The Writer does not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its related characters. If the creators of Eva wish it then this story will be shoved up their asses, because the Writer is sick of writing "Removed from the web." It will be, if they wish, but it will be moved from the web to their asses.

Yes, boys and girls, the almighty Writer is back at his computer, typing away for you snorting pleasure, his posterior region slowly swelling to the size of two mating orca whales. I've tried, I really have, to get EternalWar09 finished, but IT'S JUST NOT COMING. So, for lack of anything better to do, I'm returning to the NERV Psych Ward scene for a while. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a quiz.

This just in: You remember Kobayashi, the strange, comical creature who killed our friend Alien with her Sailor Glomping Power? Well, she's decided she wants to write a side timeline to my story. I'm allowing it because somehow she got my dad's computer's IP adress, and that means hacking galore. Look out for it,because I'm sure it will make you cry. Maybe she'll forget about it, and she won't write it. That's what I hope.

And Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Without Further Ado, I Present to You-

Note for moderators and/or the people who would pull this off their wonderful site: The mispellings in this chapter are intentional. This is how Father Anderson speaks.

NERV PSYCHIATRIC WARD CHAPTER SIX!

A Long Time Ago In a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

N-E-E-ERV PSY-Y-Y-Y-YCH WARD! N-E-E-ERV PSY-Y-Y-Y-YCH WARD! YAY YAY YAY YAY!

Shift to image of streets of London...

"WE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E!

Six figures sprinted through the streets of London, two of them wearing gauzy pantsuits with bunny ears, one dressed in the garments of a (arch) bishop, an old guy with a monocle and a small ponytail whipping around a mass of garrote wire, and two tall people, one of which was wearing the garments of a priest and swinging around a bunch of bayonets, and the Big guy in a Big red trench coat with a Big red fedora pulled low over his face and Big red eyes behind not-so-Big orange sunglasses, encircled by a Big mass of long, black hair, and firing two Big guns into the air, which he used to scare Small Children(tm), wow, this is a long sentence, when will the Writer use an actual period, I don't know, maybe-

A hyphen can stop a sentence, too.

"Miss Integra," Seras called, another button on her skimpy clothing's chest area popping "Why the hell are we running around in gauzy bunny suits like a couple of sluts?

"Because I SAID SO, SENIOR OFFICER VICTORIA!" Miss Integral Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing screamed back. "IT'S BECAUSE I'VE SNAPPED, AND SNAPPED I WILL BE, OR UNTIL SOMEBODY GETS ME MORE ZOLOFT AND/OR RITALIN!"

"Aye, shat ap, ye crazy psycho-bitch!" screamed Father Anderson, a spare bayonet taking another hopeful swipe at Integra's skimpy clothing. "Ye forced three gallons of thet crappy Grey Goose down oor throats already, and now ye want us ta run aroond the streets ae London like ae bunch ae deranged Pokemon! Ae don' think sa!"

"Anderson!" Enrico Maxwell, the Iscariot Bishop-in-Chief yelled at the bayonet-swinging priest "Get a move on! In ze name of His Holiness, maul ze Writer! He deserves it, and it is God's wi-OW!"

The writer popped into the continuum, the small wings attached to his oversized ass fluttering wildly as he floated along the party of madmen/women, and he smacked Maxwell on the head with a large garden gnome.

"YE SHALT NOT BADMOUTH THE WRITER!" the Writer screamed. "I HATH SAID IT, AND SO IT IS LAW! FIN!" And so, the Writer popped back to Earth, 2006, and continued typing, stroking his garden gnome with his left hand as his right danced across the keyboard.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SHUT UP, ALUCARD!" Integra screamed, whipping her hbead back exactly 180 degrees to scream at her pet vampire. "AS I TOLD SERAS, I'VE SNAPPED! AND, ALSO, BY MY ORDER, YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO SAY 'MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA' BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! THIS WILL PROBABLY BE A RUNNING JOKE THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS FANFIC!"

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

And, Lo! Standing directly in the path of our crazy people was a small, blue prune, dressed in a tiny coat and baseball cap, giving the party the oddest kind of look, the kind that makes the group of crazy people stop in their tracks. The kind of look that makes people not move...

'DA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A! DA!DA! DA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A! DA! DA!'

As the Akira music started playing several large, brightly colored mechas appeared in the middle of London and started stomping towards the frozen group of six. The purple, horned one (whose footprints were leaving foot-deep indentations in the pavement shaped like Pikachus) slammed a large, circular cage with spikes on top of our favorite crazy people.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alucard yelled, finding that he could move his lips again, and fired several rounds at the prune. A large blue hand quickly moved in front of Takeshi, taking the bullets. Alucard's eyes widened as said eyes traced a path up the long, Blue arm, up to the rectangular, Blue shoulder, and reached the cycloptic, Blue head, which was glaring angrily at him. The blue one grabbed the purple one by the horn (which fell off) and slammed it into the cage, straight through Alucard.

"VRO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AR!" the purple one said as its mouth fell open, and it started stomping around London, smashing random buildings with its various appendages. A red mech with four eyes and two mouths jumped on the purple one's back, restraining it.

A silver mech looked on in distaste, and, at the sight of the red robot holding back the purple one, it slapped its great silver head and rubbed its forehead.

While Unit-01 was going berserk, Unit-00 twisted the purple horn around a few moe times, then squatted down in front of Takeshi.

"Thanks, Rei!" He smiled, and giggled. In Unit-00's cockpit Rei smiled, and lowered a giant blue hand to pick Takeshi up. He plopped down, and enjoyed the Elevator Ride From Hell as Rei hoisted the small prune up onto Unit-00's shoulder. "Yaaaay!" he squealed, and pointed his finger at a random Coke Machine, which exploded, and telepathically pulled one of the bottles up to his perch on Unit-00's shoulder. Unit-00 stomped off, back to the carriers, and the green Unit-05, with the incredibly handsome Author inside, hoisted up the round cage , whose occupants all screamed like little hamsters, and stomped after Unit-00. Inside, the Author grumbled.

"Rr-r-rgh. Stupid albino pig. Why do I always have to carry the cage?"

Inside Unit-01's cockpit...

"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A..." Shinji screamed.

"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A..."

"This is Shinji." Dick said to Jane. "Look, Jane, this is Shinji. Shinji screams. Scream, Shinji, scream."

Shinji felt his 70-meter body do a spin kick, bringing Big Ben (the really big clock in London) to the ground, and screamed.

"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A..."

It was then that Unit-02 jumped on Unit-01's back, and the two Evas almost looked like they were having sex, but that would take longer to write (though it WOULD make a good joke in the future), so they weren't.

Unit-04 stomped over, smashing several Mini Coopers on its way so Kaoru could vent, and wedged Unit-01's helmet piece and horn securely onto its head.

"Now, class," the irate Angel said twitchily (is that a word?) "What have we learned about going berserk and smashing London?"

Shinji sniffled a bit, and then "WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A...". Unit-01's sniffled a bit as well, and then started weeping twin waterfalls, which quickly flooded London.

Kaoru grumbled some more, and the started screaming at Asuka. "ARGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I CARRIED HIM LAST TIME! YOU CARRY HIM NOW!"

Asuka was quick to counter. "NO! THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE! I'M A GIRL! HE'S A GUY! YOU WERE HIS LOVER BEFORE MISATO STRAIGHTENED HIM OUT! YOU FIX HIM!"

"HE'S GOING OUT WITH YOU NOW!" Kaoru screamed back, shaking his Eva's giant silver fist. "THEREFORE, YOU DO IT!"

"I'M A GIRL! I DUNNO WHO PUBLISHED THOSE PICTURES, BUT WHEN I FIND OUT, THEY'RE LUNCHMEAT!"

"WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!"

They compromised. They broke up several antique ships in the harbor and made an Eva-sized trebuchet, which they used to hurl Unit-01 back to NERV, where it smashed into HQ, and Fyutsuki sued Asuka for damages to his Disco Cage.

NERV PSYCHIATRIC WARD: THE HUMOROUS DIVIDER (HOLDS UP SIGN "LAUGH")

Alucard frowned as his master kicked him in the genitalia for the fiftieth time. He tightened his grip around her, making sure she didn't shred the NERV Vice-Commander. Whatever the hell that was. He never payed much attention to titles.

Fyutsuki groaned at the sight of Anderson. He'd had a fight with the bayonet-throwing priest at the bar a few years back, and they both had long memories. Anderson eyed him with contempt.

"Now," He groaned, massaging his forehead as he stared at his semi-empty Disco Cage (which had been destroyed by Unit-01 when it slammed into the wall of NERV HQ) "Would you repeat WHY you're here, please? Just for clarification. We at NERV get it, but our sponsors might not."

Maxwell groaned, his face burning red. "Ve Vere playing Poker," He began, adjusting his robes "and Valter-" He shot a dirty look at the old butler, who adjusted his monocle "-forgot to tell Integra-" he ponted at the squirming Hellsing director, who was dressed in a straighjacket "-to take her medication. So she forced Seras to vear zat gauzy bunny suit and Alucard to say nothing but "Muahahahahahaha", and dragged us out onto ze streets of London to run around and shoot zings."

"Un-n-n-n-ngh..." the Vice-Commander groaned. "I'll have to let the Acting Commander make judgement on this one. Hey, Sithboy!"

At the sound of that unearthly name, the lights dimmed, and "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones started playing. six seperate spotlights pointed at the break in the curtains which promptly blew apart to reveal...(drumroll)

A tall man in shiny black hightop boots with black bell-bottom pants, a black-and-pink tye-dye t-shirt with a shiny black breastplate covered in little buttons, a big black cape, and a black skull-shaped helmet with a pimp hat on top.

Enter Acting Commander Lord Darth Vader.

And then, in a horrifying, synthesized voice, it uttered a single command which would change the history of this FanFiction forever.

"I have heard their case, man, and I decree that they shall be detained at my bee-yoo-tee-ful new crib, NERV, Yo!"

Anderson fell down onto his knees and yelled, his arms raised in pleading defiance, "NAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y..."

NERV PSYCHIATRIC WARD CHAPTER SIX END