Chapter Eight

DANICA

The next morning, the usual sounds of the TV in the other room or my mom singing Blues loudly in the kitchen, weren't what woke me. If I had my way, I would have just slept till the good Lord decided to take me to Him.

All I could think about was Malcolm and what we did last night. How I gave him the best gift a girlfriend could ever give her boyfriend. That's all I could think about.

As I was pulling off my wet clothes that I just wanted to burn, I just grabbed random jeans and a t-shirt from the laundry basket near my computer. Part of me wanted to see if Malcolm was on, but another part of me wanted to forget about him all-together.

But I knew I didn't want to forget about him. I knew that. But another part of me knew the right thing to do. It was like I had all these little Danica angels on one shoulder and all these little Danica devils on the other shoulder, like one of those cheesey movies, commercials, or whatever.

I pulled at my hair, and stared at my bare feet, all tangled up in the blanket. I kicked at it, and groaned, trying to block out everything around me. I hugged my knees and rested my head on them.

My mom opened the door without knocking. That wasn't like her, but I wasn't going to jump down her throat. She looked as if she'd been crying too. She sat on my bed without saying anything. She looked at me, and then touched my knee.

"Danica." She said softly. "Honey, are you alright?" I shook my head, then turned so I could look at her.

"Are you okay, mom?"

"No sweetheart. Not right now."

"Why?"

"Dad needed some time on his own."

"Like a divorce?" I asked, too upset and tired to react.

"Oh God no, Danica. He just needed to go visit someone."

"Who?"

"Just…just someone, honey."

"Who?"

"Danica-"

"Mom, just tell me."

"Honey…"

"Mom. Why'd dad just go?"

"He went to see your grandfather." She told me, squeezing my hand.

"But I thought he was dead."

"Oh baby…he's been dead for a long time. But your dad…I never think he completely got over it."

"Dad doesn't know Malcolm's dad's dead too." I said.

"Really? I should go and see Chanise…"

"Don't bother. She won't talk to you about it. She never talks to anyone about it. Hardly even Malcolm, but he knows the whole story. More of it. Bree's too little, but I'm pretty sure once she goes to nursery school, she'll start learnin' about it."

"But Chanise is a friend of-"

"She already knows that card, mom. She doesn't budge on it. And besides, Malcolm's dad died when Bree was born. A few years back."

"From what?"

"Malcolm says I can't talk about it."

"What about Chan-"

"She won't either. I told you."

"Are you sure, Danica?" I nodded.

"Yeah." I looked up at her. "Mom." I said softly. She looked down at me and brought her fingers to my eyes to wipe away my tears.

"What is it honey?"

"I need to tell you something." I straightened up and she hugged me. "Mom...it was more than just…a date with Malcolm last night…" She let go of me gently and stared.

"Sorry." I whispered. "Mom, can I..." she nodded, not even knowing what I was going to ask. I didn't even comb my hair and she didn't try to. I didn't even grab a jacket and she didn't say anything against it. I just walked out of the room, feeling her eyes on my back until a swirl of snow made my internal flame go out.

All I remember is walking and for the first time, not having a specific place to get to. I shivered as the cold air took advantage of my exposed arms, wishing I had grabbed a jacket, even something as stupid as a windbreaker before I left.

Somehow my feet took me to the Homeless Shelter Malcolm, Breelyn, and their mom lived in, but I didn't think to go in and ask to see him. And usually, I would. Whenever I saw the shelter, whenever I walked by it, I just walked in and they knew my face and who I was there for.

Instead I walked further down Reddings Street to a park that looked more suited for dead children to play in. I eased the rusted gate open then took care as I walked down the sloping dead grass that snaked around the park. It made me feel as if I was in one of the famous famines that happened over the last few centuries and I was just walking in that country…in the shoes of a starving teenager and somehow knew whatever I did would amount to nothing.

The dead grass seemed to go on forever. It wasn't green. It was a sick yellow and brown, racing underneath broken swing-sets and slides and even the benches were in disrepair. I took one of those least-broken benches, curling up on it, my eyes straying up to the gray sky that looked as dead as the playground, with only the occasional pigeon to remind me that the sky was still alive, as much as the City was, but the sky was dying quicker than the City. There wasn't enough sky to cover the living, breathing place or the living, breathing people.

I sat in silence for a while, not even sure of my own breathing, but hearing my name I looked up from my fingers. A plump girl with skin the exact shade of powdered cocoa, her hair done in dreads, but pulled back in to a ponytail wearing a Camo jacket and ripped jeans was standing in front of me. I didn't know her, but she knew my name.

"Hey, you're Danica Hunter, right?" she said. I nodded.

"Yeah." My voice cracked, as if I hadn't used it in a long time. "Who are-"

"Nadeyah. Malcolm sent me."

"How do you-"

"We're from the same place-" she paused to jut a finger out from her sleeve to the left. "-the shelter up the street."

"Is he there?" I asked. "Does he wanna talk to me or somethin'?"

"No. He's in Philly, before he went he just told me to tell you." Nadeyah said.

"Did he move there?" I asked. Nadeyah shook her head.

"He's just visiting. He didn't say who. He just said it was family. He said they really wanted to see his mom, Bree, an' him, so his mom finally gave in. He didn't say when he'd be comin' back." I nodded.

"You know, for a person who knows Malcolm Vishon Jemero, you don't say very much." I shrugged.

"Sorry, I'm just…not feeling good."

"You contagious?"

"No, it's not that."

"Well, mind some company?" I shook my head and she sat down next to me. "Malcolm really likes you." She said. "Told me he loves you. Are you guys like…datin'?" I looked at her.

"Well, I really like him too and…yeah, I think we are."

"Good, 'cus he says you are." Nadeyah brushed a batch of dreads away from her face. "He said you two were meant for each other."

"Really?" Nadeyah nodded.

"Yeah," she went on. "He also says you've…you know." She blinked her eyes and looked at me. I nodded. Her face didn't change expression.

"You wanna come out for Chinese tonight?" she asked. "Me an' a few friends are goin' to that place on Evander Street in Chinatown."

I nodded. "Sure. That'd be great. Thanks. Here-" she paused, taking a pen from the pocket of her jeans. "Write your address on my hand. We'll pick you up…say 'round sevenish?"

I smiled. "Yeah. Seven's good." I said, writing the address on the back of her hand. "Thanks."

"Oh, it's no problem. You looked like you needed some friends." She smiled at me and gave me a one-armed hug.

"I hafta go…my dad wants to me watch my son." She said this so easily, like it didn't matter at all.

"Son?" I asked, trying to be friendly, although my voice was breaking. Nadeyah nodded.

"Whoops. Sorry, did I freak you out?" I shook my head.

"Nah…would you want some help?" I asked. She nodded.

"Sure. Tyjon can be enough trouble for two people a lot of the time." She smiled again.

As we walked out of the park, I knew I had something I was missing. A friend. Malcolm, he would always be my best friend, but you can't go through life with just one friend standing next to you. I knew that now.

"Danica, I'm sorry, child, but Malcolm's not here today." Colette told me, giving me the same smile she always did. The kind all old ladies had. But there was something about hers. Maybe it was the way it seemed to make all the wrinkles disappear into her dark face, or maybe it was her optimistic attitude she had all the time.

"She knows, Colette." Nadeyah said. "She's here with me."

"Oh really now?" Colette stopped shuffling paper and looked at us again. "Now aint that mighty special, Danica? You know, yo' dad was worryin' fo' nothin'. I's tellin' him, yo' daughter got friends, don't worry about her. She's a smart girl." I thanked her and Nadeyah jumped in.

"Can she come in an' help me with Tyjon? C'mon Colette, pleaseee. She needs a friend right now. Pleasee?" Colette laughed and leaned in towards the two of us over the wall of the desk.

"Okay, she can, but keep it quiet, you hear?" Nadeyah nodded.

"Sure, c'mon, Danica."

Nadeyah walked through the tiled hallway, with its framed pictures of happy families, like the ones you see in magazines or doctor's offices. But they were careful not to show framed pictures with homes, because everyone in here didn't have one. She passed a tack-board with FOR RENT fliers stuck to the cork, but most of them were gone and the cork-board was graffitied on by teenagers from what Malcolm told me. She pressed a button next to the elevator and the doors slid open.

We got in and the doors shut. Nadeyah pressed another button and the elevator rose to the second floor. She walked me down a carpeted hallway with a huge glass wall where you could see the City moving instead of just hearing it.

"Yeah, some view." Nadeyah said, after seeing my face. "C'mon, it's just down this way."

She led me passed the Rec Room where teenagers were watching MTV, splayed out on the couches, and tossing a basketball to each other, then to a door that was slightly open. She opened it fully and walked inside.

My bedroom was bigger than this room. All it had was two bunk-beds and a small couch with a TV squished to the wall. A crib with a blue blanket was near the only window in the room.

A lanky man with an unshaven face wearing a wife-beater and a pair of thrift-store jeans was sleeping on the couch, the TV turned on to GSN. Nadeyah shook her head at him and went to the crib, peering over its edge. She swore under her breath and walked to the TV, switching it off. Immediately, the man sat up, snorting, and rubbed at his face.

"Hey, I was watchin' that, Nadeyah." He protested.

"Nah, dad, you were asleep. Again. Where's Tyjon?"

"Ty-who?"

"Your grandson." She said, as if this happened almost every single day.

"Oh. Him. Clara's watchin' him."

"Are you payin' her?"

"I aint no cheapskate, Nadeyah." He said, standing up. His head almost brushed the ceiling. "I'm not cheatin' a good woman outta money."

"Well, we need money too, dad."

"I know we do, Nadeyah, I know, but look… I promise I won't give Tyjon to Clara too much, okay?" she nodded. "Who's your friend?" he asked.

"Danica, Malcolm's friend." She told him. He held out his hand.

"Hello, Danica. I'm Andre." I shook his hand.

"Look, to make up for it, I'll watch Tyjon. Okay? Weren't you and your friends supposed to go out tonight, anyway?"

"You will? Thanks!" Nadeyah stood up on her toes and kissed his cheek.

"No problem. Nice meeting you, Danica."

We both waved goodbye, then walked out of the shelter down to Chinatown.

We met three others outside Chao Dong's underneath the pale light from the Chinese lantern that fell over the sidewalk.

"Hey Nadeyah!" a white boy with red cornrows who was wearing a black South Pole t-shirt and baggy jeans with a chain hanging from the pocket waved to her. The two others, a girl with her dark hair twisted on to her head, who was wearing a tight red sweater and pale blue jeans was leaning against the display window, talking to a tall boy with a shaved head wearing a Harlem Globetrotters jersey and do-rag.

"Hey Mayir." Mayir kissed her on the cheek and gave me a smile. "Who's she? Hey Jovita, Trevon, come here."

The two others walked over to us and Jovita gave smiled. Trevon folded his arms and nodded. Jovita nudged his ribs.

"Say hi, Trevon." She nagged. Trevon nodded.

"Hey. I'm Trevon." I shook his hand.

"Danica."

Nadeyah introduced everyone else and Mayir poked his head into the door.

"C'mon Si!" he yelled. "Come…fine!" he closed the door, the bells jingling. "Si told me he couldn't hold the reservation."

"That's straight up stupid. Havin' to make a reservation to eat Chinese." Trevon mumbled.

"You damn right it is." Nadeyah said. "Hey, wanna go somewhere else instead?"

"No." Jovita said sarcastically. "I'm jus' gonna sit here all day and become a damn hobo."

"Actually…I gotta go." I said softly.

"You sure?" Nadeyah turned to me. I nodded.

"Yeah…I'm sorry."

"Want a ride Danica?" Mayir asked. "I could give you one." I shook my head.

"Look, I'll meet you at uh…Golden House in an hour." I said.

"Golden House?" Trevon asked. "You mean the place over on Luther Street?" I nodded.

"Yeah! Can you guys get there?" I asked as I was running down the street.

"SURE!" Trevon yelled after me.

An hour later, I showed up to Golden House. Mayir, Trevon, Jovita, and Nadeyah were already sitting at a booth. Jovita waved me in. I didn't say a word. I just sat next to Trevon, watching Mayir shovel Lo-Main down his throat. I felt sick and the nauseating smell of a whole load of greases wasn't making it any better. My hand gripped around the cloth of my jeans pocket.

"Hey, Nadeyah." I whispered.

"Yeah?" she asked, taking a sip of her Coke.

"Can you meet me outside?"

"Hey ladies, if this about Tampax, feel free just to talk. We don't need whisperin'. We're men." Mayir pointed out.

"Shut up, Mayir." Nadeyah said, slapping his arm. She leaned across the table at me. "And it isn't…is it?"

"If I needed one, would I ask you to meet me out outside? C'mon." Trevon moved out of the booth so I could get out and Nadeyah followed me outside underneath a streetlight.

"What is it?" she asked. Shaking, I pulled out a small white stick, the end illuminated with a bright red cross.

"No way." She whispered.

"Yeah." I said softly. "Nadeyah, what am I gonna do?"

"Danica…Oh for God's Sake!" she yelled. She walked over to the door and wrenched it open. Trevon and Mayir fell onto the pavement. Jovita walked over them.

"How much did you hear?" Nadeyah was standing over them, hands on her hips.

"All of it." Mayir said, standing up. His eyes rested on the test still in my hand. "You're pregnant, Danica."

"Jesus Christ, I know that!" I yelled. "What am I gonna do?"

"You gotta tell yo' mama." Trevon said. "Even though, we just met, you don't gotta do it alone." He hugged me. "Just know you got friends and that's all that you gotta know."

"I know." I said, not looking at Nadeyah, Mayir, Jovita, or Trevon. I slowly began to cry, but soon I felt four pairs of arms holding me.