The Writer does not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or anything else in this fic, with the exception of the Author. The Author is simply the Writer's attempt to do…something. The Writer doesn't know. Nor does he care. But the Author's there. And we're stuck with him. Rejoice and be glad.
I'm BACK! YAY! And this is the final chapter of NERV Psychiatric Ward's Star Wars section. This chapter will also include the Annoying Character Hunt.
Alas. I have only received a few reviews. Anyone reading this, PLEASE review and tell your friends about this. Friends of the readers- YOU should review me, too!
I am now going commence in the finishing of SLOWDANCE! II. Then it's back for another 5-chapter segment of MSGW: Eternal War. Then I'm back to this. Hopefully, by then I'll have a few more REVIEWS, people!
NERV Psychiatric Ward
Chapter Five
That's Right, Unit 01. We're Going to the Dagobah System.
PLEASE, PEOPLE, KNOW THAT THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN! IF YOU ARE INSULTED AT ALL BY THIS, THEN YOU ARE (A) A GIRL NO OFFENSE INTENDED OR (B) JUST A VERY, VERY SAD PERSON! DON'T FLAME ME (ACTUALLY, DO. FLAMERS ARE A MINORITY THAT'S VERY FUN TO MAKE FUN OF).
"That's right, Unit 01, we're going to the Dagobah system." Shinji said, fixing a Plug Suit Wedgie. "The Author set up an Annoying Character Hunt, so now we're going to Dagobah to have some fun."
VROOOAAAAAR?
"Don't worry, mother, I'll be fine!" Shinji smiled. "It's only the Sailor Scouts and that Tuxedo Mask guy. And remember-I won the raffle,so I get the Lance of Longinus."
VROOOAAAAAAAAAR! Unit 01 roared as it flew through space on its massive orange wings. It grinned, and it's eyes turned red, preparing for the absolute massacre that awaited its arrival.
AAAAAAAAAAAGH! IT'S A DIVIDER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
"Tyrannus, this is Vader." Darth Vader rasped, his Advanced X1 TIE Fighter flying in formation with Dooku's Solar Sailor. "I brought the beer! Did you get the hamburger buns?"
"Affirmative, Vader." Dooku smiled. "This shall be quite entertaining. A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Barbecue! I shall enjoy this greatly!"
"I get dibs on Donatello and Michaelangelo." Vader hissed. "You can have Leonardo and Rafael."
"Agreed!" Dooku grinned maliciously. "I have not had Barbecued Turtle in quite a while."
AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FRIED DIVIDER! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
"Executor, This is Iron Fist." Zsinji smiled. "I brought the seasoning."
"Affimative, Iron Fist." Piett grinned. "Has Lusankya arrived with the charcoal and lighter fluid?"
"Affirmative, Executor." Ysanne Isard licked her lips. "I brought the flammables."
"And Knight Hammer?" Piett asked, staring pointedly at the black Super Star Destroyer flying on Executor's left.
"I brought the shish-kebob stick thingies!" Daala smiled, skipping up and down Knight Hammer's bridge. "AND I BROUGHT BEER!" She screamed, jumping and pirouetting in the middle of the crew pit.
"YEAH!" The other three Admirals yelled, jumping up and down. "IT'S HAMTARO HUNTING TIME!"
ALAS, THE ADMIRALS HATH GONE MAD, SO DIVIDERS-AHHG!
Luke kissed Mara on the cheek. "It's so exciting! I actually get to slaughter an annoying cartoon!"
"Yes, dear." Mara sighed. "But why are you obsessing over the imminent slaughter of a few cartoons?"
"They're not just cartoons, Mara!" Luke skipped around in the Jade Shadow's cockpit. "It's the DRAGONBALL saga! They've been around for millions of years, have no actual martial arts, and waste millions of hours of airtime! And they DRIVE ME INSANE!" he finished, grinning madly.
"Oh." Mara stared out into space (literally) for a moment, then joined Luke in getting drunk and screaming like the wierdos that dance around inside the Writer's mind.
Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin stared at them enviously.
"AAARGH!" Jaina screamed. "I wanna get drunk too! Why is it that I'm never of age?"
"I dunno." Anakin sighed. "Hey, wanna go play Monopoly?"
"Sure, what the hell?" Jacen grinned, giving the Solo Grin™.
"Why not?" Jaina sighed.
An hour later…
"WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Anakin laughed maniacally, pulling Jaina's entire Property collection into his rapidly growing pile. "YOU ARE DO-O-O-O-O-O-O-MED!"
DIVISERDIVISEROHNOIMTYPINGDIVISERNOTDIVIDERSHIT!
"MAY THE BEST…WHATEVER…WIN!" The Author announced, finishing his opening speech. And thus the massacre begins.
Let us start out with our favorite Sith lords, going to slaughter the TMNT and have a nice, fulfilling barbecue, Sith-style.
"To victory!" The Sith toasted, and downed half of their expensive German beer. Vader lifted his head up and poured it down the grate covering his mouth.
"Yo, dudes!" A voice came from a bush to the left of the Sith lord's clearing in the swamp. "Check it out! Who the Shell are these guys?"
"Mikey…" A deep voice followed.
"What, Raf?"
"You've been elected to go and check them out!" a third voice followed.
"Schnell!" the fourth, what sounded like the leader growled, pushing the first turtle out of the bush.
"Uuuuh…Hey, you guys!" it said, walking towards the two Sith. "Nice costumes, man! Who're y-WHOA! SH-
DUE TO THE NATURE OF THE TMNT, WHO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SWARE, THIS FIC HAS BEEN TAKEN OFF THE AIR-The California Board of Censors
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AFTER THE WRITER THREATENED TO SUE THE CALIFORNIA BOARD OF CENSORS HAS RETRACTED IT'S PREVIOUS STATEMENT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
-IT!" Michaelangelo jumped back as a red beam of light relocated it to the area where the Turtle's neck had previously been.
"WHAT THE SHELL WAS THAT FOR, MAN?" The turtle screamed, unsheathing his nunchuka. "THAT WAS JUST PLAIN NASTY! I GOTTA TAKE YOU DOOOOOOOOWN-oh shit."
The turtle stared at the stumps of his nunchuka, noting the other half on the ground.
"I fulfill my LAST WISH!" The Turtle screamed, throwing his head back. "I'LL SAY IT NOW! FU-"
SLICE
Mikey's head fell off, rolling on the jungle floor.
"They killed Mikey!" The Turtles exclaimed in unison. "GET THEM!"
Needless to say, three more turtle heads fell to the ground.
The two Sith lords finished their beer, then went for another as they got the grill started.
CURIOUS GEORGE! THE CURIOUS DIVIDER MONKEY-Y-Y-Y-Y!
Luke popped out of the hatch, followed by the NEW JEDI MOB ORDER.
"SLAUGHTER!" our favorite Jedi Master screamed, going for the unsuspecting DBZ herd.
The Solo children want at Vegeta first, hacking him to pieces like little kids might a piniata. Then they went for Cell, who got his various appendages removed, starting with his manhood(By Anakin, none the less).
Mara stared at Chichi, spinning her lightsaber. Then the two hero's wives clashed, giving each other clawmarks and holes. Mara won, of course. Remember, this is the Writer writing this.
Han stared at Krillon. "Shorty." He taunted, circling the pint-sized fighter. "Flea. Gnat. Intestinal Virus." He smiled. "Did I forget to mentioned bal-"
"DON'T! CALL! ME! BALD!" Krillon screamed, flying at Han. He landed, ten feet off-target, with a hole through his crotch.
Luke stared at Goku, the two circling each other.
"My arch-nemesis." The Jedi growled. PREPARE TO DIE!" he screamed, jumping and swinging his lighsaber. There was a flash of light, and Luke landed on his back, behind Goku, blood trickling from the side of his mouth.
GASP! GOKU KILLED LUKE!
"What, are you crazy?" Luke asked the Audience, getting up and wiping the blood off of his mouth. He cleaved Goku in half, vertically, from his Manhood up. "The Writer is at the keyboard! You must be mad!
"Luke! They're all dead!" Leia called from across the swamp, sticking her lightsaber through Bulma's head. A loud POP could be heard as Bulma's head exploded.
"DING DONG! THE WITCH IS DEAD!"
KILLDBZ!KILLDBZKILLBZD!KILLZDB!KILLBDZ! DIVIDER!
Unit 01 stared at the annoying Sailor girls. Luchtime…
Unit 01 stepped on them repeatedly, until the last one exploded. Then it stuck through Tuxedo Mask. A final Sailor Scout Yui hadn't noticed ran out from behind a tree, screaming "DARIEN! NOOOOOO-" Splat. The miniscule little spots of gore on the forest floor of Dagobah got scooped up onto the Lance and fried them over a fire courtesy of the Sith lords below, who had finished their meals of BBQ'd Turtle and had cut down a large pile of brush for Unit 01, dumping the remains of their fire onto the pile to set it alight. She roared her thanks, and Darth Vader gave the Peace sign.
SQUASHSQUASHSQUASHSQUASHSQUASHSQUASHDIVIDER
The four ECSSD's blotted out the sun over the Land of a Thousand Hamsters.
Piett cracked the cap off of a bottle of beer, draining it's contents. "TO VICTORY!" The four Admirals laughed, and ordered the destruction of Hamsterland.
The shared sentiment of "WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAA!" chorused through the massive battlecruisers until…
"AAAAAAAAGH!" The speakers had activated, changing the sound from "WAHAHAHAHA!" and little Hamster screaming to a song dreaded and feared by all.
"IT'S HAMTARO TIME! IT'S MUCH BETTER WHEN WE WORK TOGETHER! IT"S HAMTARO TIME…"
"LUITENANT!" Piett screamed, the bottle in his hand shattering "WHAT THE HELL IS MAKING THAT INFERNAL NOISE?"
"WE'VE GOT VISUAL CONTACT WITH THE SOURCE, ADMIRAL!" The Luitenant yelled back. An image came up on the vid console nearest to the Admirals.
"Peepi the Giant Hamster!" Ysanne gsaped.
"YAY-Y-Y-Y-Y!" Daala squealed, putting her hands over her ears. "MAKE IT STO-O-O-O-O-OP!"
"It's got a giant boom box!" Zsinji groaned, looking for something to shoot himself with.
"Admirals," An ensign cried, crawling up to the four. "Guns…innefective….only…stop…drop…star…destroyer…hamster…BLEAGH." The ensign died of exposure to Annoying Cuteness.
"So the only way to stop it is to drop one of our ships on it." Piett groaned. "We'll have to draw straws."
Daala-longest.
Piett-second-longest
Isaard-third-longest
Zsinji-He-Who-Loses-His-Big-Ship
"WAAAAAAAH!"
BO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M
"Don't worry, Zsinji, we'll get you another one for Christmas." Isard comforted the stricken warlord, patting him on the back.
The Annoying Character Hunt had ended with the destruction of the Hamtaro race by the dropping of the Iron Fist, but this was not really the end. When the next segment of chapters ends there shall be another one. The Writer enjoys these.
CHAPTER FIVE END
And now we're off to finish Slowdance II. Then another five chapters of MSGWEW. My schedule is way too full.