Chapter 14: Your Pride Has Built A Wall

Lorelai sits in the diner at table by the window just staring out in contemplation. Her hand rests next to her coffee cup, her pointer finger tracing patterns on the handle. Her other elbow is on the table, her head almost resting on her hand as she chews lightly on the tip of her little finger. She is oblivious to everything around her. Caesar is screaming at Luke's newly hired cook that he doesn't know how to make a tuna melt. Kirk is complaining that his check is wrong to no one around him. A table of soccer moms sits in the far corner arguing over which of their kids got the most grass stains during the recent game. But Lorelai hears none of this. Not a single sentence uttered moves her at all.

Then she spots him. He walks around the corner carrying a large bag in his hands and stomps angrily towards the diner. He throws open the door and marches in, not noticing the woman watching his every move.

"Caesar! I have the bananas but I swear there's not a single bunch left in the entire state of Connecticut after these," Luke shouts, setting the bags on the ledge between the diner and the kitchen.

He takes a moment to survey the diner. He sees the soccer moms. He sees Kirk waving his check around and talking to himself. And his eyes land on her. She stares back at him with the same intensity. And the gaze harbors somewhere close to life-changing. And they are both reminded of a moment, when their eyes locked and their life together was altered forever.

How'd you land the gig?

My father owns the place, the diner at least, not sure about the land.

Your father?

My biological father. Not sure what to call him, it's kinda new. Not the biological part, that was years ago. I wonder if brown rice would work good too? Brown might be more decorative or it might backfire. People might think there's bugs in the salt. I should put some brown rice in one of the shakers and use it as a control group against the other ones.

I thought you couldn't get away.

I got away.

She said she wasn't a strangler –

Uh, you want to go outside and –

Uh-huh

April, I'll be right back. Okay?

Okay.

After gazing at her a moment, Luke turns to grab the coffee pot. Picking up a mug as well, he heads over to her table. "Hey," he says gruffly.

"Hey yourself," she replies, smiling with both her eyes and her lips. "So you wouldn't suggest ordering a banana split?" Lorelai asks innocently. Luke grimaces.

"Can you imagine the insipid person who thought that I had time to drive out to Woodbridge to get three bushels of bananas?" Luke wonders rhetorically.

"So you're having a bit of a day," Lorelai comments. Luke heaves a sigh as he pours coffee in her cup, not noticing that she already has one. "Anything you want to talk about?" Luke sets the coffee pot down on the table staring at her, almost as if trying to decide something.

"Actually, yes," he answers cryptically. Lorelai cocks her head, waiting for him to talk but he doesn't. She furrows her eyebrows.

"Are we talking telepathically? Cuz, really, my ESP's been kinda off lately. I don't know what's been going on there," Lorelai jokes. Luke wags his head. He glances up at the counter to make sure all was being taken care of. Lorelai sits back and glances over at the counter and back at him. "Do you want to sit down and join me?"

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" Luke asks. Lorelai grimaces.

"I'd really rather we talk here, unless this is something you'd rather Kirk didn't interrupt," Lorelai says, motioning with her head at Kirk, who sits behind her, still grumbling to himself. Luke slowly draws in a breath.

"Fine."

"Oh-kay…" Luke stares down at his hands. "Do you want to sit?"

"Huh?" Lorelai smiles uncertainly.

"What is up with you, Luke?"

"Nothing!" Luke responds quickly. Lorelai nods, but doesn't look like she believes him. She pats the seat next to her.

"Well then take a load off, Caesar has the diner under control. Besides I think he'd prefer if you calmed down before taking the reigns again," Lorelai teases. Luke pulls out the chair and sits down, folding his hands on the table in front of him. Lorelai stares at him, waiting for him to say something. "Luke, the United States and Russia had a shorter silence." Luke looks over at her.

"Lorelai, do you remember last month?" Luke asks. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows.

"Last month…" Lorelai repeats the words slowly. "Are you worried I have Alzheimer's or something? Did I forget your birthday? Because I promise you, Luke, everything's all right in this noggin." She taps the side of her head. "Besides I don't expect to lose my memory for years to come, my mother's sharp as a tack at 82." Luke chuckles.

"Yes, I know that." He leans back, settling one hand on the corner of the back of her chair. "Last month after your mother's Christmas Party…" Lorelai nods, a small smile slowly creeping over her face. "You remember?" She nods again. "We kissed."

"Oh, was that you? See, I thought it was Harry of the Henderson's fame. I was wondering why I never heard from him again," Lorelai jokes.

"I'm being serious, Lorelai," Luke says. Lorelai makes a stern expression on her face.

"Okay, got it."

"We kissed Lorelai," Luke repeats. Lorelai looks away smiling to herself.

We kissed. You and me, we kissed?

I remember.

And it was… unexpected.

Lorelai relax, I'm fine if you just want to forget it ever happened, really.

No I don't want to forget it ever happened. It was a great kiss.

Yeah?

If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences.

Okay.

So, what do you think?

I think I'm really relieved you feel that way.

So you concur?

Dear God, yes.

Luke chuckles, remembering the conversation as well. "It's not that easy this time, Luke," Lorelai says quietly. Luke nods, knowingly. He moves his hand from the chair to let it rest on her shoulder. She looks over at him and he almost thinks he can see sadness in her eyes.

"I know Lorelai," he responds gruffly.

"I mean, everything's different. Last time, it was something new. Something wonderful but unexpected. And this time… it was still unexpected…"

"But not so wonderful," Luke concludes. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, no it was wonderful. You are an amazing kisser, Luke. A gold medalist when it comes to kissing," she assures him. "It's just that last time we were going from friends to more than friends. And this time… we're not. We were engaged. We were… lovers. Luke. And then everything went to hell in a handbasket. And we lost so much and I…" She hesitates, looking down at her hands. "I just don't think that this would be a small step this time. I mean, it would have to be all or nothing." She purses her lips, sniffing. Then she looks up into Luke's eyes. "I mean, what do you think? Do you want to be with me again? Can you trust me again?" Lorelai asks, giving Luke an uncertain look. Luke shrugs.

"Lorelai… You're right, it was unexpected. But yes, I do want to be with you, I never should have let you go last time," Luke replies. "I hurt you and I'm sorry." Lorelai shakes her head.

"It wasn't all your fault. Come on, I was the one who put the final nail in the coffin. And so soon after I was trying to push you into something you weren't ready for."

"I might have been…" Luke sighs. "It can be different this time. I mean, just think about it. After all this time, after all these years, we're still here. It's still just you and me and, just maybe, that means something."

It's so weird how this happened, you know? It's like this dress was a sign or something.

There are no signs.

Oh my God!

What?

Oh my God, it started snowing! It started snowing right as I started talking about signs. That, my friend, is a sign!

That is not a sign. That is weather.

No. This is more than weather. This is fate.

Lorelai shakes her head, looking back out the window. "You don't believe in that Luke. You don't believe in fate."

"Some things do change after fifteen years," Luke responds. She shakes her head, still not looking at him. "Lorelai…" He rubs her arm gently. "I want to be with you. I'm ready for it all but I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do."

"I want…" She purses her lips, as her words trail off.

"Lorelai?" Luke cocks his head, trying to get her to look at him and finally she turns away from the window to look at him. "Do you want to be with me again?" Lorelai stares into his eyes, as if trying to decide if she does. The bells ring above the door and Lorelai, who is facing the door, looks up.

"Hey Nicolas," she says, forcing a smile on her face. Luke sighs, wishing he hadn't said he believed in signs, and turns around slightly, to look up at Nicolas.

"Hey Mom. Hey Luke," Nicolas responds, holding tight to Martha's hand.

"You come to see me?" Lorelai asks. Nicolas shakes his head.

"No, I told Luce and Loren that I'd meet them here," Nicolas responds.

"Wow, way to make a mother feel good about herself," Lorelai grumbles. Nicolas grins. "Okay, well…" She stands, as Luke's hand drops off her shoulder. "Work calls. Don't be home too late tonight, Nicky. You have school tomorrow. And Martha, your mother wants you to call her if you're going to miss dinner." Martha nods.

"I will Lorelai, thanks," Martha replies. Lorelai nods. She casts a quick glance at Luke, who is staring at up at her, disgruntled.

"Well, I'll see you all later," Lorelai says brightly, smiling at Nicolas and Martha before walking out. Luke watches her leave but she doesn't glance back. Sighing, Luke places his hands on his knees and stands, reluctantly.

"Can I get you two anything?" Luke offers. Nicolas and Martha share a look.

"No, we're fine. Are Lucy and Loren upstairs?" Martha asks. Luke glances at the back, trying to remember.

"I think they might be, you can go check," Luke responds.

"We will, thanks Mr. Danes," Martha responds.

"For God's sake Martha, call me Luke. I thought you grew out of that polite stage." Martha giggles.

"Okay Luke." She shares a look with Nicolas, who motions with is head towards the back. "See ya later." They walk into the back and up the stairs. Nicolas raps on the door.

"Coming!" they hear Loren call.

"Hey!" Loren squeals as she opens the door and lets them inside, closing the door behind him.

"You guys ready for the movie?" Nicolas asks.

"Oh yeah, let me get my purse," Loren says and walks over to the dresser.

"Oh, wait, we brought you something," Martha remembers.

"Me?" Loren asks. Martha shakes her head.

"No, Lucy." She holds out what seems to be a photo to Lucy, who stands from her bean bag chair. Lucy walks over to Martha and takes the picture from her, holding it gingerly, staring at it.

"Wow," Lucy gasps.

"What is it?" Loren asks, walking up and peaking over her friend's shoulder. "Oh wow!"

"Yeah, that's my mom and Rory," Lucy tells Loren.

"Yup, it is. That's my Christening," Martha says.

"You had a Christening?" Lucy asks with surprise, smirking. "Your parents aren't any more religious than mine."

"Yes, but my dad's family likes to pretend they are so that they can get my dad and mom to do things they don't want to do. Like have a Christening for their two children and a 35 year old man at the same time."

"Wait, is this your dad's Christening too?" Loren asks in disbelief. Martha nods and the two fourteen year olds shriek with laughter. "That's hilarious!"

"I know, a real hoot. My dad doesn't like to talk about it," Martha responds.

"So my mom is your godmother?" Lucy asks, looking up at Martha, who nods. "Wow, I didn't know that."

"I didn't either," Nicolas adds.

"Is that Davey?" Loren asks, pointing to the little boy in Rory's arms. Martha nods. "Oh he's so adorable. I wonder what happened…" She and Martha giggle. Lucy brings the picture closer to her eyes to take a closer look.

"This is when Mom and Rory were fighting isn't it?" Lucy realizes, glancing up at Nicolas. He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods.

"Yeah, probably why we've never seen pictures from this," Nicolas responds.

"Yeah…" Lucy agrees, pursing her lips and staring at the picture again. "Mom really looked beautiful. Rory too, but Mom, wow."

"Your mom is still beautiful," Loren comments. Lucy smiles at Loren and then looks back at the picture. "You look a lot like her."

"You think?" Lucy asks, staring at Lorelai in the picture. "Maybe…" She smiles to herself and then notices something that makes her furrow her eyebrows. "Hey, what's that?"

"What?" Martha asks, walking over to look over Lucy's shoulder.

"That," Lucy repeats, pointing at the picture.

"I don't see anything," Martha says.

"The ring. On Mom's finger. It – it looks like an engagement ring."

"Well, Mom was engaged before, to Max," Nicolas reminds her. Lucy nods, frowning.

"Yeah, back before Sookie and Jackson were even engaged. This is after that. Much after. I wonder where that ring came from. I wonder who it came from," Lucy says softly.

"Maybe Mom was just wearing a ring on the wrong finger, she's crazy like that. Or maybe she came back after getting engaged to Dad," Nicolas suggests. Lucy shakes her head.

"Couldn't be. She never came back after meeting Dad. And she didn't meet Dad until after she worked things out with Rory. This is before she met Dad." Lucy huffs, frustrated with not knowing. She looks up at Nicolas. "Was Mom engaged to someone other than Dad and Max?" Nicolas shrugs. "Did she get married? Did she have any kids?"

"Lucy…I think you're making something out of nothing. Mom would have told us if she had gotten married," Nicolas insists.

"Yeah but…" Lucy flips over the photo. "I mean look at the date. It's your birthday, I mean a year before." She purses her lips, tapping her foot. "Mom was engaged a year before she had you."

"Lucy just stop!" Nicolas yells. Lucy's eyes fly open as do Martha's as they both stare at him in alarm. "Let it go. If Mom wanted us to know, she would have told us. She didn't and that's fine by me. Now the movie starts in twenty minutes so if we don't head out now we'll never make it. Go get your coat and let's go." Lucy glares at Nicolas. "Now Lucy!" Lucy sighs, shoving the picture in her back pocket, resolving not to give up.

"Fine," she says quietly and walks away to go get her coat.

Later that night, Luke has pretty much closed the diner. He's turned off most of the lights, but hasn't yet locked the door. As he goes through the register, the bells ring over the door and he looks up to see Lorelai standing there. They stare at each other a moment.

"I needed to think," she says hoarsely. Luke nods slightly. She takes a deep breath and shudders as she lets it out.

"Can I get you some coffee?" Luke offers after a second. They both glance over at the empty coffee pot. He sighs, shrugging. "Well I could make some I guess."

"No," Lorelai responds quickly. "No, it's fine. Don't bother. I can only stay a moment anyways, gotta make sure the kids got home okay, that kinda thing." Luke nods. Lorelai presses her lips together. "I just…I wanted to give you this." Hesitating for only a second, she walks up to the counter and hands him a small envelope. Luke accepts it, staring at it a moment and then looks over at Lorelai.

"Did you come up with an answer to my question?" Luke asks.

"Just open it," Lorelai responds. Luke glances again at the envelope. She watches him slowly turn the envelope over. "You know, it's easier if you open it than trying to read enough the envelope," she teases. Luke glances up at her giving her an amused smile.

"Thanks for the tip," he responds.

"That's what I'm here for, my friend," she replies. Luke looks back at the envelope and begins to open it. A fearful look comes over Lorelai's face. "You know, I'll be outside." She turns and walks out the door. Luke stares at her for a moment and then finishes opening the envelope. He draws out the day's horoscope page and quickly finds Scorpio on the page and reads Lorelai's quirky handwriting underneath.

You will meet a crazy woman today. Let her back into your life and you'll be the luckiest man alive.

Luke reads the little slip of paper again and a third time. He looks up at the door. Clutching the piece of newspaper in his hand, Luke walks slowly around the counter and up to the door. Through the window he can see her sitting on the step outside, facing away from him, hunched over her knees. Luke slowly opens the door, not taking his eyes off of her.

Hearing the bells ring, Lorelai looks up. Using her hands to push herself off the step, Lorelai slowly stands and turns around. Her face holds a hopeful expression but Luke can see the tears on her cheeks.

I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?

It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person –

Ooh, is it me? Is it me?

This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.

Ooh, it's me.

I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.

Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.

She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.

God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?

So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under "Scorpio," she had written, "you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away." I gave her coffee.

But she didn't go away.

She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me one day it would bring me luck.

After holding her gaze for a moment, Luke looks back down at the horoscope, reading it over again.

"Luke," she whispers, her voice shaking. He looks back up at her. She takes a deep breath, gathering her strength and courage. "After all this time, after all these years, I never stopped loving you. Did you ever stop loving me?" Luke stares at her, needing a moment to actually comprehend her words through the fog in his head. Lorelai swallows, almost afraid of his answer.

"No, Lorelai, I never stopped loving you." Slowly a smile forms on Lorelai's lips as Luke's eyes smile back her lovingly. She almost moves towards him, but hesitates. Luke nods. Lorelai takes a step towards him. Cupping the back of his head, she presses her lips to his, softly and gently kissing him for the first time in so long. He kisses her back, loving the feeling after all of these years. Pulling back only slightly, Lorelai breathes a second, resting her forehead against his.

"No turning back this time," she whispers. Luke shakes his head, his eyes locking with hers.

"No turning back this time," he answers. Luke's hands grip Lorelai's waist as he leans back towards her, capturing her lips once again hungrily. They kiss longingly, letting their lips linger, then deepening, letting their mouths open to one another, their tongues colliding passionately as Lorelai arches towards him.

Finally Lorelai pulls back, looking up into his eyes, smiling at him. "I have to go, the kids are at home and they have school tomorrow," she says hoarsely. Luke nods.

"Go then, I'll see you tomorrow morning," Luke answers. Lorelai nods. They smile at each other flirtatiously. Lorelai nods and then walks away, glancing back and winking, before running off back to her house.

Lorelai arrives home quickly, her face still flushed and heart still beating rapidly. She walks in her front door, throwing her keys and purse on the couch. She sighs running her hands through her hair and then tucking it behind her ears.

Walking into the kitchen, Lorelai finds Lucy at the table doing homework. "Hey Angel," Lorelai says, laying a kiss on Lucy's head. "Homework Nazis got you again?" Lorelai asks as she walks over to the fridge. Lucy sighs, putting her pencil down.

"Yeah. You should have warned me that I was signing my life away by agreeing to go to this school," Lucy complains. Lorelai gets a bottle of water out of the fridge and closes the door behind her.

"Oh Sweets, I warned you, I swear. But you're your father's daughter. I can't change that," Lorelai responds. Lucy folds her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair, pouting. Lorelai walks up and lays a hand on Lucy's shoulder. "Hey I know it's a lot of work, but it will pay off when you're the next Ian Osterloh." Lucy rolls her eyes, groaning.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want to do with my life," Lucy crabs. Lorelai chuckles. She glances in Nicolas's room.

"Hey Nicky, Martha go home?" Lorelai asks. He nods.

"Yeah, but you knew that. I'm sure you've talked to Sookie," Nicolas responds. Lorelai shrugs innocently. "Yeah. Right…" He shakes his head and goes back to playing on his laptop. Lorelai smiles to herself as she drinks some of her water.

Then she walks back into the living room to relax in front of the TV. "Hey Mom?" Lucy calls.

"In here!" Lorelai calls back as she flips the TV on. Lucy walks into the doorway, her arm crossed over her chest, holding the picture in one hand. "No I won't write you a note out of gym. You're just going to have to hide in the showers like Rory did." Lucy snickers.

"Rory hid in the showers?" Lorelai glances up at Lucy grinning.

"See, that's why you keep me around. I know all your sister's deep dark secrets," Lorelai responds, her eyes glittering. She looks back at the TV.

"Mom?" Lucy says again.

"Hmmm?" Lorelai responds, folding her arms over her chest as she watches the TV intently. She drinks some of her water.

"Can I ask you something?" Lucy asks hesitantly. Lorelai nods.

"Sure, Luce. Anything," Lorelai answers, distractedly. She's still focused on the TV. Lucy glances over at the TV as she walks over to sit next to her mother.

"Martha gave me this today." Lucy holds the photo out to Lorelai, who tears her eyes away from the TV long enough to realize that Lucy's trying to give her something.

"I hope it's not a recipe for meth," Lorelai jokes. She takes the photo and looks at it, a fond smile forming on her lips. "Aw, I remember this."

"That's Martha's Christening, right?" Lorelai nods. "You look beautiful."

Which goes better with the baby?

I like the green one.

It's not too sheer? Cuz I'm going to be in a church.

Looks good from here.

Yeah, maybe.

Lorelai smiles to herself. "That dress went better with the baby," Lorelai says softly. Lucy looks confused. Lorelai glances over at Lucy and smiles. "In the morning, before the Christening, I couldn't choose a dress. So I asked…" Lorelai frowns, biting her lower lip. She looks back at the picture. "Anyways, I'm glad I didn't choose the green one." Lucy raises an eyebrow, but doesn't respond, letting Lorelai revel in the moment for a second.

"Mom?" Lucy says softly, trying to get Lorelai's attention again. Taking a deep breath, Lorelai looks over at her daughter.

"Oh, right, you wanted to ask me a question," Lorelai recalls frowning. Lucy nods.

"Yeah, it's just. Mom, you're wearing an engagement ring in the photo." Lorelai shakes her head, looking at Lucy as if she's crazy.

"No, I'm not," Lorelai insists, not even glancing back at the picture.

"But there's a ring, on your left ring finger," Lucy notes.

"It's not an engagement ring."

"Then what kind of a ring is it?" Lucy asks. Lorelai sighs, turning off the TV and getting off the couch.

"Nothing. No kind. It's not an engagement ring," Lorelai says coldly. Lucy seems frustrated with Lorelai's answers.

"Mom."

"No, Lucy. Stop it! I answered your question. Just let it go!" Lorelai says sharply. Lucy's eyes open wide at Lorelai's surprisingly harsh response. The phone rings. Lorelai breathes a sigh of relief.

"Mo-om," Lucy whines.

"Forget it, Lucy," Lorelai says quickly and walks over to answer the phone. "Hello? Yes, this is she. Yes, Lorelai Gilmore. Right. Who? She's what? Where? Okay, I'm on my way!" Lorelai throws the phone down. Lucy jumps up, knowing that something's wrong. "Nicolas!" Lorelai calls.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Lucy asks worried as Nicolas walks out of his room.

"It's your grandmother. She's in the hospital. Get your coats, let's go." Nicolas and Lucy go to get their coats as Lorelai grabs her cell phone off the couch. She presses her speed dial, closing her eyes as if praying.

"Please pick up," she whispers softly.