Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own SSX-3. Yet (grins evilly).
A/N: Well, first off, I must thank the reviewers-
Endefaerante: I'm glad you like it. I hope you continue to like it.
Chiffon: Thanks for the fun fact. I've only played SSX 3, so I'm not really sure what the other characters are like, but I wanted to include as many as possible so I just glanced at the trading cards and stuff (hard to read when the Gamecube is hooked up to a six by three inch portable DVD player). I'm glad you think it's good so far. I hope you like this chapter too.
elmo-x-takumi: Good the hear you think it had a solid beginning. I'm relieved to hear people think this is funny; I was kind of worried when I posted this, actually. I didn't know where people drew the line between funny and just plain stupid, but I'm glad this is on the right side, if only just.
Fantasy-Flyer: Blockbuster? I'm flattered. Glad you like it so much.
Just a little note… I've had some people say the pairings were a little weird. Don't worry; Mac and Marisol used to go out, but they're not getting back together. I haven't quite worked out the pairings yet, but I'm ninety-nine percent sure none of the pairs who've been established as exes, such as Mac/Marisol, JP/Seeiah, and Brodi/Kaori, will be among the final couples. Anyway, here's the next chapter- enjoy!
Chapter Two: In Which Atomika Saves the Day
Frowning, JP crossed his arms. "Come on, guys! Why can't I come into the fort?"
"Show him the sign, Moby," ordered Mac, putting down the miniature pair of neon green binoculars he'd found at the bottom of his cereal box that morning.
Moby nodded, then revealed to JP the piece of cardboard on which he had scrawled "No Girls Allowed" in red permanent marker.
"Ha ha," JP groaned, "That's so funny I forgot to laugh."
"But you said 'Ha ha'," Mac argued, "That sounds like laughin' to me."
"Does to me to," agreed Moby.
JP kicked the snow angrily. "Damn elementary school comebacks!"
"Hey!" yelled Mac, grabbing a snowball, "You almost dented the fort!"
His ex-girlfriend's boyfriend's lip was trembling. "You guys are mean!"
Mac grinned as his arch-nemesis ran off. "Sucker."
"Victims approaching," whispered Moby, who had picked up the binoculars, "Quick! Duck behind the wall of the fort!"
Through the tiny hole in the fort's front wall, two female competitors, Allegra Sauvegess and Zoe Payne, could be seen heading up to the lodge. Allegra was talking on a cell phone and Zoe had her M-Com clipped to her belt and earphones in place.
"Look at them!" laughed Moby, "I bet Allegra's talking to her boyfriend! Some poor sucker trying to make the tour, no doubt."
"Who do you think Zoe's listening to?" asked Mac, "James Blunt? Five for Fighting?"
Moby shrugged. "Some easy listening romantic crap along those lines. Got a snowball?"
"Yep."
"Ready?"
"Aim…"
"FIRE!"
Both of them sprang up and began hurling snowballs at the two unsuspecting victims, who responded with a string of shrieks and cusses. One direct hit… two direct hits… three… four… five, six, seven…
"OH GOD, THAT'S COLD!" yelled Moby in Mac's ear after being hit in the face with a particularly large snowball.
So maybe they did do more than shriek and cuss…
"Stop it!" Mac hollered, "You're gonna break the fort! Do you know how long it took us to make it!"
"That's three hours of our lives we're never gonna see again!" added Moby as one of Zoe's snowballs smashed down part of the wall.
"You call that a fort?" demanded Zoe as she and Allegra began running toward them, "That's the worst fort I've ever seen! Griff could make better!"
Mac scowled. "No way!"
Allegra grinned. "Way."
And then, before he could reply with a simple "Nuh-uh", he was hit smack in the center of the face with a snowball that would have made Calvin and Hobbes proud.
oOoOoOo
"So, are you ready for the race on Gravitude today?" asked Viggo as he sat down at a table with Marty and Nate.
Marty shrugged. "As ready as I can ever be. I mean, Mac's gonna win- again."
"Hey, I won the slopestyle competition yesterday!" Nate argued.
Viggo nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and I beat Mac at superpipe last week."
"Yeah, but this is racing. Mac will come in first, Allegra will come in second, and then the bronze spot's open for the taking."
Shrugging, Viggo got up and walked over to the sheet that showed the racing groups. The races worked so that there were eighteen competitors divided into three groups of six to begin with. The groups of six would race, and the top three would stay in the competition. The top three from groups two and three would race each other for the top three spots. Group one, however, was comprised of all the people who had been doing quite well in races lately, and the top three from there were automatically seeded into the final round.
"Okay, well, Jurgen's the scratch," he began.
Nate frowned. "He's always the scratch. Why is that?"
"Because he has no fans, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, Nate, you and I are in group two with Brodi, Griff, Kaori, and Marisol. Marty, you're in group three with Eddie, Hiro, Luther, Psymon, and Zoe."
"YOU COME BACK HERE!"
Viggo raised an eyebrow. "What the-?"
"It came from outside," muttered Marty.
The three of them turned to the windows to see Mac and Moby running past, snowballs flying after them, then, finally, Allegra and Zoe, each carrying an armful of snowballs and regularly throwing them at one of the boys in front.
"Snowball war still on?" asked Nate.
"Yeah," sighed Marty.
Viggo peered out the window and grinned. "Hey! There's Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah!"
Grinning, the three of them quickly finished their lunches and crept outside. Mac and Moby weren't the only ones allowed to have fun.
oOoOoOo
"I smell victory in the air," boasted JP from the third competitor gate.
"I do too," agreed Moby from the fifth, "Know why? It's because we're on either side of Mac!"
Mac grinned. "You got that right!"
Needless to say, Allegra was glad she had been assigned to the first gate. She felt sorry for Elise and Seeiah on either side of the three guys.
"Attention all spectators!" came Atomika's voice from the broadcast booth, "Welcome to Peak Three's Gravitude! And now, meet your SSX competitors! Behind gate number one, Allegra Sauvegess!"
The crowd cheered politely.
"Behind gate number two, Elise Riggs!"
More polite cheering. JP got polite cheering too.
"Behind gate number four, Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac Fraser!"
The crowd went wild. Allegra scowled.
When they finally calmed down, Atomika announced Moby and Seeiah, who also got polite cheering.
"And now, for the SSX race e-"
He was cut off by the ground beginning to shake violently.
"What the-?" yelled Mac.
"We don't usually get earthquakes in this area," Elise muttered.
Allegra nodded. What was going on?
Suddenly, she was pulled back with such force that her board broke on the gate. But who was pulling her back? She was just being dragged through the snow at an alarmingly fast rate.
She glanced to her right. Elise, JP, Mac, Moby, and Seeiah were all beside her, just as they had been before the race was to start. Assumingly that race was cancelled now.
Finally, as they were entering a small cave, her head collided with Elise's and she blacked out.
oOoOoOo
Seven-year-old Moby Jones skipped up the porch stairs and woke up Bicep, the family dog.
"Here boy, I got a bone for you!" he exclaimed happily.
"I don't want bones," growled Bicep, "I want sleep. Get lost."
Moby jumped. "Golly! You can talk!"
The dog yawned. "So? You can too."
"But you're a dog!"
"I'm a special dog."
Frowning, Moby sat down. "Who are you?"
The dog bit him. Moby hit him. Bite, hit, bite, hit…
Finally, Moby's hand had fallen off.
"Obi-wan never told you about your father."
"He told me enough; he said you killed him."
"No, Moby. I am your father."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Moby opened his eyes and looked around. Nope, he wasn't seven, and there was no dog in sight.
"Just a dream," he sighed in relief.
He took the time to further register his surroundings. He was lying on a cave floor with Mac, JP, Allegra, Elise, and Seeiah. Weird.
What was weirder was that all the other boarders on the circuit had formed a circle around them.
"What happened?" Moby asked groggily.
"Well, you know there was an earthquake," began Zoe.
Viggo nodded. "We were all up in the broadcast booth with Atomika, and he started freaking out and told us all to get in the cave as quickly as possible."
"He followed us in," continued Marty, "but before he was past the entrance, he turned around, took out this gun thing, and shot out a bunch of little hooks on strings."
"That's how he got you six in," Nate concluded.
Moby felt Mac sit up beside him. "Marty?" he addressed his brother, "What's going on?"
"I'll explain when the rest are up."
One by one, the four remaining riders slowly regained consciousness. As soon as Elise came around, the others explained their story once more.
"Dr. Noydd was right."
All nineteen of them turned to see Atomika coming towards them, carrying a tray of freshly baked cookies. He set it down beside them, then took a seat on the cave floor. "I made enough for each of you to have four. Except you, Marisol, I ate one of yours to make sure they tasted good. Oh, and you, Brodi. And Nate, Griff, Kaori… ah! Allow me to rephrase; there are enough for each of you to have three. Or maybe two…"
"We get it, you ate twenty-five to fifty percent of the cookies," Mac interrupted him.
Allegra nodded. "So what's going on here, really?"
"The entrance caved in," Psymon informed them all, "Do you have any dynamite? Can we blast it? Pleeeeeeease?"
"Once the radiation has died down," answered Atomika, "For now, the outside world is not safe. The radiation will have killed everyone else. Unless someone else on earth was prepared like me, which I highly doubt, because I have never met anyone as smart as me before, the twenty of us are the only living things left on this planet."
Zoe shook her head. "Radiation? From an earthquake?"
"Not just any earthquake," the DJ argued, "A global earthquake. An earthquake so huge that the earth's crust has broken apart, allowing radiation from the inner layers of the earth to attack the outside world. This network of caverns I have so smartly hollowed out, is the only safe place left on earth."
Viggo frowned. "Then, how come the crust here isn't broken up as well?"
Atomika opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it. "Well… you see…"
"Yes?" persisted Mac.
"I could tell you," Atomika began, a sudden gleam of brilliance in his eyes, "but since none of you are as smart as me, you couldn't possibly comprehend it. If you want to know more, I recommend reading a book that I have. It's on the shelf in the library."
"You have a library?" demanded Elise in disbelief.
"I have everything," he assured her, "Now, this is your room. I'm sorry, I couldn't find any beds, so you'll have to sleep on the floor tonight. I hope you sleep well."
He was gone before anyone could protest. And each and every one of them wanted to protest.
Psymon walked over to one wall of the cavern, then, dragging one foot the whole way, drew a crude line dividing the cavern fifty-fifty… well, seventy-thirty.
"This is the boys' side," he explained, pointing the bigger half, "and that's the girls' side. Everyone stay on their own side. Marisol, JP, that means you too."
Kaori shook her head. "How come you have so much more room than us?"
"Because there are so many more of us," replied Moby.
"Where do I go?" asked Griff.
Allegra pointed to the boys' side. Mac pointed to the girls' side.
"Griff," Seeiah addressed him, "Do you have breasts?"
"No," he answered.
"Do you have a period?"
"No."
"Then you're a boy. You get to go to the boys' side."
"Hey!" protested Psymon, "Stop picking on one of your own just because she hasn't hit puberty yet!"
"He," corrected Elise.
Griff ended up right on the line that night. Moby shook his head. It must suck to be a twelve-year-old in a twenty-two-year-old world; a world that was now home to only twenty people.
A/N: Yeah, this story is only going to get weirder from here on in… anyway, thanks for reading! Please review.