Hello readers! Thank you so much for all the reviews. I am very excited about all the new reviewers so please keep them coming! And of course, the loyal reviewers right from the beginning…don't stop. I love to know that you're still interested.
It's been a while and this one is long….
Chapter 9: Let's Talk About…
Marco and Ellie were sitting cross legged under a tree in the park outside the school, knees slightly touching as they looked intently at each other.
"So…I did it…I broke up with Sean…"
"Oh Ellie-"
"No, it's okay. Well, it sucks…but it's okay. You know Ellie Nash, I'm used to disappointment."
"Oh Ell," he took her hands as she just shrugged her shoulders.
"And you – why did you have to talk to me?"
"I came out to my mom last night," Marco couldn't help but smile with a feeling of accomplishment and relief.
"Wow! That's enough to make me smile," she grabbed him in a hug, "So…"
"So…well, we both cried. But I think she kind of knew. What with Dylan suddenly picking me up for school everyday, dropping me off, calling…And well, she's sad…I mean really sad…but I think it's going to be fine. Good even."
"Marco, that is so great-"
"Hey Guys," Craig and Dylan walked up to the seemingly impenetrable conversation, "Dylan and I were wondering where our two favourite people were…but when we saw we thought we might be interrupting a "moment".
"So you've got 2 favourite people now, eh Dylan?" Marco teased, "well, I understand, Ellie is definitely one of my favourite people."
"Whatever Marco," Ellie blushed, "You don't have to try to make me feel better."
"Feel better? What happened, Ms. Nash?" Craig sat down.
"Oh nothing. I just broke up with Sean-"
"What? Really?...Man…" Craig looked at Marco with an interested half smile before turning back to Ellie, "I'm sorry, Ell…I mean, is there anything I can do?"
"Nope. Back to hanging out with the gay guys for me…not that I ever stopped."
"Hey what's wrong with hanging out with the gay guys?" Dylan teased, "you know, only a precious few chosen ones get an honorary membership."
"Gee thanks."
"Anyways, Marco …we have to go. Remember? We have to go pick up our dance outfits from that shop in Little India."
"Well guess I won't be going to that either…not that Sean wanted to go anyways." Ellie couldn't help but giggle at the irony.
"Come on, Ell. You have to come! It was our combined idea," Marco begged, "You don't need a date…I mean maybe I'll be too shy to dance with Dylan and there's only one other person I'd want to dance with."
Dylan gave Marco a disturbed look, "I don't think so, Del Rossi."
"Hold it all before you get all uptight… I believe I have a solution, Ms. Nash…'cause I don't have a date, and Marco's always thought I'd look cute in a sari," Craig smiled that charming smile at Ellie.
"Craig –that's sweet. But you don't have to-"
"No, no…I believe we have a solution," Marco and Dylan nodded in unison. "So let's go get our outfits," Marco grabbed Ellie's hand and wrapped his arm around her.
As they turned on to Church Street on Tuesday afternoon, Marco quickly grabbed Dylan's hand, smiling his adorable smile. The rainbow flags lining the street gave him implicit permission to hold hands in public, on the street, where in theory anyone could see him. Though he very much doubted his father would be walking through the gay village on a Tuesday afternoon. Marco swung their hands and did a little skip as they passed the hordes of gay men at Timothy's coffee checking out the newbies. Dylan was loving it.
"What are you laughing at?" Marco pouted.
"You… You're just so darn cute…what's going on in that head of yours, anyways. You just skipped!" Dylan kept laughing.
"I did?...I guess I did…Well, I was just thinking as we passed by all those gay guys at the coffee shop staring at us," Marco blushed.
"What?"
"Well, I just thought…hey, look at me, walking down the street with my hot boyfriend…"
Dylan smiled as they walked up the stairs into the community centre, "Hey, look at me, walking up the stairs with my hot boyfriend…"
"We are too nauseating."
"Definitely."
"Okay guys. Let's get started. Topic today is sex - "let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me,Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about sex," Kendra bopped in her uninhibited way.
"So basically, it's like there's this annoying focus on "virginity" – are you or aren't you?…I don't even know what that's supposed to mean for me,…'cause I sure as hell am not into doing that with a guy, ever." Luisa expressed what many were thinking.
"So what Luisa is saying, which I'm sure we can all relate to, is that sex seems to be defined by a straight world," Kendra continued, "and not even just a straight world, but a particular way of thinking that says that hetero intercourse is sex, and anything else isn't, or is just foreplay…or whatever. I know a lot of straight people who don't subscribe to that point of view…And that's what this discussion is really about – learning how to redefine those assumptions. As Dr. Phil says, oral sex is sex. But I'd even like to take that one step further, …if it feels like sex, it is sex…and it's important for us queers who don't always have rules and role models to follow to pay attention to our intuition about whether we're ready for it or not…None of this 'well, it's not sex so I guess it's okay to do…' It's only okay to do if you want to. And of course, if you're safe."
When Marco got home that night, he quickly picked up the phone to call Ellie. He had been quieter than usual after the group on the way home. The conversation had concretized many of the thoughts swimming at the back of his head - what is sex anyways? Is it really only intercourse, because I am definitely NOT ready for that. So is everything else just no big deal? Every time I'm with Dylan my body's on fire. And if we do take this a step further, if I let him touch me,... in a way no one else has (well no one except me of course – shy smile to self), well, I want it to mean something. Does it mean something to him? Marco's thoughts were racing and he was unusually self conscious sitting in the car with Dylan, thinking about sex…well, that was until he got lost once again in one of their usual hot and breathless making out sessions. Pause on the worrying, focus on the chemistry. But once he got home, he knew he had to talk to someone.
"Hey Ell – can I talk to you about something?" Marco proceeded to explain the night's events, the group topic of conversation, his own thinking about where to go next with Dylan. "Did you ever have sex with Sean?...I don't just mean intercourse, I mean any kind of sex…and more importantly, did you want to?"
"Marco – I don't usually get into these kinds of conversations," Ellie answered defensively.
"I know but I need you, Ell. And this is why you're my best friend, okay? I don't usually get into these conversations either…In fact, I believe I've never had this conversation with anyone before," Marco sighed.
"Marco, I'll tell you this – and you are not to repeat it. Sean and I definitely did not have sex, I mean what you're calling intercourse…but yeah, sometimes we'd do the other stuff. And it was good. And we felt ready. We talked about it first before we did it. So that's what I would suggest you do. You have a boyfriend, who from my observation is crazy about you. And he is the one you should be talking to."
"I know you're right. He's just so experienced. It kind of freaks me out."
"Oh Marco, come on. You should know by now that Dylan has never cared about that in the way he treats you."
"I guess you're right. All in good time…for now, we have a Bollywood prom to get ready for on Friday night."
When Dylan, Marco, Craig and Ellie walked into the Degrassi gym turned Bollywood paradise, Marco and Ellie beamed seeing how all their hard work decorating and organizing came together in a colourful, electric energy. Singles, couples, and groups were dancing to the music in saris of brilliant red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, and any other colour imaginable. Craig and Ellie went to grab them all mango lassis from the punch bowl, as Dylan took Marco's hand, beckoning him to the dance floor.
"Marco, don't you think it's pretty insane that just a few months ago you had never told anyone that you were gay? And now, like seven months later you're at the prom dancing with your boyfriend?" Craig commented, patting Marco on the back.
"Yeah, it's pretty crazy," Marco agreed, smiling up at Dylan. As Marco's smiling eyes caught Dylan's, the first slow song of the night began to play. Dylan held out his hand, with a questioning look in his eyes.
"You're nervous," Dylan looked at Marco, who was looking around the gym at the couples and teachers.
"Yeah…a little. I mean this is definitely a first. Slow dancing at a straight school dance," Marco bravely took Dylan's hand, as he brought his body close to his boyfriend's, "but I'm getting used to overcoming fears," Marco smiled up at Dylan, "and do you really think I'd give up a chance to slow dance with you?"
Dylan laughed, wrapping his arms tightly around Marco, and gently kissed the top of his head. Marco so easily got lost in Dylan's body, and he let himself breathe in the scent and experience the sensations of their many points of contact.
The Bollywood music blared for the rest of the evening, as Marco and Dylan hopped from Paige and Spinner, to Dylan's hockey buddies, back to Craig and Ellie. Marco was wired just being there, being Dylan's prom date, loving being out and being so proud to be with his sweet, sexy boyfriend.
Finally, the last song of the night came on,as Marco, now having let go of his fears, walked eagerly into Dylan's embrace. Dylan gently rubbed Marco's back, pulling him against his body.
We're one, but we're not the same, we've got to carry each other, carry each other, one...
Marco looked up at Dylan, his eyes filled with emotion, "Dylan," the sparkling blue eyes returned the intensity, "Tonight has been great…and I really love this, what we have together…me and you."
Dylan held Marco tightly. He took a deep breath,and whispered, so close that his lips were tickling Marco's ear, "Marco…I don't just love this…I love this because I love you. I love you, Marco."
As Dylan pulled him closer, Marco started shivering even though he was so hot. His heart was racing, his breath got shallower, and he unintentionally let out a small giggle.
"What?" Dylan smiling down at him.
"It's just that…well…Dylan, I'm so happy... And I love you too, Dylan." Marco put his head back down on Dylan's shoulder, and closed his eyes, living the moment.
Through a series of small miracles and white lies, Marco had managed to convince his parents, and even his mother who knew he was at Dylan' prom, that the group would be crashing in a hotel room and that he should be allowed to go too. He just failed to mention that the group was going to be restricted to him and Dylan. Harmless lie, right?
Marco was nervous because of stereotypical prom night expectations, but he trusted Dylan and he couldn't wait to be alone with him again…for the whole night.
"So sexy, I get to sleep in your arms tonight…and wake up in arms," Dylan said playfully, gently pushing Marco down on their bed as he began kissing his neck.
"I can't wait," Marco sighed as he turned Dylan on to his back, climbing on top of him, and opened his lips to Dylan's mouth. The chemistry still shook Marco's body every time – even without the nerves of first times, Dylan's kiss was filled with passion, and somehow Dylan could always find that new sensitive neck spot, or that ticklish place behind his ear, that made Marco gasp with surprise and pleasure. Marco sucked, Dylan bit, Marco moaned.
"So you like moaning…am I turning you on?" Marco teased.
"You have gotten good at that….lost your inhibitions," Dylan answered, moving his hand beneath Marco's shirt, taking it off, as he began kissing his chest. Marco ruffled Dylan's hair, as Dylan playfully moved and bit his nipple.
"Ahh Dylan!" Marco gasped, as he quickly peeled off Dylan's shirt, pulling him down on top of him. He loved the feel of their bodies pressed together, skin on skin. As their kisses increased in intensity, Marco reluctantly stopped the kisses, moving beside Dylan, so they were left face to face, with their legs still intertwined.
"So Dylan…before we continue…there's been something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Shoot. Anything."
"Well…I've been thinking a lot about it in general…and then since that discussion at the group-"
"Oh – this is about sex... That's why you were so quiet on the way home…'let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about you and me'," Dylan pointed playfully at Marco and himself as he sang.
"Yeah…it is," Marco said shyly, looking away from Dylan's eyes.
Dylan gently placed his fingers on Marco's chin, bringing his eyes back up to his own, "It's okay, Marco…don't be shy…I want you to be able to talk to me about this stuff. I mean, if we can't talk about it…then I guess we probably shouldn't be doing it."
"Yeah…you're right," Marco began again, somewhat relieved. "So anyways…since the group I've been having all these thoughts – like what is sex to me anyways? I mean I'm definitely not ready for well, you know…but sometimes I do feel ready for other stuff…like you touching me," Marco kept talking as his cheeks turned red, "and me touching you…but I know that I want it to mean something…but I didn't know why really until Kendra just made so much sense at the group. I mean, there are lots of kinds of sex…and for me, this would be a really big first...I mean, Dylan, nobody's ever done that to me before…but I know you're so much more experienced, and I just wish that it could also mean something to you…but I know it's not such a big deal anymore."
When Marco paused, Dylan just shook his head, and kissed him fiercely before continuing, "Marco babe, you don't know how wrong you are…yeah, it's true that it's not my first time…but Marco, what I said to you tonight…that I love you," he looked at Marco with that intensity that still made Marco's stomach fill with fluttering butterflies, "I've never said that to anyone before…Marco, you're my first love..and nothing would mean more to me that to make love to you, in whatever way we choose and in whatever way we're ready for."
Marco's eyes shone as he climbed back on top of Dylan, attacking his mouth, biting his lips, "I love you too, Dylan." he kissed his sensitive neck.
As the kissing got heavier, Dylan stopped them this time, "Listen Marco, let's not do anything tonight…well, I mean we should keep doing this…but I want it to be what you want it to be…and we're going camping next weekend, and that's pretty romantic…" Dylan suggested.
Marco just looked at Dylan filled with love and amazement, "love you even more." Marco and Dylan melted into each other, lips on tongues, on teeth, biting, sucking, hands roaming across each other's chests. Dylan, filled with desire, took a slight risk and allowed his hands to roam down, squeezing Marco's butt, and playfully grazing the front of his pajama pants. "Hope you don't mind a little push," Dylan flirted.
"You should know by now not to underestimate me, Dylan," Marco coyly flirted back as he squeezed Dylan's butt, and let his hands linger on the front of Dylan's pants, moving them slowly and deliberately up and down. The kissing continued as the intense passion finally relaxed into warmth. Hours later, the lovers finally fell asleep, exhausted, in each other's arms.