Chapter 8: Nothing
It had been a few days since their first drink and Bailey was distracted. Ever since that night, she had been easily distractible and in her own head more than usual. Everything had gone back to normal after that night, or as normal as everything was these days, but she couldn't stop thinking about the teasing words from Chris and what they could mean. She kept trying to rationalize that they were both on the verge of being drunk and neither of them knew what they were doing, but there was always the thought in the back of her mind that maybe it was exactly what it sounded like.
Chris had been acting as normal as he normally was, except he had been keeping some distance from her, mostly because she had become more quiet and withdrawn. She hated feeling these things that she never felt before. Yes, she was a teenager, but why did the thought of the soft caress of Chris' voice on her ear make her body tingle? At what seemed like the end of the world, boys and feelings seemed like the least important thing.
Sam seemed to notice her distractedness and in return offered her more company and jobs around the pub. They were going to have to leave soon because of the lack of resources, but they were going to have one final supply run to get them the things they needed to travel. Sam volunteered her and Alejandro and there was some comfort in having something familiar to look forward to, even if it was just scrounging for supplies.
Bailey gave her papa and mama hugs and kisses before they left, and she made sure Bruno knew that he needed to take care of everyone until she got back. She was still constantly amazed at how intelligent he seemed to be and took the command seriously, giving her a few licks before she departed with a final nod to Chris.
The weight of the shotgun in her lap as they drove was no longer comforting as it once had been. Ever since her abuelo's death, guns felt cold and threatening. But everyone wouldn't allow her to go anywhere without it, so she had to get used to the cold seeping into her jeans.
Though she was normally forced to sit in the truck with her hermanos, she insisted on sitting in the bed, letting the dry air whip through her hair and give her something to feel.
Their drive was a little bit longer than usual, to the next town over, as they'd looted everything they could from their current residence. This was the furthest they'd gone since they got there, and none of them knew what to expect. The town could be crawling with muertos for all she knew, but as they pulled up the cracked road, it seemed empty.
She wasn't sure which thought was more frightening - a town full of muertos or a seemingly empty town that might not be so empty after all.
Sam parked the truck on the main road, next to an abandoned gas station, and they all got out of the truck. Bailey fidgeted with the gun in her hands, looking around and feeling a bit uneasy. While Alejandro started to check the gas pump, Sam stayed behind with her.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, looking down at her.
She didn't respond for a moment until he nudged her side. "Hmm?"
"I asked if you were okay. You seem distracted."
Even looking into the kind eyes of her eldest brother, she didn't want to bother him with all the thoughts going on in her head. And after all, it was slightly embarrassing, and she didn't want to talk to her brother about boys. Out of the two of her brothers, she would be more willing to talk to Sam about stuff like this, but she wasn't even sure if there was anything to tell. She was most likely just overthinking things.
"Yeah. Just tired," she lied, though she didn't miss the obvious disbelief in his eyes.
"Okay. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" He put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.
"I know. Thanks, Sam." She eased her lips into a small smile.
"C'mon, what are you two waiting for?" Ale suddenly called out.
"We better go help before he gets his panties in a twist," Sam chuckled.
Bailey laughed before moving forward to see what her youngest hermano had found. As it turned out, there was a little bit of gas left in one of the pumps, and one of the abandoned cars had a decent amount of gas. It was an extremely lucky find, especially if they were going to be traveling in the next few days. Maybe this town would be good.
After getting the gas, they started to wander to explore the rest of the areas. It seemed so quiet and the silence only made her think harder about everything as they poked around the buildings. There were a few convenience type stores as well as a lot of miscellaneous stores that looked abandoned long before the end of the world. There was also a pub in this town as well, which she thought was funny. Maybe they'd be pub-hopping for a while.
The first convenience store they decided to explore seemed like it was pretty looted, but it was always worth a shot. After all, they didn't have that much back at their camp and anything was better than nothing at this point. She missed the days where she could pluck tomatoes and peppers from the garden and chase the cocky rooster from the coop so she could get the eggs from the hens.
"Let's check each room to make sure it's clear before we look for anything," Sam suggested, quietly opening the door.
However, his attempts to be quiet were to no avail when the bell on the door jingled when it moved. He paused, looking around for a second, and when nothing came out of the shadows, they moved forward.
Most of the glass windows had been broken and the shelves were knocked over and scattered. There was a hall toward the back, which looked like it led to a bathroom and an office. They'd just need to check those two before continuing.
Alejandro checked the bathroom to find nothing, but at the door to the office, they could hear some quiet shuffling. Bailey readied her gun, but Ale pushed her aside.
"You're the last resort, okay? Stay back," he mumbled protectively, causing her to roll her eyes.
"What's the point of me being here if I'm not going to help?" she hissed.
But he ignored her, opening up the door and lunging at the muerto, killing it with his knife before it could even realize they were there. With an annoyed huff, she turned to start to search the rest of the store for anything. Sam seemed to sense the tension, but he said nothing as he moved to search too.
Her search was half-hearted as she kicked a few things over to check underneath and bent down lazily to shift shelves around. Ever since they got to the pub, maybe even before that, everyone had gotten so protective over her and she was sick of it. She hated feeling like she couldn't do things or make her own choices just because she was a girl and the youngest in the family.
With these thoughts swirling in her mind, she gathered the few things she found - a couple of batteries, a bottle of ibuprofen, and a few rags - and stuffed them in her bag. Alejandro found a few loose bullets and Sam scrounged up some matches from the front counter.
After their searching, it was onto the next. A couple streets down was the next convenience store, and Bailey dragged her feet as they walked. Sam slowed his pace to walk next to her, not speaking for a second. She thought that he was just going to keep her silent company, and she was grateful for that, but he decided to try and talk to her, which only irritated her more. For once in her life, she wanted to be alone.
"Ale will get used to letting you help. Just give him time. He feels the need to prove himself. And he loves you and doesn't want you to get hurt. I don't, either."
Bailey had to do everything in her power to prevent herself from saying something sarcastic. "Well it would be nice if everyone stopped treating me like I'm incapable of protecting myself."
"We all know you are. It's just…we are all a bit worried about you. You've been quiet since...we left the farm. And even more so the past few days. You haven't been able to really shoot that gun much either. None of us would be able to forgive ourselves if something happened to you," Sam admitted.
And while the sentiment was sweet and she knew it came from a good place, she couldn't help but feel like he was trying to invalidate her feelings. Sam had been the one who seemed to understand her more than her parents and Ale, but now it just sounded like he was beginning to agree with them. Keep her safe, let her come along but don't let her do anything, she hasn't been happy since the farm…. She was sick of hearing it and she was sick of the conflicting emotions raging inside her body.
Frustration, anger, sorrow, despair, longing…. She felt like she would burst. And she did just that.
"Of course I've been quiet, Samuel! I had to shoot abuelo right in the face! His brains splattered all over me! I watched the farm, a place that was my childhood safe place, burn to the ground! What the hell do you expect me to feel or do or say?"
She would never add anything about her new conflicting feelings about Chris, but it made her throat tighten at the thought of adding another emotion to her raging blood.
"Bailey, please, the muertos…," Sam tried, but to no avail.
"I do all these things, prove myself, and yet you're siding with everyone else! I don't want everyone's protection! I'm not a damsel in distress! I think I've done more protecting this family than anyone else has!" she shouted, eyes swiveling as she noticed movement from just behind her two brothers.
In a flurry of rage, she cocked the shotgun, causing both of them to flinch, but she stormed past them, coming face-to-face with one of the two muertos that had emerged from the rubble. In a quick shot, its brains splattered across the pavement and its body crumpled. She turned toward the other one, cocking the gun yet again and shooting, the body falling lifelessly to the ground.
"And you think I need your protection?" Bailey felt like she could cry, but she wouldn't.
Turning to face her brothers, she rapidly took in air, glaring at them with a fiery gaze, daring them to contradict her. She felt a small trickle of blood on her cheek as they stared at her, and she used her shoulder to wipe away the remnants of the muerto blood.
Her release of anger felt amazing, but at the same time, not enough. Her grief wouldn't just go away. The new churning feelings in her stomach wouldn't subside. She'd gotten a release, but it wouldn't last forever. Those emotions would just build and build again. She missed the days when she just felt numb and couldn't feel anything. These feelings…it felt like they were all slowly killing her.
"Bailey!"
Whatever trance she had been experiencing dissipated as Ale lunged toward her, pushing her out of the way as another muerto stumbled inches away from her. She turned to see him plunge the knife in its eye, but what else she saw made her heart skip a beat.
It was almost like an army of muertos were coming from the woodwork. From behind buildings, cars, out of the alleyways…. And she knew…she knew that this was her fault.
"We need to get to the truck and get out of here!" Sam shouted, moving to place his hand to guide her, but quickly retracting it.
Bailey turned on her heel to sprint, but there were just so many of them that she wasn't sure where to even go. Cocking the shotgun, she blasted one of them in front of her and started to run. She could feel the heat of her brothers on her heels and the coolness of the muerto skin as they reached for them. It was like running through a maze where you couldn't touch the walls, and she could feel claustrophobia settling in to clog up her lungs.
She could see the truck, and the muertos had thinned out somewhat, making the way clear. Stopping next to the truck, she turned and blasted two of them as her brothers skidded to a stop by the truck doors.
Her arms were shaking as she hauled herself into the bed of the truck, screaming, "start driving!"
As they got into the vehicle, she blasted one, and then another as they descended toward the truck. She heard the engine sputter as Sam tried to get it started, and she crouched down to make herself more steady as she warded off as many as she could with bullets. When she realized she was out of ammo, the truck started and she let the shotgun clatter to the bed of the truck as she scooted to one side, panting heavily as the adrenaline coursed through her body.
Everything was fine. Until it wasn't.
Before Sam had a chance to peel out of there, she felt her hair being yanked, and then she was tumbling out of the truck into the dirt at the feet of a muerto. She screamed, her whole body beginning to tremble as it lunged down toward her, reaching for her face. With all her strength, she grabbed the collar of its shirt, pressing him away. But her arms were so shaky and weak from the fear that she felt his weight slowly easing down further and further. It skin was like ice, but its rotten breath was warm on her face, and she knew she couldn't hold it up any longer. She was going to die here with the weight of bodies crushing her ribs and blood oozing from her neck.
But the weight suddenly disappeared and she blinked up at Alejandro yanking the muerto and shoving it into the sidewalk. He used all his strength to slam his foot down on its head, squishing it to the cement as it oozed and squelched. She barely had the time to process the sick feeling in her stomach before she was vomiting up her breakfast with Ale yanking her to her feet. With not much in her stomach to throw up, she didn't get it on herself, but she still felt dizzy as her brother practically threw her in the bed of the truck, joined her, and shouted at Sam to drive.
Her body slid across the bed as they suddenly accelerated, and she reached onto Ale to cling to his leg, her fingers numb and tingly and her arms achy and sore. He pulled her by the arm up to his chest, cradling her tightly and giving her no room to argue. No words came to her lips, only the rushing feeling of nausea and a papery tongue.
It was as if reality didn't exist and her mind created a bubble for her, where nothing felt real and everything was slow and shiny. But the coolness of the wind against her face began to ease her back, and she could finally recognize exactly where she was and what had happened. She had not let go of Alejandro and she wasn't sure his iron grip would let her even if she wanted to.
She became aware of the stinging in her eyes, and her body began to wrack with sobs, each shake of her body sending a throbbing through her head where she likely hit it as she fell out of the truck. If possible, her brother pulled her closer and tighter, and in that moment she felt so small and weak. Yes, she was sixteen, but she was just a girl - a girl who didn't seem to be able to grasp the harshness of this new world.
"Ale I'm sorry," she croaked, repeating it over and over as she buried her face into his chest, soaking it with tears.
"Shh, it's okay, hermanita. It's okay," he soothed, beginning to rub circles onto her back.
She tried to speak, tried to explain herself and apologize again, but no words escaped from her lips, only quiet sobs that were muffled by the engine and wind whipping through her hair. She had really screwed up this time.
Maybe she wasn't made to be a survivor. Maybe she was made to cower behind the men that so desperately threw themselves in front of her to protect her. Maybe her papa was right - these things were not fit for women. Then what did that make her?
She had always been independent and strong. Growing up she played sports and climbed trees with the little boys from across the street. Every time her papa would scold her for using the tools or shooting their BB gun and telling her it wasn't something a little girl was supposed to do, she furrowed her brows and continued doing it anyway. But was that really who she was? Or was she trying to hide her true self of the scared girl that she forced away until she was truly vulnerable.
Maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought she was.
Maybe she was just pretending.
And maybe she wasn't anything without a man to save her.
A/N: Well unfortunately for Bailey, things are not going her way. It probably sucks to be a teen in the apocalypse, tbh. But I digress. Sorry for the extended absence for this story! Been slowly getting back into writing and going through each of my stories and updating one by one. This honestly was the quickest chapter I've written so far! It took me about 3ish days so hopefully I can keep this momentum for all my stories and get chapters out sooner! Thank you guys for your patience and loyalty. Seeing new adds or reviews on chapters always makes me so happy and I'm glad I can write something you enjoy! Until next time :)