Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical or Disney Channel! I wish I did! lol

A/N:Ok, this chapter is 100 Troy. All this is just him thinking to himself, trying to figure out his feelings for Ryan. I tried to make it a little confusing, because he has a lot to think about. Like, have u ever been thinking about something, and a million thoughts are racing through your mind? Well, that's pretty much what this is. The end of this chapter may seem a little sudden, but don't worry...the ending is just another one of Troy's unsure decisions. (hint, hint) Well, enjoy! WARNING: what you are about to read gets really cheesy!

Chapter 5: Figuring Things Out

Troy's P.O.V.

I'm so tired, but I cannot sleep. I'm forced to lie down and think. This thinking has made me realize that I've decided that at the moment, I have no idea how I feel about Ryan anymore. I mean, I really care for him, but all my feelings are coming at me like bullets, and right now, I'd do anything to dodge them. When Ryan said that he loves me, I said it back without thinking. I honestly don't know why I said it. With all this confusion, I feel like I should regret saying it, but I don't. Ryan still means a lot to me. Ok, I've got to figure this out.

I know 100 that I am gay. I don't yet know for sure if it was Ryan that turned me gay, or if the fact that he was there was just a coinsidense. Okay, so how do I really feel about Ryan? I know that we actually have very little in common. I mean, we both do drama, but he doesn't play basketball. According to him, his life sucks, but I love my life...everything about it...even with all the stress piled on top of it all! But, then again, we do have a lot of little things in common, like favorite food, music, shows, movies, etc.

Now...next thing to figure out...how exactly does Ryan make me feel? Well, when I'm not with Ryan, I'm usually thinking about him--wondering what he's doing, who he's with, what he's thinking about, if he's happy...

And when I'm with Ryan, I feel happy. No matter what the mood of the moment says, inside I'm just happy to be there with him. I know it's not because he's my friend, because I never liked being around Chad, Zeke, or Jason that much...so, what is it?

The only explanation I can find is love...I must love him in some way or another, I just need to figure out what way it is. Do I think Ryan is...hot?...sexy?...cute?...how about all of the above! Yes, definitely that last one.

So, I'm attracted to him. Does my heart beat faster when I'm with him or think about him?...does it beat slower?...yea, both of those, too. Have I had any kind of dreams about him? Well, no, not really.

This still makes no sense to me! At this point, all I'm doing is laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering why I'm not in a straight jacket yet!

Ok, so suppose that I am in love with Ryan...what do I love about him? Physically, his eyes. They're hypnotic...they draw me in so quickly without warning, and I lose myself in them, never wanting to find my way back out. His smile. So bright and blinding. When he smiles on stage, it's so fake, like he had to draw it on his face. But when he smiles for me, I can feel the sense of reality pouring out of his lips, and I can tell by the simplest curl at the corner of his mouth that the smile is genuine. His skin. Soft, warm, and welcoming. Yet, I can tell when I touch it that it's recovered. And underneath that surface layer, there's rips, tears, bruises and scars that have yet to be mended.

So, have I made a decision? When I sum it all up, it seems apparant that I love him...I'm in love with him, but it's too hard to just admit. I wish that someone could tell me how I feel, so I wouldn't have to think for myself. I could have a guardian angel to tell me that I do love Ryan, and we could spend the rest of our lives together...happy, and carefree, because my decisions were made for me. Or, my guardian angel could tell me that I don't love Ryan, and I could tell him, and I'd live forever trying to find the one I do love. If you ask me...well, if I ask myself, the first one seems better. So, I'll just lie here on my bed and wait for my guardian angel to come down and tell me the truth...tell me so I won't have to tell myself. But, as I shake that feeling off, I realize that I have my guardian angel already...the most beautiful angel I've ever seen...and that angel's name is Ryan.

Ok, so here it is. My decision. It seems as though I've been right all along...I am in love with Ryan.