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Chapter 7: To Trust In My Love Again

A week later, Lorelai walks into Luke's Diner before another day at work. "Coffee, coffee, coffee!" Lorelai exclaims as she walks up to the counter. Luke shakes his head at her.

"Well it's nice to know some routines don't change," Luke mutters as he turns to reach for the coffee pot. "To go?" he asks over his shoulder.

"Uh…" Lorelai glances down at the watch she's not wearing on her wrist. "I think I can stay and chat for a bit. Hit me up with a real mug." Luke grabs a 'real mug' and pours the coffee, setting the mug in front of Lorelai.

"So Lucy's liking it at Chilton so far?" Luke asks. Lorelai nods, taking a big gulp of coffee.

"Uh, yeah she is. She wants to be a doctor like her dad. She's smart that one."

"Nick doesn't want to be a doctor?" Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, he's much more passive, go with the flow kinda guy. I mean, don't get me wrong, all my kids are smarter than me, but Nicolas is the least likely to end up like John Nash." Luke chuckles. "Oh hey, Lucy gave this to me to give to you to give to Loren." Lorelai reaches into her bag, pulls out a CD case and hands it to Luke who looks at it.

"Are we nothing more than messengers to them anymore?" Luke wonders.

"Well there was a time that they would come to me for food and shelter and money for clothes," Lorelai responds. Luke smiles and puts the CD down on the counter behind him. "But I'm glad they're getting along so well. It's really helped Lucy's adjustment to Stars Hollow."

"That's good. And I've already heard everything there is to know about Lucy. Loren talks nonstop about her at dinner."

"I've always heard that chattering nonstop is a good thing," Lorelai jokes.

"Yeah that's cuz you were talking too much to hear otherwise," Luke responds with a smile. Lorelai shrugs, drinking her coffee. "And it's good that it's Lucy that Loren's talking about. I don't have to worry about her being in the wrong crowd."

"Well then I shouldn't tell you about how Lucy used to spend her weekends as a drug dealer." Luke gives Lorelai a look.

"Don't joke about those kind of things," Luke warns. Lorelai gives him an innocent look.

"If I don't joke about those kind of things, what else is there for me to joke about?" Lorelai wonders.

"Something that doesn't involve my daughter," Luke responds.

"Well Big Daddy, you're just going to have to learn to trust your daughter."

"Lorelai, you don't understand. All her life, the entire time, it's just been us. I was the only person she could turn to. She was all I had. It was us against the world. I have to protect her. She's still the only important thing in my life." Lorelai gives Luke a fierce look.

"I think I know a little something about that," Lorelai retorts. "But I didn't keep Rory in a glass box. I let her make her mistakes. It's the only way you learn!" They stare at each other angrily for a moment. Luke breaks the stare first, looking down at his hands.

"When did we start fighting again?" he wonders. Lorelai sighs, relaxing a bit again as she sips some more coffee. "Is it always going to be like this?" he asks, looking back up at her with one eye. She shrugs, looking at him sadly.

"I don't know, Luke," Lorelai whispers. Luke nods. He notices a new customer walk in and walks away to go take care of them. Lorelai watches him for a moment and then looks back down at her coffee.

Stop.

Stop what?

Oh, stop this robot talk. If you're mad, just act like you're mad at me.

I'm not mad at you.

You're being really, really unfair. Rory was in the hospital.

Lorelai, what is it exactly that you want me to do? I'm not mad. I'm not holding a grudge. I heard your apology. I feel like I'm being polite. I listened to your donut bit. I got you your coffee. What would make you happy?

I want Luke back.

He's standing right here.

No he's not.

Lorelai glances back over at Luke as he chats with the customer. She gets off the stool, taking money out of her purse and laying it on the counter. Pursing her lips, she sighs and drinks down the rest of her coffee. As she walks out the door, Luke looks over at her. She waves hesitantly and he nods back. Then she walks out and Luke turns back to his customer.

It had been a dream as long as she could remember: opening the Dragonfly.

As she walks around the Dragonfly that afternoon, traversing the property as she had once done almost daily, she can still remember the moment she had decided to open her own inn. Long before Sookie had arrived at the Independence Inn, Lorelai had worked there. She had been a maid. She had been an event planner. She had been the night manager and the day manager. She had done almost every job at the inn, except for the cooking, because Lord knows Mia would have to be out of her mind to let Lorelai near the stove.

There was a night, about five years after Lorelai had started at the inn, after she had become the night manager, when the dream really formed in her mind. She had been walking around the inn late at night, hearing only the sounds of crickets outside. The place seemed so peaceful and cozy. It had long since become her home and Rory's home. But on this night it seemed more than that.

Lorelai had seen how other people had felt at this place. A sense of bless. A moment of relaxation. A place where one could go to get away. A safe house.

When she stood in the middle of the main meeting room, Lorelai knew that this was her dream. To be able to give this to people. To own a place that could provide these comforts to others.

And after 20 long, hard years, her dream had come true.

The Dragonfly was not only well known as one of the best places to eat and sleep but one of the best place to go to get away from the city and relax. Even just a few days after the inn had opened, Lorelai had felt it about this place. It was a home.

But then she had left. Only two years after the opening of her inn, Lorelai had run away. As she had worked as an event planner in California, her thoughts were always with this place. Because it was still the place she knew she could go to escape, to relax, to feel at home once again. It had once been the end to a beautiful story.

You're going to be on the cover of a magazine! That's a big deal!

Well, it's the inn not me, but yes, it is a big deal.

So how did they tell you? They phone you or they, you know, email you?

They said they were so impressed by the inn, they were so impressed with my story.

It's a great story.

Well, it's a little thin when you compare it to War and Peace but…

What? You started with nothing. It's a great story.

-

But this is big.

Yeah, I guess it is.

He had always been there to back her up. When she wasn't sure she could do it, he told her she could. When she wasn't sure where else she could go for money, he was there with a loan. When she fought with Sookie because she got scared about jumping in, he was there to warn her that big steps are scary but necessary. She knew that if it hadn't been for him, the Dragonfly would have remained what it once was, a dream that she carried around.

Yet this day is different. The dream has come true and things have been up and running for 17 years. Now Lorelai is just a small kink in the working chain of the Dragonfly and she wonders if that is enough for her anymore.

"Lorelai," she hears Sookie call from the kitchen. Lorelai nods to Sookie and walks through the dinning room into the kitchen.

"Hey Sooks, what's up?" Lorelai asks walking over to the coffee pot to pour herself some coffee.

"Did you find out what Alfie Kremlin was planning on doing for his family reunion?"

"Oh yeah, he wants to do some kind of a theme. He was thinking of a 70s theme because his parents had gotten married in 1971 and they've been married for 50 years this year. I guess the whole family wanted to celebrate that." Sookie raises an eyebrow.

"Wow, 50 years. Jackson and I are going to hit 20 in a year and I thought that was a lot," Sookie considers. Lorelai nods, pressing her lips together. "Oh Honey, I'm sorry. I always say stupid things like that." Lorelai looks confused.

"What? I think it's awesome that you and Jackson made it that long."

"Yeah but Larry, you know, he died before you had the chance."

"I do know," Lorelai agrees. She walks over and pats Sookie's arm. "It's okay, we got lucky being together as long as we did."

"You got lucky even finding each other. I mean think about it, if you hadn't gone on your cross country adventure, you might never have met." Lorelai nods, drinking her coffee to give herself time to respond.

"Yeah, you know, you're right." Lorelai shrugs, thinking for a moment. "Do you think that means that we were meant to be?"

"Like Jonathan Trager and Sara Thomas meant to be?" Sookie asks. Lorelai finishes the coffee and sets the cup down.

"Yeah like that. Like we lived on opposite ends of the country and we found each other all because I left Stars Hollow," Lorelai says distantly.

"Maybe. You think that Klotho, Lakhesis and Atropos had some hand in getting you and Larry together?" Lorelai grimaces.

"Is that stupid?" Sookie shrugs.

"No, I just wonder who else had a hand in that," Sookie answers.

"You mean like the pilot of the plane flying me to San Francisco?" Lorelai jokes. "Because he certainly was helpful, I mean I didn't die because of him."

"No, I mean the reason you left Stars Hollow," Sookie responds. Lorelai sighs, the sad look returning to her face. "I mean we all thought you and Luke were meant to be too, you know. We thought he was perfect for you."

"He was!" Lorelai exclaims in frustration. She rubs her forehead, hearing the same words from Sookie all those years ago.

What did you do?

What did I do?

Did you get cold feet? You can't get cold feet! We need to put some wool socks on those feet because Luke is perfect for you!

I know.

He waited for you to get over Christopher. He waited for you to get over Max.

Sookie.

Why do you do this? Why do you make yourself miserable?

Lorelai rubs her forehead again. "Sorry, Sweetie, I shouldn't have," Sookie says sorrowfully coming up next to her. Lorelai gives her best friend a pitiful smile.

"It's okay Sookie, there are just some things I guess you never get over. I think after all this time I'm still wishing it had been me alone to destroy what Luke and I had. I wish that I had gotten cold feet, that it all had been my fault, that there was something I could have done about it." Lorelai sighs. "It was all an illusion."

"The whole thing with Luke?"

"No, the idea that he was the perfect man. That we belonged together." Lorelai shrugs. "I let myself believe in a mirage. I was deluded."

"But you said that you guys have been getting along well since you got back," Sookie remarks.

"I think I've finally realized that we weren't meant to be. He…" Lorelai swallows hard. "He wasn't the one," she finishes softly. Sookie opens her mouth to negate this but can't think of the right words to say. Lorelai lets out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. "I better go make sure that the new maid we hired is working out." Lorelai walks out of the kitchen. Sookie watches her friend go, feeling for her and wondering if Lorelai really believes anything she just said.

When Lorelai, Lucy and Nicolas arrive at the town meeting the next evening, Kirk has already started the meeting. "People, I need a final vote. Ays?" Lorelai raises her hand with most of the people. "Nays?" Lorelai raises her hand again with just a few people. Kirk shakes his head at Lorelai.

"Mom, do you even know what they were voting on?" Lucy asks over her mother's shoulder.

"No," Lorelai answers. "That's why I voted both ways. I just like knowing I have the freedom to exercise the right to vote. Proud to be an America, I am." Lucy nods as if this is fairly obvious but Nicolas rolls his eyes.

"Lorelai, would you and your clan like to find somewhere to sit so that you can stop disrupting the meeting?" Kirk shouts.

"Wow, more and more like him everyday, Kirk," Lorelai yells back. Kirk seems pretty pleased at this response. Martha waves to them and Nicolas motions that he's going to go sit with her and Sookie in the front. Meanwhile Loren has saved two seats next to her and Luke for Lorelai and Lucy in the back. As everyone shuffles around, talking and chattering before Kirk can take control of the meeting, Lorelai stares at the front of the room.

This is my relationship. Mine. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Yours. But not yours. Mine and hers, but not yours. There's not going to be any more debating about whether or not it's a good idea if we're in a relationship because we're in a relationship.

"Mom!" Lucy exclaims in a loud whisper, tugging on Lorelai's jacket. Lorelai glances around and realizes that everyone's looking at her, waiting for her to sit.

"The show must go on!" Lorelai calls and then sits down with a nervous smile on her face. She glances over at Luke, who raises an eyebrow at her. Lorelai shrugs. "Just want to be consistent." Luke smiles knowingly and nods. Lorelai breathes a sigh of relief. "Loren, did we miss anything good?"

"Oh, well, Kirk forgot his gavel so he tried banging a pop can and forgot he had done that by the time he got thirsty so it exploded everywhere," Loren says. Lorelai and Lucy laugh and even Luke hides a small smile.

"Glad you sat in the back?" Lorelai asks.

"Oh we always sit in the back," Loren answers glancing at her father. He shrugs, his arms folded over his chest.

"Makes it so people know we've made an appearance without having to actually be a part of the insanity," Luke says logically.

"Oh yes, you wouldn't want to give people the idea that you actually care about this town despite the fact that you've lived here your whole life and you'd never leave," Lorelai teases. Loren and Lucy giggle, enjoying the banter. "Face it, Luke. This town is your true love."

"Loren, don't listen to her. She didn't take her medication this morning," Luke grumbles, glancing with one eye down at his daughter. Loren looks over at Lorelai just in time to see her glowering response.

Lorelai reaches in her purse and pulls out two bags of candy. She opens the bag with the red vines. "Red vines, Loren?" Lorelai offers, reaching across Lucy to allow Loren to take a few.

"Loren those are just sticks of poison," Luke warns Loren, who ignores him and takes a few. He glares at Lorelai. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Because, Adelle Davis, not all people feel that they have to eat like bunnies," Lorelai answers. She smirks, bites off a piece of a red vines and grins at him. Luke shakes his head and goes back to paying attention to the meeting. "See?" Lorelai says to Lucy. "I told you this was gonna be fun." Lorelai's eyes sparkle with mischief as she says this. Lucy giggles and chews on her red vines.

"So the signs are going up today and we expect to finally have enough money for a new sign," Kirk is saying as Lorelai finally pays attention again. She glances down the row at Luke.

"What's he talking about?" she asks, pointing at Kirk.

"You would know if you ever shut your mouth for more than a second," Luke responds.

"Oh, snap!" Lorelai replies. Luke sighs.

"The dance marathon is this weekend. They're just talking about that," he says, finally relenting to answer Lorelai's question. Her eyes light up.

"The dance marathon? Really!" she exclaims, clapping her hands together.

"Why am I afraid to ask?" Lucy mutters.

"Luce, you're going to love the dance marathon!" Lorelai promises. "Oh I'd better find a partner."

"So you can lose to Kirk again?" Luke asks.

"Hey, that last time I lost to Kirk was because you claimed you twisted your ankle and you stopped dancing!" Lorelai retorts. Loren raises an eyebrow at Luke.

"You participated in the dance marathon? You never participate in the dance marathon," Loren says with astonishment. Luke looks over at Lorelai, giving her a look that reminds her of what she's just revealed to Loren. She looks down at her hands. Kirk raises his fist in the air.

"Meeting adjourned!" he announces, banging his fist on the podium. "Ow!" he exclaims. Lorelai snickers.

"That's what you deserve old snooty-marathon winning- dancing cheater-trophy stealer-Kirk Gleason," Lorelai says.

"That'll show 'em, Mom," Lucy declares. The four of them stand and walk out of the building.

"Honey, we gotta wait for Nicolas," Lorelai reminds Lucy before the girl can head off with Loren. Lucy sighs and grabs Loren's arm to make her friend wait with her. Luke shoves his hands in his pockets as he stops by Lorelai.

"Sorry about…"

"No," Lorelai says quickly, with a wave of her hand. "Forget it. It's okay." Luke nods. "I need to finally get it though my head that I don't need to keep giving you parenting advice."

"Sometimes it's helpful," Luke admits. "I mean, come on, I had no clue what I was doing with Jess." Lorelai nods.

"No, you didn't. But nothing I said changed that," she responds. "He grew up on his own and realized what a moron he had been on his own."

"Yeah he did," Luke agrees.

"So you going to the dance marathon?" Lorelai asks. Luke doesn't look like he wants to. He shrugs.

"I don't know. Loren always seems to find some Fred Astaire-wanna be to dance with her so I have to go and serve coffee," Luke says.

"You don't dance with your daughter?"

"I know, Luther Vandross would be upset by that, but it's true." Lorelai smiles at his little joke.

"Probably because you dance spazzy."

"I do not dance spazzy," Luke insists. They smile at each as they both remember this conversation.

You wanna dance?

No thanks.

Please, I promise I will dance just as spazzy as you will.

I do not dance spazzy.

Then I will be the only spaz on the dance floor. Please?

I do not dance spazzy.

Thank you.

"You know, I think you actually danced more spazzy than I did," Luke comments. Lorelai shrugs.

"I dance to the music. If the music is spazzy, then I'm spazzy. If the music is free flowing, then I am free flowing. If the music is quiet, then I am, well, quieter," Lorelai says. Luke nods.

"Quieter is the word. I mean compared to the Hoover Dam, I guess," Luke jokes. Lorelai lightly smacks his arm. Nicolas walks over.

"You like the town meeting?" Lorelai asks him.

"Yeah, it was pretty cool," Nicolas responds. Luke grimaces.

"I thought you said he was like his father," Luke notes. Lorelai just smiles. "Okay, well I better get home so I can open early tomorrow. You guys have a good night."

"You too, Luke," Lorelai answers, as she puts an arm around Nicolas. Luke nods to her and goes to get Loren. Lorelai watches him for a moment and then looks over at Nicolas, who has been staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just glad to see you so happy Mom," Nicolas responds. "It's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that."

"Oh, Baby Boy," Lorelai murmurs, hugging Nicolas to her with one arm. "You and your sisters make me happy. This town just lifts my spirits."