Chapter 15: So Strong That I Can't Get Through
Once arriving at the hospital, Lorelai ran to the front desk, harassing them in a way that only Lorelai can do. She was told that Emily came in complaining of chest pain and was taken to the emergency room. The doctor had seen her, run a few tests and they were currently in the process of moving her to an upstairs room. After Lorelai demanded, quite loudly, that Emily be placed in a single room, Lucy and Nicolas dragged her off.
They took the elevators to the 3rd floor, which is where the nurse said Emily would end up. There they sit, in the chairs by the elevator, waiting for something, anything, someone to tell them what to do next. Nicolas has laid his head back and closed his eyes and both Lorelai and Lucy are sure he's asleep. Lucy is curled into Lorelai's shoulder with Lorelai's arm around her, both sitting silently.
Finally they see aides wheeling Emily towards them, a doctor is holding onto her hand. Lorelai and Lucy both stand. Somehow sensing this, Nicolas wakes up and stands as well. As Emily is wheeled by, she and Lorelai share a look. Lorelai looks down sadly. Nicolas and Lucy share a look.
"Guys, go talk to your grandmother, I'll be there in a minute," Lorelai tells them, touching Lucy's shoulder and motioning down the hall. Lucy walks away.
"You sure you'll be okay?" Nicolas asks. Lorelai nods. She rubs his arm lightly and then scratches her forehead.
"Go, Nicolas, go see your grandmother," Lorelai says. Nicolas nods and walks away. Lorelai turns back to face the doctor, folding her hands over her chest, willing herself not to feel, not to get emotional. "So, what's the deal?"
"Lorelai, you remember me, right?" Lorelai nods, biting her lower lip.
"Yeah. Yeah of course. Joshua. You're my parents's regular doctor. I remember."
"My older brother went to Yale with Richard. So I've known your mother for a long time. And what happened here is your mother's eighty-two years of life finally caught up with her," Joshua explains. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, trying not to cry.
"So is she…?" Lorelai presses her lips together, unable to get the words out.
"Lorelai," he says, touching her arm gently. "She's going to be fine. She's awake and everything. She had a mild case of a dysrhythmia, it's when the heart doesn't function as it should. But she's fine. We did an EKG and everything checks out. We gave her an aspirin, in case there was a heart attack. We did an x-ray of her heart and everything's looking okay."
"Huh…" Lorelai looks away, letting the words sink in, letting out her breath slowly.
"I'm going to check her in for a few days, see if I can't find her a good cardiologist to take over the case. I'm going to want her to start seeing a cardiologist regularly. Did heart problems run in your family, Lorelai?" She purses her lips, staring at her feet.
"Well, my father died of a heart attack," Lorelai says softly.
"Yes, but I meant your mother's family. Your father can't have given her a heart condition," Joshua reminds her. Lorelai looks up at him, a small smile on her face.
"Then you don't know my dad," Lorelai jokes, then shakes her head. "Right. Ummm… hmmm…" She rubs her forehead, thinking. "My mom's younger sister died a few years ago from breast cancer. I can't remember anything about my grandparents, they died when I was young. So…" She shrugs.
"Okay, well I'm going to run a few tests. Make sure it wasn't a heart attack. I'm pretty sure it wasn't but it's always good to test." Lorelai nods. "And I'm going to want her to stay here and stay calm for the next few days, you think you can help out with that?" Lorelai smirks.
"I think my presence might decrease the chances of that happening, but that's why I had children," Lorelai jokes. Joshua looks unsure about whether or not she's joking. Lorelai rolls her eyes, looking away. She stops, staring down the hallway at Luke and Loren walking towards her.
"I'm going to go see if the lab's got the results already, tell your mother to not to stress," Joshua says. Lorelai doesn't respond, her eyes fixed on Luke. "Lorelai?" She glances over at him, startled.
"Oh, uh, yeah, okay," she stammers. Joshua nods and walks away. Lorelai looks back over at Luke and Loren who have finally reached her. "Luke…" she whispers as he quickly gathers her up in his arms. Lorelai wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as she finally lets loose and cries softly.
"Hey…" Luke says softly, rubbing her back. He glances over at Loren, who doesn't seem surprised at all to find her father comforting Lorelai. "Can you go see if you can find a coffee machine somewhere around here?" Loren nods and walks away. "Lorelai?" He tries to loosen his grip.
"No, not yet," she murmurs, tightening her arms around him.
"It's okay, I've gotcha," Luke whispers, pausing his hand movements on her back and just holding her close.
I heard everything's okay.
Yeah, yeah. They're gonna keep him over night but – he's going to be fine.
Hey. Okay, see here's where the guy is supposed to give his girl a handkerchief but I don't have one. And plus I find the practice a little revolting, so…
No, I'm okay.
You sure?
Yeah.
After a moment, Lorelai pulls her face away from Luke's shoulder, still keeping her arms around him. Luke kisses her forehead. "No handkerchief?" she teases softly.
"Still haven't gotten around to getting me one of those," Luke replies with a soft smile. Lorelai nods. She tilts her head up and kisses him fully on the mouth. "So you want to tell me what happened?" Lorelai nods, her hands traveling down his arms to take his hands in hers, interlacing their fingers.
"Mom had a heart – thing – or something. I'm not clear on the details. But Joshua, her doctor, who probably should be dead by now himself, or at least, not treating patients, said she'll be fine. I swear I should test his own capacity, I mean, he is treating my mother. But Emily wants him so that's what happens. Because Emily's always gotten whatever she wants. Emily rules the world," Lorelai says, her short answer ending in a crazy rant. Luke lets go of one of her hands, gently rubbing her arm.
"Lorelai…" he says softly, reminding her of the topic at hand. Lorelai nods, taking a deep breath.
"Right. Okay, so she'll be fine. He's checking a few things. He's finding her a cardiologist. But – she'll be fine. At least, that's what he said," Lorelai crabs.
"Well that's good." Lorelai nods, quickly wiping under her nose, looking away, tears welling up in her eyes again. Luke tilts his head trying to get her to look into his eyes. "Then what's wrong?" Lorelai looks back at him and he stands back up. She sighs, biting her lower lip.
"It's just that – my mother. She's a strong person. The strongest person I've ever known. She could give Hulk Hogan a run for his money." Luke nods knowingly, a fond smile on his face. "But, tonight… I don't know… She's made of steel and granite and metal and any hard substance you could think of. Diamond. Diamonds are supposed to be hard, aren't they?" Luke nods.
Oh, hi Mom, this is my friend, Luke,
How are you doing?
Fine, thank you.
Well I'd better get these in the freezer before they melt.
Well, not very likely in here.
"That's what I always heard," Luke responds. "Course, they're also known to be sparkly."
"Yeah, okay, so not a word to describe Emily Gilmore."
"I concur." Lorelai nods, wiping her nose again.
"But she is. She's all that. But tonight… she wasn't. She was vulnerable. Luke, my mother was weak. And from now on, that's what she'll always be."
"And that doesn't make you happy?" Luke kids. Lorelai smiles at his joke, but quickly gets serious.
"I mean, she's got an Achilles heel. Some thing that makes her weak." Lorelai shakes her head. "She's always been unbreakable to me, I couldn't crack that ice, that frozen exterior of hers. Only two times in my life have I ever shaken her."
"Two times?"
"Yup. The first, when I left home with Rory at seventeen, leaving her with only a note. And the other when I left Stars Hollow when… you know," Lorelai trails off, shrugging. Luke nods, clearing his throat.
"Yeah… yeah I know," Luke responds uncomfortably.
"But those are the only times I ever felt like I got through, that I could touch her."
"So you're her Achilles heel?" Luke asks. Lorelai smiles to herself.
"Yeah, I guess. Me and Rory and Nicolas and Lucy."
"Well I think everyone's got at least one," Luke figures. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.
"One? I've got a million, what does that say about me? I've got Rory and Nicolas and Lucy and you and Sookie and the Dragonfly and, God, now Loren and, you know, the town." Lorelai shakes her head, looking down. "I'm not my mother." Luke leans in kissing Lorelai's forehead.
"Well you have always been my Achilles heel," he tells her. Lorelai looks up at him lovingly.
"I love you," she says.
"I love you too," he answers. Lorelai smiles softly. "So she's going to be fine, is what you're saying?" Lorelai nods.
"Yeah… yeah I guess," Lorelai responds, looking away. Luke realizes she's starting to tear up again and wraps his arms around her, holding her close. Lorelai turns her face to his, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him softly on the mouth and then more intensely as she becomes more choked up, just needed to feel his love to keep from breaking down. A tear runs down her cheek as she pulls back. "Thank you for coming," she whispers, tilting her head up to kiss him once again. Then she lays her head on his shoulder and Luke looks up, and instantly sees Nicolas standing there, Lucy right behind him.
"Lorelai," Luke whispers in her ear.
"What?" she asks softly, glancing over. "Oh!" she exclaims jumping away from Luke, covering her mouth with her hand. Luke notices Loren standing on the other side of the hallway. Lorelai follows his gaze and sees Loren as well. She bites her lower lip, looking up at Luke. Then she glances over at her children and smiles nervously.
"Grandma wanted to talk to you," Lucy says. Lorelai nods.
"Okay…" She glances at Luke. "Well, I should…" Luke nods.
"Go," he says, touching her shoulder. "I'll take care of this."
"You sure?" Luke glances at all of the kids and nods.
"Yeah, I got this." Lorelai nods and walks away. Luke watches her for a moment, before he realizes the teens are just standing there waiting for him. "Oh, let's…" He motions towards the chairs. Lucy and Nicolas sit on one couch and Luke leads Loren, with a hand on her shoulder over to the chairs by them. "So," he begins, leaning over his knees, his fingers playing nervously.
"Are you two dating?" Lucy asks, plainly. Luke looks up at her, a little shocked at her forwardness, until he remembers whose daughter she is.
"Uh… yeah, you could say that," he manages.
"Really?" Lucy squeals, her eyes lit up. Luke looks at her warily.
"Yeah, Dad, really?" Loren adds, happy but a little calmer than Lucy. She lays her hand on Luke's arm making him look over at her. He seems stunned at the responses of both of the girls.
"Yes, uh, really," he responds and Loren's face instantly brightens with a grin. She throws her arms around her dad.
"Oh Dad, I'm so happy!" Lucy jumps out of her chair and hugs Luke as well.
"Me too!" Lucy cries.
"Well – I uh…" Luke stammers, stunned at the response.
"You were so right Luce!" Loren explains and the two share a look. Luke looks befuddled by all this. "Dad, we so totally knew that you two were perfect for each other." Luke sighs, looking down at his hands.
Oh my God!
Sookie!
You kissed!
Yes.
I can't believe she didn't tell me. Why didn't she tell me?
It just happened.
Oh Luke, that's wonderful!
Thanks.
I can't wait to tell Lorelai that's wonderful.
"Well you weren't the only ones," Luke mutters under his breath. He watches as the two girls, excited beyond belief, being chatter to each other, Lucy taking Loren's hand and dragging her to chairs a little away from them. Luke looks over at Nicolas. "You okay with this, Nick?" Luke asks. Nicolas nods.
"Yeah. I told you before. You make her happier than I've ever seen her. I should have seen this coming," Nicolas responds just as Lorelai walks back into the room. She folds her hands in front of her as she walks over to stand by the couch Nicolas is sitting on. There's a nervous look on her face as she glances at all the people in the waiting room.
"So…?" Lorelai probes, looking over at Luke.
"They took it well," he responds and then motions to the girls. "They took it very well." Lorelai smiles, seeing the girls so happy. She looks down at Nicolas, setting a hand on his shoulder. Nicolas pats his mother's hand.
"As long as you're happy Mom," Nicolas tells her. She smiles softly and looks over at Luke, looking deep in his eyes that always captured her and made her heart flutter. She nods. Luke motions with his head for her to come over to him and she does, settling herself in his lap, letting Luke wrap his arms around her.
"Hey Mom," Lucy says.
"Yeah hun?" Lorelai responds, her mind still a little foggy from the renewed experience of sitting in Luke's lap.
"Is Grandma still awake? I mean, can I still go talk to her?" Lucy asks.
"Yeah, hun. She's on the phone with Rory, but I'm sure she'd love you to visit again." Lucy nods. She stands and starts to walk away, but pauses and glances back for a moment, watching her mom and Luke. Her lips curl into a small smile and she walks back into Emily's room.
"Hey Grandma," Lucy says as she walks in the room. Emily is at that moment hanging up the phone.
"Well, Lucy," Emily says pleased, a smile on her face. She folds her hands in her lap. "It's not often I get two visits from my granddaughter in one day. I must be dying." Lucy rolls her eyes.
"You are not dying Grandma." Lucy pulls up a chair next to the bed. "I was actually wondering if I could ask you a few questions about Mom."
"Well I'm probably not the one to ask. After 53 years, you'd think I'd know your mother a little better than I do," Emily snaps. Lucy cocks her head knowingly.
"Come on, Grandma." Emily shakes her head, looking down at her lap. "Well can I ask you anyways? Mom wouldn't really answer." Emily motions for her to go on. "Martha Belleville, Sookie and Jackson's daughter, she gave me this photo." Lucy takes the picture out of her back pocket and hands it to Emily.
"What is this?" Emily wonders. Lucy hands Emily her glasses so that Emily can get a better look at this picture.
"It's from Martha and Davey's Christening," Lucy tells her. Emily flips over the photo and looks at the date written on the back. She flips it back over to look at the picture again. "It was during Rory and Mom's fight, wasn't it?" Emily nods.
"Yes, it was," Emily says distantly. She frowns staring at it. "It never should have happened." She presses her lips together shaking her head. Then she looks over at Lucy. "What did you want to ask me about?"
"Well if you look there," Lucy says pointing. "Mom's wearing a ring, like an engagement ring. Was it an engagement ring?" Emily brings the picture closer to her eyes and nods.
"Yes, it's an engagement ring," Emily confirms.
"But not to Max."
"That teacher?" Emily asks in surprise. "No, not to him. This was years after that. This was when she was engaged to Luke." Lucy's mouth drops open in shock. She glances back at the door as if looking back at Lorelai and Luke.
"Mom was engaged to Luke? Luke Danes?" Lucy asks stunned. Emily observes Lucy's reaction.
"I'm assuming your mother never told you about that," Emily concludes. Lucy shakes her head, still staring at the door. "Well Lorelai was never one to let anyone in."
Come on Mom, it's all about timing, you know that. What are you-
Well, it seems congratulations are in order.
Well that wasn't exactly congratulations, but sure. Close enough.
Emily looks down at her hands almost sadly, staring at Lorelai in the photo. Lucy looks back at Emily, still in shock. "She was engaged to Luke," Lucy repeats, still trying to get this through her mind. "How long?" Emily glances over at Lucy, realizing that she's waiting for her to answer.
"How long were they together or how long were they engaged?"
"Engaged. Together. Both I guess."
"They were engaged for a year, I believe. I'm not exactly sure when they got together. All I know is I called the inn to talk to Lorelai and that strange man, Kirk, told me they were together. No, that's not it, he told me that she was over at her boyfriend, Luke Danes's house. As if that's how a mother is supposed to find out who her daughter is dating," Emily says grumpily.
You have a gentleman friend of significance.
Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes.
So it's only proper that you introduce him to your mother. Unless he's insignificant, I don't want to meet a passing ship. That's a waste of my time. Is Luke a passing ship? Is he insignificant?
No, he's not.
"When was this?" Lucy asks. Emily frowns trying to remember.
"In the fall of 2004, I believe. When Richard and I were going through that separation." Emily pauses, a tear in her eye after the mention of her husband. Lucy touches Emily's arm.
"And they were together for a long time?"
"Yes. I suppose. You know, Lorelai always liked hopping from man to man. It was how she lived her life. But something about this one was different. It wasn't just another man to keep her from being alone," Emily comments. Lucy smiles to herself, remembering the expression on Lorelai's face when she was sitting on Luke's lap. "And sometime in 2005, while Rory and Lorelai were fighting, they got engaged."
"But they didn't get married?" Lucy wonders. Emily shakes her head.
It's not going to happen.
What? Well of course it will. If we pay more attention to the asking price, your father and I are totally prepared…
Luke and I… the wedding… it's not going to happen.
What?
"No, they didn't get married," Emily says softly, almost sadly.
"When did they break it off?"
"Sometime in May of 2006." Lucy frowns, calculating in her head for a moment.
"So they were together for almost two years," Lucy recognizes. Emily nods.
"Yes, something like that," Emily agrees.
"Do you know why they didn't marry?" Emily shakes her head.
"No, Lorelai and I never had that kind of relationship in which the daughter tells the mother the whys and hows. All I know is that they were happy and getting married and then a few months before their planned wedding, Lorelai told me that she didn't think it was going to work out."
"But why? Didn't she love him? Didn't she want to marry him?" Lucy asks.
"Oh dear, I think she did want to marry him. I know she wanted to marry him," Emily says distantly, still remembering Lorelai holding that wedding dress up to herself in the mirror.
It's a wonderful thing to have a husband, a partner, somebody who's always there. Oh Lorelai, don't you think you'll ever want to be married?
Well, um… actually I do.
"She did want to marry him," Emily repeats. She remembers the smile on Lorelai's face when she said this just as well as she remembers the tears in Lorelai's eyes when she said it wasn't going to happen.
"But you don't know why?" Lucy asks again. Emily shakes her head, frowning.
"No. For that you'd have to ask Rory, I'm sure she knows," Emily replies coldly.
"But she loved him?" Emily closes her eyes, seeing her daughter's face.
"Yes, I believe so, but I'm probably not the best one to ask."
"I wonder if she still loves him," Lucy says, glancing back at the door and then back at Emily. "Did she tell you they're back together?" Emily's mouth drops open as she looks at her granddaughter in a mix of horror and surprise. "I'm guessing that's a no." Emily takes a deep breath looking back at the picture again.
"No," Emily says softly and frowns. "Lucy, dear, I think I need some rest. Please tell your mother to bring by the things I asked for tomorrow." She hands Lucy the photo.
"Okay," Lucy agrees, noticing the icy expression on Emily's face. She kisses Emily's cheek and walks out of the room. Taking out her cell phone, she dials Rory's number, which Rory picks up after barely a ring.
"Luce? Is something wrong with Gramma?" Rory asks worried.
"No, no. It's not Grandma," Lucy assures her.
"I mean I just talked to her. She said everything was all right." Lucy nods.
"Yeah, Ror, it is. I actually had a question for you about Mom."
"Shoot."
"Was Mom engaged to Luke?" Lucy asks. There's a pause on the line as Rory considers how to respond. "I mean I found this picture. And she's wearing an engagement ring…"
"Mom never told you about that?" Rory asks carefully.
"No. Grandma did when I asked her. She told me they were together for two years and they got engaged and then they broke up. But she didn't know why and I was just wondering if you knew anything more about it. I mean, I'm sure you do, considering you were around then and Mom always tells you everything," Lucy figures.
"Luce, I wish I could answer your questions but I just can't. I shouldn't. Ask Mom if you want to know, but I can't be the one to tell you. If she wants you to know, she'll tell you. If not, then just let it go," Rory responds. Lucy scoffs.
"But Rory! They're back together!" Lucy exclaims.
"They are?" Lucy can almost hear Rory smile over the phone. "That's great, Luce. It really is. But I still can't tell you anything. I'm sorry, Luce." Lucy frowns.
"Okay. Fine." Lucy hangs up the phone and shoves it back in her purse angrily. She sighs and walks back into the waiting room. Luke and Lorelai have now moved to the couch. She's got her legs draped over his and his arm is around her shoulders. And from where she's standing, Lucy has the perfect angle to see her mother's face. She can see Lorelai's smile as well as she can see the sparkle of her eyes. She watches as Luke teases her mother and then leans in and gives her a soft peck on the lips, as if there's no one else but them in the entire world.