I am unsure how I feel about this chapter and the time jump, but I needed to move the story along. I have grown to love this story and the characters, and I have lots more drama planned and a dash of whumpage, as nothing can be easy for these two.

Please let me know what you think; I may rewrite this chapter down the road when I can place my finger on what seems off with the beginning.

Thank you for reading! I love reading all your comments. :)

Chapter 24

*3 weeks and a whole lot of grumpy SEALS later*

The team started to get antsy as they all waited on the plane hovering near the ramp to be released from their deployment and step foot home finally.

"The Bulkhead?" Sonny asked as he looked around, assessing everyone's faces.

"Sorry, man, I am heading home to hug my babies and see Naima." Ray smiles as he claps his hands together and starts rubbing them back and forth in anticipation.

"I'm in; the kids are still out of town." Jason nodded with a grin.

"Sorry, I have to pick up Cerb and get him his shots." Brock huffed.

"I'll try and stop by after I fill up my medical bags; I told Davis I'd to have her order in by the end of the week," Trent grumbled as he looked at Liz and Clay, who sat along the bench together but had an abnormally large gap between them. Normally there was some body part of theirs touching or gravitating toward each other. "Some people used most of my supplies the past few months."

"Wonder twins?" Sonny shot his glance toward the two guilty faces.

They have been on edge the last few weeks. Liz was just now cleared to come off bed rest to return home, or at least her version of modified bed rest as she fought Trent along the way daily. After her injuries, she and Clay went into an awkward phase and the team was not sure what happened. Davis was helping her more, and Clay seemed to lurk in the shadows and not step up when Davis was not around. Something happened to them, and they were determined to find out what. The last proper interaction they had was at breakfast, and then when Jason returned from helping Liz get back to bed, she started to give him the cold shoulder. Her best friend was left out in the cold; right after, it seemed they were warming up past comfortable and landing on hot. Jason had a pin of guilt in his chest; he was the cause of this and may have scared Liz with his conversation. He knew she was like a scared animal; once freaked out or backed into a corner, she bared her teeth and shut out everyone, shut off all personal emotion and only showed her fight or flight reflexes.

Unfortunately, every time he tried to talk to her, the team would be in training or out on an op, leaving her behind to stew in her misery and grow all negative thoughts. With this, Clay tried to shake off his feelings and known misery of being shunned by Liz. He emerged himself into all the op details and tried to help out more in Command, staying away. He would not show it, but his heart shattered a little when he witnessed her ice for the first time when they came back from breakfast and the gym, and he tried to check on her before he slipped into her shower before the rest of the team.

"I'm in; I need to blow off some steam," Clay murmured and got up to high-five Sonny.

"Yeah, I could use a drink." Liz smiled as she followed the boys and Davis towards the ramp, slowly lowering.

As the team slowly made their way down the ramp, Davis pulled Liz aside and held her back from the rest of the group.

"Ok, I'm saying this as your friend; you have broken that poor boy. I don't know what got into your head, and you keep shutting me. But You have to fix this. Fix him; he is lost without you." Davis egged her on as she tried to look into her eyes and get a glimpse of what was rattling her brain so much that she shit down.

"Lisa, I don't know what to do. I did not do anything but realize the truth. We are on the same team, and what will happen if things don't work out? I can't do that to him or the team."

"Liz, don't you dare say you did nothing; you got scared and are trying to run."

"I am not; I'm being a realist and seeing what is right. No matter what you and Jason say, this cant happen. And even if I tried, as Jason put it, we have permission, I am not worth it. Some people are not meant to love and to be loved, and I am one of those people. I mean, look at me. I have not had it easy, and I do not need any of this drama or any people in my life holding me down, or rather me holding them down. Once something is damaged from their past, there is no coming back from it. Friend or not, this is one time I can not, so no, I won't listen to you." Liz snarled, going defensive again. Tired of feeling guilty for the past three weeks as she pushed everyone aside and would not open up to her or Jason about what was running in her overworked brain no matter how much they nagged. She screwed up and knew there was no going back every time she saw Clay's face sink or his baby blue eyes dull. She had to go forward in her made path and live with the regrets; Clay will move on, he needed to move on, and he deserved better. "My friend would understand this."

Davis sat there fuming as she took in Liz's words and knew the kind approach she was trying was not going to work; it was time for tough love. "As your superior, I am ordering you to put your stupid thoughts aside and sort your shit out. You cannot go on any ops with your heads not in the right place." And with that, Davis shot off the ramp and left Liz to wallow in her guilt. She never took it well when Liz shot herself down repeatedly and needed the tough love to drop the gun. This is not the first time these words have been strung from her mouth, and once or twice there has been a slap to the cheek to snap her back to reality.

…

"To this shitty deployment finally being done. I can't stand to see any more sand for a while." Sonny cheers as Jason, Clay, and Liz join him in raising their beers.

"Heer heer. I'm done with JBad for a loooooong time."Clay winced as he grabbed his side out of reflex where he was shot.

"Amen. Next time we end up there, I'm making sure we pack you two some bubbles. I'm tired of returning home older and older from the crap you two pull." Jason huffed as he shook his head and took a large swig of his beer

Liz sat there quietly, not too sure what to say. She was over everything and everyone right now and was unwilling to let the team in on this fact. She needed time to process everything and figure out the next step. After Davis left her on the ramp, she was in shock and waited until she watched the team all head out in their cars before she walked across the tarmac and jumped into her car. As she sat there digging for her keys in her bag, she could not find them for a while and tried to unlock her phone to call one of the guys to turn around and get her. This was her last straw. Her dam burst open, and everything she held in burst through and drowned her.

Growing up, she was in a rough home and learned how to cope, shove everything deep down, and build up her brick walls containing all the bad and nightmares. But as she grew up and met Jason and was involved in his life and his kids, she noticed the bricks were slowly slipping out and allowing for some cracks. She was scared and tried to patch them back up, but all her childhood drama kept seeping. That was when she met her ex. They were not in love and far from perfect for each other, but she grew to depend on him, and he only let her down time and time again. At first, he helped her rebuild those walls and be comfortable with the patchwork, and then he helped her grow and trust. Well, that was what she thought; in the end, he tied a rope to the patchwork and slowly tugged and tugged until he abandoned her and took the rope with him—crumbling all her built-up walls and exposing her fears. And this was where she hid from all emotions and locked them away as there was no way she would be weak in her eyes as she found her new family with Jason and the team. It took her years to try and rebuild those walls, and she failed time and time again until she finally managed to repair the last hole and was placed on Bravo. Slowly though, the year being their rookie, Clay seeped into her heart and, like her ex, helped her fix all exposed patches and help solidify the glue. But this time, there was one exception, he did not try and attach a string to gain control of her and tease her by creating cracks that only he could fix. This time she fell in love, and it scared her. She was not ready to bring out her brick box of feelings, no matter how much he was chipping away at that structure. The one box she needed to expose as she kept it hidden way too long. And that talk with Jason ended up making a brick slip out and pour out of her heart as her feelings slowly tried to squeeze through the small opening. And that scared her. That was the switch she needed but also dreaded. She knew what she needed to do, but instead, she was flooded with her emotions; she was overwhelmed and turned into a honey badger. Claws and teeth out backed into a corner, and Clay was her victim of her 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. He was the most important thing in her life, and that scared her and made him her prime target, as she needed him to stay away so she could try and glue the walls back together.

But now, sitting at the bar alongside him and seeing the hurt in his eyes every time he glanced across the table, she knew she had made the worst decision in her life. Worse than risking herself for her teammates and getting shot, worse than hiding injuries and almost dying on multiple occasions, and worse than coming between Sonny and his love for Texas.

As the night went on and the boys kept the table's beers full, she slowly retracted her claws, came out of hiding and tried to enjoy herself. Trent managed to stop by with Davis about an hour ago, but Liz was at her end for the evening. She was done trying to fake a smile when all she felt was disgust at herself.

"I think I'll head out and call a cab." Clay fumbled with his phone.

The team knew they should have two weeks off post-deployment, so no one was holding back on their drinks. Well, no one but Liz. After two, she started to feel sick to her stomach. She was not a lightweight but had not been drinking for a while, and hardly eating the past few weeks put a toll on her body, and she felt the alcohol effects. No one on the team was past the point and was drunk or going to make bad decisions. They were all just sitting in a happy state with a slight buzz, knowing they could finally relax.

Just as Clay headed out the door to try and call his cab where he could get a moment of quiet, Liz watched him disappear and shot up from her seat. She grabbed a twenty from her pocket, slammed it on the table, and nodded at Davis as she let out a firm "Boys" to the rest of the table and dashed out towards the parking lot.

As she ran out, trying to do a quick survey of the lot looking for one mop of blonde curls hidden under his hat, she ran right into something that felt like a wall and stumbled back a few steps as solid arms grabbed her arms bracing herself from the embarrassment of her ass meeting pavement.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She started to mumble as she looked up from the ground, and we met with piercing blue orbs. "Clay." She breathed out in relief. She was scared she missed him and needed to get this off her chest as there was no way she would go any longer, not trying to the right her horrible wrongs. The guilt would eat her up inside, and then she knew she would get a scolding from Jason, followed by Trent regarding stress on her healing wounds.

He stood there in front of her, not letting go of her arms but looking very timid and unsure of himself and what side of Liz he would get. He was normally so strong and confident, her rock and she shattered him and made him look like a scared vulnerable child. This look broke Liz's heart as she never saw this flash across his features, and it scared her that this was her doing.

"What are you doing here?" Clay stared before Liz shot up her finger to cut him off.

"Let me get this off my chest. And no interruptions; I need to get this out."

"I am not in the mood to get my head bitten off again." Clay glared at her as he was slowly releasing her arms and about to turn.

"Please?" Liz begged as her eyes welled up, and she grabbed his t-shirt to pull him back to her, holding him close so he would not let go of her.

With that, Clay's glare melted, and he stayed put but still furrowed his brows and held some inkling of his stone composure. With a slight nod of his head, she breathed a small breath of relief, knowing he would listen.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Clay. I was stupid and got scared of what was happening between us. I run when things get real, and with us, I got inside my head and worked myself up to the point that I thought I would lose you. I can't lose you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me; you understand me the most, know everything about me and my past, and never judge me. You were real, and you are my rock. I pushed us away as we became vulnerable, and I am not ready for that." With that, he huffed and stiffened. "At least, that was what I thought. I am not ready to lose my friend. The friend that has been with me through thick and thin. And I messed things up. And it took me to lose you and shove you out of my life to realize I can not be friends with you."

"Liz." Clay started as he stopped himself, thinking of what to say. She broke him, and he was unsure if he was ready to open himself up again for her to crush him when she got scared. Was there any going back to the way things were?

Just as he was about to continue his thoughts, Liz saw his mood change in his eyes. Both were not big on feeling and certainly were not big on talking about them. He was dropping his guard and trying to be vulnerable but was unsure what would happen next. It wasn't easy, and she could tell he was hesitant, and she was losing her confidence and push she built up stewing at the table.

"At least not just friends. I am ready to be vulnerable with you because I…." Liz whispered. "Because I…." She shook her head and tried again. "I…FUCK."

"For fuck sake, just spit it out, Fox." Clay spat as he was getting close to the end of this conversation. He was tired of her antics and getting whiplash. On deployment, she was vulnerable and open with him, and he let himself get closer and break down his guard. And then, when he realized they both had the same feelings and allowed themselves to relax and see what things could be as they both were hurting and needed eachother in every way, she flipped and gave him the cold shoulder. He could keep up, and he did not want to anymore. Yes, she was his best friend and always would be, but right now, he was trying to mend a broken heart and put his claws up and wanted to get away from her and the mess that was created. To go home and not see her, not talk to her and be able to be by himself and wallow and hide in a corner and lick his wounds in peace away from the team and not put up a façade that he was ok. He was hurting, and the one that broke him was the only one that could fix him, but he was not ready to let her if she was willing to try.

Liz just stood there, all confidence lost, as she saw his eyes go from a dull blue with sadness to a bold blue as he was not angry.

"Ok, that's what I thought. Things will never change. I'm sorry, but I'm over trying and need some time." Clay grunted as he grabbed her hand from his shirt, peeled it off, and started to turn and walk into the parking lot.

"Clay, please," Liz begged as a tear escaped her eye and trickled down her cheek. Clay did not stop. "CLAY." And with that, he winced and stopped in his tracks but did not turn around.

He stood there frozen in time, wanting to leave. And Liz stood there frozen, scared of what she would say next.

"I love you." It was a whisper almost impossible to be picked up, but Clay was overly intuned to his senses; being a sniper, he could hear the faintest noises and see the most minor movements; it was a bit scary.

His guard shattered, and his heart ached as he blinked at her trying to focus on the three words he had just heard. With that, Clay spun around and froze, looking at her. He saw her almost crumble as the final walls shattered inside her at those three words that haunted her.

After an agonizing moment that Liz thought she would survive as neither of them said a word and stared into each other's pleading and scared eyes, Clay took one small step towards her. Hesitant. Unsure he would scare her away. When she did not move, he closed the gap with three significant steps, and within moments his hands cupped her head as he crashed his lips onto hers feeling her melt into him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer while she kissed him back with hunger both of them kept tamed waiting for this moment for far too long.