Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi

I looked around my empty room. Everything was gone. There was only carpet. Everyone was upstairs. Everyone included JT, Liberty, Toby, and Sean. Jay didn't show. I haven't talked to him since that night. We said our good byes. Well I said good bye and he left. I knew at the very moment he crawled out of the window that it was over. It never really began though. I snapped a picture of the empty room and walked upstairs hot tears streaming down my face. I hugged all of my friends and walked outside to put my bag in the car. An orange civic was parked at the curb. I looked back at my parents they nodded. I got into the car silently. On the radio Listen to Your Heart by DHT was playing.

"I thought you didn't like me anymore I mean you didn't say anything and you didn't call."

"I wasn't aware your phone broke and you forgot how to speak."

"You left without a word I didn't want to say something and have you ignore me again."

"I wasn't ignoring you I didn't want to say good bye."

We were nearing my house again.

"Well say it now."

"No."

The car stopped and I got out waving to him as I got into the back of the car with Manny. I waved to all my friends. Manny shouted out another good bye to Sean and I felt like a knife had been shoved right through my heart then twisted until even the handle was bloody. As we sped out of the town I had lived in my entire life I thought I'd cry maybe even scream but as soon as the house the orange civic and my friends were out of site the knife was taken out and left just a hole. I felt absolutely numb and it was scary as hell. Not once have I ever felt as empty as I do right now.

I know how those widows feel. I used to think it was utterly ridiculous that those women would wait for their husbands to magically reappear. They weren't crazy or delusional they were hanging on to one tiny shred of hope. Not to escape sadness they were sad they were so sad they often died or starved they did it to escape emptiness. They wanted to hold onto the thought of their husbands coming home just so they did have that terrifying hole in their heart. They wanted to feel.

Manny started texting Sean. She would smile. I couldn't smile. Then she would laugh. I couldn't laugh. She would frown. I couldn't frown. She would cry. I couldn't cry. I saw myself in the rearview mirror. My expression was completely indifferent. My eyes looked blank and bloodshot. There were dried tears on my face. Listen to Your Heart started playing on the radio. I looked at the display. It wasn't even the same radio station. We pulled into the parking lot of the airport. We walked in. That song that I was beginning to hate was playing again. Suddenly hat empty feeling was so great I thought for sure my heart had vanished. I don't even think I had a pulse.

"I can't" I stopped as we walked to security "I can't I'm sorry."

I ran out. In the drop off/pick up lane there was a burnt orange civic. I was sure it wasn't his. It couldn't be. The owner of the car opened the door and walked in front of it. There he was backwards baseball cap sunglasses and all. I ran towards him. I threw my arms around his neck and he lifted me off the ground as my lips crashed into his. The song I no longer hated was playing in the background.

"I love you" he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too." Suddenly I was smiling laughing and crying all at the same time. My feet touched the floor and the arms that had at some point wrapped around my waist fell. I turned around. Mom was standing there carrying Jack with Manny to her right and dad to her left. Manny had the weirdest proudest grin on her face. Dad was fuming. Mom was just smiling politely as always. Jack was sleeping with a goofy baby grin on his face.

"Mr. and Mrs. Simpson Manny" Jay nodded towards them.

"Hello Jason" dad said curtly.

"Emma we're going to miss our plane if we don't hurry" mom said.

I nodded and turned back towards Jay.

"Bye Jay."

"See ya Emma Greenpeace."

I shook my head and smiled as he smirked.

"I love you" he said barely loud enough for the others to hear. Manny squealed quietly.

"I love you too" she squealed a little louder.

I walked into the airport. The song was no longer playing. The empty feeling hadn't returned. For that I was thankful. Instead I had so many emotions I thought I'd burst. It was wonderful until one emotion took over. Sadness. I may have found the one person I will ever truly love. Most people search their whole lives for that. Some never find it. I found it at a young age and had to leave it.

The in-flight movie was as always a lame old movie. Little kids watched intently for all of about five minutes until they started getting antsy. This included Jack. Manny was talking to Sean. I started crying as Toronto was mentioned by someone in the seat in front of us. My mind instantly went to that weekend. That was possibly the best few days I've ever had. Manny hung up with Sean and started trying to comfort me.

"Manny I know you're only trying to help but I just need to be left alone for awhile ok."

She nodded. A stewardess walked to our seat.

"Emma Nelson?"

I nodded.

She handed me a package.

"A young man who wishes to remain anonymous asked me to give this to you as we crossed the border."

"Thank you" I smiled knowing exactly who the young man was.

I opened the box. There was an envelope marked:

Read After You Look.

I handed it to Manny and she held it as I looked through the box. There was one of my anti-violence ribbons. There was a candle that was from the trailer in the ravine. There was a copy of the sheet we had to fill out the first day. A cup from the Dot was sitting in there. There was the New Yorker that he was reading in there. There was a new copy of Britney Spear's first CD. There was Barry Manalow poster that was still in the wrapper. There was a tube of the lip gloss I was wearing that weekend in Toronto. The ticket stub was in there too. That was it there was no more. Manny handed me the envelope. I opened and pulled out the letter inside it.

Emma

If I didn't have the nerve to say it already I love you. I had originally made this box to remember you. It was my mom's idea. I realized as I was killing myself trying to get things to put in there that I would always remember you. I had no one else to remember. You were the only thing that was ever on my mind. You on the other hand I wasn't so sure about. So I decided to give this box to you.

- Jay

Tears were now flowing down my face. The same stewardess handed me a box of tissues.

"You are so lucky" she smiled.

I smiled back. Manny put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.

"It'll be ok long distance relationships are twice as fun" she tried very hard.

"Thanks Manny."

"He was pretty cute" the stewardess said.

"Too bad that's the last time I'll see him."

"Get a webcam."

"She can't" Manny said

"Why?"

"A few years ago I started talking to this guy online and I went to go meet him and he wasn't who he said he was. My parents are a little over protective now."

"That's terrible."

I nodded.

"I better keep going I'm going to get in trouble" she kept walking.

I switched places with Manny and just stared out the window.

-----------------------------------

Jay's POV

I drove back to my house in silence. I walked straight to my room and sat there. My mom came in and sat next to me. I didn't cry I wasn't the crying type no matter how much I had changed. I through a pillow at my wall. It fell to the floor. I didn't say anything to my mom. She was crying. She and my dad had finally decided to call it quits. His girlfriend was pregnant. She knew it was coming. She's known it was coming for a long time now. I couldn't even feel bad for her I was so busy missing Emma. I couldn't even bring myself to care about their divorce.

"Did you go to the airport?"

I nodded.

"Did you make it?"

I nodded.

"Did you give it to someone?"

I nodded.

"Good."

"I saw her."

"You did."

"Yea she ran out right when I got back into the car."

"Was she ok?"

I nodded.

"Good."

"I told her I loved her."

"What did she say?"

"She said she loved me too."

"Did she say good bye?"

I nodded.

"Did you?"

I shook my head.

"Jason..."

"Don't just don't I couldn't I'm not good with good byes."

"You may never see her again."

"You think I don't know that" I stood up "you think it didn't kill me to even hear her say good bye. You think I didn't try so hard to bring myself to tell her good bye. You think it didn't take everything in me to stop myself from breaking down right there. You think I wouldn't rather have died than watch her walk away. Every time I saw her after she told me she was leaving I felt like dying." I was actually angry.

She looked like she was about to say something but she just walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

I started pounding on the pillow still on my bed. I finally got tired around midnight and just laid there looking at the ceiling. She was probably already there. I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It was a number I didn't recognize with a 407 area code. I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Jay" I heard Emma's sweet voice.

"Emma hey is this your new number?"

"Yea I got the box."

"Oh good I didn't know if you would were you going over the border."

"Yep."

"Good so how's the new place"

"Oh it's great really nice perfect almost."

"Really?"

"Absolutely it's sunny it's warm I live above ground the only thing it's missing is you."

"I better go it's long distance I'll call you later on my cell I just wanted to give you the house number just in case."

"Ok."

"Bye."

I paused. "I'll call you if you forget" I hung up quickly.