking. It had even become a routine of sorts: they would work in the late afternoon, have dinner after dusk and drink their choice of alcohol for the night as much as they pleased, until he made a comment about the icy weather and came to her for warmth. No matter how hard winter struck, they wouldn't feel the least bit affected by it, and when they shivered in each other's arms, it was not out of cold.

The blizzard seemed to intensify with every passing day, but Yuuko didn't mind it anymore. She had grown used to having Clow at her abode so often, and perhaps a bit too comfortable about having someone to treat her to delicious meals and keep the Mokonas entertained. Truth be told, she actually enjoyed his company, and the way he made it feel as though they were a family – weird and dysfunctional as it may be, but a family, nonetheless.

Time passed and she remained oblivious to the reasons behind his acts. He was up to something, that much she was sure of, even though she couldn't really put her finger on it. She came to the conclusion that, whatever it was, it should be something big, for he even went through all the trouble of using magic to create and make that whiteout remain strong for so long – after the first week or so of non-stopping snowfall, she figured the tricky magician had interfered somehow.

Either that, or Hitsuzen was playing a terrible prank on her.

She was happy; undeniably happy. Ever since Soel and Larg came into her life, she no longer felt lonely, but having that lovely idiot constantly by her side made the wish-granter fulfilled. They had always had a close, if slightly rocky, relationship, but through their renewed time together, their bonds had tightened even further. It was becoming steadily harder for Yuuko to picture her days without him there, but she knew it was inevitable. He was an addiction she would be forced to quit soon enough.

He was going to leave her. He was going to die and not even she could make him change his mind. He was resolute on passing his dearest cards and beloved Guardians on to the girl, and let her overcome his current position as the most powerful magician in the world. Sometimes she felt as though he didn't care about the feelings of those he was ditching behind. He did, in his own way, but he was selfish and thought of himself first and foremost.

She couldn't blame him. She, too, was selfish for wishing that he would stay. She could only imagine how painful it was for him to have no control over his visions, how draining it was to know everything beforehand. Still, she wanted him to live so things would remain forever as they were. He claimed things always had to change, but she did not welcome that thought. Not everything had to change. He had to live for the sake of those who loved him. He had to live for her.

"Are you sure you want to go on with this?" She asked him one night, in a moment of weakness. Oh, she felt terribly weak. Weak for not resisting and for getting even more attached to him with every passing hour. Weak for trying to get him to stay and for making things much harder on her once their borrowed time came to an end. So weak, yet it could not be helped.

Clow flashed her a sad smile and kissed her forehead, his pale fingers stroking her tresses. He wasn't sure whether she meant to ask him about their nights together or his plans to leave the realm of the living – and truth be told, not even she was. Either way, that gentle caress was all he chose to give her for an answer, and she needed no more than that.

It was all so useless. They were both very selfish.

That night, she gave up on any other attempts. He had won, and everything would unfold according to the way he had designed. She decided to cling to her only option, which was to enjoy whatever little time they had left. If there would be no happily-ever-after for them, then at least they could lead a joyful life until they had to bid farewell. She would make sure that the next days would be the happiest he ever had. Even if it was only to make him forever regret his choice.

After that one occasion, they did not bring the topic up ever again. Time was of the essence, so they couldn't afford to waste it. They had no future to make plans and have hopes for, so they never talked about it and merely lived the present. It was all they had, so they learned to take pleasure from everything it could offer. They also learned that it never lasted for long, and much to their dismay, that knowledge came a bit late.

One day in mid-February, he came by her shop earlier than usual, with a fragrant bouquet in hands. She peeked at the magically-produced flowers – spring was still a couple of weeks away, so she was positive he had used one of his Cards – and noticed a mix of blood-red roses and purple hyacinths, along with some sweet peas of a rosy tinge. A fine, tasteful assortment of scents and colors, indeed. She jokingly wondered if he was going to propose, he gave a mirthful laugh and claimed she would never accept. When she asked him why he had brought flowers, his expression became much more serious. And that was terrible omen.

"When spring comes… would you teach Soel and Larg about the Language of Flowers?"

Yuuko nodded in consent and nearly questioned him why, but cruel realization dawned upon her before she spoke anything. Hesitating steps brought her closer to him and she carefully touched the colorful arrangement, her eyes taking in every detail of the flowers and the man who held them.

Purple hyacinths meant sorrow and a request for forgiveness; sweet peas colored departure with various shades of pink; and red roses spoke the one thing they both had always known from heart, but never dared to say out loud. She suppressed a bitter laugh. The Language of Flowers, of course… It was so like him to talk in riddles, even at a time like this.

"I will," She placed a kind hand on the side of his face. "But they would be so much happier if we both could teach them that lesson."

He feigned a smile, but she erased it from his face with a forceful, possessive kiss. She wanted to tell him there was no need to pretend, that it was okay to mourn, but her voice was choked, and she knew that stinging sensation in her eyes would result in nothing good, should she dare to speak. Instead, she embraced the moment and welcomed Clow into her bed, flowers and robes discarded on the floor.

They engaged in a demanding routine, and by the end of the night, exhausted bodies cuddled up together, droplets of sweat hinting at the passion they had just shared. Witch and magician took turns between talking and gazing at the other, doing everything in their power not to fall asleep and be forced to say goodnight. They needed to cling to their final moments and keep every detail engraved in their minds. They were going to lose that, and then they would live on solely through recollections.

His memories of her would transcend life itself; her memories of him would keep her at it.

Regardless of employed efforts, they both surrendered to the arms of Morpheus near sunrise – powerful as they might be, they were still humans, after all. Hours later, the sorceress woke up to see the other side of her bed empty once again. Clow was no longer there. He was gone from her house, gone from her life. And according to their silent agreement, he had left without saying goodbye. It wasn't a definitive parting, anyway. They would surely meet again, even if in a dream.

That night, the almighty Witch of Dimensions sat alone in her veranda and sipped her sake, gazing at the dim moonlight. The winds were still gelid, but much calmer than they had been previously. She thought of the past weeks and the incessant, intense storm of ice that had started it all – a small blessing she was somewhat thankful for. A snowflake was so soft in its solitude; however, under the right conditions, it could grow powerful and furious, devastating even, yet somehow keeping its original tenderness. Their love had been much like the same.

That very night, their blizzard had died. All there was left of it was gentle snow pouring from the sky, comforting her in its cold embrace.

-- / -- / --

Years later, a much more experienced Yuuko kneeled at the exact same spot in her porch, the very same cup of sake held between her fingers as she watched a scenery that certainly resembled that of a solitary evening, so long ago. Except for the fact that she wasn't really lonely this time; a drunken Larg snoozed peacefully by her side, while an erratic Watanuki yelled from the kitchen, grumbling about the mess his employer and her companions had left after dinner, with a few, forceful complaints about the terribly chilly weather added every now and then.

Sometimes that kid could be so much like him, it was almost scary.

"Could you please not play with the food next time, Yuuko-san? You have no idea how much of a pain it is to clean up the entire room with leftovers scattered all around, especially with this thing latching onto me!" He scowled at the raven-haired woman, flailing his arms about like an octopus as the pipe-fox snaked around his body.

"Play with the food! Play with the food!" The girls with no soul chimed, dancing around the room.

"Ara… But then it wouldn't be fun for Mokona!" She faked an innocent pout, patting the round creature resting next to her.

"That black manjuu already has enough fun bouncing off the walls in the kitchen every time I'm cooking!" His desperate tone went up several octaves as he bent backwards in a very elastic motion, both hands on the sides of his head.

"That's because Mokona likes you, Watanuki. But, if that is your wish…" She gave a wide grin, one that Watanuki was very familiar with.

"Never mind," He sighed, defeated. "Well, if you don't have any other tasks for me, I'll be taking my leave now."

"Bento." Yuuko said before he could take any step. Seeing the confused look upon his face, she pointed at Maru and Moro standing by the door, a large container wrapped in clothing held in their hands. "That's Doumeki-kun's bento, isn't it?"

"Ah, yeah…"

"Why haven't you given it to him?"

"He didn't go to school today. I heard he's sick or something," His voice lowered considerably, and there was a slight change in his expression. Yuuko could tell it was disappointment, with tiny hints of worry. "That glutton! After all that work just to make this stupid tecchiri! His requests are getting almost as eccentric as Yuuko-san's!"

"Doumeki-kun and I just happen to share the same fine taste," There was a devilish glint in her eyes. "And thanks to us, you're learning all new kinds of recipes! Aren't you such a lucky guy?"

"Lucky, you say? I slave myself for hours, cooking what would be enough food for an army, just to please your crazy whims and his gigantic appetite, and you call this luck?" The boy went wild again, performing his weird dance as he did. "And that idiot didn't even tell me he wasn't going! What a waste of the Great Watanuki's time and skill!"

"You could drop by the shrine, you know," She made a nonchalant suggestion, amusement stamped all over her face. "If Doumeki-kun is really sick, I'm sure he'd appreciate a nice meal."

"And why should I do that? That jerk is not worth the trouble!" Watanuki went back to screaming, pointing towards the box. "Besides, it's too cold, I just want to go home and--"

"And be all by yourself?" She interrupted before he could finish his trail of thoughts. "Winter is so much fun, Watanuki. You should make better use of your time than just moping alone in your room."

"I don't think winter is all that fun," He paused for a second and shivered before resuming his speech. "But of course it's fun for Yuuko-san, you can't stand the heat, can you?"

"Indeed, I can't," Her ruby eyes were focused on the moon again. "But I like winter because it's warm."

"Eh?" He tilted his head sideways in a clear sign of confusion. He figured Yuuko had either drunk too much, or she was giving one of those lectures with a hidden meaning he couldn't really grasp. Perhaps it was a little bit of both.

"There is warmth everywhere in this season, though not necessarily coming from fire or any other source of heat, for that matter," She went on, idly stroking Mokona as she spoke. "Family reunions are arranged so everyone can talk by the fireplace, friends get together to play in the snow and sweethearts see this as an opportunity to cuddle and warm each other up. It's not by chance that special events such as Christmas and Valentine's Day happen during winter, you know. Those occasions bring people closer, and winter sets the perfect mood."

Watanuki shuddered once more and embraced himself when the witch turned to him. The somewhat soft look she had on her features told him Yuuko wasn't just talking out of general knowledge, but also out of own experience. A small smile graced her face and she continued. "No one should be alone in a night like this, Watanuki. Not when they have the chance to be with family, a special someone or even a dear friend."

"But what about Yuuko-san?"

"Don't worry about me, everyone that I need is already here," She wasn't lying. She had the girls and Larg to keep her company and ward off any gloomy feelings of loneliness. And if they weren't enough, she always had her dearest memories to cherish. "And what about Watanuki? Don't you have somewhere you need to be right now? Someone you want to be with?"

He parted his mouth to protest, but found himself wordless. It was hard to admit, but Yuuko might be right. He had spent too many winters all by himself already, and as much as he had grown used to it, it didn't mean he welcomed the thought. One question still remained, and it made him wonder whether it really was Doumeki the person we wanted to share those moments with.

With a slight movement of her head, Yuuko motioned for Maru and Moro to hand the bentoover to Watanuki, which he accepted a little awkwardly. "You're dismissed for tonight, Watanuki. Where you will go from here, it's completely up to you. But if it suits you, remember my words."

The lanky teen only nodded in response, still unsure of what to say or do. As he lazily strode towards the entrance, he placed one hand over his chest, the other one holding a firm grip on the package. He could still hear the woman's voice ringing in his ears with the sole intent of confusing his mind, yet making things so much clearer all the same. It was just like Yuuko-san to do something like that…

Someone you want to be with, her words echoed in his head. He hated feeling so lost. Where would he go from there? Did he really want to go back to the emptiness of his apartment? He stared down at the bento box in his hand, then up at the dubious path lying ahead. A decision was to be made.

By the time he reached the gates, he felt at ease. He had at last found his way, and his next steps guided him to the one place his heart had been screaming all the while.

From afar, a vigilant Yuuko smiled. Seeing that her pupil was finally beginning to understand brought her great joy, even though she knew he still had miles to go until he could be where he should. It was a matter of time and patience, but he would definitely get there and she would make sure of it. She might not be all that fond of interference, but a small push in the right way couldn't hurt. Because of him, she had gone much further than that, anyway - messing with various dimensions and fate tweaking included.

"He's a good boy, our Watanuki," A brief, amused laugh escaped from her. Sure, he was clumsy, loud and had an ever-lasting bad temper, with little to no self-control over his reactions. Still, he had one huge, overly kind soul. It had already put him through too much trouble – the kid didn't even mind getting injured or close to death, as long as he got to help others – and while it did make her worried, she couldn't help but feel a little proud as well.

She heaved a sigh and gazed at the pale moon. "I'm sure he will find warmth in winter in similar ways to how you and I did, won't he…?" Raising her cup of sake, she offered a toast to nothing in particular and brought it to her lips to have a taste of the beverage. When they parted open again, a single name came out in a whisper.

Clow…

Author's Notes: Yay, finally finished a -real- Clow/Yuuko ficceh! Not a drabble, not a crack!fic, but a real fanfic! Ruby is so happy! Now,wouldn'tit be nice to make her even happier? Click on that little drop-down menu on the left and tell her what you think, then!