O Romeo

Summary: High school play, Romeo and Juliet. Juliet doesn't love Romeo, Tybalt doesn't want to fight Mercutio, and Capulet isn't supposed to die.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or Romeo and Juliet, thank you.

Chapter one.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" Wendy stood up on the makeshift balcony reciting her lines to her Romeo.

"Uh, er, um," Romeo couldn't remember his lines.

"Cut! That's enough practice for today kids," the drama teacher sighed.

"Cartman, you and I need to go over our lines a bit more."

"Why, bitch?" Cartman asked.

"Because," Wendy answered, ignoring the insult. "When your part comes you can never remember your lines. You can remember for other scenes, just not the ones that you do with me. I really think that Kyle should—"

"I'm going to be Romeo!" Cartman protested. Ever since the Oreos, Wendy, ever since the Oreos.

"Alright, alright, but practice your lines." Wendy sighed and walked off.

Standing to the side were Kyle, Stan, and Bebe. "How the hell did Cartman get to play the part of Romeo?"

"I don't know," Bebe said while filing her nails, barely looking at any of them.

"Just get over her, Stan. It would be better for your health," Kyle told his best friend. There is another reason why you should forget her, Stan, he sighed inwardly to himself. How many times have you told me you love her? As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth.

"I know, Kyle, but it's hard," Stan looked down at his feet instead of over at his friend.

Bebe walked over to Wendy and they began their girl gossip that no boy will truly ever understand. Cartman, however, joined Kyle and Stan.

"What do you want, fatass?" Kyle asked as Cartman approached.

"Don't call me a fatass, you fricken Jew!" Cartman retorted. "Just because you're jealous of me doesn't mean you have to be rude."

"I'm not jealous. Stan is!" Kyle protested.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go find Kenny."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Stan asked Cartman as he walked away.

"Because you're both fags and you're boring me."

"Whatever, Cartman." Kyle looked down at Stan's hand. He knew that Stan wasn't gay, but he sure as hell wished he was. He sighed.

"What?" Stan asked.

"Uh, nothing."

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Wendy and Bebe were walking around in the mall and talking about pretty much everything imaginable and then Wendy brought up the play. "So how far along are you on memorizing your lines?"

"Oh, it's so hard. I just can't concentrate. I've been thinking about Kenny McCormick." Bebe answered, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Well, Lady Capulet isn't that hard and what about Kenny?"

"Oh, he's just so hot, ya know?" Bebe looked over at Wendy. From Wendy's expression it didn't seem that she was interested in Kenny.

"No, actually, Kyle Broflovski is way cuter than Kenny," Wendy argued.

"At least Kyle is better than Stan Marsh!" Bebe remarked, remembering a few previous experiences that Wendy'd had with Stan.

"Yeah, you're right. And you know, I told Cartman that maybe Kyle should play as Romeo and he blew up at me about it. It's like Eric is determined or something." Wendy laughed.

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"Kenny, I've been looking for you."

Muffled noises came from the place where Kenny's mouth was supposed to be. "Why me? What is it now, Cartman?"

"Kyle and Stan are fags. Whether they'll admit it or not. They're still fags. The Jew claims that Stan is jealous of my part as Romeo. And there is no one else I can hang with. Well, there is but they all hate me for some reason or another," Cartman sat down on Kenny's bed.

Kenny rolled his eyes. More muffled sounds. Every time he spoke, it was like this, unless he took off his parka, which he rarely did. If he did take it off though, Cartman wasn't there usually. "I wonder why."

"So, you weren't at practice today. You just ditched us, didn't you? Where would a poor piece of crap like you go that could be better than watching me screw up on my lines again?" Cartman snorted, remembering how Kenny and the others had laughed at him when he forgot his lines.

"Capulet doesn't have lines in that scene. What would be the point of me going if I'm not in the scene?"

"Bebe, Kyle, and Stan were there," Cartman was bored. He had nothing better to do then to bug Kenny.

"Alright, fine. I got hit by a truck."

"You've gotta play you're part, Kenny! Capulet doesn't get hit by a truck! Capulet isn't supposed to die!" Cartman yelled at Kenny and when he stopped, he was grinning. "Ya know, that stupid bitch, Wendy, wanted to give my part away to Kyle. But I told her no. I'm not letting her give my part to a Jew! I wanna be with Juliet!"

Kenny sat up on his bed. "You like Wendy? Wow I never thought that Eric Cartman could ever like a girl."

"No!" Cartman shot back. "I most certainly do not like Wendy!" Eric, you know you're lying.

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In case the circle is a bit confusing, let me help. Eric Cartman likes Wendy Testaburger, Wendy, however, likes Kyle Broflovski, Kyle likes Stan Marsh, and Stan likes Wendy. But now how will this all pan out, you ask? Keep reading and find out.