Two weeks after her accident Meredith stood in the scrub-room. She was not even halfway though her forty-eight hour shift; and she was already exhausted. She scrubbed in silently and went into the OR. As a nurse was helping her into her gloves the surgeon performing the surgery came into the OR.

Meredith avoided Addison's gaze as she strolled past, making her way to the table.

"All right, we're doing a basic procedure today, it should be a textbook hysterectomy. Dr. Grey, if you would make the first cut?"

Meredith looked up at her, startled, but accepted the offered scalpel. Addison guided her through the cut in her 'always professional' manner, and then Meredith stepped back. Addison met her eyes for a fraction of a second before going back to the surgery.

The contact between the two of them had been almost nonexistent in the past two weeks, and only once before had Meredith been assigned to one of her cases, the first of which had been non-surgical. She had had several cases with Derek, and he was doing everything she wanted. He was there for her, while keeping his distance. She had been sober for the whole two weeks, and while it was not easy, she was making it.

The meetings helped. The people there did not give her looks as she walked down the hallway, they did not smirk when she was assigned to stitches in the pit for her first week back. They did not shun her when she voiced her wish to have Derek all to herself.

Izzie, George and Cristina were also helping. They didn't know about the AA, but they knew that she was not drinking. On her first day off, Izzie convinced her to go shopping. Two nights ago, Burke, Cristina and George took her to the movies, although watching Cristina and George snap at each other and Burke try to play peacemaker was far more interesting than the film.

Alex, it turned out, was one of the best at cheering her up, seemingly without meaning to. He was at there house a lot, to be with Izzie, and he came in on her more than once sitting in the living room staring morosely at the wall. He did not know all of her problems, like the others did, but he did not have to. He understood.

But she was alone in the OR, with just Addison and the scrub-nurses. She retracted, and cauterized, trying to stay out of Addison's way as much as possible. She sewed up the incision, and she heard a nurse mutter something about her 'recent expertise with sutures', but she ignored it. Their pettiness was there problem, she told herself, willing her mind to believe it.

"Okay, people," Addison said at the end. "We're done here. Take Mrs. Patterson back to her husband."

Meredith wanted to rush to the scrub-room, but that wasn't happening. The knee-brace she now wore would not allow for it. Instead she limped to the door and to the scrub-room, entering it at the same time as Addison. Perfect, she thought, just perfect.

"Dr. Grey," Addison said, cordially.

Meredith nodded, turning on the faucet. As she scrubbed she noticed the scar that had formed on her palm from the cut she had gotten from the glass in the kitchen. It was a reminder, in a more subtle way than her knee.

"Dr. Grey, I've been meaning to speak with you."

Meredith turned to Addison, actually looking her in the eye for the first time in weeks. There were shadows under her eyes that could not be hidden, and her hair did not seem as perfectly coiffed as it once had, but overall she looked more put together than Meredith.

"Yes?" Meredith said, leaning on the sink for support.

Addison ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "I want to apologize for the way I acted towards you that night. It was uncalled for. You did not make our marriage fall apart, not really. I was too harsh, and O'Malley was right to put me in my place."

Meredith was shocked at first, but then she realized. This was Addison; she was blunt, but not cruel, not like she had been that day. "Um, okay," she said, nodding in a way that reminded her, in the back of her mind, of a bobble-head doll. "Thank you."

Addison turned to leave, but Meredith called after her.

"Dr. Shepard? I am sorry, that it had to happen this way."

Addison turned back, and lowered her eyes. "I know; me too."

Meredith stood there for a few moments, thinking over what had just happened. Addison was right, Meredith was not the sole reason for the end of their marriage, and she was thinking too much of herself if she thought that. It had been falling apart since long before Meredith came into the picture.

Armed with that knowledge she went out onto the OR floor, using all the confidence she processed to hold her head up.

"Grey!" Dr. Bailey called out, "You all right?"

"Yeah," Meredith said. "I'm good."

Bailey eyed her, dubiously, "Okay. Debby's got the charts I need you to do, and then you can scrub in with me on the Richardson kid's surgery at eleven."

"Okay," Meredith said, turning to go towards the nurses' station, attempting to walk as normally as possible. As soon as she turned the corner, however, she fell into a limp and went first to the locker room to retrieve one of the crutches she still had in there. With this support she went down to the cafeteria to get coffee before going to get the charts. She really wanted a cigarette, and she had not smoked since her senior year of college.

Debby piled the charts in front of her on the desk and Meredith stared at them. Coffee, crutch and charts. Two hands. It did not add up. She stared forlornly at her coffee and was about to throw it in the trash can when someone came up behind her.

"Allow me," Derek said, taking the charts. "Where to?"

Meredith smiled at him. "You don't have to. I can manage…. Somehow."

"Yes, that's true, or you could let me help you and you can manage, definitely." She could not really argue with that logic, so she started towards the basement clubhouse where the interns did their charts. "So, how's it going?" he asked, pushing the elevator button.

"Good." She said, balancing to attempt to push her hair out of her face. He reached over and did it for her, and she felt her blood go hot. "I'm doing good; I have to wear the brace for a few more weeks, but Dr. Torres said I should be okay after that."

"Oh?" Derek asked, as they went into the elevator.

"Yeah," she said, taking a breath. "And after that--."

The doors opened again, and Dr. Webber came on. "Ah, hello Shepard. Grey. How're you holding up, Grey?"

"I'm okay," she said, and then bit the inside of her cheek, hoping he would not say anything.

"Steven Tran told me when I saw him last week that you're really making progress at the meetings."

Shit.

"Yeah. Um…. It's good. Oh, Dr. Shepard, here we are."

She got off of the elevator as fast as she could without falling over her own crutch.

"Meredith? What was Richard talking about?" Derek asked, as he followed her down the hall.

"I… um…." She stopped. "Okay. Relationship equals honesty, right?"

"Right…" he said, looking at her curiously.

"Okay. Come on. I need to sit down, and I'll tell you." She went quickly to the gurneys and pushed herself up on one, pulling her leg up and stretching it out in front of her. Derek stood in front of her, placing the charts within reach.

"Meredith, what is it?"

Meredith bit her lip, and then took his hand. "I'm…. I'm in the AA, Derek. Dr. Webber and Adele, they're helping me. I've been sober since that night. Now I know you like the dancing with the tequila, and the surprise bottles of wine and--."

She was cut off by his lips meeting hers. It was a short kiss, and it was obvious that he was not going to try and go further just then. It was gentle. "Meredith," he murmured. "I'm proud of you."

"Seriously?" she said, relief washing over her and making her weak.

"Seriously," he assured her. "If the AA is going to help you be happy, that's all I care about. I want you to be happy." She raised an eyebrow, thinking of Finn, and he seemed to read her mind. "Okay, I want you to be happy with me. You did say relationship?"

"There we go, and yeah, I did. Not yet. But soon," she said. "Now shoo, I have charts to do if I want to scrub in again today."

He laughed, and kissed her again, before going back to the elevator. She watched him until she could no longer see him, and pulled a chart onto her lap. It was only then that she remembered her coffee, which had gone cold.

She scowled at it and placed it on the floor just as Cristina came around the corner. "You're in the AA?" she said, and Meredith dropped the chart she was holding, it slid to the floor.

"Were you listening?" she asked, incredulously as she attempted to get the chart without falling face first onto the floor. Cristina grabbed it for her and shrugged.

"Not really, these halls echo, you know." She sat on the other gurney and opened her bag of corn-chips.

"Yeah. Well. I am. Is that a problem?"

"No. I told you, there are people to help. I just thought…."

Meredith began filling in a patient's information. "You just thought what?" she asked, still annoyed that Cristina had been eavesdropping on her and Derek.

Cristina shrugged. "I just thought you would have told us. Seriously, I'm doing the supportive-friend thing here; you can at least give me information."

"I didn't want you guys to…. I don't know…. Think that I was taking the easy way out."

"Meredith? Any way out for you right now isn't going to be easy."

Meredith slid off of the gurney and gathered the charts in one arm, leaving her coffee for dead and began to hobble to the elevator.

"Meredith? Meredith, what is it?" Cristina called, and then began to run after her. Tears started coursing down Meredith's cheeks, and she began attempting to move faster, and in doing this she dropped the charts.

She slid down against a vending machine, with papers fluttering to the ground all around her. Cristina knelt next to her.

"Mer? What's up? What'd I say? I'm working on the whole: 'I can never say the right thing' problem."

"It's not you, Cristina. It's just that, you're right. That I'm trying as hard as I can and I'm still hurting. That he's so perfect and I want him, but I know that I need to get myself together first. I've always been impatient," she smirked through her tears.

Cristina sat down next to her. "Well, I'm not Izzie or George, so I'm no good at the comforting thing, but I happen to think that you're doing as well as you can. So I'll help you straighten out these charts and you go doctor. Take the rest as it comes."

Meredith nodded and wiped her eyes. "Okay. Thanks. You're right."

Cristina picked up the charts and helped Meredith to her feet.

"Thanks. And that 'take the rest as it comes' part? I got that from Burke, last week. I told him that he sounded like a fortune cookie."

Meredith snorted back laughter. "If you weren't Cristina I'd hug you right now," she teased.

"But I am Cristina."

"So I won't."

They both laughed and Meredith headed towards the elevator, feeling rather satisfied.

Hour forty-six found Meredith sitting on the floor outside of a patient's room. The patient had asked to have some time alone with her husband before Meredith took her to pre-op and Meredith had obliged, taking the opportunity to rest. She was not expecting Derek to come and sit next to her.

"Doing okay?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Yeah. I'm managing. I slept. Some. Anyway, it helped."

"No crutch," he noted.

"No crutch," she agreed, smiling.

"So, about that word you used earlier," he said, sipping on cup of coffee.

"What word?" she asked, her heart fluttering.

"Starts with a 're' and ends with a 'lationship'," he teased, and she found herself relaxing despite herself. This was the Derek she knew. This was not the man who she had fought with weeks before, this was her McDreamy.

"Ah, that one," she said, exhaling slowly. "Soon. I want to…. But you're still…." She looked up towards the ceiling and turned back to him. "How about this? We'll date. Like normal people. We were just starting that, remember? Remember the rules discussion?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I do."

"Okay. So, soon, we'll start again. With rules. Rules that mean informing me if you have any other wives, or children, or cows hidden away somewhere."

He laughed. "Sounds like a plan. But Meredith? I don't want to wait forever. I want you, I love you. I want an us."

"Me too," she assured him. "I just need—"

"Time. I know."

At that moment the door opened and the patient's husband came out. Meredith let Derek stand and pull her to her feet before she went in.

That night she left the hospital and did not go straight home, she went to Joe's. She knew that she should not be anywhere near the place, but she had been there before without drinking.

"Meredith?" Joe said. "From what I've heard, you shouldn't be here."

"I'm not," she blurted. "I mean, I am, it's just…. Look I'm standing all the way over here." She stood by the door, leaning against a wall. "I just have to ask you, because you're Joe and you know things. Am I being stupid? To agree to a relationship?"

Joe did not have to ask with who or why, and that was one of the things she loved about him. He knew everything. "I don't think so," he said. "I think that it may be one of the least stupid things that you've done upon leaving my bar, actually, hooking up with Derek Shepard."

Meredith smiled and nodded. "Okay. Good. Thanks Joe."

"Not a problem. But Meredith, the next time? You can pick up a phone or something, don't torture yourself."

"Gotcha," she said, turning to the door. When she turned around the person she saw in front of her made her breath catch in her throat. "Josh," she said, as her heart began to beat frantically in her chest.

A/N Review!

yeah, I know, bad for her to be at Joe's, but the scene just happened there. This story very much just came to me, moreso than I Wish I May...

Speaking of which, this only has a couple more chapters and after that the sequel to I Wish I May will commence. I already have the first couple chapters written :D