ruby moon

nakuruakizuki'spov.

Warning: melancholic theme. OOCness (because Nakuru is melancholy here. So it's pretty OOC, based on what she is usually portrayed as in the series, but to me, I doubt even the happiest person like Nakuru can stay happy for ever, and I don't regard characters as mono-dimensional all the time. (: )

ONESHOT. Nakuru is left to ask herself who is she truly indeed, as she ponders on the intricate details of her life as a guardian, and a person.

Recently, when Kizuka-sensei asked the class to write an English essay about our family (she claimed it was a very easy topic, since we were supposed to have alot to say about where we grew up in, and listing our favorite people down), I didn't know what to write about, because, firstly, I didn't want to make up a whole tale of a perfect family with a long legacy of generations down the line, and secondly, if I wrote about what I really regarded as my family now, it would only cause Kizuka-sensei to show my essay to her colleagues, and have them laugh at me for having such an overactive imagination.

I ended up having to do detention classes, because I eventually owed her the piece of homework for months, and still am doing so. It makes me wonder who I really am, and where I grew up in. I don't have any memory before Eriol-sama made me. I'm like those rabbits who bounce out of a wizard's hat when they use the magic wand and say POOF, and is created this way for the purpose of serving another.

Not like I mind, really. Serving Eriol-sama has become a happy obligation on my part, and has been one of the best memories to date so far. He's extremely nice to me, no matter how many people deem him as a schizophrenic (being a two-faced personality, a scheming Cheshire cat on one, and a quiet, sophiscated side on the other) or a child prodigy that shuns society with his well-polished talents.

I've been with Eriol-sama for about five years now, and I'm learning more and more about him still as the days pass. Like how he actually is capable of humane possibilities like blushing when Tomoyo-chan's within 100-metre radius. Eriol-sama has his own cute, kawaii ways, albeit only showing them at very rare times. He likes to tease me and Suppi-chan alot, and sometimes messes up the kitchen on purpose just to see me mad.

And Spinel Sun a.k.a. Suppi-chan, is a bundle of joy to me, no matter how I always end up in a catfight (literally) with him. I like to feed him with sugarcubes unknownst to him, and then see him get high. It's one of the better moments of my life, because he simply makes me laugh. Without Suppi-chan around, life would be dull, and I would be sad.

Eriol-sama and Suppi-chan has become the only people in my family now, and they're my favorite persons in my life, because they're all I ever have. I'm not like Sakura-chan, who is as lucky to have a father who worries with knitted eyebrows when she's tired, or an overprotective, handsome brother who looks out for her when she's in trouble or needs help. She has a wonderful best friend who aids her in everything, and a mother who watches over her even if she's physically incapable of doing so.

Everyone looks out for Sakura-chan, and I do so, too. But sometimes, I wish people would do the same to me. I mean, I may have Eriol-sama and Suppi-chan by my side, but some things aren't the same, and there's always this missing void in me that I can't comprehend, or fill no matter what.

People think I chase boys around for the fun of it, but honestly, I do it, so that it serves as a distraction to the loneliness I feel inside too many a times. I tend to smile and laugh alot, and glomp Touya-kun especially alot, but only because it's a way to help me believe that I'm happy, because I've read a book about happiness that says, if you think you're happy, you'll be happy. So I'm trying my best each day to smile and smile, and laugh and laugh, to really just be happy.

But lately, it's getting abit tiring.

Eriol-sama's getting more involved in the matters of the heart with Tomoyo-chan, and I don't mind, really, just that he's spending less time teasing me and messing up the kitchen just to make me angry. And Suppi-chan's spending more time lately at Kero's place to play the playstation together, so lately, it's been only me and myself in this big, big mansion with so many furnitures, but so little life and colors.

It gets lonely here, so I start to read alot of books these days to at least seek some sort of dependable accompaniment.

But as I stare at this framed-up photograph consisting of Eriol-sama and Suppi-chan (it's the only one I have, and probably the last), I sometimes wish, even if I'm lucky enough to have a home, and be part of a family, that at least, to have something in my life for once, to replace the void in my life.

Like a brother, a father, or a true friend, or someone who watches out for me when I'm down or upset.

I hope the day really comes soon. It's getting tiring these days to smile so often and believe I'm happy, because I don't think it's working that well anymore.

I have to write that essay I owe Kizuka-sensei. I'll make up many ancestors, and cousins of mine. I'll illustrate a happy picture of my family, though it'll be quite difficult to do so, since I've never ever had such an experience of a noisy environment.

But it doesn't hurt to dream, and try, for once.

owari