A/N : I know I'm probably driving you guys crazy with the almost-Spuffy, but hey, it's just my style. I have a plan, and in the end there will be happy Spuffyness, you just gotta ride out the waves a while longer!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 14

"Yo, Spike, where the hell you been, man!" Faith called from the back of stage when the bleached blond finally got into the club a half hour late for rehearsals.

Spike didn't say a word as he strode over to the stage and hopped up onto it, plugging his guitar into the amp and checking the levels. Like he was running on automatic he started playing 'Welcome to the Hellmouth' and the rest of the band just looked at each other for a moment before joining in. They all knew Spike well enough to realise this was one of his bad days and he was not to be messed with. They'd just play what he wanted to play, not ask too many questions and he'd get over it given time, he always did. Even Dru hadn't knocked him back for long.

Spike wasn't up to talking and was glad his friends realised that. Though Doyle had told him to get over it and he'd told himself the same thing, Spike found it wasn't quite as easy as all that. The one thing that helped dull the pain some was his music. If anything could overwhelm his senses enough to lock out most other feelings it was playing his guitar and singing as he loved to do.

They played the whole of their regular set without stopping, minus Lovers Walk which Spike skipped over without a word. He didn't want to think about that particular composition anymore. It no longer reminded him of happy times with Dru but painful ones with Buffy. He loved her, and yet hated her at the same time. He didn't know how it was possible, even with Drusilla the two emotions had never been so overwhelmingly intense and at the very same moment. He closed his eyes and pushed her out of his mind as much as possible as they played on.

It was half way through the final song that something caught his attention. Spike had opened his eyes again, but wished he hadn't when he saw Buffy and Angel enter the building, arm in arm and laughing at some joke or other. The sight of them made him wince and his fingers tied in knots of their own accord, ruining the song he was attempting to play. Xander, Oz, and Faith spotted his problem and one by one also stopped playing.

"Oh" Buffy looked stunned to see them, shock turning to pain and guilt as her eyes fixed on Spike. He looked away quickly, unable to bear it.

"Why are you here?" Angel asked any member of the band that cared to answer, "Your practice time was over at least a half hour ago" he pointed out.

"Spike was late" Faith told him, "Didn't think it'd matter much"

"It's fine" Buffy told her, ushering Angel towards the staff door, "We'll just be in my office..." she trailed off as Angel went through the door and she made to follow, stopping to glance at Spike open more time, but he still wouldn't or couldn't look at her.

"Like we need her permission to be here" Faith snarled, only to have Xander reprimand her with a look and a tilt of the head towards Spike. Now was not the time for opinions about Buffy, especially when they didn't know exactly what had happened between her and their bleached blond friend.

"Right then" Spike ground out, crouching down by his guitar case and pulling out some papers. It was the first two words he'd uttered all afternoon and caught the other band members a little off-guard.

"New song?" Oz enquired as a page was thrust into his hand. Spike didn't replay, just handed a copy each to Faith and Xander who eyed the arrangement appreciatively.

"No lyric?" the drummer frowned slightly and Spike smirked at her.

"Not on paper" he told her cryptically, adjusting his guitar and looking to the girl to count them in. She did so with a shrug and the band made their first attempt at the new song Spike had composed just last night.

'Tell me what you really think
'Cos I don't believe a word you say
Tell me why you think it's right
How you can call this thing okay

It isn't love, that's what you said
But does that make it true?
Wish you had a slight idea
Of what I feel for you!

Smashed and Wrecked, my life's in pieces
Save me from this prison cell
No-one warned me how you'd treat me
Didn't want this kind of hell

Smashed and Wrecked, my life's in pieces
Torment hits me from all sides
No way up, I fall down deeper
Drowning in a hopeless tide

Didn't want to feel this way
Tried to stop it, tried to fight
Want to cut you out of my heart
Never felt so bad inside

Did you know just what you'd do
When you played around with me
Wish that you'd have clued me in, girl
Warned me just how it would be

Smashed and Wrecked, my life's in pieces
Save me from this prison cell
No-one warned me how you'd treat me
Didn't want this kind of hell

Smashed and Wrecked, my life's in pieces
Torment hits me from all sides
No way up, I fall down deeper
Drowning in a hopeless tide'

The band shared looks amongst themselves as the song went on. There was no doubt their friend had been used and hurt by a woman, and given the way they behaved around each other before it was likely to be Buffy. She seemed to be super-glued to Angel when he was around and yet the tension between her and Spike was always going to cause an explosion eventually. Seemed it'd happened, and now she was pushing him away whilst Spike had fallen deeper than he ought to have done, just like he had with Drusilla. She was the only other woman he'd ever been in love with and after she hurt him so badly, he swore never to let another into his heart. Now it was looking as if Buffy had found her way in and was less than happy to be there.

Given the mess Spike had been last time with Dru, and the angry music he was already writing because of it, it seemed rough times were ahead.

"We have got to get this office sound-proofed for you" Angel commented as the walls vibrated from the force of the music being practised in the main club, "They call that music? I heard more tuneful stuff coming from broken household appliances"

"It's not so bad" Buffy said absently as she searched in all the desk drawers for some piece of paper she claimed to need, "I mean, the customers like it"

"All I can say is they must be semi-deaf" Angel smirked trying to ignore the din coming through the wall as he turned back to Buffy and found her looking almost in tears.

"I can't find it, I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for" she said, slamming drawers frustradely, "Why did I ever come here and try to run this place, I should've known it'd lead to no good"

"Buffy, sweetheart" Angel said, getting hold of her and pulling her round to face him, "It's okay, bad stuff happens but it'll be fine" he assured her with a smile, "I mean, things haven't been great between us lately but we'll work at it, it'll be good again"

"Angel, don't push" she said, wriggling out of his arms and backing up a step. Of course she hadn't told Angel why she really had problems with the club and most especially her office lately. He had no idea that just a couple of days ago she'd been here with Spike, making love on the very desk he was standing by right now. She told herself it wasn't about love, just lust. It was a physical thing, animal attraction, only sex, nothing more. If she told herself that enough times, she could just about believe it. After all, she couldn't be with a guy like Spike. He wasn't from her world, she wasn't from his.

Angel was the type of guy she'd always dated, that she'd planned to marry. He was decent, normal, sensible, her parents liked him, and he was of her social standing and class for want of a better word. Spike was just something she'd done, and she was over it now. Her parents, her friends, nobody would understand if she told them, with the slight exception of Willow who had always been her confidante. Nobody else knew about what she'd done with Spike, and nobody was ever going to. She was back with Angel now and things were going to work out. She wondered though, why she couldn't quite bring herself to put her engagement ring back on yet.

When she'd gone to see Angel, she'd explained she hadn't been herself lately, that she felt different since she got the club, like she was finally growing up and finding herself for the first time. Though she told Angel she loved him and she thought she meant it, she needed time to think, to reassess her life. He'd accepted that for the time being they would take a step back, just go back to dating and not have the pressure of marriage hanging over them. He'd been so understanding, Buffy had cried, and yet she wondered if he liked the plan so much because she was giving him what he wanted. Didn't his agreeing to her suggestions so easily just prove he didn't care much about their relationship either, or did it mean he loved her enough to go with whatever she wanted? Buffy didn't know anymore, she just wished she did.

"Buffy, I still love, you know that" Angel was saying when the blonde tuned back into her surroundings, "I know things have been rough, you've been under stress and I haven't been there for you like I should but... I'm really hoping things can be good between us again"

"Me too" Buffy nodded, though she was conflicted even on her two word answer, unsure if she meant that or not.

"I know you're not ready to wear your engagement ring right now but... well, I got you this" Angel said, pulling a small velvet box from his pocket and handing it to her, "I hope it's okay"

Tentatively, Buffy opened the box and gasped at the ring that was inside. The gold band had tiny diamonds set all the way around it in a complete circle.

"The circle has no beginning or end" Angel told her, "Like my love for you. It means I'll love you for eternity" he explained as a new wave of guilt washed over Buffy and she felt sick, "Will you wear it?" her boyfriend asked her and the words stuck in her throat. Buffy merely nodded, not knowing what else to do as Angel took the ring from the box and slid it onto her finger.

As she fought the urge to burst into tears, he pulled her into a hug and then kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you, Buffy" he promised her, "No matter what else happens or doesn't, that's always true"

"I know" she forced out the words, nodding and causing two tears to roll down her cheeks. She hastily wiped them away and fought to regain her composure, though Angel noticed he never did say she loved him too.

"I have stuff to do here, Angel" she said after a moment, sitting down on the chair by the desk, "You don't have to wait for me, I could be a while"

"Okay, message received and understood" he nodded knowing that meant she needed space right now.

With a promise to call her, he finally left and Buffy let the flood gates open. She cried like a child, feeling so lost and confused about everything. She'd cheated on Angel, he might have cheated on her, but two wrongs don't make a right, and then there was Spike to consider. She'd hurt him too, she knew she had and she wanted to make it right, but she didn't know how, and so she just cried.

It was an hour til the club was due to open. After the band had finished practising, Spike had gone home and come back with Doyle and Cordelia to get the bar ready, and take the stools down off the tables, and so forth. Buffy was locked away in her office still, long since done crying but still not really able to face doing any work. She'd heard the door slam behind the band when they left, the fact that the office had stopped shaking had given away that practice was over anyway.

The poor young woman had only noticed quite how long she'd sat staring at the same spot, going over everything in her head, until the door slammed again and voices could be heard. Spike, Doyle, and Cordelia, plus some other staff filtered in one and two at a time to set up her club for opening. She'd have to go out there and face everybody, she knew that, and that wasn't really so difficult. The only hardship would be facing Spike. The last time they'd been in the same room alone together they'd got as close as two human beings could and then she'd shut him down right when he'd told her his true feelings, that he loved her.

Buffy told herself he was mistaken, that he'd got caught up in the moment, and he couldn't really feel that way about her. She certainly didn't love him, of course she didn't, she never could.

All these thoughts were still spinning through her head as she tried to concentrate on her well practised little speech she'd planned, the words she'd say to Spike that would make everything okay again. She knew she was a fool to believe it would be so easy, but she had to, the alternative was to go completely crazy.

Spike was behind the bar when she emerged through the Staff Only door into the main club.

Doyle and Cordy were across the other side of the room, laughing and messing around. Buffy smiled at the sight of them getting on so well. They made a very cute couple.

"Love's young dream, eh?" Spike sneered as he looked up at them, "Bloody idiots. Doesn't he realise she'll just stomp all over his feelings? 'S what these bitches do"

"Spike" Buffy sighed as she walked over to him, "We kinda have to talk" she said, glad the rest of the staff seemed to be otherwhere and not within earshot of this conversation.

"Why's that then, luv?" he said coldly as he continued to put bottles of various mixers onto the shelves behind the bar, "Thought you'd said all there was to say"

"Things got said, Spike" Buffy said awkwardly, "things happened and we can't just... It was a mistake" she forced out eventually, unable to look at him, which was probably a good thing since Spike knew he couldn't face her properly either, it was why he continued to work keeping his back to her and his face out of her view as she spoke.

"Mistake, right, whatever you say, pet" he said, almost managing to sound nonchalant, with just a hint of pain shining through that Buffy tried to ignore.

"It would never work between us, we don't have anything... It was just a thing, and it happened, and now it's done" she went on to say, not at all how she'd planed to but all the carefully organised words got terribly jumbled or disappeared completely the moment she'd laid eyes on Spike.

"You finished yet, luv, cos I'm sort of busy here" he told her, still not daring to look at her for fear he'd do something stupid, like confess his love all over again and try to kiss her, or maybe just cry like a baby, which is what he felt like doing most right now. To his credit, he covered his emotional turmoil terribly well.

"I just... Spike, please, I want us to be friends, like before" she said desperately, realising that her hand on his arm had been a big mistake as he looked at her and she rocked drowning in his deep blue eyes, just like she had once before.

"Friends?" Spike smirked, though there was pain in his eyes he pulled his arm out of her reach and pushed past her, "We were never friends before, luv. Sure as hell can't be now" he told her as he walked away from her, tears in his eyes that he was determined nobody would see.

To Be Continued...