Meredith walked into the locker room the next day. She heard someone talking about her "Break down." I really am pathetic, she thought. She looked around and no one else was there. Sighing she leaned her head against the locker. How could her life get so messed up? It went from perfect to dirty ex-misstress bomb whore. She slid down to the floor and held her head in her hands. She didn't cry. She had already cried all she could. She shook her head and stood back up. Opening her locker she changed and walked outside to start her pre rounds.

"Ms. Herris, how are we this morning?" Meredith asked as she walked into room 192.

"My back still hurts." The patient explained as Meredith checked her vitals. "all right well, you have a ct scheduled for eight so I'll see you then. Dr Shepherd will stop by to see you in a little while for a consult." Meredith said as the patient just acknowledged her explanation.

Meredith sighed and walked down to go get labs for Dr. Burke.

Today was her first real day back. It was going well so far. Boring, but well. Excitement was something Meredith didn't need right now. "Meredith. How are you?" Derek asked stepping up beside her.

"You mean compared to yesterday when I broke down on my ex-boyfriends shoulder?"

He nodded.

"Fine, just fine. Living with the fact that I killed someone but you know, I'm fine." Meredith said with a hint of tears in her eyes. She looked away and headed for her next room.

"Meredith! Don't blame yourself for this. Don't you get that you saved so many other people?"

"That still doesn't take care of the fact that someone did in fact die!" Meredith said frustrated. She wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheeks and went into the patients room.

"Mere! You're back!" Izzie said surprised when she saw Meredith sitting down at the table with them.

"Yep."

"So any good surgeries?" Christina asked as she came and sat by them.

"I have a Cerebral Hematoma at nine." Meredith said sadly. The poor girl was only three and it was a difficult surgery. She was a sweet child, blonde curly hair, green eyes, sweet smile. Meredith fell in love with her the first time she saw her.

Her pager went off.

"Time to prep." Meredith said and got up.

"Dr.Grey, see you in surgery." Derek said as he stepped out of the little girls room.

"Hey lauren! We are gonna have fun today aren't we?" Meredith asked as she picked up the blonde child and wheeled her down to the or.

The surgery was a blur. It was going so well. Meredith had been watching and praying when all the sudden the monitor flat lined. Meredith was in shock. She watched as Derek shocked her heart and knew that he was trying the best he could. "Pressure rising." One of the nurses said as the heart started beating once again. Meredith didn't notice she was crying until she felt a tear drop from her face.

"Thank you God." Meredith whispered and walked out of the room.

"Meredith wait!" She heard Derek yell but didn't turn back. She walked into an on call room and collapsed on the bed. Almost instantly she fell asleep.