Ripples in Red Water
Chapter 6: Revelation and Retribution
Part 2
My Lost Hope
By: Empathic Soul
Disclaimer: Gravitation is a wonderful anime. It is sadly not mine.
PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Thank you once again to those who reviewed! I really love the reviews! Hehe! Helps me and makes me inspired to write the story again!
Thank you once again! Please read and review and as Ruruouni Sesshouhen remarked: Read with you heart!
Thank you! And please do try and read Education by Professor Tohma. It was meant to be a refresher for this story! And also One Single Action (Was that the title? I'm confused!)
Okay warning before hand: Chapter 6 is Shun centric. It's about time that you know the point of view of the "antagonist". Well, don't worry, it still has Shu although no Yuki. Sorry. So I AM apologizing in advance. Bear with me for two more chappies and then you'll have Yuki back after!
BE FOREWARNED: This chapter includes angst, drama, and a LOT as in a LOT of violence! Please do read this with care and understanding. Absorb it so that you would get some of the subtle hints for the plot and do so understand the characters as well. Thank you so much!
Shun woke up with a start. His face is all sweaty as he looked straight ahead of his room. He glanced at the clock that was on his side desk and saw that it was only 3:00 in the morning. He placed his hand on his forehead and went back to lay down on the bed only to stare at the ceiling. He's currently 18—18 years have passed since he was born. He winced at the sight that greeted him. Because of his mother's sternness and anger towards him, which he did not know where it stemmed from, he decided to lock himself up in his room.
He rarely went out but sometimes, he accompanied Shuichi to some places. He simply just did not want to give his parents more problems this time. He looked at the ceiling remembering that dream that he just had—the dream that caused him to feel so much hesitation and doubt in his heart. He once more looked at the clock—it said: 3:15—fifteen minutes after he woke up.
He had to admit, that was a pretty spooky dream and he's still a bit riled up because of it. He did not want to go back to sleep in fear of having the same dream—the same horrible dream.
Today is another day that their father would be going to a business trip. In a few hours, they would bid him farewell. Instead of a smile on his face, he made certain that the moment Shuichi would be extremely happy and carefree, he would be cold and distant. He did not want to hurt his parents anymore. His mom always yelled at him when he smiled. It was only his father that he smiled to. His father had talked to him about it and he explained. Of course, expecting something from his father, he did scold him for it and tried to dissuade him from continuing—persuade him to change his mind. But he decided his on his own and he would do it. He wanted his mother and sister to be happy with him---for him.
No more shouts
No more slaps on the face.
He wanted them to be happy.
Shun closed his eyes only to open it again when he saw the image of a car wreck in his mind. It was his father's black Ferrari that hit one of the posts as his car lost control. The brakes were off and then suddenly the car made a turtle spin causing a huge wreck down the freeway.
Shun winced at the thought. He could not take it if his father died. That would mean that he would have to be mature at an early age. That would mean he would be even more alone.
No!
He would not take it if his father died because he still needs him. He does no need him for any other material thing, or any in-kind materials, but he needs him because Shun knew that his father loved him. Shun felt it because his dad always became his confidant, his friend, his older brother, his father, and most of all, his partner in everyday life. Shuichi had done his share but he's too young and still too innocent, for such things.
He ran a hand through his blue locks. Yes, at the age of nineteen, which is next year, he would be an official stockholder of their own business firm. It would have been eighteen but his mother interfered saying that he's still too immature to manage the business.
Of course, he did not butt in at all during the conversation, only intently listening.
To him, it seems as if his mother never loved him in the first place. There was not a hint of trust, only doubt and anger in her voice. Shun winced mentally at that thought of his own mother wincing at the sight of her own son.
What made her hate me so much?
Why do I feel like I'm next to nothing if not nothing beside her?
Why am I so pained?
Lonely?
Helpless?
Sad?
And how come…
I don't feel angry?!!
Shun gazed at the ceiling once more. That dream was scary that he did not want to go back to sleep. He feared that the next thing he knew that dream would actually come true. He turned to his side and sighed. He did not want to let his father go on this trip but his father told him that the business trip is very important. It might seal a twenty million dollar deal with their partners and investors if taken properly and in the right way. Of course, the best way could be that the president handles the matters himself.
He took a pillow and placed it on his head. He did not want that event in his dream to occur. He prayed to the gods that it does not happen. He looked to the side and saw a picture frame with a picture of the three of them—Shuichi, his father Shinji, and him, Shun. It was a photo taken when they went to an amusement park when Shuichi was 8.
"Big brother! Daddy! Let's go ride that one!!!" Shuichi raced towards the roller coaster with two gigantic 360-degree turns.
Shinji visibly paled as he watched the coaster go past the loop and then back again. He has been through terrible things that day, mainly going on rides that made his stomach do it's own somersaults. He lost count on the number of times his lunch was wasted.
"I'll pass…" Shinji waved his hand and saw Shun laugh.
"Oh come one dad, don't be a sissy!" Shun teased knowing his father hated challenges and most especially hated being teased.
"Sissy? I am not a sissy!" Shinji retorted and Shuichi laughed adding to the humiliation.
"Daddy is a sissy! Hahaha!" Shuichi teased even more and Shun laughed with him.
Shinji pouted and stomped off to the ticket line. He pointed at the two, acting as if he were a teenager being challenged into a duel.
"I will show you I'm no sissy! As a matter of fact, I'll buy three and I say THREE tickets for me and the two of you! We'll ride that three times!" Shinji stomped off to the ticket counter and bought out some cash.
Shuichi jumped up and down.
"Li-ho!!!!" Shuichi was exhilarated! He was thrilled!
Shun merely shook his head and followed his stomping and playful father and hyperactive and very cunning little brother. "Sigh, that technique works everytime."
The boy, being Shuichi, was excited and nearly took every ride. It was a memorable experience for Shun. That day, only the three of them went because of their excuse that it was a boy thing. Of course, their mother bought the reason and only took Suzu shopping that day, saying that it was a girl thing. The three of them went to the amusement park to enjoy.
Shuichi was overjoyed eating all the food that he could see, riding every ride in the amusement park. Shun did not mind but their father's stomach is doing their own flips and somersaults. Shun could not even count the number of times their father actually threw up. But those were such fun days.
His father knew that eh could not continue to smile in front of his mother anymore. But Shuichi did not. So that day in the amusement park, where he could smile as always and be happy with the people he loved a lot was one of the best days of his life. It was worth remembering, it was worth reminiscing for.
Shun closed his eyes to recall the memories one more time while trying to go back to sleep. But this time, only remembering the nice things about his life, rather than thinking about the mishaps and the problems that have occurred.
Surely there has to be more beautiful memories than the bad ones…There has to be…
Shun could not believe it.
There he stood in front of the tombstone of his father…
He died.
Shindou Shinji died and left him.
How else can he put it?
It hurts.
For him, it feels as if his heart were pulled out and broken into pieces. It was as if a part of him died the moment that he heard the news.
Yes, his father died in the car accident that happened a few days ago. And even then, when the family was informed, he could not take it—could not believe it and even more so REFUSED to believe it. One of the few people that he actually cared for so much and one of the few he knew loved him back was taken from him, by such an undefeatable enemy, an enemy that he wished took him instead of his father.
Death.
Shun hurried down the stairs as he heard the police were gathering at the living room. He rarely went out but this seems to be an emergency. He saw Suzu sitting beside their mother and Shuichi standing there looking at him as he arrived. The boy looked like he was ready to launch himself into Shun's arms but stayed put.
The police looked at him and Shun felt goosebumps form into his skin as he noticed the expression of sadness on the faces of the police officers. He glanced at his family and looked at the police head.
"What is it?" Shun feared what he was going to say. He somehow knew. Rather, he somehow felt.
"We are indeed very sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Mr. Shindou." The head of the police made a polite bow and Shun made a wave from his hand to dismiss it.
"Spare me the manners. What is your business?" Shun's voice took a deep edge. This was not a very good time to joke around.
Shuichi took a step forward and Shun looked at him. Shuichi paused and then looked away. Shun almost wanted to shout. He knew…but…
It is different if someone told him.
He looked at the other police and he nodded towards him.
"TELL ME!" Shun shouted. Everyone was surprised in his sudden out burst.
The police nodded. And they told him.
After that, he wished they didn't.
When the news was given to them, he merely looked, rather stared at the person that informed them. The police was all over the house and that person told them that the car of his father took a turtle spin by the highway. Shinji Shindou's body was in terrible shape that he was not identifiable at first. It was only through autopsy that they knew who he is.
Those words…
I'm sorry, but Shindou Shinji died in a car accident…Those words…
They have been echoing inside his head all those nights. He stared at the person only to hear those words repeated in his head all over again. He glanced briefly towards his family only to find Shuichi already comforting his sister and mother, gently rubbing their backs and softly kissing their hair and foreheads. He wanted to go there too, but his mind is in current turmoil that he could not fathom his own thoughts.
He blamed himself for it…
Regardless if it were an accident, he blamed himself for it…
If I only stopped him…If only I believed in my dreams…
If only I pulled him back before he left rather than actually scowling at him…
If only…
If only…
I said…
Take care…
SHIT!
Thoughts, countless thoughts raced his mind. He immediately stood up and hurried up to his room leaving all of them to stare at his back. He wanted to tell them that he was in pain. He wanted to let them know that he is also suffering, but…
They are all in pain already, and adding up more would be difficult for them. That he could not take anymore. So he wanted to shoulder this pain rather than actually share it. He wanted to be the one to be able to bear his own cross rather than pain others with his.
NO!
He would not take it. He would be strong, even just for himself. He will be strong and in this way only. Because he knew that if he became the other way, his mother and sister would just glare at him and tell him that he's becoming such a hypocrite. But this way, being a 'hermit' would benefit him and his family as well. He just hoped that Shuichi would be able to withstand it. He believed in the strength of his brother, his natural charisma. He wished Shuichi would be able to cope up with being the man of the family. He wished that he be strong enough to bear the pain for his mother and father…Shuichi was hope.
And now, in front of the tomb of his father, he could not even bear to cry anymore. Well, to be honest, he did cry a lot already and he would not even attempt to cry anymore and be a burden for his family. He will stay here, strong, even though his heart is in pain. Even though it hurts, he will stand up and continue to fight in his own little way, in his own lonely little way.
Shun looked at Shuichi who had their mother and sister embraced in his arms. He wanted to do that too, but of course, he could not permit himself. He had set too many barriers as the years went to pass even at the death of his father, he could not break them.
It was because of Shindou Shinji and Shindou Shuichi that he established that he established those barriers. It was a barrier that allowed him to express his feelings only to the said people. He made it strong so that it would not be taken down by any form of pain, maybe even a bit too strong for comfort, but at least this way, he would not intrude other people and neither would they intrude them.
He heard the three standing up from their position by the grave and started to walk. They steadily left as his mother cried in the shoulders of Suzu. The two women left and were guided by Shuichi towards the gateway of the cemetery.
And yet, here he is, he remained rooted in this spot. He simply stood there and focused his attention on the one single gray tombstone in front of him.
He felt a huge lump forming in his throat as he stared harder on the tombstone. He cannot believe it. Even though he is already in front of it, he still could not believe that this happened, that THIS COULD happen.
Too soon…
He formed fists in his knuckles as he gritted his teeth when anger and tears threatened to flood him once more as they had for the past few days. He looked at the tomb and tried to close his eyes, trying to will away the pain and the sadness that are going in turmoil inside his heart and soul. He felt like killing himself, as a soft whimper finally escaped from his lips—as much as he detested it. He did not want Shuichi to bear this pain that he is feeling also. Shuichi already had to take care of Suzu and their mother.
He turned his head to the side and tried to be strong, tried so hard not to cry when all of a sudden a hand touched his shoulder and he turned around in alarm, only to see Shuichi there looking at him with worry. Shun blinked away the tears, trying hard not to let Shuichi see them but it was too late—and he knew it too. His face betrayed him as tears formed in the rims of his eyes and traces of tears have been on his cheeks.
Shun tried to push him away in an attempt to cover himself up from the visible pain and from inflicting pain on Shuichi. He wanted to tell the boy to simply support their mother and sister, but…
Shuichi's hold simply tightened. Shun stared at the boy's eyes wondering why he hasn't let go yet. But Shuichi simply smiled back at him. Anyone would have thought that it would be a forced or fake smile after such an event but it was not. It was as if he drew everything from the bottom of his heart to actually smile like that. A smile, that one smile that Shuichi rarely gives anyone, except him and his father.
The REAL smile of Shindou Shuichi
"Ni-chan, I'm happy…I'm happy to see you cry…" Shuichi continued to smile as Shun suddenly got dumbstruck at what Shuichi just said.
What? Happy to see me cry? Shun raised an eyebrow as his arms folded itself on top of his chest, a reflex action. "What are you trying to say, brat?"
"Oh no! I did not mean it that way, I mean crying is a from of expression…" Shuichi looked at the tomb of his father. "It's like saying that I'm alive. I feel pain. For a while there, I thought you left me too. You stood there with a weird expression on your face as if you did not care of father's death, I was scared…you know, I felt so lonely…desperate."
Shun looked at his brother who placed his hands inside his pocket to look at the tomb then suddenly to look at him.
"You cried for dad, ni-chan. You finally broke down your barriers even for a while. And I know dad feels happy the same way I feel. Nichan, you were bought back to life when dad gave up his own." Shuichi smiled fondly at his brother who stared at him.
"Shuichi…" Shun gulped. He felt like embracing his younger brother because of his weird street smart aleck. But then again, he simply could not completely break down his barriers.
True.
Shuichi saw him break down. But his father died because of him. Shindou Shinji died because he did not tell him not to go. He died because he was too cowardly to believe that his dreams would probably be a premonition. He was wrong. It was his fault that his father got into that accident and it would not happen anymore as long as he did not get too close to anyone anymore. And that means including Shuichi…
No more important people…
No more losses…
No more…
"I'm sorry." Shun replied turning his back only to glance at Shuichi's shocked expression.
"What?" Shuichi asked ready to argue with him.
"This will be the last time. This will be the last time that I would break my barriers…" Shun gritted his teeth trying hard not to scare the boy away. "Especially to you…"
Shun walked away steadily fighting the urge to apologize and embrace the boy. He knew somehow that what he's doing is wrong and that he's hurting Shuichi in the process. But he had to do it. He had to fight his own battle and let Shuichi fight his own. The boy would never learn if he were to be dependent all this time. He was happy though, at least Shuichi is growing into a fine young lad.
A man he would surely be proud of…
And with that thought, he continued his journey towards home…rather…house…
A big empty house
TBC
Please read and review
I know it's short but I'm extremely busy recently.
Thank you anyway. Again chapter 6 is Shun-centric. So that you know what happened in the past! and I somehow know that this one sucks...grrrr
ddz008: sigh, was I really mean? ha! you ain't seen nothing yet! hehe, kidding. Well, I'm only starting with Chapter 6. So I continue to wish you all read with your hearts hahaha! It's cheezy and you know...but it's the only way to absorb the story! Thank you for the compliment
Luluness: hehe, well you'll see that there would be a reason. ooooooooopppppssss! nyaaaaaahhhh! spoiler (bangs a book on the head)
clari chan: I really have good titles? hahaha! thank you!!!!!
byakuya: haha! actually this is not really AU. I foresaw this when I made it as something that would come after the series, discounting the OAV/OVA of course. I thought the series was too Yuki-centric. It left Shuichi's personal life out, I mean what he was before. Although this was slightly AU to some, I assure you it isn't entirely that. And also, I just want to share. My idea of Shuichi having a sister happened before the OAV. It was funny. I beleived he might have a sister, so I wrote it down and there it appeared in the OAV. To my surprise!
Kanilla: (blush) okay that made me go crimson! thank you!
Silver on the tree: wow! you'll hate her more! (oooooooopppppsss spoiler again, bangs kumagoro on the author's head). Anyway, well, explanations still go on chapter 6c. hehe, don't worry, it's a week's wait! ooooops again! Women? well I am a woman, and writing about de-test-able women are not really my style, although it comes out that way. I seem to have a certain annoyance over totally helpless women. Makes me think they're the evil ones in the story! It annoys me to watch them sometimes! And the Shindou-women...well read on. (Ryuichi wraps an electric tape over the writer's mouth)
deppfan1016: haha! thank you! I really got interesting reviews this time. and well, I have received many saying they hate Suzu and Risa. We'll see. I'll update as soon as possible!
Reiannah: just you wait, you'll enjoy the next chappies. Hahaha, well that was a good comment on Suzu, particularly entertaining! I am really happy with that. You make writing this really fun. thank you so much! Your advices and your expressions make me happy reading your reviews! haha! see you soon and hope you go well with your studies! And keep up the EXCELLENT work with your FICS!
Mistress of Anime: well someone has to have fun, when you're a psychology major you get all the happiness in manipulating people's minds, especially your siblings. hahaha! kidding. WEll thank you and good luck with your work and studies. Say hi to your brother for me hahaha!
I love athrun: well, thank you again!
Ciao, it's just that, I know this part sucks. sheesh...and probably shorter. I am not making that on purpose. Don't you worry, the next one's got 5000 words hahahahah