The Writer does not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the related characters (The Writer only owns the 'Author'). If the creators of NGE wish it then this story will be removed from the web. And be warned- there are reasons the Writer does not own NGE.

Heya! I'm back, with more crap from Down Under a little rock in Michigan! Yes, I know it's been a long time since I last updated, but school has been too hectic lately. Siddown and Shaddap.

This is a continuation of the last Star Wars chapter, with the exception that Alien will be making a guest appearance. Oh dear. I believe said space creature has just eaten my right buttock. It'll probably die now. Ba-a-a-a-a-ad.

NERV Psychiatric Ward

Chapter Four

Let's All Get the Writer a Super Star Destroyer (Executor-class Super Star Destroyer, For Those of You Like Me Who Like Political Correctness and Are Not Attempting to Shorten the Title, Which I Am and Thus Have Failed Horribly At It) for Christmas Because the Writer Tells Us To

"Hi, Shigeru!" Emperor Palpatine screamed, jumping out at the guitar-toting bridge bunny named Shigeru, who ran away screaming for Mother.

"Wait!" Palpatine yelled, sprinting after him. "Don't you want to see me make some balloon animals?" he held up a badly proportioned balloon animal that looked to be made of an XS (Use the dreaded'C-Word' here).

Shigeru was later found clinging to Lillith's left breast, screaming "No, make it stop, NO!" over and over. Emperor Palpatine's bullet-riddled corpse was later recovered from the bottom of Sex Therapist Misato Katsuragi's massive bathtub.

DIVIDER: LIKE, YAAAH.

Admiral Daala stared out at the massive screen from behind the commander's chair. Ahh, it felt good to be back on a bridge, even if it wasn't the Gorgon's or the Knight Hammer's. Almost like the time that guy in Planet of Twilight (whose name the Writer has forgotten) made love to her. Exactly like that.

She watched a big, green, galaxy-shaped thing crash into earth and obliterate Hokkaido.

"Oh dear!" She smiled, glomping Makoto, who recoiled like an adder. "It's the Yuuzhan Vong! We're all doomed!"

"PARTY!" Ritsuko yelled, throwing one of those explosive disco balls.

Quite suddenly-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

"SHOOT THE FUCKING FLAMETHROWER!" The Author's scream came, and Maya came tearing through Central Dogma, a large, blue-black creature with a spiky tail and a bulbous head came running after her, it's jaw outstretched. Trailing Alien, in turn, was the heavily armored, extremely spiky body of Sauron, Lord of Mordor. He was lugging a big mace and a flamethrower. Following Sauron, in turn, was the Author, who was giving Sauron encouraging pokes in the rear with a lightsaber. Red, of course. The Author wouldn't have it any other way.

"I can't get a good shot at it!" Came Sauron's tinny voice, from under heavily vibrating armor. "It's too fast!"

"IT'S A FUCKING FLAMETHROWER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" the Author screamed. "YOU DON'T AIM, YOU JUST POINT AND SHOOT! AND THE WRITER MADE ME GIVE YOU THOSE INCENDIARY BOMBS, TOO!"

"I'll get it eventually!" Sauron yelled, FINALLY firing the thing.

"SCREEOEEOEECH!" our favorite thing from outer space screamed, gripping it's heiny. That HURT, dammit. It deftly jumped on top of Sauron.

DIVIDER: THE SECOND AFFAIR WITH MARY LENNOX

This is something I must say. On Sunday, September Fourth, 8:30 PM, on CBS, I watched Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Some of you may have seen this thing too. At the final scene, with the Ewok party, it shows CGI planets that were not in the original or the do-overs made in the mis-90's. This is okay with me. But then it came time to show the glowing blue Jedi Masters. On the right is Ben Kenobi. Nothing new there. In the middle is Yoda, all three feet of him. Good. Then we come to the left place. They have overwritten the original actor with Haydan Christensen. This rather disturbs me, and I find it quite disrespectful of the original actor. I would ask of you all reading this to pay respects to the memory of the original actor, and to realize that, while Mr. Christensendid a goodjob in the Prequel Trilogy as Anakin, that this is just plain SACRILEGE. I have said my piece. Captain's log, end entry.

"AN-GEL FIGHT! AN-GEL FIGHT! AN-GEL FIGHT!"

Feet pounded in the command center as Unit 01 stepped out onto the mountaintop.

"Uuh.. Misato…?" Shinji groaned. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Well, that's easy, Shinji!" Misato smiled, giggling. She had switched from Yebisu to super-strength coffee, 95 percent pure caffeine. "You take the big bucket of Pikachus and throw them at the Fifth Angel one by one until it dies from lack of toughguy manliness in it's life.!"

"That…seems a little harsh. Even for an Angel…" Shinji said. "But… Oh, what the hell! KILL BY PIKACHU!" He screamed, lobbing the first one at the big blue diamond.

"Pikachu!" It laughed gaily, bouncing off of Ramiel's orange AT field. This continued for quite some time, until-

"Pikachu-u-u-u!" the ultra-masculine voice of a defective Pikachu rang over the mountains. Unit 01 stared at it.

"Misato, this one's busted!" Shinji yelled, shaking the yellow thing, which was carrying an AK-47 and had an evil grin on it's face, all the while wearing one of those French hats.

"Throw it somewhere, Shinji!" Misato yawned.

"Alright!" Shinji wound up his pitch and chucked the vile thing clear over the horizon.

"PIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…"

Shinji continued his bombardment until-

"SCRRREECH!" Said our Diamond-shaped Angel, having a seizure, who promptly fell out of the sky.

"Jiiiigalyyyypuuuuuuuuuuuuf, Jigaalee-"

SQUELCH

The annoying pink singing Pokemon has officially been terminated by the falling mass of the Fifth Angel.

Boom. Yay.

DIVIDER DIVIDER REVOLUTION

The Author and Kobayashi slid down the hallways, firing bursts of cannon fire at the Alien. Clearly they needed flamethrowers or Space Shuttle engines or Nukes, but, as a plot device, the Writer decided to leave them without these weapons, except when the writer gets bored and gives the Author a nuke and Kobayashi a spoon, which isn't there, thus punning the Matrix and completing this joke, which made no sense whatsoever.

'TACTICAL NUCLEAR WEAPON FOUND'

"Sweet!" The Author exclaimed, swinging the massive gun up and launching the eight-foot missile out of the jet-sized tube.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"YAY!" The Author screamed, watching Ahnold Schwarzneger's Wet Dream go off in the corridors of NERV, this setting off all of NERV's N2 mines, thus creating a chain of littler mushroom clouds around the big one and setting in a nuclear winter over Japan.

The Alien was still there, gnashing it's extendable teeth.

"OH COME ON!" The Author screamed, throwing down the missile tube. "THAT WAS A 200-KILOTON NUKE! NOTHING STOPS THAT!"
"OF COURSE IT DOES, TAKKUN!" Kobayashi screamed. "THE WRITER WANTS TO MAKE A BAD SAILOR MOON PUN! SAAIILLOORR CRRYYSTAAAAL POOOOOOOOWERRRRRR!" The nude transformation scene began, Walter, faithful Butler of the Hellsing Organization dutifully removing her shirt, then her skirt, then her bra then her-(Writer has a nosebleed, so we'll skip straight to the tying of the corselet) And her hair bows wound in.

"SAAAIIIILLOOOOR GLOOOMPIIIIING POOOOWERRRRRR!" She screamed, releasing the wrath of aforementioned dirty gesture on Alien. Our favorite Bulb-headed extraterrestrial suffered a nosebleed and a seizure at the same time, having about the same survival rate with girls as Shinji does.

We'll just leave it at that.

I DUB THEE SIR DIVIDER THE JEST(ER)

A massive tube-shaped ship with a bumper sticker reading "WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY" swung around the moon, itsbadly designedbody flying straight into a volley of laser fire from the Executor.The cheesy Star Destroyer imitation blew up, with a bunch of guys, most notably a short guy with a big helmet, a man in pinstripes with an ass bigger that that of the writer himself, and some weird guy gripping his Spaceballs.

"Goddamn spoofs." Admiral Piett muttered from the Executor's bridge.

"Admiral Piett," One of the techs said "We've reached the rondevues point. Should we hail the other Super Star Destroyers?"

"THEY'RE EXECUTOR-CLASS STAR DREADNOUGHTS, OR EXECUTOR-CLASS SSD'S, AS THE WRITER HAS BEEN TELLING PEOPLE FOR YEARS!" Admiral Piett screamed. "AND THEY'RE 17.6 KILOMETERS LONG, NOT 8 OR 12, AS THE WRITER HAS ALSO BEEN TELLING PEOPLE FOR YEARS! Carry on, luitenant." The admiral said, regaining his calm. He picked up the microphone. "Ahem… This is Executor, please come in, Iron Fist, (K)Night Hammer, Lusankya."

"Executor, this is Iron Fist." An overly jolly voice came on over the speakers. A vessel like the first shimmered into existence off to port.

"Knight Hammer reporting in, Admiral." An extremely happy female voice came on over the comm. "Those nice men in white let me out for a while, so I came back here!" A sleek black Executor-class popped into existence of to starboard.

"Executor, this is Lusankya." An extremely cold female voice came last. Suddenly, the moon blew up, revealing the fourth and final ECSSD. "Have you got the table ready? I have the cards."

"I brought the chips!" Zsinji exclaimed happily.

"I have the table." Piett responded, smiling. Oh goody. He could win back last month's salary from Ysanne.

"AND I BROUGHT THE BEER!" Daala yelled, smiling widely. "That purple-haired lady and that niceDevil girl gave it to me! This German stuff is really, really good!" her smile expanded to the diameter of the ship she rode.

Piett smiled. The Official Tournament of Imperial Big Shots and Super Star Destoryer People was about to begin.

LATER…

"Hic." Piett smiled drunkenly. He (hic) had won back (hic) last month's salary, and when (hic) they had run out of cash, they had (hic) turned it into a game of Strip (hic) Poker. Piett was the big winner again. He (hic) had gotten Ysanne al the way down to her panties before she had (hic) collapsed. The dingy, poorly lit meditation chamber had been Darth Vader's, but now he was working at some Psych Ward, they'd turned it into their game room (hichichichichichichichichic). The chamber smelled of german beer and cigarettes.

"Urp." Daala burped from her position on the floor.

'Poot' Zsinji farted.

"HIC." Piet hiccuped one more time, then collapsed.

DIVIDER WARS! IT'S ALL ABOUT DIVIDER WARS!

Gendo, Fyutsuki, and Darth Vader stared each other down, and Vader's hand landed in the middle of the Monopoly board, picking up the dice.

"Big money, big money, big money!" The sith lord growled, letting the dice fly. "YES! FREE PARKING!"

"It sucks playing against a Force user." Gendo grimly commented.

"Agreed." Fyutsuki frowned.

"I hate that little man on the Community Chest cards." Gendo growled from behind his gloves.

FIN.

I'm done now.

Who liked my SSD Captain poker game?

'rip'

'splash'