A/N: Okay, still not the end, one more chapter left after this. But I promised they would start coming faster so here it is. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter a bit more then the last one. I most certainly do. Let me know what you think. Oh and I used bits and pieces from "Children of the Gods," "The Enemy Within" and "Grace." Hope it's still okay with all those bits and pieces, I couldn't resist.

Warning: this has HUGE spoilers for the season 8 episode Threads. If you don't want to know what happens, please stop reading.

(of course, if you are a Sam/Jack shipper and you haven't seen Threads… what are you waiting for?)

Chapter 4: Dreams, Hearts and Rules

Even though I was never actually given any specific set of rules I had to follow to get Jack to realize his soul mate, I somehow just knew they were there and what they were. Like the fact that I could affect the physical world if I really wanted to, but I shouldn't. Or that I could say anything I wanted to Jack, even my real mission, but I really shouldn't. They were my unwritten guidelines. Or that's how I treated them anyway.

But there was one rule that I knew that the higher powers were serious about and that was that I was not to even try talking to anyone besides Jack. Well, I was going to break that one too.

I found Sam Carter in her lab, fast asleep on a pile of books, some alien device lying near her open hand. She must have dozed off mid project, which wasn't surprising really. It had been almost two days since her father had died and I had only seen her leave base once. She had come back wearing her military mask but I could tell that underneath that emotionless exterior, she was crying. Then there had been the whole fiasco with Anubis and the ancient weapon. The arrival of Dr. Jackson was the only time I had seen her really smile. Through all of this though, I hadn't seen her take more then a few hours break and she only ate when someone escorted her to the commissary and watched over her shoulder until she had taken every last bite. It was usually Teal'c who had had the duty shoved onto him by Jack who should have been the one going to make sure she was alright.

Instead he was sitting in his office, growling at anyone so unfortunate to ask him a question and refusing to talk to me about the one thing he needed to talk about, Sam. After Daniel had descended and the group had split I went in to ask Jack what the hell he was doing. He hadn't said anything that wasn't completely necessary to Sam since her father died and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why he wasn't sweeping her off her feet and telling her how much he cares for her. I wanted to know why he was keeping me from ascending.

"I love her. There, you happy Kawalsky? I said it, I love her," Jack had said to me. "That's why I won't say anything. If I did, we'd both be court marshaled and while I'm ready to retire, Carter's got her whole future ahead of her."

And after that he threatened me with disembodiment if I said another word about her.

Of course, now I realized why The Powers That Be gave me this rather unenviable job instead of doing it themselves: they thought it was near to impossible. That and they were probably afraid of Jack's temper. Luckily I wasn't. I was determined to see it all the way through, however.

I was also starting to understand that I was going about this in the completely wrong way because it wasn't just Jack who needed to realize he was being an idiot.

Jack deserved some happiness in his life and if Sam was going to bring him that, then so be it. When she was around, Jack calmed significantly. He became patient (for Jack) and was more willing to listen. He wasn't the same Jack O'Neill that I had known before. She had changed him, for the better. Even I could see that. This is why I was taking a risk, breaking the rules and jeopardizing my chance to ascend, because my friend deserved it. And so did Sam.

Ascension is definitely overrated.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and she shifted slightly under the weight. Okay, to be honest I didn't quite know how to do this. It hadn't been covered in the "How to Make Your Best Friend Fall in Love With His 2IC" manual. I moved my hand from her shoulder and placed it on her head, made my mind blank and mentally pushed. The walls of her lab faded around us and the harsh glare of her computer was replaced with the soft overhead light of the briefing room.

Words were coming out of my mouth without permission as I responded to a statement I hadn't heard. "But of course you go by 'Sam.'"

And there she stood in her dress blues; once again a Captain. A dream then; or a memory.

"You don't have to worry, Major." The smirk she was giving me was every bit as fierce as it had been in real life. "I played with dolls when I was a kid."

"G.I. Joe?" I heard myself ask. There was a bite in my voice that I didn't remember. Is that how I had sounded or was it simply how Carter saw me, a threat?

"No. Major Matt Mason."

"Oh," I said simply and felt my body turn to continue the dream just as it had been played out. No, I had to resist this. This had to be Carter's subconscious, this had to be what she remembered about me. But I had to step out of this memory and get back to business. Jack's soul sort of depended on it.

To bad gaining control was like trying hold water in your hands. I struggled to hold on as the image of Ferretti began to flicker. "Wait," I managed to get out. She looked at me with those large blue eyes and I felt the extra people slowly slip away. "We had this conversation eight years ago. Why bring it up?"

I could feel her mind shift; the power of this dream shift. Her uniform flickered between her dress blues and the more casual wear I had seen her in lately; from her rank of captain to the golden leaves of Lt. Colonel.

"Was I always just 'The Girl,' Kawalsky? Always the 'Scientist?' The soldier who stepped in without being asked?"

"I never got to know you. I died, remember?"

Her smile softened and she nodded. "General O'Neill has your stereo, you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he never uses it. Just stares at it whenever he starts to forget why he's still fighting the Goa'uld."

It had more of an effect on me then she probably meant it to. A bone jarring stab that I didn't know Jack anymore. I hadn't been a part of his life and she had. Carter knew his habits and his nuances; she knew when he was just putting on a strong face and when he was trying to hide.

But my confession gave her more power and the briefing room morphed into the control room where my fingers began pressing buttons on the dialing computer.

"Kawalsky, what the hell are you doing?" I heard Carter yell and automatically my arm reached around to throw her into a wall.

"No! I'm not a Goa'uld," I said, gripping the edge of the desk to keep myself from following through with her dream. "I'm trying to fix things."

I had to gain control or I'd be stuck here in her dreams and memories until she woke. Don't ask me how I knew; it was just one of those ascension things. But I didn't feel like reliving the worst moments of my life through her eyes.

"We'll have to run some diagnostics, do some simulations," Carter said as she appeared at my side, "but it shouldn't be too difficult to locate the problem."

"I'm not here to fix the Stargate," I replied angrily. "There's nothing wrong with the bloody Stargate. I'm here to fix this!" And with every ounce of control I could gather I shifted us back to the briefing room and brought in Jack. Carter's back was now towards me as she faced Jack. They were only inches apart but I had done that on purpose. Maybe if I could make her face her fears here, she'd be able to do it again in real life.

The dream Jack reached out and touched her face but she stepped back. "No," was all she said and he disappeared.

"Sam, he loves you," I said.

"But it doesn't really mater, does it?"

"You're soul mates," I tried again. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"We're in the Air Force. That should mean something to you." She began walking away from me, but I followed. I allowed her to control the background as we flirted through parks, houses, the SGC and places I didn't recognize. What was important was that I kept her talking.

"He'd retire for you." She didn't respond. "Jack would make it work."

"I wouldn't ask that of him."

"So you're going to suffer through eternity when you could have had everything you ever asked for but knowing you settled for average?"

"What's the point, when happy endings don't really exist?"

"Have you ever even tried?"

"He never lets me." She said softly and this time when we stopped I recognized the scene. It was Jack's house.

"Try again, Sam," I said. She looked at me with those bright eyes, shinning with tears. "Wake up, Sam. Wake up."

And then we were back in her lab. I stepped back as she raised her head from her laptop and blinked away the sleep. She sat there at her desk, shook her head and began working on her project again.

No. No. No.

This time when I placed my hands on her shoulders, I didn't push mentally. I pushed physically. And she tumbled right off her stool.

She was going to see Jack.

Right. Now.

888888

"Hi, Sir."

Jack raised his eyes to look at Carter, standing in his office doorway. Behind her stood Kawalsky, with a hand on her shoulder that looked more forceful then he would have expected. "Carter," he said, a frown on his face. He watched her take a few more forced steps steps into the room Kawalsky's doing but she didn't know that.

Jack just shrugged and motioned for her to take a seat. She looked ragged, there were bags under her eyes and her green BDU's were rumpled; she had most likely slept in them. "You all right Carter?"

"Rough night, Sir," Sam said.

Jack raised an eyebrow but said nothing, now was not a good time to point out that she should have gone home and slept in her bed."Something I can help you with?"

"Before Pete found out about all this," Carter said after a moment. She waved her hand to encompass the SGC. "He kept pushing to know more about me."

Kawalsky took his hands from her shoulders and slipped back to the door, beginning to shut it softly, trying his best to not arouse any more suspicion or make any interruptions. Jack was touched by this odd gesture of friendship.

Carter didn't notice the lack of pressure on her back and she didn't notice Jack's shifting gaze because she was staring down at her freshly manicured fingers. "He wanted to know about my family, my friends, my work." How did she keep her hands so soft? With the gun shooting, and the playing with doohickeys, it boggled his mind that she could keep a French manicure. And when did she have the time to go get one anyway? "Pete didn't believe me when I said I studied Deep Space Radar Telemetry." She smiled and finally looked up at him.

"As was evident when he stalked you," he pointed out.

"Yes, sir." But his rather harsh interruption had made her lose her momentum and she fell silent. Kawalsky was still taking his time, inching the door shut and was looking for the best way to actually close it. It took several rather long minutes until Carter began to speak again and when she did it was hesitant. "The first night that Pete and I – "

Jack didn't want to hear the rest of the sentence. He really did not want to hear that Pete had… Don't. Even. Go. There. Closing his eyes, Jack braced himself for the rest of the sentence when a loud bang interrupted them. Carter turned to face the now closed door in surprise. Jack silently praised Kawalsky's wonderful timing. He'd have to look into giving him a medal.

"Sir?" Carter asked as she turned around, the surprise clear on her face. Jack loved it when she was confused.

"The wind?" Jack suggested.

"There is no wind down here, Sir."

He only raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "You were saying, Carter?"

She glanced at the door one more time and Jack could see the wheels in her brain turn, searching for some plausible explanation for the closing door. "Right, well, I once described to Pete my 'dream house' in an attempt to make him feel like we were connecting. I told him I wanted something small set apart from civilization just enough so that when I looked out the window I couldn't see the house next to me. I wanted a deck and a back yard large enough for a dog."

Jack leaned back into his chair; this house was starting to sound familiar. "I always figured you for a cat person."

She smirked. "I am sir. But you know, dogs aren't all bad, I could have both. If it were a large dog maybe; a retriever or a lab, nothing small and yippy."

"And did Pete find this dream house?" Jack pushed in a knowing tone.

"The kitchen wasn't yellow."

Oh yeah, he knew where she was going with this. And usually this is where he would stop her. A simple 'Carter' and she would pause just long enough for him to say 'I know.' And once again it would be all locked up; shut behind doors that both of them wanted so desperately to open but neither could see how.

But this time Sam wasn't going to give him a chance to cut her off. She took a couple of forceful steps towards his desk. "Sir, the truth is Pete could have never found the right house because it wasn't the house that was the dream."

Jack stood up, doing his best to look intimidating. He had to stop this before she did something she was going to regret. "Carter."

"No, sir," she replied just as fervently. "Just let me say it."

"Colonel Carter, I am your commanding officer and – "

"And I don't care," she yelled. Her outburst was enough to make them both pause. She looked surprised at herself and Jack couldn't help but stare. He had seen this side of Carter a few times before but it still amazed him. It was so unlike her. Her voice grew softer, "You think I don't know that? It's a problem I've had to deal with for eight years."

"Once you say it, Sam, you can't take it back," Jack said softly. "Once it's out there, you have to live with the consequences."

"I know, sir," she whispered. "But I need to say it, I need to know." She took a deep breath and clasped her hands together. Unless he was seeing things, she was actually shaking.

"Don't give up your career for this, Carter." Jack could feel his world come crashing down around him. There was bile in his throat and something dead in his chest. He wanted to hear it. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her, to hold her in his arms and never let go. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't and wouldn't ruin her career. He loved her too much.

Carter's head jerked up and an ironic smile came to her face. "Because you don't feel anything for me?"

"Carter."

"I'd give you up right now, sir, if I knew."

"That easy, huh?"

Jack could see the pain in her eyes and knew that his were mirror images.

"It'd be the hardest thing I ever did."

Jack dropped his head, shaking it slightly and came around the desk. When he looked back up at Carter, he saw her eyes were lined with tears. "This is all theoretical anyway," he said angrily. "You're getting married in two months."

"And you're seeing Kerry Johnson," she said. The silence that greeted that statement was deafening. Jack wished he had something to say but for once his bright wit had left him. Then Sam said softly, "I broke off the engagement."

Jack said nothing. He still had nothing that would be quite, well, appropriate to say.

"And the fact is, sir," Carter continued, "the reason I broke up with Pete was because I couldn't do it. I couldn't live my life content, knowing that maybe if I had just told you that I –"

"Carter, shut up," Jack said.

He didn't have anything to say.

But he did have something he wanted to do. He had always been better with actions then words, anyways.

Jack brought his hands up to cup her face, letting his fingers wind themselves into her blonde hair. And as he kissed her, Jack realized that this was right in a way that none of his other stolen moments had been. This wasn't a time loop, or an alternate reality.

This was Sam.

His Sam.