Depths of Despair
As Kara lay peacefully in Lee's arms, she knew that finally all was right with the worlds. She was with the man she truly loved with all of her heart and soul. She laughed at her own sappiness, as she thought of their love-making that night. For that was what it had been. An unequivocal expression of their love.
For some reason that she couldn't explain, even to herself, she knew that something special had occurred between them, something that would change their lives forever.
"Kara. Are you awake?", Lee asked in a loud whisper.
"Hmm".
"You know this is goodbye, right?", he continued, a little louder.
"What?", Kara shifted her position moving her head slightly further away from his chest so she could hear him more clearly.
"This. Between us. Tonight. It was goodbye, right? I mean I have Dee and you have Anders and we both know that it could never work between us, no matter how hard we tried. The only reason this happened tonight was because we knew this was it. We're done. Out of each others systems." All the time he spoke, he didn't pull away from her. In fact he didn't move at all except for stroking his fingers lightly against the shoulder his arm was wrapped around. "Now we can both move on with our lives with no regrets. No unknowns. Right?"
"Right", she nodded, smiling, numbness overtaking her senses. Her survival instinct began to kick in and she slowly extricated herself from Lee's arms, got dressed and left his quarters without looking back, knowing he would never understand the tears that now silently fell.
"Captain Thrace, why are you coming to me with this request instead of Admiral Adama?", Colonel Saul Tigh asked in a soft, gentle tone. He could tell that the woman standing in front of him was not the same confident, insubordinate pilot he was used to. She appeared somehow smaller, more fragile and something almost paternal awakened inside him. She refused to make eye contact with him and he found himself involuntarily stepping forward to touch her arm tenderly.
"Kara, look at me. Please".
She slowly raised her face to meet his gaze and he immediately noticed the tears pooling in her big hazel eyes. She was obviously broken-hearted about her request which, to Saul, could mean only one thing.
"It's Lee's".
She bit her lower lip and nodded in affirmation, the simple action causing the tears to fall.
"Are you sure this is what you want?", he asked, no hint of judgment in his tone or manner.
"It's what Lee wants. What's best for him. That's all that matters", Kara chocked out between the sobs that now wracked her body.
Saul frowned, thinking that Starbuck and Apollo must have had one hell of an argument for him to have told her that he didn't want this and looking into the depths of despair that were now held in her eyes, his cold heart broke for her.
Saul pulled her towards him in an awkward but meaningful hug, whispering soothing words into her hair.
"I'm so sorry Kara. So sorry".
Smoothly pulling himself away from her, he picked up a pen and signed the consent form on his desk.
No-one who saw Lee the day Kara Thrace married Sam Anders could miss that he was not at all happy for the couple. But if someone had had the nerve to ask him, he would have told them he was thrilled for them. It was what Kara wanted and if it made her happy then that was all that mattered. And he would convince himself that it was the truth although no-one else would believe him.
Why else would he have ensured that he was on duty during both the nuptials and the party that followed? Kara was moving to New Caprica straight after the reception to begin her new life with her new husband. Kara had Anders and he had Dee. And that's all they both needed. The bond between Apollo and Starbuck no longer existed and Lee felt liberated by having her out of his life.
The day after the wedding, Lee went to Galactica for a meeting with his father and his XO. The elder Adama was delayed so Lee and Saul waited together in the ready room.
"You missed a really nice ceremony yesterday, Lee. It would have been great for Kara if you could have been there to show her your support. What was so important that you couldn't find the time to make it?", the XO of Galactica asked in a clearly accusatory tone.
"I was busy, not that it's any of your business. Last I checked I don't have to answer to you for anything.", snapped Lee in response, his guard immediately raising. "Anyway … since when did you start giving a damn about Kara?"
"Since you finally broke her heart with your despicably selfish behavior, you son-of-a-bitch. I know what it's like to love someone who breaks your heart again and again but what you asked of her was unforgivable. And then when she takes a step forward to try and heal the damage you did to her. For you not to be there. I thought you were a better man than that.", he shook his head in anger as he spoke. "You should thank me that I never told your father what you did. It would have torn him up for sure. Losing another Adama is not something he should have to deal with and certainly not by your hand."
Saul was now almost nose to nose with Lee speaking in fierce whispers lest William Adama would enter the room and overhear the conversation.
Lee took a shocked step backwards, shaking his head in anger and confusion.
"I have no idea what the hell you are taking about you drunken bastard!", Lee responded quietly, suddenly fearful that maybe Tigh knew something he didn't.
"Really? So you're telling me that you didn't tell Kara that it was best for you that she didn't have the baby?", he shouted at the younger man without raising his voice.
Saul knew the minute the words left his lips that that was exactly the case. Lee visibly shrank before him, turning a disturbing shade of grey. He opened his mouth as if to speak but no sounds emerged. He tried again and managed just one word.
"Baby?"
Saul nodded sadly realizing that he had just told his best friend's son that his own son or daughter was now not going to be born. He had no idea how such a grave communication error could have happened between Kara and Lee, just that it had.
A single tear slipped down Lee's cheek and he turned and left the room leaving Saul Tigh wondering if Kara and Lee would ever speak to each other again during his lifetime.
The End.