Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, ITS CHARACTERS, OR DISNEY CHANNEL!

A/N: Ok, I know chapter 11 was short, so I made this one longer. Honestly, I wasn't sure how to follow the last chapter, but I think I handled it very well. Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I know that I've been begging for reviews, but I haven't been thanking the people who have reviewed...so, thank you SO MUCH! I very much appreciate all the reviews! But, still...KEEP REVIEWING! lol K, here's chapter 12...I hope you all recognize the title of this chapter as a lyric from "Move Along" by AAR. ENJOY! ;)

Chapter 12: Hands Are Shaking Cold

Troy's P.O.V.

I opened my eyes and unsteadily stood up. I looked at the clock. I had been sleeping for 13 hours. I walked downstairs, into the kitchen, and made a pot of coffee. I didn't care if it was the afternoon...I needed coffee.

When it was done, I poured myself a cup, sat down, and stared down into the coffee mug. I tried not to think about Gabby...I tried not to think about anything, but failed miserably. I couldn't help but feel guilty about what happened. I know it was all my fault. If she didn't kill herself because of the fact that I'm gay, then she wouldn't have called me and said those things.

I wish I didn't have to face this. I wish I could just leave...leave this town, leave this state, leave this planet, and I couldn't remember any of this. But I know that I cannot do that, and I have to remember what happened--remember what I did, and I have to deal.

After I was done with my coffee, I went upstairs and took a shower. I got dressed and drove over to Ryan's house. When I got there, he was outside, sitting on the front steps with his head drooping in his hands. He heard me pull up, he looked up at me, and smiled to make me feel better. I attempted to smile back, but somehow, my lips couldn't make the form.

I walked over to Ryan, and he stood up. We stood in front of each other for a few seconds, and I almost began to cry. Ryan embraced me in a sympathetic hug, and I cried desperately in his arms, because it felt like the right thing to do.

"It's okay Troy. Let it all out. Don't hold back anything. I'm here for you. I love you." Ryan said, trying to comfort me. And I'm glad to say that he did, a little...and I felt so lucky to have him at that moment, forever.

"Ryan..." I said between sobs."..It's all my fault. Gabby killed herself because I told her I'm gay. I practically killed her!"

"No, Troy, you didn't. It's not like that at all. Gabby made the choice, you didn't." Ryan told me comfortingly.

At that moment, I hugged Ryan tighter, as tight as I possibly could, for I loved him more then than I ever had before. I calmed down some, and quit sobbing and crying enough to say "Thanks, Ryan. I love you."

"I love you, too, baby." Ryan said softly. Then, he took my hand and led me inside. No one else was home. It seemed like Ryan was the only one ever home in his house.

We went upstairs and I went into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face to calm me down some more and cool me off a little. I dried my face on a towel, then walked to Ryan's room, where he was leaning against his computer desk. I walked over to him, and as soon as I looked into his stormy blue eyes, my head was cleared of all negative thoughts. All I could think about was him...how much I love him...how beautiful he is...

I placed my hands on his hips, and he placed his on my chest. I leaned in closer and kissed him on the lips. There was no passion in the kiss, just a wordless 'thank you.' And Ryan kissed me back, as if to say 'You're welcome.' I pulled away a little, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing came to mind, so I just smiled, and Ryan smiled back. The moment was too perfect, but I knew I could do something to make it better. I placed my hand gently on the side of Ryan's face, and I leaned in to kiss him--this time, a kiss with so much raw passion, it was practically dripping off our bodies. I leaned in closer...as close as I could, and our bodies were practically grinding together. We were exploring each other, touching every inch of each other's bodies.

After a short while of doing this, I stopped, and I couldn't figure out why. The moment was perfect, and I ruined it! Why did I do that?

Humiliated at what I just did, I stormed off out of Ryan's room without even saying good-bye. Ryan ran after me, and when I was at the door, he was behind me, and he said "Troy, what's wrong? Why did you run out on me like that?"

I slowly turned around to face Ryan, and said "I don't know...I'm so frustrated at everything right now. I don't know what to do." I could feel that I was about to cry again. Ryan walked closer to me and tried to hug me, but I pushed him off. "I have to go." I said, and ran out the door. Again, Ryan ran after me, and a part of me was glad he did.

"Troy, come on! Talk to me!"

I faced him, even though I didn't want to. "You know, when I'm with you, I'm happy...so happy. No matter where we are or what we're doing, I'm happy, just because I'm with you. And just then, when we were in your room, I was happy. But I shouldn't be happy right now. I don't want to be happy!"

"What's wrong with being happy?" Ryan innocently asked.

"Because...the only girl I ever loved just killed herself because I fell in love with someone else...a fucking dude, of all people!" I screamed.

Ryan sighed. "Troy...it's not your fault at all...it was her decision to kill herself...not yours...you have nothing to worry about...no reason to feel guilty."

"But Ryan," I said. "I didn't mean for all this to happen...it wasn't supposed to happen! I didn't ask for any of this shit! I was happy with Gabriella...I thought I loved her...then you came along and turned me gay and I fell in love with you! I don't remember wanting any of that! But that's my life now, and somehow, I've got to learn to deal with it..."

Ryan looked angry and confused. "So, you're saying that you wish you'd never fallen in love with me? You don't want to be with me?"

I was shocked that he thought that. "Of course not, Ryan...I'm just saying that after all I've put people through lately, I don't deserve to be happy."

"...But you called it 'shit'...you don't want to be with me...you wish we were never together..." Ryan was crying now.

"No, Ryan, it's not-"

"Forget it." Ryan interrupted. "You don't have to deal with this 'shit' anymore. Good-bye Troy."

And with that, Ryan turned around and walked home, head drooping. I stood there until I couldn't seehim anymore. When I was sure he was inside, I went back to his house to get my car, then I began driving back home.