Chapter 11: If We'd Go Again From the Start
A couple weeks later, Lorelai walks into the diner with Nicolas following close behind her. Luke is standing behind the counter and nods to them. "Is my daughter here?" Lorelai asks with aggravation in her voice. Luke raises an eyebrow.
"And a good evening to you too Lorelai," Luke responds sarcastically. Lorelai rolls her eyes. She opens her mouth to make a spiteful response but Nicolas grabs her arm.
"Mom!" Nicolas warns in a loud whisper. He shakes his head at his mother. "What's with grumpypuss?" Luke asks. Lorelai snorts, starting to smile.
"And that's a word I never expected to come out of your mouth," Lorelai cracks. Luke ignores her response, looking at Nicolas.
"We have to go Grandma's for a Christmas Party and Mom's feeling forced into it and instead of just deciding not to go, she plans to crab her way through the night," Nicolas explains.
"Ah," Luke responds. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks crossly.
"Emily still holds Christmas parties two weeks before the actual holiday?" Luke asks, looking specifically at Nicolas, who nods in response.
"Yeah, the rich are crazy," Nicolas says.
"They're not the only ones," Luke replies. Nicolas glances over at Lorelai, understanding Luke's intent.
"Hey!" Lorelai exclaims.
"And you're not excited to go, I take it?" Luke asks Nicolas.
"Gentlemen!" Lorelai shouts. They both look at her. "Thank you for not ignoring me this time. Now, I'm here to get my daughter, does anyone by the name of Luke Danes know where I might find her?" Luke smirks.
"Yeah, I think she's upstairs with Loren," he response, pointing at the ceiling.
"Upstairs?" Lorelai asks, surprise in her voice. "What's upstairs? Oh wait, I forgot, that's a secret." Luke sighs.
"It's not a secret. It's Loren's space," Luke replies. Lorelai furrow her eyebrows.
"Her space? She doesn't have a room in your house?" Lorelai asks. Luke sighs again.
"Yeah she does, but when she's at home, I'm usually at home and even then she thinks I'm just going to walk in her room to inspect."
"That wouldn't be at all surprising," Lorelai mutters.
"So when she turned 12, I gave her the keys to the room upstairs and told her she could keep it as her special alone space," Luke finishes, ignoring Lorelai's interjection.
"I thought you were anti-special alone spaces," Lorelai notes. Luke chuckles.
What the hell am I looking at?
It's my new special alone space.
Oh yeah? Well you got a whole house of special alone space.
Not like this.
Lorelai just shakes her head at him, not remembering the moment especially fondly. Luke takes a deep breath, giving Lorelai an apologetic look. "I understand the need for them now," he responds softly. Nicolas glances from one to the other, wondering what on earth they're talking about. Lorelai shoves her hands in her coat pockets, looking at him miserably. "You want me to go get Lucy?" Lorelai shakes her head.
"No, I'll go," Lorelai responds dejectedly. Rubbing her forehead, she walks into the back. Both Luke and Nicolas watch her go.
After she disappears, Luke and Nicolas share a look, both sizing the other up. "You want anything?" Luke asks.
"No, but Mom'll probably want a coffee to go," Nicolas figures.
"That goes without saying," Luke responds and turns to grab a to-go cup and fix the coffee. Nicolas shuffles around uncomfortably for a moment.
"Hey, Luke?"
"Hmm?" Luke grunts.
"You knew my mother before, right?" Nicolas asks.
"Before?" Luke asks, not turning around from what he's doing.
"Yeah, you know, before before," Nicolas says as an explanation. Luke pauses and looks up but doesn't turn around, trying to decide exactly what Lorelai would want Nicolas to know.
"Yeah," Luke says, nodding, going back to his work. "Yeah, we knew each other"
"I mean, you were friends?" Nicolas asks. Luke glances over his shoulder at Nicolas.
"Friends?"
"Yeah, you know, friends. I mean, not like special friends, kind of friends, I mean like friendly friends," Nicolas attempts. Luke furrows his eyebrows.
"You got your way with words from your mother," Luke comments. Nicolas chuckles. Luke goes back to getting the coffee ready. "Yeah, we were friends. She came in here daily begging for a way to give herself a slow death and I provided it grudgingly."
"If only she would have taken your comments seriously." Luke finishes pouring the coffee and turns around, snapping a cap on. He stares at Nicolas for a moment.
"Are you sure you're her kid?" Luke wonders. Nicolas shrugs. Luke walks up to the counter in front of him, setting the coffee down. "Why do you want to know?" he asks.
"I just… it's been a long time since Mom's been happy and she deserves to be happy. But Dad got sick and then… you know. And then Lucy was having trouble dealing with it so Mom just never had time for, you know, just being happy. Not until we came here. And she likes it here, it makes her happy."
"She loves this town," Luke notes. Nicolas nods.
"Yeah. But it's more than that. I don't think I ever saw her smile, I mean really smile, until we came back here. Until you."
"Me?"
"I mean, you know, not that it's a big thing. But you're her friend. You just let her be her. You let her be sad when she's sad and you let her be happy when she's happy. And you make her smile. I'm not even sure I can remember her being that happy when Dad was healthy."
"Well, it was a long time ago, it's probably just not clear in your mind," Luke suggests modestly.
"Yeah, probably. I just… she's always been there for me and Lucy. She's our support. She put us first. And she always knows the right thing to say or do, she sees the best in us." Luke smiles to himself, looking away.
That ain't me, is it?
What are you talking about?
What Taylor said about me being Louie, a loner, never being married and stuff. I mean, I am getting crankier as I get older, he's not so far off.
You are not your uncle. I mean, would Louie ever build someone a chuppah, or help fix things around someone's house without being asked, or make a special coffee cake for a girl's sixteenth birthday?
Rory told you about that?
Yes. And would Louie have taken in his sister's kid without hesitating and without asking for anything in return?
No one would have trusted Louie with their kid. He probably would have forgotten to feed him or something.
You get my point?
Yeah I get it.
"Yeah she does," Luke murmurs, more to himself than anything else.
"So she deserves to be happy, she deserves everything," Nicolas says. He sighs, shoving his hands in his back pockets. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm glad, I guess, I'm glad she has you for a friend." Luke looks over at Nicolas, letting the boy's words sink in. Nicolas shrugs, uneasily.
"Yeah, well…" Luke begins, trailing off as they hear Lorelai's voice as she and the girls walk down the stairs.
"And if you ever get the chance to check out the CD, you'll have to burn me a copy," Lorelai is saying as she and the girls walk back in the diner. She stops in her tracks, glancing at each of the guys. "Sorry, did we interrupt something?" Nicolas shrugs, giving Luke a look that tells him to keep their conversation between them.
"Nope, nothing at all, just discussing where the best Coffeeholics Anonymous meeting is," Luke replies. Lorelai rolls her eyes.
"Whatever he said to you, it's all a lie," Lorelai tells Nicolas, who shares a look with Luke. She looks over at Loren. "Well, you be sure to have that coffee ready and waiting when we get back and in exchange, I'll try to grab you an apple tart."
"Sounds like a fair deal," Loren says.
"You're coming back here?" Luke asks.
"What, am I barred from seeing your daughter?" Lorelai asks, attempting a joke. Luke's face freezes and then Lorelai's eyes go wide as she realizes what she just said. Lorelai closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Luke, I didn't mean..."
"I know," Luke says softly.
"I mean, it was supposed to be a-"
"I know, Lorelai," Luke repeats. Lorelai nods, looking extremely sorry. Lucy and Loren share a look.
"Mom," Nicolas calls, getting Lorelai's attention. He points to the watch on his wrist.
"Oh right," Lorelai says, shaking the fog out of her head. "Medusa is waiting." Lucy smiles. "See you later." Luke nods. Lorelai grabs Lucy's arm, pushing her in front as they walk out the door. Nicolas glances over at Luke.
"Thanks," Nicolas says. Luke nods. Nicolas turns and walks out.
Later that night, Lorelai, Lucy and Nicolas return to the diner as promised. Lorelai looks slightly disheveled as she closes the door behind her. Loren is sitting at the counter eating ice cream from the shop next door. Luke stands on the opposite side of the counter. "What's with her?" Luke asks, motioning with his head at Lorelai.
"Tar," she whines, wrinkling her nose and picking at one sleeve of her coat. "Feathers," she whines again, picking at the other sleeve. Loren giggles at the sight of her.
"Ah," Luke says, understanding. Lorelai stumbles up to the counter, heaving herself into the seat next to Loren. She crosses her arms on the counter, laying her head straight down on them, nose touching the counter.
"Coffee," she moans. Luke smiles, shaking his head. He turns to get the coffee.
"Lucy, you want some too?" Luke asks. Lucy shakes her head.
"No, actually I have to be getting home. Homework calls," Lucy responds. Loren wrinkles her nose.
"One more reason I'm glad I don't go to the genius school," Loren says. Lorelai taps her hand on the counter.
"Coffee," she moans again.
"I'm getting it, keep your pants on!" Luke exclaims. She taps her hand on the counter again.
"Dirty," she says, still kind of moaning. Loren giggles again. Nicolas rolls his eyes.
"You know, I'll take Lucy home. I told Martha I'd call her when I got home anyways," Nicolas offers.
"Aw, Nicky needs to call his girlfriend!" Lucy teases.
"Kiss kiss Nicky!" Loren chimes in.
"When did she start calling me that?" Nicolas asks, pointing at Loren. Luke sets the coffee cup in front of Lorelai.
"They're two of a kind I guess," Luke reasons. Nicolas rolls his eyes. "You go, I'll make sure your mom gets home all right." Nicolas looks over at Lorelai, who's reaching her hand for the coffee but not looking up, so her hand's just touching different spots on the counter.
"You sure you've got this?" Nicolas asks Luke, who folds his arms, just watching Lorelai attempt the impossible because Luke has set the coffee down out of her possible reach.
"Oh yeah, should be the most entertaining part of my week," Luke deadpans. Lucy snickers.
"Okay. Bye Mom!" Nicolas calls.
"Bye Mom!" Lucy chimes in. Without responding, Lorelai sets her elbow on the table, waving goodbye behind her. Nicolas shakes his head.
"Good luck," he says to Luke. "Come on Luce." He touches his sister's shoulder and they walk out. Loren and Luke share a look. Lorelai's gone back to searching for the coffee.
"Lu-uke! Coffee," Lorelai whines. Luke huffs, his hands going to his hips.
"It's right in front of you. If you sit up like a normal human being, you'll be able to find the cup and drink it," Luke insists. With that, Lorelai sits up, still slouching. She glares at him, reaches for the coffee and begins downing it. Loren grins, fascinated by the show that Lorelai's putting on.
"Well I'm going to head home," Loren decides. Luke nods. She leans across the counter and kisses Luke's cheek. "Catcha on the flip side, Daddy-o."
"Don't stay up too late," Luke responds. "I'm hoping you'll be in bed before I get home." Loren nods, touches Lorelai's shoulder comfortingly and walks out. Lorelai turns her head, watching Loren go and slowly turns back to face Luke. She sets the coffee cup down.
"More," she begs. Luke shakes his head, but pours more coffee in the cup.
"Here you go Oliver, but no more after this." Lorelai nods, drinking it slower this time. "So what happened?" Lorelai shrugs. "Just feel like playing the martyr card again?" Lorelai sets down the cup, glaring at him.
"No, I just can't deal with my mother. You just think this is all a show, don't you?" Luke shakes his head.
"No, I don't. You forget, I've met your mother"
Then I simply don't understand. If you're together, then what's the problem?
What are you talking about?
Why won't you come to Friday dinner? Whatever happened between the two of you I obviously fixed, so –
You fixed it? You broke it! Just because Luke and I found a way to repair the damage doesn't erase the fact that it happened!
What I did, I did out of concern.
Oh please!
As your mother, I have a right to be concerned, especially when it looks like you're taking your life down a completely disastrous path. I had to jump in and –
Mom!
Lorelai!
Please hear me. If I want your input in my life in any way, shape or form, I will ask for it. Until then, do us all a favor and shut up!
Lorelai shakes her head, looking down at her hands. "No, I didn't forget," she whispers. Luke reaches out and touches her shoulder gently. Lorelai looks up at him.
"I get it then. Just so you know. I get that your mother's not the easiest person to deal with," he tells her. Lorelai gives him a tightlipped smile.
"Thank you," she says softly. Luke nods. Lorelai drinks her coffee, thinking this over.
"I mean, she hated me." Lorelai shakes her head, setting the coffee back down.
"No," she responds quickly, taking a moment to lick her lips. "No, she didn't."
"Lorelai..."
"She didn't," Lorelai insists. She sighs, looking back down at her hands. "I mean, you weren't her favorite person by any means, but then who is, except Nancy Reagan. But, I don't know, she learned to deal with you, I mean you being in my life."
"She did?" Luke wonder in disbelief. Lorelai nods.
"She bought us a house," Lorelai tells him, pressing her hands into her lap and looking up at him.
"She bought us a house?" Luke repeats, confused. Lorelai nods.
"Yeah. She bought us a house. Her and Dad." Lorelai shakes her head, looking away, remembering the picture of the house. "It was a beautiful house. Not too far from here either and she was going to try to get it a Stars Hollow address. It was so beautiful. Three acres. Five bedrooms. Three and a half baths. A stable for horses. A fishing pond for you. It was blue. It had a beautiful white porch around it." Lorelai presses her lips together, still not looking at Luke. She sniffs. "You would have hated it."
"I would?" Luke wonders, still confused. Lorelai nods, looking back up at him.
"Yeah. It was only a little farther from here and the inn, but you would have hated it. Too big. Too much. You would have had some complaint." Lorelai shrugs. "But I loved it."
"Sounds like it." Lorelai smiles to herself.
"She even came up with a list things I could tell you to convince you to agree to the house."
"Wow," Luke manages, still in shock. He taps the counter thoughtfully. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I didn't know about it until a little before we broke up. A few days. A week before." Lorelai shrugs. She looks back down at her hands.
This is not a house for me. It's for you.
Me?
You and Luke.
-
You want to buy us a house?
Well I know you're not going to let me give you a wedding, so I thought a house would do.
"She gave in. She decided that she needed to just accept that you were going to be in my life," Lorelai says quietly. She sniffs, still looking down, not wanting Luke to see the tears in her eyes.
"Wow," Luke repeats, amazed at this whole idea. He steps back, leaning back against the back counter. They're both quiet for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Lorelai picks up the coffee and continues drinking.
Finally she straightens up and forces a smile. "So what were you up to tonight?" Lorelai asks.
"Oh, uh, not much," Luke says vaguely. Lorelai raises an eyebrow. "Loren did her homework. She convinced me to let her go next door to get some ice cream."
"Good girl," Lorelai purrs. Luke smiles.
"She loves that the diner is next door to that ice cream shop"
"And she's your daughter?" Lorelai asks. "You're sure?" Luke nods.
"Sure as if I gave birth to her myself," Luke replies. Lorelai snorts.
"You would never be able to handle that. You're too big of a baby for that kind of a thing. I'd hate to even be in the same state as you if that were possible." She winks as Luke rolls his eyes.
"Then she reminded me that you guys would probably be back soon and I should make coffee"
"Did I ever tell you how much I love your daughter?" Lorelai kids.
"Actually you have." Lorelai laughs. "And we were about to play a game of poker when you guys showed up"
"Loren knows how to play poker?" Lorelai asks. Luke nods. "Is she any good?"
"She's better than you," Luke replies. "Of course, you're terrible." Lorelai's mouth drops open as she feigns hurt.
"I am not!" Lorelai insists. Luke raises an eyebrow. "I'm good when I actually try. When I'm actually in the mood for it."
Give me four. Ah, no four more.
You can't have four more. Those are the four I dealt you.
Well those don't help me and I have vowed to discard anything negative in my life, first Rune and now these four cards.
Whatever you say.
Ooh, these are much better, thank you.
Lorelai and Luke both smile inwardly, both remembering their card game. Lorelai slowly looks up at Luke, a smirk on her face. "You just caught me on a bad day." Luke nods.
"That's what it must have been."
"You know, you challenged me to a rematch," Lorelai recalls.
"I remember."
"Some time we'll do that." Luke nods.
"Some time," Luke agrees. They both smile at each other a moment. Lorelai glances down at her coffee cup.
"Oh, empty." Lorelai purses her lips. "No more, huh?" Luke shakes his head.
"You don't need anymore," Luke responds.
"You're probably right," Lorelai agrees, slowly standing up and adjusting her purse on her shoulder. "I should probably get home."
"I'll walk you," Luke offers. Lorelai looks a little hesitant as she tries to decide how to respond.
"Okay," she says finally. Luke nods. He walks around the counter. Gently, touching her shoulder, Luke follows Lorelai out the door. He turns off the lights and locks the door. Then he nods to her and they begin their walk to Lorelai's. She shoves her hands in the pockets of her coat as she walks along next to him. "So you've never been up to Loren's secret room?"
"Not since I gave her the keys," Luke replies. Lorelai titters.
"Two years ago?" She shakes her head. Luke looks at her in alarm.
"Why? What could she possibly have up there?" Lorelai shrugs.
"Oh I don't know. Twinkies. Diaries. Weed," she lists off. Luke stares ahead, totally frightened at the thought. Lorelai nods, rubbing his arm. "I'm sure it's nothing bad. Just boys or something"
"Boys," Luke whispers. Lorelai snickers.
"Man, you are so not ready for her to grow up."
"Boys," Luke repeats, the idea sinking in. "Like Jess did."
"Jess had boys in the apartment?" Lorelai teases. Luke gives her a dirty look.
"Jess had girls in the apartment. Hidden in the apartment. In closets," Luke reminds her. Lorelai nods.
Oh, by the way, Jess had a girl in the closet.
What?
Come on, pip pip!
Who? What was that? Lorelai? What about the closet?
"I remember," Lorelai responds. Luke sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Luke, I'm sure that Loren's just got some girly magazines and a diary or two up there. She's a good kid."
"I know. It's just. I really screwed up with Jess," Luke responds. Lorelai shakes her head.
"No you didn't, Luke. He was already screwed up. You fixed it. At least partially. Liz says he's doing great."
"Yeah, he is," Luke agrees. He glances over at her and catches her smiling at him. "So what happened tonight with your mother?" Lorelai shrugs, looking away.
"Nothing. Just the same old, same old. She'll never forgive me for leaving," Lorelai responds mournfully.
"Which time?" Luke asks. Lorelai looks up at him in surprise but then purses her lips.
"Both probably," she adds sadly. "I don't know. I mean, I don't care that she's mad. She's tried to run my life too many times. But I just hate that she thinks I'm a failure."
"She said that?" Lorelai shakes her head. "Then I'm sure she doesn't think that. You've had so much. You got married. You opened the inn. You had Rory and Lucy and Nick"
"The whole package," Lorelai recalls.
I'm lucky, I know. I just… I feel like I'm never going to have it… the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but I really want it… the whole package.
You'll get it.
How do you know?
I know.
How do you know?
Because I know, okay? I know.
Luke nods. "The whole package," he repeats softly. They stop walking, just standing there on the sidewalk, staring at each other. He reaches out and rubs her arm. "I told you that you'd have it. And you did." Lorelai shrugs. Luke's hand drifts down from her arm to her hand.
"I guess," Lorelai says softly. Luke squeezes her hand. She looks up at him curiously. "Did you have it?"
"The whole package?" Luke asks. Lorelai nods, taking his other hand in hers. "I don't know." Lorelai looks up at him as if searching his eyes. Stepping just a bit closer, she tilts her head, lightly pressing her lips to his. Luke leans into the kiss, one of his hands letting go of her and reaching up to cup the back of her head as he deepens the kiss. Suddenly Lorelai pulls back. She stares at him, a combination of shock, disgust, sadness, joy, confusion and everything in between covering her face.
"Thanks for walking me home," she whispers. Then she quickly lets go of his hand and runs off towards the house. Luke watches her, sighing.